Light in the Dark

by Lindsay Paige

  Teddy fills me in on all the ins and outs of the place during the lunch, but he is back to business the moment it’s over. After work, I call FC immediately to update him on my great day. My nerves about work have completely disappeared now. Unfortunately, when I get to my apartment, I spot Lila hanging around my door.

  Just what I need.

  “What do you want?” I hold my phone up. “I’m calling the police.”

  “To tell them what? There’s no restraining order between us.” She waits with a smirk.

  “You’ve been asked to leave and you won’t. I’m pretty sure I can call the police for that.”

  Lila rolls her eyes and then scrutinizes my outfit. “What are you anyway?”

  “What do you want, Lila?” I text FC that Lila is here. Maybe he can call the cops for me and by the time they get here, Lila will still be here chatting it up with me.

  “I would like for you to leave FC. I want to be a mom to Sawyer. I want to be a good girlfriend to FC. We deserve another chance, but FC won’t give me that as long as you’re in the picture. Please, Idaline. Woman to woman, let me put my family back together.”

  Is she serious? She was vicious the last time I saw her and now she’s all serious and sweet and talking about Sawyer. She thinks she has a family to put back together? I don’t know what pisses me off more: the fact that she thinks she can be a good girlfriend to FC, or that she’s trying to bring Sawyer into this when she doesn’t care about him unless she can use him to her advantage like she’s trying to do now.

  Before I can think about the ramifications of my actions, the palm of my hand hits Lila’s cheek. The slap catches her off guard. I relish in seeing her head snap to the side, her hand rising to cup her cheek, and the shock and rage on her face.

  “Don’t you dare say you want to be a mother to that little boy when you weren’t a mother to him while you were in his life. I’m not going anywhere, Lila. I won’t leave FC and I won’t leave Sawyer.”

  Lila drops her hand from her reddened cheek. “How dare you hit me!” She raises her hand, but FC is suddenly behind me, reaching around and grabbing her wrist.

  “Don’t even think about it, Lila,” he grinds out.

  “But she hit me!”

  “Go home, Lila. That’s all we want from you. Please, just go home.” He releases her wrist and I’m completely surprised when she steps around us, actually leaving. FC kisses my temple and whispers, “You okay, love?”

  “Yeah.” I release a deep breath. “I didn’t mean to hit her, but she said she wanted to be a mom to Sawyer and it really pissed me off.” I turn to face FC. “What kind of person is she? I could tell she was just saying that because she wanted to appeal to me and earn some sympathy.”

  FC smiles. “I love you.”

  “This is not a time to smile and tell me you love me. I hit your ex-girlfriend.”

  FC shrugs. “That’s okay. I’m glad I was already on my way over here. Let’s go inside so I can hear all about your first day.”

  He listens to me as I tell him all about my day while I cook dinner. And then he brings up the impending holiday: Valentine’s Day.

  “Don’t make any plans because you have plans with me.”

  I laugh. “Like I have someone else to make plans with.”

  “I don’t know. It sounded like you and Teddy were getting along pretty well today,” he teases.

  “He also knows I moved here for a guy. What are we going to do?”

  FC wags a finger at me. “This is our first Valentine’s Day. I don’t plan to tell you what we’ll be doing. Besides, I’m still planning it,” he finishes with a laugh as he stands. “I should go home. I’m glad you had a good first day.” FC comes over to kiss me. “I’ll lock the door on my way out. Come over tomorrow, okay? I’m sure Sawyer would love to see you.”

  “Just Sawyer?” I ask with a raised eyebrow.

  He smiles. “Me too. You know I always love seeing you. Call me if you need me. Love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  FC heads out of my apartment and I watch him go. I can’t wait until Valentine’s Day.

  Valentine’s Day has finally arrived. It’s been a long time since I’ve been excited about this holiday. I’ve only wanted to spend it with FC and this is the first time I’ll be able to. While that makes me extremely excited, it also makes me nervous. FC must be nervous too. Imagine the pressure we’re under not to fuck this up. Our very first Valentine’s Day in the midst of so much stress and we’d like it to be a perfect, romantic night. A little bit of light in this dark world we’re surrounded by right now.

