When wrong feels so right

by Mia Ford

  Zane pulls back from me, leaving me cold and exposed to the air, and he tugs his trousers the rest of the way down. His cock springs to life as he comes free, making my breath ball up in my throat. There’s a deep fizzing sensation running through me, a sizzling creeping through my veins, and it’s all because of him.

  Zane climbs back over me on the couch, hovering over me for just a second. He’s staring deep into my eyes, giving me that loving look that I’ve missed so much. In this small apartment, locked away from the rest of the world, it’s like nothing can get to us, it’s the best feeling in the world. Me and Zane would be absolutely fine if it wasn’t for everyone else, and here we can forget about them all.

  Then, he slides into me, filling me up in the most incredible way ever. The pleasure that he’s already had building from using his mouth all over me floods me, and I can feel like I’m about to explode. I grab onto Zane’s shoulders, needing something to cling onto while he rocks my world, and I fall head first into the sensations. The orgasm swallows me up whole, it completely consumes every part of my body all the way from my head to my toes, and it brings me back to life. I buck and writhe against Zane, but he holds me gently, loving me with his touch. He makes me feel special, he makes me feel loved, and I think that’s why I crave him so much.

  I’m in trouble, I think knowingly to myself as the orgasm subsides. I am in so much trouble here, and it’s exactly where I want to be.

  Chapter Twenty Four – Zane

  After that magical day where me and Leah reconnected, I’ve started seeing her more and more regularly. Whenever she’s working at the printer place, she comes to me for lunch just as I suggested, and we hang out and chat, and some days even when she isn’t working she comes to sit around at my place. She’s kind of adopted my apartment as a place to do her college work because she still hasn’t confessed the truth to her family as yet, as I go and hang out with her every time I have a spare moment. It’s absolutely wonderful. Of course, the sex is phenomenal too, that’s what drew us together in the first place, but I like everything else about her as well.

  This is officially the closest that I’ve ever had to a relationship and I love every single bit of it. The idea of committing to Leah doesn’t scare me, I’m not put off by anything. I know that I would happily give myself over to her completely. The only problem is it only exists in our comfortable little world in my apartment. To the rest of the world, we don’t exist. It’s the safest way for us to carry on at the moment, but it does suck a little.

  “Urgh, well that was a long ass day,” I declare with pride as I roll back into my apartment after six PM. “I guess I didn’t even realize the time because I was so sucked into my work.”

  “You get like that a lot,” Leah muses, looking up from her books. “Sometimes I watch you from the window and you get so absorbed. It’s awesome to see, that’s actually how I feel when I’m doing my college work.”

  I smile to myself, wondering how she thinks I don’t know about her watching me. Much as I’m involved in what I’m doing, I’m always very aware of her, and as soon as she’s standing at that window watching me, I can feel an intense prickle all over my skin. I never give it away though because I like the idea of her watching. It feels good to have someone admiring me for what I do. I like Leah’s eyes roaming over my body…

  “Are you still busy now, or can you take a break?” I have an itch all over my skin, I feel like I want to get out and do something. I haven’t ever taken Leah out on my bike yet, mostly because we stay locked away inside, but I feel like this might be the day. “I was thinking that I might take you out for dinner somewhere.”

  Leah’s eyes widen in shock, I can tell that she doesn’t know how to take this. “I… I would love to,” she stammers. “But what if someone sees us? I know that we haven’t talked about it much, but if we’re seen…”

  “Where I’m thinking of going, we won’t be seen,” I reassure her. “I’ve seen a pop up Mexican restaurant in the next town over that I’ve always wanted to try but I’ve never had anyone to go with. I was thinking that we could get take out and go and sit on the hill that overlooks the ocean. I love it there.”

  It’s a place I used to go to a lot when I was younger, when I just got the bike and I finally had the freedom to escape home. It isn’t anywhere that I’ve ever even considered taking anyone before, but I want to show Leah me. I want to peel off my skin for her and to show her all the locked in layers underneath. She’s always been different.

  “Take out Mexican?” she chuckles appreciatively. “A hill overlooking the ocean? That’s certainly not how I thought that I would be spending my night. It sounds a bit like… an adventure.”

  The word ‘adventure’ seems to mean something to her. If I was to hazard a guess, I bet she’s been searching for all kinds of ways to make her life more exciting before and she hasn’t known what to do. Enter me...

  “Yeah, it should be fun, right?” I smile brightly at her. “And it’ll be good to get you on the back of my bike.”

  “Your bike? Oh, my goodness, but aren’t you known for being a bit of a speed demon?”

  Of course, I am! Anyone who rides a bike wants to push it and see how fast their machine will go, that’s just a natural thing, but with Leah on the back I’ll be careful. I was gentle with her before, the first time that we slept together, and the same will apply here. I won’t make her do anything that makes her uncomfortable. I’ll persuade her to try new things, because I think that’s what she wants and needs, but I’ll never push her.

  “I won’t drive fast, I promise you. And look…” I have a secret job that I’ve been working on when she isn’t here, and I’m so excited to reveal it to her. Ever since Leah dived back into my life again, I’ve wanted her to have her very own bike helmet so that she can ride with me whenever she wants. “I made this for you.”

