A Beautiful Struggle

by Lilliana Anderson

  I stood with my hands on my hips as I considered what he said, “What are you talking about? You left me to go and screw Beth on Friday!” I countered, watching him as he shifted on his feet before I went on, “Besides that, you think you’re my fall-back guy? You think that’s what you are to me?”

  He looked at the ground, scowling, “Maybe.”

  I shook my head, “Goes to show how little you think of me.” We stood for a moment, looking everywhere but at each other as we gathered our thoughts.

  Taking a calming breath, I ploughed ahead, “I saw you with Beth…Are you dating now?” I had to ask, even though I didn’t really want the answer.

  “I guess,” he mumbled with a shrug of his shoulders.

  “Are you with her to spite me?”

  He held his hands out to the sides as his irritation flared, “Maybe I like her Katrina, have you ever considered that?” he glared at me, waiting for my response.

  No, I hadn’t considered that. Why Beth? Why now? I felt that the only possible reason for him to be dating her was to hurt me somehow. I couldn’t understand why he’d want to do that.

  “So I guess it’s true - you don’t need me anymore,” I ventured.

  “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

  “Beth told me that you don’t need me anymore,” I told him, tears brimming in my eyes.

  David’s face scrunched up as he responded, “That’s bullshit Katrina! Why would she even say that?!"

  “I don’t know David – why did she say she slept with Elliot?”

  “Probably because he’s fucking around with every girl in the office and whole bloody lot of you are stupid enough to think you’re the only one!” he bit out in retort.

  I stood there open mouthed looking at my best friend, my only real friend and all I could see was anger and what looked like hatred in his face. A face that had shown me nothing but kindness before now, it broke my heart to see him look at me this way.

  My voice was small and quiet when I spoke, “I can’t do this anymore. Why are you trying to hurt me?” I glared at him, pained and confused. “I just want my friend back, David. I miss you – I miss us; this… this fighting – it isn’t how we treat each other… I just want things to go back to the way they were.”

  He ran his hands through his hair and blew out a breath that was charged with his emotions, “I can’t do this anymore either. I can’t watch you get hurt again, Katrina. I’m sorry,” he finished and started walking away from me once more.

  I wanted to call after him to tell him I wouldn’t get hurt again, that he didn’t need to worry. I wanted to beg him to stay with me and tell him that I needed him, that I didn’t know who I was without him. Instead, I just stood there watching as my friend walked away from me while silent tears rolled down my face.

  Chapter 16

  Standing in front of Elliot, stretching as he ran on the treadmill at lunch time that Friday, I blurted out, “I fucked up my exam on Wednesday.”

  He raised his eyebrows, “What makes you think that?”

  “I left before I was finished,” I told him flatly.

  He looked surprised, “Why would you do that?”

  “I needed to talk to David,” I watched for his expression to change; it just looked curious, not at all jealous like I was expecting.

  “You couldn’t wait to talk to him until after your exam?”

  “In hindsight of course I could have waited, but at the time I wasn’t really thinking.”

  “So… what was so important?”

  “He’s not speaking to me right now; It’s killing me because we haven’t gone more than a day or two without talking since we were kids.”

  “And did you find out why he isn’t speaking to you?”

  “He thinks that after what happened with Christopher, I shouldn’t be dating secretly.”

  “Does he think I’m like Christopher?” he looked concerned as he started to slow the machine down so he could hop off.

  “No, I don’t think so, he was kind of all over the place when we were arguing. He said that he was tired of the guys I date being jealous of him, and that he was tired of watching me get hurt. And he told me something that Beth told him… about you.”

  He raised his eyebrows in question, “What did she tell him?” Finished on the treadmill, he moved in front of me, hands on his hips as he listened.

  I looked out of the window, not really wanting to meet his eyes, afraid that it might be true, “That you slept with her too – in secret; just like you are doing with me.”

  When I looked at him his eyes were wide in astonishment, “And you believe that?”

  “No… well, not at first. I guess it doesn’t really matter, but… I do feel like I need to know.”

  He looked me in the eye as he spoke, “I have never slept with her Katrina. I thought I’d made that clear. I have at no time been interested in her,” he told me sincerely, “and just for the record, Katrina, I’m not jealous of David, and I am not planning on hurting you. Ok?”

  I nodded, “I’m sorry I just had to ask.”

  “It’s fine, I’ll deal with Beth. Maybe just give David a little time to get used to us,” he suggested.

  He put a reassuring hand on my shoulder, my body reacting instantly to his touch, screaming to have more of him. “I’ve missed you this week,” I told him honestly.

  He gave me one of his brilliant smiles and I swooned. “Me too,” he whispered.

  ***

  I was first to arrive outside the parking garage were Elliot parked his car. Standing by the entrance, holding my gym bag that also held some clean clothes for tomorrow, I waited almost five minutes before I saw him coming down the street towards me.

  Looking at him and seeing him smile at the sight of me made all the worries I had been having over the past week disappear, I was once again getting trapped in the cocoon of having him all to myself. He swept me up in his arms and spun me around laughing, before he put me down and kissed me tenderly with his hands cupped either side of my face.

