Broken Fairytale

by Nikola Jensen

  “So what’s up guys, what are we talking about?” I ask them as I take another bite.

  “Your girlfriend,” Aiden replies looking over at Sofia. I look over at Sofia as well, waiting on what she’s got to say.

  “Has she told you what happened to her Declan?” she asks, her expression full of concern.

  “No, not really, I know bits and pieces, but apparently she opened up to Dr McGrath who’s one of the Uni Professors,” I say, taking another bite of the pizza, realising I’m bloody starving. “She told him everything that happened the night her brother died. I think it really shook her up but she said she felt better for it and that talking to him is sorting out the thoughts in her head.” I stand up and walk over to the sink to get a glass of water, running the tap till the water is ice cold.

  “Good, that’s really good; I’ve been so worried about her keeping it inside, waiting for it all to come out at the wrong time. The fact that she’s talking about it without being forced to like her parents tried, I have to say, I’m so relieved,” she says as she picks up another slice of pizza.

  “Bloody hell Sofia, that’s like your fifth slice,” Aiden laughs at her, pretending to look disgusted.

  “So what? I’m hungry, I love pizza and yeah did I mention I’m hungry?” she replies as she flips him the finger with a proper ‘fuck off’ face, taking another exaggerated bite out of her slice. Both Aiden and I burst out laughing and start talking about upcoming gigs, avoiding any further talk of Izzy. I figure she needs Sofia right now more than me. She is after all, the link to Izzy’s past, having gone through it with her from the start.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I wake up feeling lighter than I remember feeling in a long time. It’s almost as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This is all because I shared with the right person, and probably because the timing felt just right. I feel alive and I think I forgot how that felt, as though I’ve been killing time for so long now, the breaths simply automatic for survival. I’m lying in bed looking up at the ceiling, warm and happy as I think this beautiful life, right here, right now, away from the hurt and pain, could be forever. It’s possible. I wish, I wish for it so hard, making a mental note in my head. I turn my head to the side and look straight into a pair of loving warm chocolate eyes.

  “Morning beautiful,” he says smiling at me as he runs his long fingers down my face.

  “Morning handsome,” I reply blushing.

  He smiles at me, knowing I’m embarrassed. “Want to pull a sickie today and go do something fun?” he asks on a yawn.

  “Yeah, yeah I really do,” I respond stretching lazily and content as I close my eyes in pure bliss. Before I know it Declan has scooped me up and I’m now lying on top of him.

  “What do you fancy doing? Something outrageously crazy or something romantic and soppy?” he asks tucking my long hair behind my ears as he pulls my face down for a gentle kiss.

  “Something outrageously daring and crazy and I know just what that something is,” I wink as I jump off him and get out of bed, not realising I’m as naked as the day I was born. Declan’s mood changes in a second, lunging for me and with an arm around my waist he hauls me back into bed. Our plans for today get delayed as he makes me even happier than I was when I woke up.

  Later that morning Declan and I are standing outside what I chose to be my crazy outrageous adventure.

  “You sure about this Iz?” he asks me, looking between me and the tattoo parlour.

  “Sure, I’m sure, I’ve been wanting to do this for a few months but I don’t know, something kept stopping me. But today…today I feel ready,” I say, as I take his hand and drag him inside with a smile on my face.

  He looks at me with a worried frown on his face. “It’s going to hurt baby, you know that right?”

  “Yeah, but this pain, this pain, I choose and it’ll make something ugly into something really beautiful,” I whisper with tears in my eyes, hoping he’ll understand.

  “I love you Iz,” he says just before he kisses me with such passion, I feel an ache in my heart because right now, in this moment, I know that he does. If I had any doubts before, I realize right now that this amazing guy, who could have anyone he wants, loves me. Despite my scars, he loves me.

  We walk up to the front desk, which is being manned by this freakishly tall guy who’s covered in tats. Every bit of his face that is possible to pierce, is pretty much pierced. I feel Declan pulling me into his side and kissing the top of my head. Not sure why, but I get the feeling he’s having a pissing contest with -‘tattoo’- guy, who looks at me up and down intensely before he speaks, “You here for a tattoo or piercing?” he grunts looking over at Declan.