  I’ve custom designed it using a deep, velvety color for the base and I’ve designed a lilac weaving pattern over it. I didn’t have any plan in mind when I started this creation, I simply filled my head with Leah and I got to work. This is how she is to me, glamourous and sexy without knowing it, not too pink and girly, but not too tomboyish either, just the perfect blend of everything to make the most wonderful woman in the world.

  “You made this for me?” she gushes in shock. “I cannot believe that you did this.” She takes it from my hands and runs her eyes all over it. “It’s absolutely beautiful, I love it… and I suppose it means I have to come now.”

  I laugh. “Yep, that was my intention. So… do you fancy it?”

  Leah nods and drags the helmet down over her head. Her ash blonde hair flicks out at the bottom of it, making her look utterly adorable. She might not have the typical biker chick look, but she pulls it off something wonderful. My heart leaps up into my mouth as I stare at her, just feeling how wonderful she is.

  “I’m ready. At least, I think I am… yes, I am, let’s do this.”

  We walk downstairs and out into my yard. All I want to do as we go is slip my hand into hers, but I know that I can’t here. I don’t think there’s much chance of Brandon popping by at this time of night, he hasn’t exactly been over much anyway, but we can’t be too careful. It isn’t just Leah who wants to keep things private. We both have a lot to lose. I might not see Brandon much, but he’s been a constant in my life for much too long.

  I climb onto the bike, pull my own helmet on, and indicate for Leah to do the same. She looks nervous, almost as if she isn’t sure that this is something she should do, but in the end, she does. She climbs behind me, pushes her body up against mine, and wraps her arms tightly around my waist. I’ll admit, when I wanted to show off I would take girls for a ride back in high school, but that’s a long time ago now. It’s been a while.

  Once I think she’s set, I bring the bike to life and I slowly pull it out of the lot onto the road. Leah is still clinging to me, holding onto me life she fears for her life, but I don’t let that distract me. A
s long as I drive carefully and slowly, everything will be fine. She’ll soon see that I’m a man who can be trusted.

  The only problem is, the moment she begins to relax, I can’t stop myself from wanting to push things just that little bit further. When her arms loosen ever so slightly around me, I up the speed just a tiny bit. I don’t think I’m pushing her too far because I keep hearing little gleeful squeals coming from behind me. I’m simply introducing her to a bit more danger. There’s no way that she can actually get hurt, but I like to hear her scream.

  That’s just one of the things that I like about her. The list is continually growing. If I’m not careful, I’m going to end up head over heels in the L word with her. Then we’re going to have to really work out what to do. If that day ever comes, we’ll have to start being honest with the people in our lives, no matter what the consequences are, but for now everything is absolutely perfect as it is. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

  Eventually, I pull up next to the Mexican place and I order our food using the drive through window. We take up onto the hill, under the willow tree which has always been my main ‘thinking place’, at least it was before I had an apartment of my own, and we take our seats to watch the sun slowly setting in the sky. The warm evening air whips around us, highlighted by the red and orange glow, making it feel like we’re in the middle of a perfect summer date. It’s been hot for Autumn time, and today I’m gladder of that than before.

  “This is perfect,” Leah declares breathily as her eyes scan over everything, drinking it all in like it’s the view from a tropical island or something. “I can’t believe I live so close to this place and I haven’t been here before.”

  “It’s so easy to get stuck into life and to forget to take adventures. We should do this more often.”

  Leah looks at me, and I can see there’s something deep going on in her eyes. I can’t help but hope that she’s working out just how perfect I am for her, because that’s what I want to be. We lost out on many years, which may be a blessing in disguise since I wasn’t grown up enough then, and I don’t want to lose any more.

  “That sounds amazing,” she eventually replies. “Being here with you makes me really happy.”

  We sit in silence for a while, just letting the view claim us. It’s a comfortable silence, which I think says a lot about us both. There aren’t many people that I feel like I can just be myself around. Maybe the ‘L’ word will come quicker than either of us expect it to…

  “Where else would you like to go?” I ask quickly, needing to talk about something before any much too serious words fly out of my mouth. “Is there anything in the world that you’re desperate to see?”

  “I would love to see the seven wonders of the world, but I think that might be quite a common one.” She shrugs her shoulders and smiles. “But I would also like to see a lot of Europe, the history there fascinates me, I’m sure it would be able to give me a lot of inspiration for my creative writing. And also…” A redness tinges her cheeks as if she’s embarrassed about what she’s about to say next. “I haven’t ever been to Las Vegas and I would love to go. I know that’s pretty different from everywhere else that I said, but I think it looks cool.”

  I make a vow to myself to make at least some of that happen. I might not be able to take her around the world just yet, not unless I start making some serious money anytime soon, but Vegas might just about be manageable. I want to help Leah with her adventures. I want to be by her side as she has them. Always.

  Chapter Twenty Five – Leah

  I open and close the front door as quietly as I can manage as I walk through the door after a morning working in the printer place, and an afternoon of college work in Zane’s apartment. I don’t like all the lies, it isn’t comfortable for me to hide so much of myself away, but I don’t feel like I have any choice.

