OMG! Is This Actually My Life? Hattie Moore's Unbelievable Year!

by Rae Earl

  Mum wanted me. That’s actually lovely.

  WEDNESDAY 28TH OCTOBER

  7.32 p.m.

  19/7/1995

  Told C. He went mad at me. Shouted, “You did this on purpose!” I didn’t – but I’m not sorry. I wanted it. I want it. He said, “If you think this will make me come back to you, you are wrong! I love HER. She’s having my child!” When I said, “So am I!” he said, “Well, that didn’t make me stay with you before, did it – so why should it this time?!” Started to cry. How can he be such a bastard? I’ve been stupid. But I’m not sorry. I’m going to look after this little person.

  Poor Mum.

  8.10 p.m.

  Just went downstairs and gave Mum a hug. She said, “What was that for?” I said, “Does there have to be a reason?”

  But there is a reason. My dad is a pig and you love me.

  THURSDAY 29TH OCTOBER

  7.34 a.m.

  Depressed. What if I have total bastard genes in me?

  4.43 p.m.

  Dimple and Jen had a word with me at lunchtime. They don’t think I should read any more in the diaries as it’s really upsetting me. But it’s not as easy as that. I NEED THE TRUTH and finally I am getting it.

  6.34 p.m.

  Actually not going to read any more tonight. Might cry.

  FRIDAY 30TH OCTOBER

  8.34 p.m.

  Goose came round and I broke down. He said he had tried to warn me that I might not like what I read but I wouldn’t listen. I just thought it would be horrible stuff about my mum being a cow – which I knew already. Now it turns out that my dad is one of those people that Jeremy Kyle and Dr Phil REALLY, REALLY yell at.

  Goose just looked at me and said, “Your dad has got craptacular taste, Hats, because you are really quite … OK.”

  Sometimes with Goose it’s weird – it’s like he is not saying what he wants to say.

  11.21 p.m.

  I am going to leave it for a few days. Can’t handle any more.

  SATURDAY 31ST OCTOBER

  6.13 p.m.

  Gran has gone trick-or-treating with Princess tonight. Gran’s dressed up like a witch and Princess is dressed up in a bat costume. She wasn’t happy wearing wings – till Gran blackmailed her with a deluxe pork pie.

  7.34 p.m.

  Gran collected 7 bags of Haribo Party Mix, 3 Kit Kats, 18 fun-size bars and £5.34 in cash! Someone even gave Princess a lamb chop!

  At least it’s taken my mind off … stuff.

  8.36 p.m.

  Dimple just called. She doesn’t know how to tell me this but apparently tonight MGK tweeted, “Just seen my old dog trick-or-treating with the old dog of one of the Topshop chavs.”

  I AM NOT A TOPSHOP CHAV!

  8.44 p.m.

  AND I WILL KILL HER IF SHE HAS A GO AT MY GRAN.

  I’m not telling Mum. She’ll go up the school again and it wouldn’t do any good. MGK can torture me out of school in a MILLION ways.

  SUNDAY 1ST NOVEMBER

  9.34 p.m.

  Had to read more. HAD to.

  18/9/95

  It all hit the fan today. He told her. She came round. Quiet. More scary than being angry. “We need to talk.” “What does he want?” “I don’t know – but we have to manage this now. There are 3 children in this. We need to act like grown-ups.” I agreed. I can see why he likes her. She’s pretty. A snob, but she tried to be adult. “I hate you for what you’ve done. But you must have hated me for what I did. So we’ll have to get over it.”

  Who IS this other woman? She’s amazing. If someone had nicked my boyfriend I would have killed her!!!

  MONDAY 2ND NOVEMBER

  8.01 a.m.

  Goose was practising Joseph at 6.45 this morning.

  How many other people in the world have to wake up to “Give Me My Coloured Coat”?

  Turned the radio up very loudly to drown him out.

  7.36 p.m.

  Feel very lonely at the moment. I love Dimps and Jen but even when I’m with them I feel like I’m not a part of anything. Dimple suggested a meeting of the NFPG today but I’m just not interested.

  9.14 p.m.

  Tell you what isn’t fair. My mum NEVER uses full names in her diary – just initials. It’s like she knew that in the future I would be looking.

  This is just the sort of thing I wish Dr Who could go back in time to change.

  TUESDAY 3RD NOVEMBER

  10.39 p.m.

  19/10/95

  People are saying that it must be a girl by the shape of my bump! I hope it’s a girl. I’d like a better relationship with her than what I have with my own mother. Would love to go shopping with her and talk to her about her problems. I would want to be more a friend than a mother.

  What happened to that, Mum?!

  WEDNESDAY 4TH NOVEMBER

  7.12 p.m.

  Gran just called my mob to tell me she is having a bonfire party tomorrow night. She wants me and Mum to bring food. I asked Gran if she was worried Princess would go mental scared at the fireworks. Gran said no – she put a sparkler in her dog food the other day as a treat and she loved it.

  THURSDAY 5TH NOVEMBER

  8.01 p.m.

  Just got back from Gran’s party. The food she organized was crisps so we’ve all come back STARVING.

  9.20 p.m.

