A Traitorous Heart

by Tammy Jo Burns

  She could smell smoke all around her. Flames lit up parts of the village. She could hear the fire licking at the wooden buildings, crackling in the still night. The strongest villagers fought while others ran for shelter. She needed to find Derek, if only she could free herself. Tessa began whimpering, trying to dislodge the man that pinned her to the ground. She could feel the heat from the fire getting closer, and wondered if she would be burned alive?

  She heard banging and then someone ruthlessly shook her. Tessa’s eyes flew open to see Derek looking concerned, grasping her shoulders. She felt trapped, her breath came in pants as she attempted to kick free of the throw that entwined itself with the skirts of her dress. Her hair fell from its updo and now lay loose around her shoulders.

  “What, what happened?” Tessa finally asked, blinking away the remnants of the nightmare, attempting to sit up.

  “Relax,” Derek soothed and encouraged her to lie back against the settee. “A piece of wood popped and sent some embers on the rug. The rug’s a little singed, but no worse for the wear,” only with that explanation did Tessa relax back into the cushions. “Are you all right?” he asked, concerned. He pushed her hair back and caressed her cheek, the need to touch her was overpowering, and he didn’t fight it.

  “Yes,” she nodded, pushing her face towards his touch. “I just...” she broke off and wet her lips with her tongue, “... a nightmare.”

  “What nightmare?” She pushed herself up into a sitting position and then off the couch. She padded back and forth across the library before stopping in front of the now harmless looking fire that flickered. Tessa recalled the dream to him.

  “It seemed so real,” she softly finished. She heard him walk up to her and looked down at the proffered glass he held out to her.

  “Take a drink.” She obeyed and then began coughing. He downed the rest before he offered the following thought, “In a sense, it was the worst nightmare one could have, Tessa, but also so much more.”

  It seems your memory is making itself known. You dreamed of the ambush that killed your father and separated us. We’ve never discovered how it came about. Your father and I were so very careful not to let our identities slip, or the true reason we were there. I suppose to some it wouldn’t take much to piece it together, but dammit, I just wish we knew. So many good people were lost in that attack. Innocent people.”

  Tessa moved behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She laid her cheek against his broad back and inhaled the scent of him, a mixture of sandalwood and leather. Her body tingled and she couldn’t help squeezing him just a little tighter, one hand moving up to his chest in a soft caress. She felt one of his calloused hand’s cover hers, his thumb rubbed soothingly over her knuckles.

  “Derek,” she whispered.

  He turned in her arms, forcing her to step back. His hands tenderly cradled Tessa’s face, lifting her chin slightly, so he could capture her lips. Derek’s fingers speared into her tumbled hair, and his thumbs gently caressed her cheeks.

  Tessa moved her hands to his hips, stepping into him. She craved the warmth of his hard body against hers and tried to deepen the kiss, but Derek seemed determined to torment her with teasing kisses. “Please,” she muttered against his lips. Tessa started to berate herself for begging for his kiss, but when he followed through with her request she found herself too caught up in the moment to care.

  Derek walked Tessa backwards until she felt something hard against her buttocks. Never once did their kiss stop. He pulled back, easing away from her with gentle kisses to her lips, her cheeks, her eyes. He saw the glazed look of passion in her eyes and the dewy plumpness of her lips. Derek grabbed her by the waist and lifted her onto the desk and once more sat about luring her into passion with drugging kisses.

  Tessa raised her arms and draped them around his neck, playing with his thick hair. She parted her legs and scooted closer to the edge in order to be closer to him. In the back of her mind she thought she should be embarrassed by her behavior but instead found herself attempting closer contact. Tessa pressed her chest to his and he broke the kiss, moaning in response.

  “Tessa, what you do to me,” he moaned.

  “You do the same to me,” she whispered in his ear. Her breasts ached for his touch and she pressed herself tightly to him in an attempt to ease the almost pain.

