The Wonder Weeks
Page 25
Your little one may cuddle a favorite object with a bit more passion. Many children do so, especially when they are tired or when their mothers are busy. They cuddle soft toys, rugs, cloths, slippers, or even dirty laundry. Anything soft that they can lay their little hands on will do. They kiss and pet their cuddly things as well. Mothers find this endearing.
“My son cuddles away while I’m busy. He’ll hold his toy elephant’s ear with one hand and stick two fingers from his other hand in his mouth. It’s a sight to see.”
John’s mom, 51st week
He May Be Mischievous
Your child may try to get your attention by being extra naughty, especially when you are busy and really have no time for him.
“I have to keep telling my daughter ‘no’ because she seems to do things just to get my attention. If I don’t react, she will eventually stop. But I can’t always do that because sometimes there’s a chance she might break whatever it is she’s taking apart.”
Jenny’s mom, 53rd week
“My son is being a handful at the moment. He touches everything and refuses to listen. I can’t really get anything done until he’s in bed.”
Frankie’s mom, 55th week
“Sometimes I suspect that my son doesn’t listen on purpose.”
Steven’s mom, 51st week
He May Have More Temper Tantrums
If you have a hot-headed little tyke, he may go berserk as soon as he fails to get his own way. You may even see a tantrum that comes out of nowhere, perhaps because he is anticipating that you may not allow him to do or have what is on his mind.
“My son wants me to put him on my lap and feed him his bottle of fruit juice again. If he even suspects it might not happen quickly enough, he’ll toss his bottle across the room and start screaming, yelling, and kicking to get me to take it back to him.”
Matt’s mom, 52nd week
“If I don’t respond immediately when my daughter wants attention, she gets furious. She’ll pinch the skin right off my arm, nastily, quickly, and violently.”
Emily’s mom, 53rd week
“My son refuses to have anything to do with ‘bed.’ He gets so angry that he bangs his chin on the railings of his crib, hurting himself every time. So now I’m really afraid to put him in bed.”
Matt’s mom, 52nd week
My Diary
Signs My Baby Is Growing Again
Between 49 and 53 weeks, your child may show signs that he is ready to make the next leap, into the world of programs.
Cries more often and is more often cranky or fretful
Is cheerful one moment and cries the next
Wants you to keep him busy, or does so more often
Clings to your clothes or wants to be closer to you
Acts unusually sweet
Is mischievous
Throws temper tantrums, or throws them more often
Is jealous
Is more obviously shy with strangers
Wants physical contact to be tighter or closer
Sleeps poorly
Has “nightmares,” or has them more often
Loses appetite
Sometimes just sits there, quietly daydreaming
Sucks his thumb, or does so more often
Reaches for a cuddly toy, or does so more often
Is more babyish
OTHER CHANGES YOU NOTICE
“I was visiting friends with my daughter and talking with one of them. Suddenly, my daughter grabbed the cup and smashed it on the floor, tea and all.”
Laura’s mom, 55th week
How This Leap May Affect You
No doubt you’re feeling the stress of your baby’s changes as well, if only vicariously. Here are some of the signs.
You May Feel Insecure
When a mother is confronted with a little fusspot, she may at first be worried. She wants to know what is wrong with her child. But at this age, irritation soon sets in.
Also during this period, some mothers wonder why their children are not walking as quickly as they expected them to. They worry that there might be something physically wrong with them.
“We spent a lot of time practicing, and I’m amazed that my daughter can’t walk on her own yet. She’s been walking while holding my hand for so long now that I feel she should have been walking long ago. Besides, I think one of her feet is pointing inward, so she keeps tripping over it. I showed them at the day care center. They told me that I wasn’t the only mother worried about a foot pointing inwards at this age. Still, I’ll be happier when she’s walking.”
Emily’s mom, 53rd week
You May Become Really Frustrated
Toward the end of the fussy period, parents often become increasingly aggravated by their babies’ demands on them. They become increasingly annoyed by seemingly purposeful mischief and the way they use temper tantrums to get their own way.
“I’m so annoyed by my daughter’s crying fits whenever I leave the room. I can’t stand the fact that she immediately crawls after me either, clutching my leg and crawling along with me. I can’t get anything done this way. When I’ve had enough, it’s off to bed with her, I’m afraid.”
Juliette’s mom, 52nd week
“My son keeps pulling at the big plant to get my attention. Distracting him doesn’t work. Now I get angry and push him away, or I give him a gentle slap on his bottom.”
Matt’s mom, 56th week
“My daughter flies into a rage every other minute whenever she’s not allowed to do something or can’t manage it. She’ll throw her toys and start whining like mad. I try to ignore this. But if she has several tantrums in a row, I put her to bed. When she first started doing this 2 weeks ago, I thought it was very amusing. Now I’m terribly aggravated by it. Her sisters just laugh at her. Sometimes, when she sees them doing that, it brightens her up and she’ll start smiling back at them, shyly. It usually does the trick, but not all of the time.”