  “Leah, is that you?” My heart sinks as Mom calls out to me. “Can I talk to you a moment, please?”

  I make my way into the kitchen, feeling a little bit like a teenage girl about to get into trouble. Ironically, as a teenager I didn’t do much wrong, I was always very well behaved, the only one thing I did do out of character, no one ever found out about. Now though, I’m doing all sorts wrong, even if it is for the right reasons.

  “You okay, Mom?” I try my hardest to sound innocent. “I didn’t know that you were home today.”

  “I just tried calling your work.” Shit! That’s something I never expected to happen. “Because you weren’t answering your cell phone.” To be honest, I haven’t even looked at it! “And another girl answered your desk number. Apparently, you haven’t worked there for a while now. Is there something you want to tell me?”

  I know that I could use the fact that she’s out so much against her, but that will make me feel like the shittiest person on the planet. I’m bad enough, I don’t want to do anything to make it worse.

  “Sorry, Mom, I got a new job, I just haven’t had time to tell anyone yet. It’s been a bit crazy.”

  She narrows her eyes suspiciously at me. There isn’t any point in trying to hide anything from Mom once she’s decided something about you. She might not be around much, but once she suspects, she’s like a Basset hound.

  “Are you sure there isn’t something else going on? Because Brandon has been worried about you too. He says you’re out more often than not at the moment, and since things have gone downhill with Patrick…”

  I know that this is a sore point with Mom. She wants me to end up with someone like that, someone who she’ll never have to worry about me with, and because there weren’t any direct problems with us she doesn’t understand why I broke things off. If he cheated on me, she would get it, but nothing happened, and that confuses her. I can tell by the disappointed looks that she shoots my way every time his name comes up that she isn’t impressed at all. it just makes it all the more difficult to admit who I do have feelings for, because she hates him already.

  “Mom, I’ve just been hanging out with Mandi a lot, that’s all.” A snake of guilt coils its way through my body. “And I’ve been busy with the new job. There isn’t anything to worry about.” She pauses, just waiting for me to confess and I just feel like I have to say something. “Okay, okay, I’ve also been taking an online course.”

  “Oh my God.” Her face lights up. “What is that studying? That’s great news, Leah, I’m happy for you.”

  Urgh, I’m truly a terrible person. I haven’t ever wanted Mom to feel bad about me not going to college because she’s worked so hard to give me and Brandon what we needed. It worked out for the best anyway, Brandon always knew that he wanted to work in law, I wasn’t sure when I left high school. I don’t think I ever would have picked creative writing back then, which is what I truly love. It would’ve ended up a waste of money and qualification because I’m bound to have picked something that I wouldn’t like now. This is for the best.

  “It’s… English.” I try to ease her in gently. “It’s about English literature and stuff.”

  “So, you want to be a teacher? Hmm, I don’t think I ever would have guessed that!”

  “Not exactly.” I suck in a couple of deep breaths, trying my hardest to calm myself down, but sheer terror races through my body painfully. “I want to be a writer. I want to write… books, probably.”

  A thick silence clings to the air for far too long. She doesn’t like this, it isn’t stable. She won’t see any benefit to it at all, and I know why. Because she’s struggled, she doesn’t want the same for me, but this is my dream. Zane is following his dream and so far, it’s working out really well for him. Yes, it’s hard work, but rewarding.

  “How do you think you’re going to make a living writing books?” she demands. “Have you even done any research into this? Do you know how hard it’ll be? Wouldn’t you be better off doing something that will offer you a steady job at the other end of it so that you can secure yourself a future?”

  “Mom, you don’t need to worry abo
ut me,” I reply firmly. “I know what I’m doing, it’s fine.”

  “It’s fine,” she sneers. “Oh, I see. It’s fine. I don’t need to worry about you. Well, I suppose I should just give up being a parent now then! I should just sit back and let you do whatever you want.”

  “I am an adult,” I remind her. “I know what risk I’m taking, but I know I can make it work.”

  “Leah, we all have dreams. But then we need to grow up and realize that the world doesn’t work like that. Unfortunately, making a living and keeping a roof over your head is much more important.”

  I can feel a temper rising within me, I’m almost about to turn on my heels and stalk out of here, back to Zane’s home where at least I can do what I want with my life without being judged, but before I manage to the front door clicks open and Mom’s eyes fill with satisfaction. My brother will be in here at any moment, her ally in this argument. we both know that he will one hundred percent agree with her when it comes to my life.

  “Hey, Mom,” Brandon calls out happily, not knowing the shit storm that he’s about to walk into. “Guess who I just ran into? Zane. I said he could come over for a few hours, you’re okay with that, right?”

  Mom wants to say no, I can see it in her eyes, but Brandon has put her in an awkward position by asking in front of Zane. This is something that I’m sure everyone learns to do as soon as they hit their teen years.

  It’s just a real shame today because I actually want her to say no. I cannot act normally around Zane now, I can’t pretend in front of these people that there isn’t anything happening between us. Especially since Mom has just put me on a complete downer when it comes to my life choices. I’m emotionally fragile and I really can’t tackle this on top of everything else. All I want to do is escape, I need to run away somewhere.