  With a deep breath, I check myself in the mirror one last time. FC hasn’t told me any details about tonight. Maybe it was presumptuous of me, but I found a blue dress among my clothes. I can’t even remember the last time I wore this dress. It still fits pretty well, though. After smoothing some wrinkles, I decide I’m fully comfortable and ready for whatever lies ahead tonight.

  There’s a knock on my door just as I walk out of my bedroom. A quick glance through the peephole shows that FC does indeed stand on the other side. I open the door and release a quick breath of relief at seeing that he’s dressed up too. FC’s eyes eat me up and his hands immediately grab my hips.

  “You are beautiful.”

  I grin. “Thank you. You’re pretty handsome yourself.”

  “Maybe we should stay in tonight.”

  “Nope,” I quickly shut him down. “We’ve been waiting for this for too long.”

  He grabs my hands. “I know, but it was a really nice thought.” FC pulls me out of my apartment, allows me to lock the door, and then leads me toward the elevator. “We’ll have a nice time tonight.” He takes a deep breath. “I’ll do my best to stay focused on us and not check in on Sawyer, too.”

  By this time, we’re on the elevator, heading to the ground floor. “It’ll be okay if you do check in,” I tell him. This is a stressful time and he’s still adjusting to spending more than his normal amount of time away from his son. I won’t be the one to tell him he can’t call whoever is keeping him tonight to see how he’s doing.

  FC kisses me softly as the elevator doors part. “That’s why I love you.”

  We catch up on our days while FC drives us to a restaurant that on the outside looks as if we’re entering a old, unused building. I’m worried about our safety, too. We had to walk down an alleyway to get to the door. But the inside is beautiful. Lights are dimmed, but lit everywhere to provide enough light that it’s not too dark.

  We’re seated at a table for two along the way with a great view of the rest of the restaurant. On the other side, the cooks are actually in full view and not hidden away. What surprises me is that things are relatively quiet in here.

  “Have I done well so far?” FC asks, bringing my attention back to him.

  “Yes. How did you learn of this place?”

  FC surprises me by blushing. A nice pink to dot the center of his cheeks. “My dad has brought my mom here before. He actually knows the owners.”

  We discuss some options of what to eat. FC is a bit more familiar, only because his dad told him what they’ve eaten when they’ve come. After we’ve placed our order, FC reaches across the table to hold my hand.

  “How are you doing?”

  “Good. Work is enjoyable. I’m having a hard time sleeping again, though. How are you?” I twist the napkin around and around my finger to keep myself occupied.

  “Suspicious. Things have been quiet from Lila. She’s up to something. But other than that, happy as can be thanks to you and Sawyer.” He throws a smile my way. “Are you still happy you’re here?”

  “Of course,” I answer without hesitation. “You should know that.”

  He shrugs as if he isn’t sure. “I guess I expected your anxiety to calm down more than it has.”

  I can’t help but laugh. “I’m sorry, FC,” I begin in a soft, sweet and sincere tone. “You aren’t my cure.” I squeeze his hand in apo
logy. “And this is a big change. I’ll have some anxiety just because of that. Things can be absolutely perfect in this world, and I can have some anxiety over something. I’ll always have some.” His shoulders fall a bit. “But you help me through it and at the end of the day, that’s all I need.”

  He cocks half a smile. “This isn’t really day of love talk, you know.”

  “You started it,” I point out. “What would you like to talk about instead?”

  “How beautiful you are.”

  I love him. Things are still crazy and we’re fighting an uphill battle, but even with the anxiety constantly flowing through my veins, peace follows. Because my one day with FC has finally arrived. My soul nestles close to FC’s and we’ll never have to part again. I have every reason in the world to be exceptionally happy and right now, I am.

  We eat delicious food, talk about our upcoming weekend trip to visit my family, and eat dessert.

  “Hey, where will we be staying while we visit?” FC asks.