  “Umm…I wanted to make an appointment for today, if you have one that is, I’ve brought my own designs.” I sound like a five year old with a stutter and I feel the blush heat my face. Declan gives me a reassuring squeeze but doesn’t say anything as I think he knows this is something I need to say out loud and do on my own. He stays quiet at my side whilst giving me strength and reassurance just by being here with me. I pull out the sheet of paper from my bag that has just what I want covering my scars. I’ve carried it round with me every day, just waiting for this moment.

  “Lucky for you little lady we’ve had a cancellation this morning for quite a big job, so pass it over and let me have a gander.” He studies what’s on there. “Name’s Steve by the way,” he tells us rather cave man-ish, as he motions for me to come round the back with him.

  “Now, you want the song lyrics in a continuous circle on your upper back and the angel wings on your lower back?”

  “Yes please, all in black,” I nod, as I sit down, back to front in the chair he’s pulled out for me.

  “Hey man, can you turn around while my girlfriend takes her top off at least,” Declan snipes at Steve as he moves to stand in between us, his face right up in his. I whip off my top really fast and sit there shivering in just my strapless bra. At least the back of the red padded chair covers everything.

  “Fuck girl,” Steve exclaims as he sits down behind me touching the three perfectly round scars on my back.

  “Just do what you can,” I whisper as Declan squeezes my hand.

  “Don’t you worry girl,” he says with a completely different tone of voice; now he starts to understand why I’m here. Declan was right, it does bloody hurt, but as Steve begins giving me beauty through a needle of pain, he’s also removing the pain of the ugly, so this pain, well it feels pretty bloody amazing. All through my time in the hot seat, Declan holds my hand, stroking my palm with his thumb, kissing my fingers one by one. An odd sense of feeling washes all over me. One I’ve never experienced before and I love every minute of it. This is really happening I think to myself. I’m saying goodbye to the pain and scars that from now on will feel like an ache. An ache I know will always be there, but an ache I can live with. The angel wings are for Zack. They cover the burn that took him away from me. He’ll always be here though and he’s the reason I’m still alive and breathing, able to start my life afresh in his memory.

  “Right hun, you’re all done,” Steve says a while later, as he tissues my back off and fixes a wrapping to each tattoo, handing me an aftercare sheet.

  Declan quickly, but carefully slips my top back on and wraps me in his arms. “Beautiful Izzy,” he says as he leans down to kiss me. I pay up refusing Declan’s offer when he tries to pay for me. This is my ending and I need to do this all by myself. We walk out hand in hand and I feel as if a huge bag of bricks has left my shoulders. Instead, I feel the sweet sting of a new beginning.

  We walk back through the park to the house, my hand, small and cold in his large and warm one. We’re both walking in silence and I wish I knew what Declan was thinking. I’m hoping he’s not regretting what he’s gotten into with me, especially not now, when I think things can only get better.

  A mum is playing footie with what must be her young son, who’s no more than five years old.
He’s standing in between two Birch trees which I presume is the goal and she’s taking shots, trying not to score, letting her son save them with a big grin on his face. His excited smile makes me automatically smile in return and I get all warm and fuzzy looking at them.

  Declan suddenly breaks the silence as he pulls me over to an empty park bench where we sit down. I draw my knees up to my chest and rest my cheek on them looking at Declan’s strong and gorgeous profile. Pulling his grey beanie back a bit as if he forgot he had it on, meaning instead to rake his long fingers through his dark hair, he looks over at me.

  “Do you ever wish you could go back to when it all started Izzy? Do anything different, retrace your steps to when they mattered?” he asks with such a vulnerable look on his face, I take his hand lacing my fingers with his.

  “I used to Declan, all the bloody time. But I think in all honesty, all you can change is your own behaviour and isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing,” I say cynically. “I’ve realised that you have no power over someone else’s actions. They repeatedly take their own steps and all you can do is watch the inevitable happen, again and again.” I look at him as he turns his face away from me; his eyes unfocused, as if a memory is being played behind them.

