Struggle to Forever: a friends to lovers duet

by Lilliana Anderson

  His words cause a swell of emotion to clog my throat. “I spent a lot of time wondering if I was really Cinderella. They always gave my older brother and younger sister everything they wanted while my own possessions were meagre in comparison. They assigned me every chore, and if something went wrong, I was the first to be blamed for it.

  “As I got older, I noticed the way my parents looked at me. I always felt like I was such a disappointment. I wasn’t good at school like my siblings, nor was I good at sports. I was just me.

  “It didn’t matter what I did to try to fit in, I knew I wasn’t wanted, so I did what I could to stay out of the way. Then one day, I was walking up my driveway, and I noticed a bag with an envelope on top. I opened it, and along with two-hundred dollars was a note in my mother’s handwriting. It said ‘This isn’t your home anymore.’ Stupidly, I tried the door. They’d changed the locks.”

  “What?” he spits. “Who the hell does that?”

  Pressing my lips together, I shrug. “I went to a friend’s house and stayed there for as long as I could then couch hopped for a while... I never understood why I was so different, and I hated them for not loving me. But when I was sixteen, I ordered a copy of my birth certificate to get my license. That’s when I found out why. The man I believed was my father, wasn’t my father. My mother had an affair when she was in London. My real father lives here.”

  “She put his name on your birth certificate?”

  I nod.

  “But that means—”

  “That my dad always knew I wasn’t his? Yeah. I know. Explains why he could never stand the sight of me. I remember him yelling at her for hugging me when I was little. He wanted me as miserable as he was, and for whatever fucked-up reason, my mum went along with it.”

  Elliot is quiet for a moment, his expression deep in thought. I close my eyes tightly while I wait for his response, hoping he won’t ask for any more information. That’s all I can handle sharing.

  “So, this guy—your real father—you want to meet him?” Elliot asks finally, his voice soft as he speaks into my hair. He’s been gently stroking my back while he listened to me.

  “Yes. But I’m too nervous to go alone. Will you come with me?”

  “Of course,” he whispers, lifting my head so he can look into my eyes.

  “ I was so worried you’d say no.”

  “Understand me when I say this, Paige—I would do anything for you.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes.”

  That admission from him, spoken so softly, has so much power that it causes a physical reaction. It starts in my chest and swirls outwards until it intensifies to a point where I grab his face on either side and bring our mouths together. I hold him so tightly as I kiss him, my arms wrapping around his head and neck as we pull each other closer, not willing to let each other go for a frantic second. Lying back on the single bed, we wrap ourselves around each other, absorbed in a passion that keeps us joined for the rest of the night. For the first time in my life, I start to believe in the existence of true love.

  Fifteen

  Elliot

  Shane was good enough to let us use his car for the day so I can drive Paige out to Cambridge to meet her father. I’m still in shock that Paige’s mother would do something so horrible to her. She was just a kid. She didn’t ask her mother to have an affair. Why punish her for the actions of the adults around her?

  “Are you OK?” she asks, her hand resting on my leg as I drive.

  I glance at her momentarily, nodding to show her I’m fine before turning back to the road and my thoughts.

  “So, does this guy—your father—know you’re coming?” I ask eventually.

  “Yeah he does. I contacted him yesterday, and I spoke to him before I left Australia. He knows who I am, and he’s willing to meet me. But I’ve been too scared to do anything about it until now. I mean, what if he’s awful? I feel like this is my one and only chance to have a real family. What if he doesn’t want anything to do with me beyond just meeting me?” She shakes her head and slides her hands over her face and through her hair, sighing heavily as she drops them in her lap.

  Resting her head back into the seat, she sits and watches me as I drive, her stress and worry radiating off her. I reach over and grab her hand again and give it a reassuring squeeze, lending her as much of my strength as I can. Although, I have to admit I feel nervous about this too. If this guy’s name was on her birth certificate, it means he knew about her when she was born. Where the hell was he all this time? Where was he when her mother tossed her out of home? I’m just glad she asked me to come with her as emotional support. No matter how this turns out, she will need someone in her corner, keeping a close eye on her.