  I kept my eyes closed and breathed, “Finally.”

  He chuckled softly, “Do you know how hard it is for me not to touch you or kiss you whenever I see you around the office? I have been in agony.” He kissed me again and we both moaned into each other’s mouths, softly tasting each other, getting lost in each other, numbing the sound of the city street beside us.

  He broke the kiss and grabbed my hand, interlacing our fingers, “Come on.”

  I spotted his car up ahead, a navy blue SAAB sedan. Reading the badges on the back as we approached, I noted a ‘95’ on one side and ‘turbo 4’ on the other – I had no idea what that meant but judging from the dark grey leather interior and how smooth the ride home was last week; I knew it had to be expensive.

  “I didn’t actually pay attention to your car last week. It’s nice.” I told him as we got in.

  “Thanks, but my dad owns it – there’s no way I could buy this on my salary,” he disclosed.

  “Your Dad bought it for you?”

  “No, he owns it. He bought it for me to use, but I don’t own anything – his way of keeping me in line I guess.”

  “So let me get this straight – your dad owns the flat you live in, buys you a car and pays your living expenses? To me, that’s a pretty sweet deal.”

  “I suppose, but everything comes at a price. My price is that my father feels that he can control me.”

  I was thoughtful for a moment, “So why do you let him then? Pay for everything, I mean.”

  He kept his eyes on the road as he spoke, easily navigating the city streets, “I guess I like not having to worry about money – there’s no way I could afford to live in Bondi on my own, and as long as I work hard he’s happy to support me.”

  He had the radio station tuned to Triple M. The music ended and a comedy duo hosting were talking about playing rugby naked.

  We both listened, laughing at their antics until the station started to run
advertisements before the six o’clock news. “I made a pot of bolognaise sauce for us for tonight, are you happy with spaghetti for dinner?”

  “I love spaghetti. You made a great choice.”

  “Well, it wasn’t much of a choice. I can do steak, and I can do pasta. I’m not the greatest chef in the world.”

  He glanced and me and we smiled at each other, wanting to be together physically more than we wanted to make small talk while driving.

  “How about you, can you cook anything?” he asked me.

  “Sure, if it comes out of a box and goes directly in the oven.”

  He responded with an amused sound before he reached for my hand and placed it on his lap, as he did the last time we drove together. My fingers were itching to make their way further across his lap to feel him as he drove.

  I took a deep breath for courage. I wasn’t normally a big initiator where sex was concerned, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I slid my hand up his thigh, stopping as my hand brushed his bulge, ever so lightly. I heard him suck in his breath softly, anticipating my touch but keeping his eyes steady on the road.

  Becoming bolder, I moved my hand further until I felt his now hard shaft, straining through his pants, I curled my fingers around it and moved my hand up and down the fabric, delighting as I felt him get harder, hearing his breathing change to those charged careful breaths that come with arousal.

  He started to moan lightly, fighting to keep his focus. I could feel my juices beginning to flow as I watched the way his body reacted to me and imagined what it would be like to take him in my mouth.

  Suddenly, he clamped his hand down on mine. “Wait! We’re almost there,” he told me as we turned into his street, and he parked the car.

  We practically ran up the stairs to get inside his flat, needing desperately to be on our own. The moment he opened the door, I threw my bag down and pushed him up against the wall, smiling wickedly. Kissing him fervently, I slid my hand down his chest and further, until I was cupping his erection.

  He moaned as I stroked him, before he forcefully pushed me back so I was the one pinned against the wall. With a cocky half grin, he kissed me back, his arms either side of me, caging me between the wall and his body. Anxiously, I pulled at his belt, undoing it before sliding it loose and dropping on the floor next to us. Using deft fingers, I undid his button and zip, hooking the waistband of both his pants and underwear to drag them with me as I slid my body down the wall, freeing his erection. I slid my hands up under his shirt to feel his smooth hard chest like satin beneath my hands, and brought my tongue out to tease his tip, tasting the saltiness of his arousal before sliding my hands back down to grasp him and take him into the wetness of my mouth.

  He shuddered as I swirled my tongue around his nob, gently rubbing my teeth over his ridge. His shudder became a moan as I took him as deeply into my mouth as I could, shafting him with my hand and sucking with my mouth at the same time.

  With his hands still against the wall he moaned and whispered to me, becoming more urgent with his sounds. I took his balls into my other hand and gently squeezed, sucking him firmly into my mouth. As he moaned out my name, I felt his hot juices pour into my mouth. I sucked and swallowed, milking him of every last drop.

  Strong arms reached down and hauled me up the wall, where he kissed me zealously. Wildly, he lifted my skirt and pulled my panties down my legs, flicking them aside like wrapping paper from a gift, before he ran his fingers in between my folds, groaning as he slid back and forth.

  “You are so wet,” he whispered into my open mouth.

  I gasped out, whimpering as he pushed his fingers inside me rubbing against my inner wall and using his thumb to rub over my clit. A glorious sensation filled my body as my orgasm rocked through me suddenly. Calling out with intensity, I writhed against his hand, clamping my legs together to still his movement when the sensation became too much.

  “Relax,” he murmured.

