Struggle to Forever: a friends to lovers duet

by Lilliana Anderson

  We get a chorus of agreement from everyone, and dinner continues on normally after that.

  As we all get up to leave, Brian informs us he’s heading off to his girlfriend’s house. Gavin claps his hands together. “Who’s up for clubbing?”

  Paige immediately shakes her head ‘no’, and I join in with her refusal. Naomi, Shane and Coral all agree to go, parting from us with more than a few knowing glances.

  “Well, that was fun,” I say, as we start the short walk home trying to make small talk through my nerves. We’re going to be alone. For the first time since Friday night, we’ll be completely alone and I’m nervous like I’ve never been with a woman before.

  “Mmm-hmm.” Paige leans her head against my shoulder as we walk, arms entwined and hands interlaced, falling into an easy quiet as we continue on our way.

  Paige

  I imagine that this is what falling is love feels like. There’s an entire zoo enclosure full of butterflies flying about in my stomach, something I’ve never experienced around a man. I’ve mainly been chemically confident or wantonly stupid, but this…it’s different. Special. My time with Elliot is fleeting, so I want to make the most of what time we have now. I want to give him what I can of myself, while I can. I don’t want to fight this anymore.

  As he closes the front door to the flat behind us, he takes my hand and leads me through the kitchen towards the couch. Maybe he isn’t planning on going as far as I am, but I’m sure he won’t object when I plant my feet as we reach the hallway leading to the bedrooms and shake my head.

  “Bedroom,” I explain when he looks at me, then I brazenly lead him to his room.

  Shutting the door behind us, he looks at me with raised eyebrows, his fingers on the lock. I nod, shivering as a skitter of anticipation flits through my body when he spins it, giving us all the privacy we need.

  I take a nervous step back as he moves towards me, sliding his hands around my waist as he pulls me against him.

  “You’re so fucking beautiful,” he murmurs, my head swimming with attraction as I breathe him in, luxuriating in the scent of him so close to me. I glide my hands up over his well-muscled arms following them with my gaze until I reach his shoulders. There, I meet his eyes. The blue pools of perfect ocean water look down upon me with such intensity I feel lost in them.

  “Are you sure this isn’t too fast?” he asks, his voice thick and low, caressing my ears, sending shivers down my body.

  “Well, we did meet on the plane,” I joke, smiling as I rise up on the tips of my toes to kiss him. As our mouths welcome each other, my world explodes. His arms circle me tightly as I wrap my arms around his neck, pressing myself against the hard planes of his body.

  As our kisses become more frantic, he walks me towards the bed, my knees collapsing as I fall backwards onto it. When he pauses to remove his shirt, I watch in awe, gasping at the sight of him.

  “You’re so fucking beautiful,” I say, earning myself a chuckle as I push up on my elbows, reaching out and running my hands over his chest that I can only describe as amazing. My mouth waters, as my fingertips rise and fall, exploring each hard-muscular bump. Leaning forward, I press a kiss in the space between his abs and his pecs, delighting as he slides his fingers into my hair and tips my head back to lean down, kissing me once more.

  He supports his weight as he joins me on the bed, his hands roaming underneath my clothes and setting my skin ablaze. Completely lost in his mouth and touch, I wish for this moment to never end and pray silently that this isn’t some dream that will be over the moment I wake up.

  Cupping my breast in his hand, he kisses my neck, causing me to moan as my pleasure flows like waves inside me, crashing with each kiss against my skin.

  Sliding down my body, he lifts my shirt, his fingertips brushing my already heated skin and setting it ablaze once more. When he starts to kiss his way toward my bust, I gasp and moan, coming undone as he releases my breasts, swirling his tongue around each nipple until they’re so hard I think I might explode with each suck.

  Gasping as each sensation shoots straight down between my legs, I writhe—oh god do I writhe—as I urge him forward, wanting him to touch me more.