  “Thank you, Paige,” I tell her suddenly.

  “Thank you for what?” she asks, sounding surprised.

  “For trusting me. For wanting me to come today.”

  “Oh… OK,” she says, her voice small as she looks out the window at the passing scenery. I leave our hands connected to comfort her as we drive in silence, listening to the ‘Jebediah’ disc that is the only music Shane’s car plays since the CD player was jammed when he bought it.

  “It’s kind of pretty, isn’t it?” she asks, as we enter the town her father lives in. She’s focused on the world outside as it flits past us, so I don’t think she’s expecting an answer, instead I check the readout on the GPS. It says that we’re only ten minutes away from his home address.

  “What’s his name?” I ask, as we pull up outside his house. It’s a two-storey, light brown brick home with a chimney on top of a charcoal tiled roof. It has a large brick driveway leading to a single garage. A path flows from there to the house where there’s a bay window and a navy blue front door with white edging.

  “Daniel Ashdown,” she tells me, her voice vacant as she sits, staring toward the house. I can feel her nerves in the pit of my stomach through the connection of our hands. After a while, she has made no attempt to move. I watch her quietly as she continues to look at the house, her eyes wide and fearful. Suddenly, her breath catches and she speaks. “Drive away, Elliot. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

  “Paige… Paige, look at me.” I wait until she drags her eyes from the house and fixes them on mine. Reaching out, I hold her face in my hands, moving my thumbs against her cheeks to calm her. “You are probably one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. I know you can do this. You haven’t told me a lot about your life, but from the snippets you’ve given me, it’s been a shit storm. Not many people could go through what you have and come out the other side of it as a functioning human being. Meeting your biological father will be easy in comparison.”

  “How do you know I did?”

  “Become a functioning human being?” I ask, watching her head as she attempts to nod in response. “Because I know you in my heart, Paige. You’re a fighter.”

  Paige

  How does he see me with such purity when I've told him I've done horrible things? Is it because I’ve spared him the gory details of everything except my beginning? Would he still see me the same if he knew my end? He couldn’t. Oh god, I wish I could keep him. I don’t think I've ever had a man be this kind to me. It aches inside and I can’t decide if the feeling is good or bad—it just aches.

  The ache inside me intensifies, and I feel like I need to confess everything before we get too deep. I open my mouth, but movement outside the car draws my attention away from his beautiful face.

  A man with short dark hair sprinkled with greys and eyes a duller version of mine is peering into the car. Elliot turns to where I'm looking and clicks the button to lower his window.

  “Are you Paige?” he asks in a voice I recognise from our brief phone calls. I’m speechless at the sight of him, my nerves boiling up and rolling around in turmoil through my stomach, I can do little more than nod my head. “Won’t you come in? We’ve been expecting you.”

  I look briefly at Elliot, whose face is e
tched with concern for me, and get out of the car. In this moment, I feel like I’m apart from myself, drifting along behind the man who is my biological father. Elliot’s arm comes around me, and I suddenly feel grounded and so grateful that he accompanied me. I feel a strength around him that no matter how hard I try, I just don’t have on my own.

  Daniel—my father—leads us inside his home, taking our coats and hanging them up on a stand in his entryway.

  “I’m Daniel,” he says, holding his hand out to Elliot, who quickly takes it in greeting.

  “Sorry mate, I’m Elliot. I’m here for Paige,” he states simply.

  “Of course you are. I trust you had a pleasant drive?” Daniel enquires politely.

  “We did, thank you,” Elliot answers for us both. I’m still yet to find my voice.

  Silence descends on us for a moment as we all stand in the entryway looking at each other, feeling unsure what to say.