  Mum brought me my dinner and I said, “Thanks, Mum – thanks for everything you have done,” and gave her a hug. Mum said, “Hattie – it’s only a cheesy beans baked potato.” But it’s not, is it?

  Gran had to abandon the firework display as Princess kept trying to attack the rockets when they were lit. Gran says she is spirited. I say she is a mental.

  FRIDAY 6TH NOVEMBER

  7.37 p.m.

  1/11/95

  C has gone. He’s left me a note. (That’s the one I have seen!) He hasn’t gone back to her. I went round to check. We both agree we are on our own. We keep this quiet. We don’t tell the kids till we have to. Mum is saying “I told you so!” but I have to move on. This baby makes me stronger. Wish I could stop eating though. I’ve got through 9 Chupa Chups and an entire pineapple today.

  I hope she doesn’t blame me for being size 14–16. I only made her crave fruit!

  8.45 p.m.

  Chupa Chups are technically a kind of fruit.

  SATURDAY 7TH NOVEMBER

  4.56 p.m.

  Chatted for ages with Dimple and Jen around Jen’s house.

  I know all these new things but I still don’t know what my dad is called, or where he is. And I want to – more than I ever have.

  Dimple couldn’t understand why. When I told her it was because I wanted to PUNCH HIM, Jen and Dimps just looked really sad.

  7.34 p.m.

  OMG!

  Gran just called to ask if I was still interested in cleaning her house as she had just read in Take a Break about how you should “declutter for mental well-being”. When I asked what she was thinking of cleaning, she said, “The spare room for a start! In the cupboards. Under my bed. Everywhere.”

  ARRRRGHHHHHHHHH!!! She will notice the diary box is gone! Gran notices how many crisps you take from a bag! Have to sneak it round there. Have to find a way!

  8.11 p.m.

  Texted Dimple – she thinks I should try to put Gran off cleaning and the whole idea of having a declutter. Will text Gran now.

  8.13 p.m.

  No point. Midsomer Murders is on. A terrorist could attack Gran’s house and she wouldn’t move during anything featuring John Nettles.

  SUNDAY 8TH NOVEMBER

  7.12 p.m.

  Just rang Gran and asked her why she was thinking of cleaning, as she should take it a bit easier at her age. She got really pissy and said, “Are you saying I am lazy? I’m not not past it yet young lady. I marched in the ’60s for equal rights, Hattie. Don’t you get lippy with me, Lady Jane!”

  I said, “OK, Gran. Wait till next weekend and I will help you. I promise.” Gran has agreed to do it then. THANK GOD.

 
Who is Lady Jane?

  7.51 p.m.

  Thank you, Wikipedia.

  Lady Jane was queen for 9 days, then they killed her boyfriend, then her. At least she got to snog, be queen – and wear a brilliant dress though. LOL!

  8.02 p.m.

  OMG – she was only a bit older than me when they chopped her head off. Feel bad for LOL-ing now.

  In fact I feel bad about everything.

  MONDAY 9TH NOVEMBER

  4.37 p.m.

  Dimple and Jen want to hold the next meeting of the NFPG in Pizza Express. I can guess why – it’s because they know I am a dough ball maniac and they think it will cheer me up. But it won’t. Not even a Sloppy Giuseppe with extra onion could cheer me up.

  6.57 p.m.

  Actually it could if some really LUSH boy served it to me. Then my dad might come in and I could punch him for dessert, instead of having the tiramisu.

  TUESDAY 10TH NOVEMBER

  5.35 p.m.

  Haven’t got much time to write here – just trying to read and write down as much as I can of Mum’s diaries before I have to sneak them back.

  6.47 p.m.

  Goose is practising again. If he is ill on the night I could be Joseph as I know ALL the words now!!!

  9.04 p.m.

  31/11/95

  Can’t believe he just left a note. He didn’t even have the balls to face us. The saddest thing is, he is a great dad to Nathan when he bothers. I’m just hoping Nathan will forget and I find someone else. But who is going to want a woman with 2 kids? It’s just me, Nathan and the baby from now on.

  Poor Mum. I wish I could tell her not to worry about Nathan missing his dad as he is evil and wouldn’t even miss her if she left.

  WEDNESDAY 11TH NOVEMBER

  8.35 p.m.

  LOL!!!

  1/12/95

  Nathan ate all the chocolate in his advent calendar and then was sick everywhere. He keeps asking if he can try to dress like Mummy too.

  It’s TORTURE knowing this information and not being able to use it!

  THURSDAY 12TH NOVEMBER

  7.39 p.m.

  OMG!!!

  4/12/95

  The man who is teaching me to drive is called Rob. Lovely. He keeps bringing me banana fritters as he says pregnant women need extra potassium so they can reverse park properly.

  Mum is hardly writing anything in her diary now – it’s like she can’t be arsed.

  10.12 p.m.

  Just spoke to Jen – she says it’s probably not so much that my mum couldn’t be arsed – it’s because being 7 months pregnant while looking after a toddler means total knackerization.

  FRIDAY 13TH NOVEMBER

  (Oh typical! Worst day of luck to try ANYTHING.)

  7.29 a.m.