  “Can we take it off?” he asks breathlessly, holding the shirt that’s now bunched up to my armpits. I hesitate momentarily, realising that this will be the first time anyone has seen me naked in a very long time. I’m talking years long.

  Reaching up I touch his face, his eyes close as he turns his head to kiss my hand. My heart soars at the tenderness. Taking a deep, steadying breath, I nod my head, trusting him as I sit up and remove the shirt myself.

  Elliot

  I practically hold my breath as I watch her remove her shirt along with her bra. She's so beautiful as her hair falls down over her shoulders and rests like silken curtains just above the two most perfect breasts I've ever seen. Round and firm, they’re just the right size to fill my large hands.

  As my eyes travel over her upper body, I notice that her tattoo curls over her shoulders and her sides.

  “Will you let me see it?” I ask, knowing that I’m risking ending this moment between us if she clams up, but I can’t help myself. I want to drink in every inch of her with my eyes.

  A look of hesitation flits across her face before she nods and turns her body to show me. My eyes grow wide as I see it for the first time. Her back is like one big canvas for the most remarkable tattoo I’ve ever seen. Flames start at her waist as the phoenix rises, its beak open as it calls out over her right shoulder with wings outstretched. They reach up over her left shoulder, spanning diagonally to her ribs on her right side as if it’s hugging itself around her. The phoenix's tail feathers fan out near the flames, curving around her body until they reach her hip bone in swirls of yellow, orange and red.

  I run my fingers lightly over it, tracing this mythical creature’s body. “It’s beautiful, Paige,” I whisper, caught up in admiration, not only for the art but for the time and pain she would have invested in getting it.

  “Really?” she asks, turning back to face me.

  “Yes, really.” I reach up and thread my fingers through her hair, pulling her face toward mine, kissing her with everything I have. Her arms circle around me, her fingers pressing firmly into my back, compacting our bare chests closer together until there’s no more space. We’re merged almost as one, her skin so soft against my own, melding into me, beckoning me forward.

  Paige

  Pressed together, our tongues slide in a lavish dance of passion, our teeth clashing as our urgency increases and we fall back on the bed. Travelling down my neck and across my chest, his kisses cause the rest of my skin to feel chill in comparison to the heat his mouth evokes. My mind swirls as I pull desperately at his body, drawing him closer with my overwhelming need to feel him inside me.

  Reaching down, I unbutton his jeans, urging him to move forward. “Take them off,” I pant out.

  He breaks away and removes his pants, stepping out of them and sweeping them to the side of the room. With my eyes glued to him, I unbutton my own jeans and wriggle out of them. Swiftly reaching out, he grabs them for me, pulling them off my legs and flinging them over his shoulder, grinning wickedly as he climbs back over me, planting gentle kisses over my body until we’re once again face to face.

  As the silken feel of his body slides on top of mine, I’m overcome with wanting, rocking my hips upward, urging him to push inside of me. Moaning, he shifts slightly to the side and captures my mouth in his, kissing me, sliding his hand down the length of my chest and over my mound as erotic sounds escape his throat and ripple through me causing my insides to contract.

  Finding its way between my legs, his touch is exquisite as his fingers slide through the slickness of my arousal. Gasping upon contact, I reflexively rock my hips against his hand, moaning as I feel his fingers enter me, curling forward and working my tender insides, already desperate to burst. As we moan into each others mouths, he works his fingers in rhythm
to my rocking, circling his thumb around my swollen nub and causing a flood of glorious warmth that spreads out quickly and explodes from my body as I call out, thrusting my hips and clamping my thighs around his hand.

  Gasping out, I clutch his hand. “Please, I want you inside me so badly. I need you inside me.”

  “Are you sure?” he whispers, his nose brushing lightly against my neck.

  “Yes.”

  “How?”

  “I want to be beneath you,” I whisper, reaching between us to guide his tip to my entrance. “I feel safe with you.”

  A guttural moan comes from deep in his chest and fills my tingling body as he pushes his length into me, both of us gasping and moaning as he moves inside my body, gliding in and out with forceful perfection, filling me to my core, his rhythm heating me from within once again, radiating outward until I burst yet again.