  I continue, “Can you warn someone, yeah sure, but what will make them listen and change something which they have no apprehension of? We all think; if I’d done this or said that, would it have changed something? It drove me crazy Declan. I didn’t sleep or eat. I retreated from everything, became a ghost hiding in the shadows of life. I slowly understood with help that we can’t, we just can’t, no matter how much we’d like to change things. We can’t retrace our steps, we can’t go back, we can’t change anything,” I say the last words on a sob and Declan grabs me and crushes me in his arms.

  “Yeah, wishful thinking Izzy, but at least my Mum got out. Yours is still living it.”

  That reminds me; I must speak to Mum, see how she is, tell her that I finally did it and get her to seek help, so she can leave the edge she’s living on too.

  “I think I’m going to go over and see my Mum soon Declan, I need to speak to her face to face, hold her hand and show her the horror she lives in, needs to be stopped. She can’t go on living this life, living in regret and fear.” I stand up and shove my hands into the pockets of my jeans. Biting my lip in anticipation, I suddenly have the urge to run all the way to Mum’s house, the impulsivity running through my veins in a hot and fast current.

  “I want to come with you Izzy in case you need me,” he says, standing up and putting his arm round my shoulder as we walk back to our house.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea Declan, I don’t know what I’m going to say yet or how long I’ll be. I need her undivided attention but I’ll need you…after…I’ll need you.”

  “Well, let me drive you there at least, and then you can ring me when you need picking up, deal?” He squeezes me tight into his side.

  I smile up at my protective guy who makes me feel safe and as if I can do anything. “Deal.”

  “I’m going to kiss that smile okay?” He smiles back, leaning towards me.

  “Okay,” I say on an exhale. Standing outside our house, he kisses my smile and gives me something I’ve never had. Hope.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Later that evening all the lads decide on sharing yet another take-away as no one can be bothered to cook. I’ve just finished a shower and am standing in my underwear in Sofia’s room staring at my back in the full length mirror when she bounds in and throws herself on her bed with a big sigh.

  “Shit, Izzy you went and did it,” she suddenly squeals in excitement, clapping her hands as she comes up close to inspect my new tattoos. “They’re beautiful hun, just beautiful,” she says, and gives me a big hug.

  “Yeah, I love them Sof, I can’t believe I finally did it. The tide’s changed, I feel it. I’m ready to let go now. No re-inventing, I’m just me Sofia, just me. Not defined by what happened.” I look back in the mirror, feeling so overwhelmed by this moment that tears run down my cheeks.

  She comes to stand next to me and we look at each other in the mirror. “Aah, I can hear the fierceness coming back in your voice, so why are you crying Izzy?” she asks, taking my hand.

  “Happy tears Sof; I’m happy, I promise,” I smile at her.

  “Right that’s it, we’re going down the pub and we’re getting pissed girl,” she exclaims, as she starts pulling out clothes from the dresser. I smile at her and wrap myself in my towel before I go back upstairs to get ready. Declan’s sitting on the bed strumming on his guitar when I walk in. He looks up at me as I close the bedroom door and puts his guitar back in its stand. Without a word he walks over to where I’m frozen to the spot by the intense look in his eyes, eyes that are roaming the length of my body. He slowly un-wraps the towel, his eyes never wavering as he lets it fall onto the floor.

  I’m not sure why I suddenly feel so exposed standing here in my lacy knickers and bra set but my body starts to heat up. I don’t know where to look so I just stare at him as my pulse speeds up in anticipation. Still not saying a word he unravels my hair from the lose bun that ties it and runs his fingers through it, tilting my face up so I have no choice but to look at him. He reaches behind me and unhooks my bra, slowly pushing the straps down over my arms with his fingers. Every touch leaves a hot imprint on my skin. My breathing is becoming erratic as he bends down, kissing a trail where his fingers have just been. He kneels down in front of me while his hands run down my arms and back up, then down my front, pausing at my breasts before he leaves them to rest on my hips.