  “Paige,” Daniel says turning towards me and taking my hands in his. I panic slightly when he touches me and flick my eyes to Elliot, who is watching calmly. He gives me a look that tells me it’s OK, and I take comfort from that, letting out my breath and focusing once again on Daniel. “This is a wonderful day for me, finally meeting you. I had hoped you would eventually track me down. Come, we have much to talk about and there’s someone else waiting to see you.”

  “Really? Who?” I ask, imagining I may have another relative in the UK. Perhaps I have half siblings, an uncle, an aunt?

  Daniel beckons for us to follow, leading us further inside, the light touch of Elliot’s hand on the small of my back keeping me strong as I move along the hall to pass through the set of double doors where Daniel is waiting.

  Just inside the doorway, I freeze as my eyes land on a woman, so much older and smaller than I remember. Shock and disbelief take over as my eyes widen, watching as she rises from the couch to greet us.

  Elliot

  Paige’s body stiffens by my side. I don’t know what’s just happened but there’s a woman here that she doesn’t look comfortable seeing.

  “Paige,” the woman says. Sorrow is written all over her face and comes out in the sound of her voice.

  “Take me home, Elliot, please take me home.” Paige’s face turns toward me, grief stricken as she grabs at my arm and tries to pull me to the door.

  “What’s going on?” I ask, worried. I want to give her what she’s asking for, but I know what it took her to come here. I don’t want her to leave without getting any answers.

  “Please, Paige, stay,” the woman implores her. “I just want to talk, nothing more.”

  Paige stands unmoving, still turned toward me, gripping at my arm. Her eyes are closed and her voice waivers, her body quivering against me as she speaks. “Why are you here?”

  “Because I live here, Paige. I divorced your father, not long after I… after you left, and I came back here,” the woman, who I’m now guessing is Paige’s mother says.

  Paige shakes her head frantically. Her eyes closed as if she’s trying to force her feelings out of her head. I circle my arms firmly around her, trying to give her as much strength as I can.

  “I felt so guilty for what I did. I tried, Paige, I tried to find you. But no one knew where you were, you just disappeared.” Her mother’s tone is low as she approaches us.

  Paige’s body suddenly snaps to life as she turns to face her mother. “I had nowhere to go, mother! Nowhere. You have no idea what I went through; what you forced me to become. I will never forgive you for what you did. Never!” She’s yelling, her body shaking and her face bright red with anger. I touch my hand to her shoulder, and she spins back into me, throwing her body against mine.

  I can feel her trembling as she buries her face in my chest and tries to breathe. Her mother looks at me beseechingly, but I shake my head. “You could have told her you were here. You didn’t have to ambush her like that,” I say as calmly as I can.

  “Paige,” her mother implores, reaching out for her daughter.

  “Don’t,” I say, warning her, knowing Paige wouldn’t welcome her mother’s touch. I watch as hurt flits across her mother’s features as she closes her hand in on itself, reluctantly lowering her arm to her side.

  “Paige, will you please talk to us,” Daniel pleads. “There’s so much you need to understand.”

  Turning in my arms, Paige faces them, levelling her gaze on both of them as what can only be described as hatred seethes out of her. “Oh, I understand plenty. You two had an affair, destroyed one child’s life and abandoned the lives of two others, and now you’re living your happily ever after together. Am I close?” She glares at them as their eyes flit to each other, then drop to the floor. “You know what? Fuck you, fuck both of you.”

  I take this as our cue to leave and guide a very shaky Paige out of the house and back to the car. We drive for a few minutes in silence as Paige’s eyes pour out buckets of tears. I pull over to the side of the road and take out my phone, Googling the location of the nearest motel.

  “What are you doing?” she asks, looking over at me.

  “Taking you somewhere so you can calm down,” I say as I set my phone to navigate and pull the car back onto the road. As we drive along, my chest aches with my need to comfort her. I feel like I’ve handled this all wrong, and I don’t want to take her back to a flat full of people while she’s this upset. This is the best I can think to do.