  “Shit. Condom,” I cry out as my body is wracked with an orgasm so powerful, I can’t stop myself from convulsing as I clench myself around him.

  Stopping suddenly, he holds himself on straight arms, dropping his head until his forehead rests on my shoulder. “Fuck. It's too late,” he whispers through laboured breaths. “I’m sorry.”

  “Fuck.” The glory of our love making ends abruptly as I realise what we’ve done. How could we forget a fucking condom? I’ve been too lax in my past, and I know how important they are now. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Annoyed with myself for getting carried away, for losing my mind with yet another man, I push at his shoulder to get him to roll off me.

  Lying on his back, he presses his hands to his forehead, forcing out a loaded breath. As I sit up, I reach out, grabbing the sheet from his bed, wrapping it around myself as I rise off the mattress to visit the bathroom. I need to clean this up.

  “Paige,” Elliot pleads, as he sits and reaches for my arm.

  A painful ache forms in the pit of my belly as I pause and turn towards him, touching his face and brushing my hand over his course stubble. I don’t want to ruin this. “I’m just going to take a shower, OK?” My voice is barely above a whisper as I try to appear unaffected.

  “Are you alright? Listen, you need to know I’m clean, OK?” he says, looking genuinely worried as he rests his hands firmly on my hips and pulls me towards him. “I’ve been tested recently, and I promise you I’m clean.”

  “I’m fine, Elliot,” I lie. I’m not fine at all. “And I’m clean too. I just need a shower to clean…. I'll come back afterward, alright? Don’t worry, we’re all good…But I want us to use one in the future, OK?”

  “We will, Paige. I just got carried away. I'm sorry I—”

  Leaning forward, quickly pressing my lips against his, I silence him. I’m the one who urged him inside me. I’m the one who wasn’t thinking. “It wasn’t your fault. Don’t be sorry,” I whisper, before stepping toward the door, the sheet trailing along the floor behind me as I make my way to the shower to clean it all away…

  Fourteen

  Elliot

  Sighing heavily, I feel like such a fucking idiot as I lie here, listening to the sounds of Paige showering. I can’t believe I did that. I fucked up.

  Rising from the bed, I pull on a pair of boxer shorts as I pick up our discarded clothing and fold it in a pile on top of the suitcase I keep at the foot of my bed. When the door cracks open, I turn to see Paige, looking like an apparition, bathed in the light from the hallway as it filters around her and into the room. She’s wearing an oversized white t-shirt, her slender legs, long and tan in contrast as I watch her move towards me, holding out a clean sheet.

  “Thought we might need this.”

  “Thanks,” I say, taking it from her and dropping it still folded on the bed.

  We stand together for an awkward moment before I sit in front of her and pull her towards me, sliding my hands up her legs and under the hem of her shirt. My intension is to hold her to me, to talk about what just happened. But, a grin creeps over my face as my hands continue up, never meeting any resistance from underwear. Her eyes sparkle mischievously, as her hands slide over my hair and down the side of my face affectionately.

  “You’re wearing too many clothes,” I say, as I lift her shirt over her head and pull her onto the bed with me.

  “Thank god you set me straight.”

  “Hmm,” I say, my hand sliding down the length of her body as her breathing changes. “Maybe we should try that again—properly this time?” I want to put the whole ‘no condom’ thing behind us.

  “I think that’s a wonderful idea,” she whispers. “But this time I get to be on top.”

  “Do you want to tell me the story behind this tattoo?” I ask, running my hands down her back as we lie together afterward.

  “Not really,” she whispers, her body stiffening slightly as she speaks. Not wanting to push her any further, I move my hand from her back to caress her arm instead. Feeling even more curious but knowing that now isn’t the time to push it.

  A silence settles over us. It's not one of those uncomfortable ones that makes you feel like you’ve made a mistake after sleeping with someone. It’s one of those silences, filled with questions and answers that remain unspoken, but at some point will need to be said.