  “With my grandpa, if that’s okay with you? He has the extra room and he asked if we would.”

  FC nods in agreement. I escape to the bathroom, and when I return I notice he’s quiet, but pensive, and for so long that I begin to worry.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I’ve never really packed Sawyer and taken him anywhere. I’m trying to think of what I need to pack.”

  I laugh. “Maybe we can think about that another day. Tell me a secret.”

  He grins. “I’ve always wanted to dine and dash.”

  My eyes nearly pop so far out of my head they could land on his plate. “We are not, FC.”

  He draws eights on the top of my hand. It lures me in as his eyes pull me closer and his soul yanks hard on mine. “Let’s do it. They haven’t even brought the bill yet. The waitress is so busy, she’s probably forgotten about us. It’s been fifteen minutes since she’s even been within ten feet of our table.”

  “We’re too old for this, FC,” I chide. My heart beats erratically at the thought that FC might be even a little serious about this.

  “Never!” he whispers with a mischievous glint in his eye. FC stands, pulling my hand with him, and with quiet protests from me, he drags me out of the restaurant. His grin is victorious and ridiculous as we hurry down the alleyway.

  “FC, we need to go back! We didn’t even leave a tip for that girl.” Did we seriously just dine and dash? We are not this type of people! If we don’t turn around right now, all I’ll be able to think about tonight is how we didn’t pay the bill and the waitress didn’t get tipped. I yank hard enough on FC’s arm that he stops to face me.

  “What is it?”

  “I can’t do this. I’m not carefree enough to do this. Or whatever personality trait a person needs to do this. Why in the hell are you laughing at me?” I snap, frustrated with him.

  FC cups my face and kisses my nose. “I paid the bill while you were in the bathroom. I love that you at least made it out of the restaurant.” He chuckles while I glare at him. “Don’t be upset with me. This was a fun little experiment.”

  “You’re mean.”

  He only laughs at me, wraps an arm around my shoulders, and leads me to the car. “Let’s go home for some make-up sex.”

  That causes me to laugh. He’s already forgiven. It’s no surprise either. FC can be forgiven for practically anything.

  “FC, relax,” Idaline says in her most soothing tone. Her hand runs up and down my thigh as I drive us ever closer to Grandpa McAllister’s house. “I don’t think we forgot anything and if we did, there are stores everywhere. Sawyer’s first trip away from home will be great. Don’t worry.”

  I huff, only slightly annoyed. “Says the girl with an anxiety disorder. This whole trip is stressing me the fuck out.” My eyes flick to the mirror so I can check on Sawyer in the backseat for only the billionth time. “Is his house even baby-proofed?”

  Idaline squeezes my leg until I look at her. “Stop.”

  Just one word, but said in such a manner that I do my best to take a calming breath. “I’m worried about him,” I admit. “What if he doesn’t adjust well?”

  She chuckles at me, which pisses me off a little. “It’s only for the weekend, FC. As long as you’re there and calm,” she gives me a pointed look, “he’ll be fine. We’re getting away from home and Lila for the weekend. There’s nothing to stress about.”

  Except the meeting the rest of her family part, but compared to everything else in life I’ve faced, is that really something to worry myself over? As that thought hits me, it does almost seem silly to be as concerned as I am over this weekend away with Sawyer. At least he’s with me this time. He wasn’t on our last visit down.

  Twenty minutes later, we arrive at Grandpa McAllister’s house. He’s sitting in a rocking chair on his front porch and stands as we pull into his driveway. Idaline and I both get out. I focus on getting Sawyer out of his carseat. He rubs his eyes and whines. He’s as ready to get out of the car as I am and he’s more than likely ready for a diaper change.

  “It’s good to see you again, FC.”

  I turn to see Idaline and her grandpa standing nearby, arm in arm, with smiles on their faces. I briefly wonder if he’s telling the truth. “It’s good to see you too. This is my son, Sawyer.”

  “Hey, Sawyer,” he says in a soft, tender voice. “You can call me Grandpa.” He glances at me. “That okay with you?”