Ashley’s mom, 53rd week
You May Argue
During this fussy period, quarrels are usually brought on by temper tantrums.
“I feel myself getting angry when my daughter starts bawling if she isn’t getting her own way. This week, she got furious when I wouldn’t immediately follow her into the kitchen. So I gave her a good smack on the bottom, after which her rage turned into real tears. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but I was fed up.”
Jenny’s mom, 54th week
It is understandable that things can get too much sometimes. But hitting or a “good smack on the bottom” does not solve anything. It unnecessarily hurts your baby and damages the trust your baby has in you.
During each fussy period, mothers who breastfeed feel a desire to stop. At this age, this is because the baby keeps wanting the breast by fits and starts, or because his demands are accompanied by temper tantrums.
“I’ve really given up now. My son would throw temper tantrums from just thinking about my breast. It messed up our entire relationship with him tugging at my sweater, kicking, screaming, and me getting angry. Perhaps those tantrums will start to disappear now, too. The last time he nursed was on the night of his first birthday.”
Matt’s mom, 53rd week
How Your Baby’s New Skills Emerge
Around 55 weeks, you will notice that your little one is less fussy. At the same time, you should notice that he is attempting and achieving entirely new things again. He deals with people, toys, and other objects in a more mature way and he enjoys doing new things with familiar toys and household objects that have been there since he was born. At this point, he doesn’t quite feel like your little “baby” any more but will seem to be transformed into a little toddler. This is because he is entering the world of programs where he is beginning to see that the world is full of goals and sequences of action leading up to such a goal. This new flexible world is his to discover, but, as usual, he will want to do this in his own way and at his own speed. As a parent, your help will be as vital as ever
, although it may not always feel that way when another temper tantrum rolls in.
In the past leap in development, your baby learned to deal with the notion of sequences—where events follow one after another or objects fit together in a particular way. A program is more complicated than a sequence because you can reach the end result in any number of ways.
An adult’s world is filled with complicated programs. Fortunately, your child’s world is simpler. Instead of dealing with enormous programs like “going on a vacation,” your child will be working with programs such as “eating lunch.” However, operating a program entails choices at each crossroad—rather like finding your way across town. During lunch, he will have to decide after every bite whether he would rather take another bite of the same food, switch to something different, have a sip of his drink, or perhaps even three sips. He can decide whether to take the next bite with his hands or use a spoon. He can decide to finish what he has or clamor for dessert. Whatever he opts for, it will still be the “eating lunch” program.
Your toddler will as usual experiment with this new world. Expect him to play with the different choices he can make at every juncture—he may just want to try everything out. He needs to learn what the possible consequences are of the decisions he makes at different points—so he could decide to empty the next spoonful on the floor instead of in his mouth.
He can also decide when to put a program into operation. For example, he can get the broom out of the closet because he wants to sweep the floor. He can get his coat because he wants to go out and do the shopping. Unfortunately, misunderstandings are quick to occur. After all, he can not explain what he wants yet and his mother can easily interpret him wrongly. This is very frustrating for such a young person, and a temperamental child might even throw a tantrum. Even if a mother does understand her child correctly, she may just not want to do whatever he wants at that very moment. This, too, can frustrate such a toddler quite quickly, for he can’t understand the idea of “waiting” at this age.
Brain Changes
Your child’s brain waves will show changes again at approximately 12 months. Also, her head circumference will increase, and the glucose metabolism in her brain will change
Besides being able to learn how to carry out a program himself, he can now perceive when someone else is doing the same thing. So he can begin to understand that if his mother is making tea, a snack will follow shortly and he can expect a cookie—or not.
Now that your toddler can learn to perceive and explore this world, he also understands that he has the choice of refusing a program he does not like—at least in theory. If he doesn’t agree with his mother’s plan, he may feel frustrated and sometimes even have a temper tantrum. You may be seeing a lot of them these days.
Your Toddler’s Choices: A Key to Her Personality
All toddlers will begin at this age to understand and experiment with the world of programs, a world that offers a wide range of new skills to play with. Your child will choose those things that interest her, things that she has perhaps watched others do in the world about her, but also those things that most suit her own inclinations, interests, and physique. Every little individual learns about programs in her own way. Some children will be acute watchers, studying with care the way things are done around them. Others may want to “help” all the time. Yet others will want to do it themselves, and they will let you know in no uncertain terms that they do not want any interference.
My Diary
How My Baby Explores the New World of Programs
Check off the boxes below as you notice your baby changing. Some of the skills in the list below may not appear until weeks or months later. Your toddler will exercise his own choices in exploring what he can do in his new world.