  “Do you have any plans this weekend?” she asks me suddenly.

  “Um, no, do you?”

  “I do actually,” she says carefully, sitting up to look at me. Her mass of dark hair falling over her shoulders as she leans forward to talk to me. I raise my eyebrows in question, trying to keep my focus on her face and not her body. “I’d like you to come with me actually. For moral support. I’m… I’m going to meet my father.”

  I sit up quickly, frowning in confusion. “Your father? But…”

  I thought her family was dead?

  Paige

  “I know. You thought he was dead,” I say, reaching down to the floor to pick up the shirt lying there. It’s not mine, but it will do. I don’t want to have this conversation naked.

  Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath, post-coitus probably isn’t the best time to be doing this, but I feel the need to open up to him. I need to give him something about me. I feel so guilty, like I’m leading him astray and tricking him into caring about me. He needs to know something about what he’s getting into.

  “I’m listening,” he says, his eyes boring into me.

  “My family isn’t dead, Elliot. They're all alive and well—as far as I know, anyway. They kicked me out when I was fifteen, and I’ve been lying and saying that they’re dead so people don’t question me.” I let it all out in a rush of breath, and then hold it, waiting for him to react.

  “They what?” he asks looking down at me, deep furrows between his brows.

  “They’re not dead,” I repeat.

  “No, no; I got that. I’m asking about the other part—they kicked you out?” His face screws up in disbelief. “At fifteen?”

  “Yes, Elliot. They kicked me out at fifteen.”

  “Who the fuck does that?” he mutters.

  While at the same time I say, “You’re not angry with me?”

  He knits his brow. “Angry with you? Why the hell would I be angry with you?”

  “Because I lied, Elliot. I made you think I was an orphan.”

  He puts his hands on my shoulders, holding me firmly as he peers into my face intently. “Your parents kicked you out of home when you were still a child. If my parents did that, I’d probably say they were dead too.”

  I blink rapidly as tears threaten to spill from my eyes. I can’t believe he's reacting this way. I expected him to yell at me, to tell me he needed time to think. What I didn’t expect was complete understanding.

  “I’ve been lying about my past for years now,” I admit. “When I got my life sorted out, I found it was easier to say they were dead. When I was honest, people looked at me strangely, wondering what I did to deserve it, and I didn’t want to answer their questions anymore. Especially when I didn’t do anything. They just didn’t like me.
”

  His strong arms encircle me and drag me closer so I’m sitting on his lap. This huge relief fills me as he tilts my face upward to meet my eyes. “I would never send you away,” he whispers, bringing his lips to mine. As our mouths move together, my threatened tears slide quietly from my closed eyes as my emotions take over and my fears fall away, cracking my heart open just enough so hope blossoms inside of me. I find myself doing something that’s been so difficult for me before now—I’m letting him in, just a little.

  I pause our kissing and rest my forehead on his shoulder. Perhaps one day he’ll understand everything about me, but telling him my full story is a risk I can’t take yet. I can only afford to show him the first chapter. I want to tell him about my life before I was sent out on my own.

  Breathing deep as I close my eyes, I revel in the feel of his skin against my cheek as I keep my head tucked and speak quietly against his chest.

  “My Mother worked—probably still works—for one of the big multinational accounting firms in Sydney. When she was in her early thirties, she got sent here, to London, for some sort of business trip. When she came back, she found out she was pregnant with me.”

  “She had an affair?”

  I nod. “She tried to pass me off as one of them. But as I grew, people would comment on how my brother and sister look so different from me with their blond hair and fair skin. They would ask my mother, ‘where did she get those eyes?’, ‘where did she get that olive skin?’” I bite at my lip as I look off into the distance, re-living unsettling memories of a time I couldn’t understand. “I look nothing like my family, Elliot. And I got treated that way.”

  “My beautiful, Paige,” he whispers, his eyes sad and gentle as he runs a hand over my hair. “How could anyone treat you poorly?”