  “Tessa,” Derek said her name again, enjoying the way it came off his tongue and sounded in his ears.

  “Stop the ache,” she begged him unashamed. She bent her head to the side as he trailed nibbling kisses from her ear to her shoulder and began working at the laces on the back of her dress. He pulled her loosened dress and shift down together, pinning her arms at her waist. Not willing to give up contact, she rested her hands on his lean hips. When she felt his hands cup and cover her aching breasts, she gasped in both surprise and pleasure.

  “Shhh,” Derek soothed, rubbing his thumbs back and forth over her pebbled nipples. Tessa leaned back as far as her grip on his hips would allow, thrusting herself more deeply into his hands. She felt a liquid rush at the most feminine part of her being. Tessa found herself squirming in an attempt to ease the ache, trying to press her legs together but impossible to do so, because her husband stood firmly between them.

  He removed his hands from her body and helped her to fully pull her arms free from the dress and shift. She felt as if she were a model on display as he placed her how he wanted her. He put her hands behind her on the desk so that her breasts thrust upwards. Curiously she looked down and saw the golden glow the firelight cast upon her skin. Tessa knew she should be shocked as Derek lowered his mouth to her skin, but instead, she reveled in the thought that this man, her husband, wanted her.

  She watched in fascination, a voyeur, when he placed a soft kiss on the upper slope of her breast, but when he took the distended peak into his mouth and suckled, her head fell back in ecstasy and her thighs tightly gripped his hips. Her center throbbed in time with each pull of his mouth. Biting her lower lip she attempted to hold back the moan that wanted to be released. She felt him move a work-roughened hand up her chest, neck and face, leaving a tingling trail behind. His thumb gently worked her lower lip free and his mouth briefly left her breast.

  “Don’t be afraid to moan or anything else,” he whispered in her ear, before sucking on her earlobe then gently nipping it with his teeth.

  He moved to her other breast and even though she expected the attention, she bucked slightly upon his voracious attentions. Derek acted as if he were a starving man at his last meal. Tessa felt a tension building deep within her that only increased as she felt Derek’s hand begin a journey from her ankle to her hip, lifting her skirt as he went.

  “No underthings?” he queried hoarsely.

  “Unhealthy,” she managed to respond.

  He groaned and lifted her leg, hooking it around his waist, opening her more fully to his ministrations. When he finally touched her as he had before, she did moan aloud. Then he teased her passage with a stroking finger and she used her inner muscles to pull him in deeper.

  “Tessa,” Derek whispered in her ear, his finger still teasing her. “I would like to do something with you and only ever you. I want you to trust me.”

  “I do,” she moaned as he pressed briefly against the little bundle of nerves. He captured her mouth in a kiss that mimicked his finger’s movements then quickly broke off the kiss, removing his finger at the same time. Tears of frustration came to her eyes, but he had asked for her trust and she would give it.

  He dropped soft kisses down to her belly, making her tummy quiver in excitement. Tessa watched him drop to his knees in front of her, her skirts pushed to her waist. She sat on the edge of the desk and watched him push her legs wide. Embarrassed, she pushed at her skirt to hide herself from his view.

  “Trust,” he reminded her, brushing a kiss over the knuckles of the hand that covered her. Derek gently moved her hand and placed it back on the desk behind her. She watched him lea
n forward to brush a kiss against her there, but what he did next made her collapse against the desk and let out a guttural moan. What is he doing to me? She thought restlessly, attempting to close her legs to his passionate onslaught.

  Derek must have read her mind though because he used his broad upper body to keep her open to him, and his hands kept her pinned to the desk. She stretched her arms out beside her and gripped the sides of the desk, flinging her head back and forth. Tessa knew if something didn’t happen soon she would surely die. Just then Derek’s hands crept up her sides to her breasts tightly pinching and rolling her nipples just as he did something unbelievably marvelous lower down her body with his mouth. The sensations had her seeing sparks and her body tightened and bowed as she reached her climax.