  Sixteen

  Paige

  “I can’t believe this. After all she did to me. She gets to have her happily ever after. This is bullshit!” I screech, shaking with the rage I feel at seeing my mother again after so many years. “I hate her Elliot, I hate her so much that I can’t even breathe through it.” I pace up and down the room as he sits on the edge of the bed watching me rant. “She looked for me? Bullshit she looked for me. It’s been twelve years. You’re telling me she couldn’t have gone through every Paige Larsen in the phone book a thousand times by now? Who the fuck does she think she is? Everything that happened to me is her fault. She was my mother! She was supposed to care about me.”

  I stop pacing and shut my eyes, placing my hands on either side of my head and gripping handfuls of my hair. My mouth opens, and a wretched cry unrecognisable as my own, comes from deep within me. Two firm strong arms slip around my waist as Elliot pulls my body against his rock-hard chest. I collapse, literally. My knees give way and my body sags against him. I’m hanging off him, sobbing wildly against his chest. He holds me steadily while I cry, kissing me in my hair and shushing me.

  “It’s OK. I'm here. You're not alone anymore. Everything will be OK,” he repeats like a mantra, slowly calming me down.

  Scooping me up as though I’m a child and weigh next to nothing, he carries me over to the bed and places me gently down, smoothing my hair out of my face. Lying next to me, he curls his body around mine and holds me tightly, protectively. My heart aches so much, and I just want it to stop. But I don’t think it ever will.

  At some point, I fall asleep in his arms, overcome with the exhaustion but filled with a comfort that only he can give me. No one else makes me feel this way. No one else gives me hope. I’ll miss him when he goes.

  Elliot

  I lie on the bed, holding Paige tightly as she sleeps, all the while replaying the morning over and over in my mind, mentally kicking myself each time. I feel like I let her down. I should have taken her home when she asked me to the first time. I was supposed to protect her, and now I feel like all I did was put her in a position to get her heart broken.

  I run my free hand over my face as I stare up at the ceiling. I’m a little out of my depth here, and I don’t know what to do or say to help her. I’ve been harbouring so much hate towards my own father for using his money to control me for so many years, but at least my mother has always been supportive of me. And really, my father cares about me too—he just wants things for me I don’t. I feel selfish and spoilt. I was given everything while Paige had eve
rything torn from her when she was cast out into the world on her own. I dread the thought of what her life must have been like since then. How the hell did she even survive?

  When I feel Paige stir, I reach over to smooth her hair away from her face. She wore it out in her natural curl today, and it’s not keen on being tamed. After a few attempts, her face is free, and we’re looking at each other.

  Her hand scrunches tightly as she pulls at my shirt, urging me toward her. I slide down the bed a little so our faces are level, touching her face softly, trying so hard to be what she needs right now.

  “Kiss me, Elliot,” she whispers, her eyes swimming with more tears she has yet to shed.

  I brush my lips lightly on hers and slowly deepen the kiss as she responds fervently. Our tongues slide against each other as we moan softly into each other’s mouths, pulling at each other’s clothes, repositioning ourselves, so she is on top of me, her legs straddling me either side.

  She moves her hips against me, rubbing herself up and down my already hard shaft. Watching her as she works, I’m lost in the sensations of what she’s doing to me as my fingers ache to feel her skin underneath them. Sliding my hands under her shirt, I massage her breasts, tweaking her nipples gently as they stand erect between my fingers.

  Erotic whimpers escape her throat as she leans down, kissing me and rocking over me. I feel close to bursting and try desperately to keep myself calm. Removing my hands from underneath her shirt, I thread my fingers through her hair, holding her head steady as I trail kisses down her delicious neck.

  She has a look of pure ecstasy on her face as she rocks. I don’t think I have ever been this turned on fully clothed. Placing her hands on my chest she sits up and continues her movement, gasping and moaning, causing my head to swim and my body to scream with my need for her, until finally she opens her eyes and cries out, her hips stilling to a gentle pulse before she collapses in a heap on my chest. I breathe steadily, amazed by what I just witnessed. The throbbing in my own pants threatening to explode each time her body moves as she’s heaving against me.