STARTING A PROGRAM HIMSELF
Gets out a broom or duster and tries sweeping or dusting
Goes to the bathroom and tries cleaning the toilet bowl
Comes to you with things he wants to be put away
Gets out the cookie jar and expects a snack
Comes to you with coat, cap, or bag to go shopping
Gets out his coat and shovel, ready to go to the sandbox
Gets out his clothes and wants to put them on
* * *
JOINING IN WITH YOUR PROGRAM
Throws the cushions from the chair in advance to help when you are cleaning
Tries to hang the towel back in place when you are finished
Puts an object or a food item away in the right cupboard
Brings her own plate, silverware, and place mat when you are setting the table
Tells you by word, sound, or gesture that it is time to bring out the dessert when she has finished eating
Puts spoons in cups and usually starts stirring
Grabs an item from you and wants to carry it herself
Tries to put something on by herself while she is being dressed or helps by pulling on her leggings or sleeves
Picks out a tape or CD and helps put it on. Knows which button to press for play or eject
* * *
EXECUTING A PROGRAM UNDER SUPERVISION
Puts differently shaped blocks through the correct holes in a box when you help by pointing out what goes where
Uses the potty when you ask him to or when he needs to. Then carries the potty to the bathroom by himself or helps you carry it (if he is not walking) and flushes
Gets out pens and paper and scribbles when you help him to
* * *
INDEPENDENT PROGRAMS
Tries feeding dolls or cuddly toys, copying her own eating program
Tries giving a doll a bath by copying her own bathing ritual
Tries putting doll on the potty, maybe after she uses it
Eats everything on her plate without help; often she wants to do this while sitting at the table politely like the grown-ups
Eats raisins by herself from a packet
Builds a tower of at least three blocks
Starts and continues a telephone conversation, sometimes dialing at the start or ending the conversation with “bye”
Crawls through the room following “paths” of her own choice, under chairs and table and through narrow tunnels, and often indicates which direction she intends to go first
Crawls through the room with a toy car or train saying “vroom vroom. “ Follows all sorts of different routes—under chairs and tables, or between the sofa and the wall
Is capable of finding something you hid
* * *
WATCHING OTHERS CARRYING OUT A PROGRAM
Watches a cartoon or children’s show on television, which manages to keep his attention for about 3 minutes
Listens to a short story on the radio or on CD
Expresses understanding of what is happening in pictures —for example, by saying “yum” when the child or animal in the picture is eating or being offered something to eat
Looks and listens when you play “pretend” games—feeding, bathing and dressing his dolls and cuddly toys, or making them talk and answer
Studies how older children carry out a program with their toys—how they play with a tea set, a garage with cars, doll’s bed, or train set
Studies other family members when they are carrying out an everyday program, for instance, when they are getting dressed, eating, drawing, or telephoning
* * *
OTHER CHANGES YOU NOTICE
You are probably getting to know the personality of your toddler quite well by now, and many of her choices will follow patterns that you’ve noticed previously as she has grown. She is still capable of exploring new skills and interests, however, as the opportunity presents itself. Watch your toddler carefully to determine where her interests lie. Use the list on pages 286-288 to mark or highlight what your child selects. Between 55 and 61 weeks, she will start to choose what she wants to explore from the world of programs. Remember to respect those choices and to let your child develop at her own pace. Con
centrate on helping her to do what she is ready to do. Young children love anything new and it is important that you respond when you notice any new skills or interests. She will enjoy it if you share these new discoveries, and her learning will progress more quickly.
Help your toddler as he makes his first tentative steps toward his encounters with programs. Talk about what he’s going to achieve and how he’s going to do it. If he enjoys watching you, encourage this. Talk about what you are doing as you are carrying out your program. Offer him opportunities to help you. Allow him to try carrying out his own program when you notice that he seems to have one in mind.
Help Your Baby Explore the New World through Independence
If your child is interested in dressing, undressing, and grooming herself, then let her see how you do these things. Explain to her what you are doing as well as why you are doing it. She will be able to understand more than she is able to tell you. If you have a little time, let her toy with washing and dressing herself or, if she wants to, somebody else in the family.
“My daughter tries pulling her trousers up by herself or putting her own slippers on, but she can’t do it yet. Then suddenly I found her walking around in my slippers.”
Jenny’s mom, 55th week
“My daughter likes walking around with a cap or hat on. Whether it’s mine, hers, or a doll’s—it’s all the same to her.”
Eve’s mom, 57th week
“This past week, my son kept putting all sorts of things on his head: dishcloths, towels, and, a few times, someone’s pants. He’d walk around the house impervious to his surroundings while his brother and sister were on the floor laughing.”