  She did not scream nor did she moan, instead a guttural, earthy groan emanated from her and sent sensations straight to Derek’s groin. He pulled away and stood to watch her in the throes of passion. His wife looked beautiful in her release, half-dressed, her hair tumbling about her shoulders. Derek’s body ached, screamed to be inside her, but that isn’t what they had agreed upon.

  When she finally relaxed, spent, lying on the desk, he bent over and kissed her lightly. She lifted her hands, grabbed his shirt and pulled him in for a deeper kiss. He tasted different somehow and she shivered in excitement when she realized she tasted herself on him. Derek pulled away from her, but not before she felt the evidence of his need for her.

  “Derek, forget our agreement. I want you,” she said, leaning up as she locked her legs behind him.

  “No, just give me a moment.”

  “Surely, we can do something that will ease your pain.” He gave a strangled laugh. She reached for the buttons of his placket. He tried to stop her, but he craved her body too much to fight them both. She released the placket and his member sprang towards her, escaping its tight confines. “Oh my,” she whispered, running curious fingers over the length of it, seeing it for the first time.

  “Tessa,” he groaned, his hips jerked violently as she gently squeezed. “No more,” his voice sounded rough, a sense of urgency to his words. He quickly ripped a swath of her petticoat and wrapped it around the end of his member then he pulled her to him, flexing his knees so that the base of his staff could rub against the moist heat of her. He pumped his hips once, twice then emptied himself within the torn silk.

  Tessa found herself once again being set off by tremors as she watched him throw his head back upon his release. The tendons of his neck stood out and he gave a long, satisfied moan.

  “That was beautiful,” Tessa murmured and pulled him down for a heated kiss.

  “Foolish more like it,” he replied, pulling back. “We almost went too far.”

  “We’re married.” Tessa felt the intimacy of moments earlier vaporize like mist.

  “You still have part of your memory to recover, the most important part.”

  “I’ve made great progress today,” she continued, reaching for him, almost desperate to touch him again, to prove that she had not just imagined all they had just shared.

  “Yes, but we still don’t know what you did during the time you were missing, where you were or who you were with,” he pointed out helping her down off the desk, and quickly stepped away from her.

  “You don’t think I did this with that other man, do you?” She queried, feeling as if she had just been doused with ice water.

  “What?” Derek asked, putting himself to rights as she did the same.

  “Surely I didn’t, well you know,” she waved her hand indicating the both of them and what they had just done, “with him. I couldn’t have. I can’t imagine letting anyone else touch me the way you did.”

  “I fervently hope not, because if you did, I will have to kill him,” Derek spun on his heel leaving her feeling bereft and slightly unclean from her earlier behavior as she watched him leave the room.

  * * *

  Even though the clock chimed well past midnight, Tessa scanned the hall. Satisfied none of the servants were about to see her in dishabille, she darted up the staircase and into her room. Once again she locked the two doors to her room finding herself far more angry than hurt. How dare he share those moments with her then leave her utterly alone? Why couldn’t he show concern over her feelings and mental well-being as she struggled to come to grips with all that had happened to her? He acted as if it only concerned him and his ego.

  Would they ever have a chance to truly attempt a life as husband and wife? The enigma of her lost memory stood between them teasingly allowing snippets to return, never answering enough questions. And who is this mystery man who has them dancing like puppets at the end of a string? Did he enjoy the control he currently had over them as he watched them dance to his tune? And she had no doubt that he remained close, ready to end her life at a moment’s notice if he thought himself in danger. She had far too many questions and not enough answers. Tessa began to wonder if she would ever have the answers they needed.

  She tossed and turned the remainder of the night, half fearful of falling asleep and half curious as to where her wayward husband had disappeared to. She did not hear his door open and close until well after the sun streaked the morning sky. Tessa slipped from the bed and listened, hearing a thud quickly followed by another, then a squeaking sound. He must have removed his boots then climbed onto his bed. She let the hurt in as she realized he didn’t even try to check on her.