  “So perfect Izzy, all of you is so bloody perfect. You drive me crazy and I’ll never have enough of you,” he groans as he kisses my stomach, leaving his tongue to linger in my belly button before tracing a hot path up to my chest. I close my eyes on a sigh as he reverently worships me with his mouth and tongue. I feel so dizzy with lust and need, I think I might just pass out. He moves his scorching mouth and tongue back down my body steadying me with his hands making me lost for words. The intensity taking away any rational thought as he runs his tongue along the edge of my knickers, wrapping one hand around the edge of them, pulling them down in one swift motion. Lifting one foot out after the other; I’m now completely naked, standing in front of him.

  “You are so fucking gorgeous,” he whispers, his own voice full of lust as he parts my legs whilst looking up at me with burning eyes. I throw my head back on a moan when I feel his hot breath on the one part of my body that’s desperate for his touch. I nearly come apart in his arms as he worships me with his mouth, his tongue and his fingers. I stumble from the sheer intensity and catch myself on his shoulders.

  “Now Declan, I want you…now,” I manage to whisper. He lets go of me to quickly pull his t-shirt over his head, baring that hard upper body of his which makes my mouth water, desperate to taste it.

  “You’ve got me sweetheart,” he grunts, as I move closer and start to unbutton his jeans pulling them and his boxers down. His arms wrap around me and he leans back on the bed pulling me on top of him as we fall. I end up straddling him as he curls a hand around the back of my head bringing my face down to his, crushing my mouth as he parts my lips with his tongue, before claiming it as though he needs it to breathe. Feeling overwhelmed I sit up, impaling myself on him in one quick motion and begin to move so he can ease the ache that’s literally bringing me to my knees. I move as though my life depends on it, taking from him what I need, spurred on by the lust I see in his eyes and the feel of his hands roaming all over my body. Collapsing on top of him and as if from far away, I hear myself shouting his name as he grabs me on a final thrust and yells mine.

  We lie still and I can hear and feel his heart pounding in unison with mine as I snuggle as close as I can, crawling up his body until my mouth is at his ear, “I love you Declan.”

  “I love you right back Izzy,” he says with a smile, hugging me closer to his body.

 
We’re interrupted from our satisfied daze by a loud pounding on the door. “Get your arse dressed and ready for the pub you slag,” Sofia shouts.

  “Be right there you slapper,” I yell back at her laughing, deafening Declan in the process I’m sure.

  “I guess we’re going to the pub,” he grins, as he shifts from underneath me and in one swift move I’m up and standing, still in his arms.

  “Yeah and you’re coming with,” I say, as I put on his t-shirt and rush to the bathroom to get cleaned up. When I return to the bedroom Declan’s already dressed and I look at him in complete wonder. No matter what he wears he looks completely awesome. Even now, just dressed in his faded jeans and long sleeved t-shirt with his trusted beanie on.

  “Izzy get dressed and stop looking at me like that or we’ll never leave this room,” he laughs with a wink. I quickly put my jeans on and team it with a nice black halter-neck. I nearly fall over stepping into my black high-heeled boots, but just as I’m, about to face plant on the floor Declan grabs me around my middle. And as if he can’t resist, he adds a gentle bite to the side of my neck before he releases me. God I love this man. We join the rest of the guys downstairs and all head on over to the pub.

  Chapter Seventeen

  A few hours later, I’m well on my way as is Sofia who’s gone to the bar for another round. It’s just like old times and my jaw and stomach muscles hurt from laughing. Declan, Aiden and Max are playing darts in the opposite corner of the pub leaving us to girlie chat. Sofia comes back from the bar with another couple of pints and picks hers up dramatically.

  “So Izzy, cheers to new beginnings and the resurrection of the old us, pre all the bollocks like the stupid bitch whore and cheating arsehole I left behind. Shit, resurrection that was a big word huh?” She smiles at me looking so proud of herself, I can’t help laughing.