  OPERATION “GET DIARIES BACK BEFORE GRAN CLEANS”.

  Going round to Gran’s after school. Pretending that I just fancied a cup of tea on the way home. Have got Mum’s diaries in a massive Primark carrier bag.

  6.32 p.m.

  The diaries are back in Gran’s room!!! I don’t think Gran suspects a thing. Princess does though. She death-stared me when I came back into the lounge.

  7.14 p.m.

  Dimple just texted to tell me there is a rumour going round that I have got a new boyfriend and that I met him after school. That’s why I brought a massive Primark bag into school with a change of clothes in it.

  8.54 p.m.

  According to Jen, MGK has told everyone my new boyfriend is a fugly geek who only goes out with me because I am a Topshop chav who sometimes wears see-through tops.

  I have enough hassle in my life without MGK starting on me. Just why is she so EVIL TO ME?

  MGK is evil to everyone. Even her clique. Apparently if they come to school looking better than her she makes them “ugly up”.

  SATURDAY 14TH NOVEMBER

  8.01 a.m.

  MUM WANTS TO SEE ME “FOR A CHAT” LATER. She says it’s important.

  She says Gran is going to be there too.

  OMG.

  10.26 a.m.

  I’ve got it planned. I will say, “Well, you read my diary and so I read yours, but I love you, Mum, more than I ever have.” She will LOVE that.

  4.35 p.m.

  The chat has happened. Mum wanted me to talk to her because I have seemed so down lately and have been acting strangely. Was I making myself sick? Was it a boy? Or drugs? Or glue? (Glue? WHAT?! Apparently some of Mum’s friends used to sniff glue for a laugh???)

  Gran was also worried because every time I go round there I seem anxious, and as “fidgety as a ferret on Red Bull”.

  And get this! What has really made Mum worried is how nice I am being to her!!! I just told them, “I haven’t got a boyfriend or an eating disorder. I am not on E, skunk or Pritt Stick. I just want to meet my dad.”

  To which my gran said, “Not that old chestnut again!” And so I came up here.

  6.47 p.m.

  Texted Dimple. She has never heard of sniffing Pritt Stick either.

  7.01 p.m.

  Just sniffed Pritt Stick. Nothing happened.

  SUNDAY 15TH NOVEMBER

  6.32 p.m.

  Went round Gran’s to help with the decluttering.

  When she went under the bed I acted dumb and asked her what was under there. She just said, “Rubbish, Hattie.” But she didn’t throw it away. She scooped a whole load of it up (including the diaries) and put it in her wardrobe. No one goes in Gran’s wardrobe. Even Princess the fearless Wonder Dog whimpers when she is anywhere near it. It’s because it contains fashion horrors that even dogs understand.

  MONDAY 16TH NOVEMBER

  9.23 p.m.

  Wish I could talk to my half-sister about this wherever she is. My half-sibling has to be a sister. I decided this today when Nathan decided to spray Cillit Bang all over my hair.

  TUESDAY 17TH NOVEMBER

  8.34 p.m.

  Mum came up to say she understands how hard it is that I don’t know my father.

  She looked upset.

  And then she said, “Why do you smell of Domestos?” I told her it wasn’t Domestos – it was Cillit Bang, and Nathan had used it as I’d complained that my hair was greasy.

  Mum didn’t say anything to that.

  Sister – where are you? We could swap make-up tips and everything.

  9.12 p.m.

  Brother – where are you? You could punch Nathan for me.

  WEDNESDAY 18TH NOVEMBER

  6.53 p.m.

  OMG – what if my sister is an international supermodel and is MINTED?!

  7.12 p.m.

  OMG – what if my brother is a world kickboxing champion and someone who HATES brothers who bully?

  9.33 p.m.

  Goose has just been round. Apparently my mum has asked him to cheer me up! He wasn’t meant to tell me this but he can’t lie to me.

  He thinks I should put the search for my dad “on hold”, have a good Christmas and help him with his preparations for Joseph as he is shit-scared. I have agreed.

  I can’t do anything more about my dad right now anyway. And it’s driving me mad. I should have realized how bad I’d got when I didn’t fancy dough balls.

  THURSDAY 19TH NOVEMBER

  2.12 p.m.

  OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT:

  The Not Fair Protest Group has decided that for one week we are “TEAM GOOSE”.

  Jen has bought him some special confidence-giving crystals, I am going to help him practise his lines every night and Dimple is going to rub his toes – as they are connected to your vocal chords or something.

  3.12 p.m.

  I know the Dimple one is weird but she wanted to help.

  FRIDAY 20TH NOVEMBER

  9.12 p.m.

  Spent all evening with Goose. He is so nervous even though it is SO obvious he is going to be awesomely amazing. He got really tense. I had to get Dimple round to do an emergency FOOT MASSAGE.

  I feel weird when Dimple rubs Goose’s feet. Sort of … NO – I AM N
OT DOING THAT AGAIN. I nearly lost Dimple before because of that.

  SATURDAY 21ST NOVEMBER

  12.37 p.m.

  Final dress rehearsal tonight. Me, Jen and Dimple are all going to cheer Goose on.