  Parting my thighs, I released his hand, feeling him slide it down my leg to behind my knee where he lifted my leg, guiding it around his waist. Our heights gave him the perfect access, and he pushed his erection forward into me, pumping into me against the wall. I continued to call out as I rode the still present waves of my orgasm, clenching myself tightly around him.

  “Oh my god – you’re like a vice,” he shuddered, breathing carefully as he came deep inside me.

  Heaving against each other we kissed, a long slow, steady kiss.

  “A week without being with you is far too long,” he gasped out.

  We stayed connected as we tried to look for something within reach to try to catch the mess that was about to fall out of me. “Looks like we’re stuck like this,” I said intimately.

  “I’ll catch it,” he offered softly, as he pulled out and cupped his hand at my opening, collecting his come as it spilled from inside me. Staring into my eyes, he started to swirl his thumb gently around my clit, my mouth fell open as I started to lose focus, becoming drowned in an all new arousal.

  “That should do it,” he said as he gently pulled away from me, leaving me wanting him even more.

  I laughed as he awkwardly tried to shuck his shoes and kick his pants aside so he could go to the bathroom and clean his hand. Standing there, an amused half grin on my face, I watched him walk down the hallway in just his work shirt and a pair of socks.

  Chapter 17

  “I have to go home this morning,” I said quietly, stroking the hair on Elliot’s head as he lay on my naked chest, listening to my heartbeat after night filled with exploring each other’s bodies and very little sleep.

  He lifted his head to look at me, “Can’t you stay tonight as well?” he asked earnestly.

  “I can't. I have a session with my swimming coach this afternoon, plus I have an exam to study for.”

  “Is that the last of your exams?”

  I sighed, “Yes, thank goodness. Then no more uni until February next year.”

  “Good, then we can celebrate. How about I take you out next Saturday night? Bring your stuff on Friday and stay here for the weekend. I’ll take you home Sunday afternoon.”

  “I’d like that,” I told him, playing with his hair so it was sticking up. I reached down and then dragged my nails up his back, causing shivers to run down his spine. He hummed his contentment, griping when I stopped and tapped him on the shoulder, asking him to hop up.

  He groaned unhappily as he rolled off me, “We don’t get enough time!” he complained.

  “We’ll get more time next weekend,” I said as I stood up and gathered my toiletries bag, “I need to shower, will you drive me to the station after breakfast?”

  “I’ll drive you to your car again,” he told me.

  “Elliot, it’s too much petrol; I am fine on the train.”

  “No, I’m not just fucking you and dumping you at the train station. This is supposed to be a relationship. I want to drive you; I want to spend a bit more time with my girlfriend,” he said indignantly.

  “Alright, you can drive me,” I soothed, trying not to react to being called his girlfriend; a smile played at the edge of my lips none the less.

  I turned and walked into the bathroom, turning on the shower to wait for it to warm up.

  “Do you want me to wash your back?” he called from the bedroom.

  “No thank you. I'll never get home if we start that again!” I called back teasingly.

  “That’s the point,” he said, appearing at the door, reaching out and pulling me towards him.

  ***

  Two hours later we were on the road back to Penrith. I didn’t feel as though our bubble was bursting this time, we talked comfortably with each other, touching when we could and making plans to continue training together at lunch times so we could still see each other during the week. Now that David wasn’t having lunch with me; Mondays could be used for training as well.

  “Aren’t you worried that someone will see us training together and figure something
is up?” I asked him.

  “No,” he said simply.

  “Why not? Someone could see us outside the office, and not just training – they could see us, like, now; in the car together or they could have seen us outside the parking garage on Friday.”

  “Katrina, the only people we have to worry about are the gossips of the office, and they’re too busy on Friday nights drinking and, well, gossiping – and the same goes for lunch times. Besides, there’s no rule that says we can’t be seen together, we just can’t be seen to be dating. So don’t worry, if Andrew and Carmen can wander around holding hands the moment they step out of the office, I think we can safely train together and kiss in a parking garage.”

  “Yes, but Andrew isn’t you.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked looking genuinely confused.

  “Jesus, Elliot, look in the mirror! The women at the office salivate over you.”

  He let out a small chuckle, “I don’t think it’s that bad.”

  “You’re not the one who copped the evil eyes when we were busted on the wharf. Believe me, you could snap your fingers at any woman in that office, and they’d undress for you.”

  He shuddered like his skin was crawling, “Uh, don’t say that - there’s some pretty scary ladies in that office.”

  I took that as a challenge and started filling his mind with images of some of the less desirable women waiting for him around corners and throwing themselves at him.

  “Great, now I’m going to have nightmares,” he said half teasingly as he pulled up in a parking space close to my car.

  “Well, I can’t leave you like that,” I said seductively, as I climbed over the centre console and onto his lap.

  “What are you doing?” he asked, a slight nervous edge to his voice.

  “Altering your dream,” I murmured, capturing his mouth in mine, kissing him fervidly, my fingers entwined in his hair as I pulled him closer.

  Rocking my hips so we were rubbing up against each other, I could feel his arousal pressing solidly against my own. He moaned and reached down to slide the seat back, giving us more room.