  “Yeah. Thanks.” I love that he’s so easily accepting Sawyer. I feel accepted by association.

  “Let’s get y’all’s things carried inside.”

  We do that, Sawyer gets a diaper change, and he hides his face in my neck as we sit on the couch. We left after both of us got off work, so it’s a bit late. Definitely after Sawyer’s bedtime. I rock him a little in my arms, but he’s slightly interested in our new environment, too. He keeps peeking out to catch a glance at Grandpa McAllister and the room we’re in.

  “Your parents and I got Kelsey’s old crib and brought it over for Sawyer,” Grandpa McAllister tells Idaline. Kelsey is Idaline’s niece, I think. “I’ll keep it here for whenever y’all visit until he’s old enough to sleep by himself out of it.”

  “Thank you, Grandpa.” Idaline glances at me. “FC has been concerned about this trip since it’s Sawyer’s first big one away from home.”

  His eyes slide over to mine. “We’ll make him comfortable and make sure he’s taken care of. And we’ll love him like he’s family.”

  I smile and relax, as if those are the magic words I needed to hear for some reason. “Thank you.”

  Idaline and her grandpa talk about how the trip was down here while I rock Sawyer to sleep, not quite ready to lay him down yet. Being here, away from home and where Lila currently stalks us both, my muscles relax and I begin to feel like my old self again. How easy it is to forget how nice it feels not to be tense and on guard all the time.

  This feeling right here? This is exactly how I envisioned life with Idaline. It’s peaceful. That’s all I’ve been wishing for since leaving Lila. All I want is some peace.

  “FC,” Idaline says softly.

  I open my eyes, my first clue that I fell asleep. The others are that only one lamp remains on, Idaline is in her pajamas, and her grandpa is nowhere in sight.

  “Let’s go to bed.”

  She should’ve let me be. Exhaustion weighs me down like two tons of chains attached to my feet and also hanging down my back. After laying Sawyer down in the crib, I don’t bother with any bedtime preparations. I shed my clothes except for my underwear and climb face first into bed next to Idaline.

  When I wake up in the morning, it’s to Sawyer crawling onto my chest to cuddle with me. Confusion stuns me for a moment as I take him in. He’s wearing only a diaper and it’s clearly morning. He always wakes up at least once during the night. And I didn’t undress him when I laid him down. I rub his back and glance at Idaline who sits on the bed, watching us.

  “How did he get
like this?” my voice rumbles.

  Her cheeks redden a bit. “He was sweating a little when he woke up around four this morning, so I left him naked after I changed his diaper. You were so dead asleep, you didn’t budge when he was whining. He woke up a few minutes ago and wanted you.”

  “Thank you for taking care of him for me.” I reach out and squeeze her hand.

  She shrugs. Sawyer leaves me to crawl over to Idaline. He climbs onto her lap and snuggles against her chest just like he did me. Idaline looks surprised, but she holds him and rubs his back. I get out of bed and find some pajamas to wear, as Idaline is still dressed in hers. She lets me know her grandpa is already up and cooking breakfast. The moment I’m dressed, Sawyer is ready to come back to me.

  I kiss his cheek as Idaline stands and then give her a kiss, too. “Good morning, love.”

  Idaline smiles. “Good morning.” She wraps her arms around me. “Grandpa said my family already called, trying to come over for breakfast, but he managed to push them off until we’ve had time to eat, shower, and all that good stuff. I think they’re pretty excited to meet Sawyer.”

  “I’m just chopped liver now.” I tickle Sawyer’s stomach, but he does this grumble and whine combo that says it’s still too early to play with him.

  “Pretty much,” Idaline says with a laugh.

  We meet Grandpa McAllister for breakfast and that goes really well. Sawyer sits in my lap while we both eat. He eyes Idaline’s grandfather once more. I’m super proud of him, though, when Grandpa McAllister slowly walks over, as if treading carefully, and holds his hands out to him.

  “I have a present for you. Want to come with me to get it?”