  Her heart broke a little in that moment and a lone tear escaped to leave a silver track down her cheek to the corner of her mouth. She had hoped that he would come to her and confess how foolish he had been. Tessa had fervently wished he would come to her room, beat on the door until she let him in, and swear his allegiance and trust in her. Perhaps there would be a replay of the events in the study, this time with them entwined in one another’s arms in the bed.

  Instead, he went straight to his room and his cold, empty bed, preferring it to her warm and loving embrace. Loving? She gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. Is that why she hurt so much? Is that why it almost felt as if her soul had been ripped from her body? Had she fallen in love with her husband? She slid to the floor, her legs curled under and her back braced against the side of the bed. She stared at the door that connected their two rooms as if at any moment the door would fling open and he would pull her into his arms and tell her repeatedly what a fool he had been.

  Instead a deafening silence greeted her. Fine, she thought, stiffening her chin and lifting it slightly. “I have overcome worse obstacles, I will get over this,” she muttered determinedly to herself. But in the end she found it easier to sit there for a while, her head in her hands crying silent tears for what she fervently wished could have been.

  * * *

  Derek arrived back at his room late that morning, tired and dirty. He had worked his anger and jealousy out late in the night and in the wee hours of the morning. His scraped knuckles reflected his stupidity in thinking he could singlehandedly take on a wooden brace in the stable. The pristine clothes from the night before were covered in mud and other material. Upon returning to his room, he gave a quick glance to the adjoining door, but figured he would find it locked and did not feel up to any form of rejection at the moment.

  He removed his boots, idly thinking that someone would have a time making them look like they once had, if that were even possible. He stripped out of his clothes, pulled on his loose pants and lay on the bed. Derek felt his body hardening as his mind drifted back to those magic moments the two of them shared in the study last night. He groaned softly remembering the trust she placed in him, and the way she gave him control of her body. The things they had shared he had never done with another woman.

  He had not been celibate before their marriage. Most of his liaisons began and ended because of his work. Derek found that women knew more of what the men in their lives were involved in than the men gave them credit for and had used that his advantage. In the same breath, women could be
fickle creatures. All his previous relations involved a physical act that had been built on lies and betrayals, leaving his feelings safely untouched. Tessa left him tingling with feeling and that left him amazed, but cautious.

  He found himself becoming jealous all over again of the mystery man. Why the hell couldn’t she just remember, good or bad, and put an end to all this? Why did he keep blaming Tessa when he should be railing at fate? Damn, but he had long ago grown tired of this cat and mouse game. He also found that he missed having his wife in his bed, regardless of her anger towards him.

  He pushed himself off the bed and strode to his dresser, opening a drawer and removing a key. He turned and marched to the door inserting the key into the lock. Derek smiled when he heard the satisfying snick of the tumblers turning, and then he opened the door. Glancing around the room, he saw Tessa on the floor, her head in her hands. She must have heard him for she glanced up, her mouth forming an ‘O’ when she saw him standing in her room.

  “What are you doing in here?” she demanded, quickly getting to her bare feet and swiping at the tears on her cheek. She fisted her hands and looked as if she stood ready to fight him.

  “We will not spend any more nights apart,” Derek stated. “Not unless it is beyond our control and only then it best be because one of us has gone to meet our Maker.”

  “But you hate the thought of what I might have done with some other man,” she argued, backing around the bed attempting to put distance between them.

  “You’re right, but I don’t hate you. I hate the thought of what he might have coerced you into, but I could never hate you,” he sighed in resignation as he realized he stated the truth. He watched as she bit her lower lip in consternation, and he made his move sliding across the bed to come to a standing position on the other side. He had her effectively trapped between him, the wall and the bed. The only way she could escape would be to inelegantly crawl across the bed and even then he could easily catch her.