A Beautiful Struggle

by Lilliana Anderson

  He started to brush soft kisses down my neck and across my chest, massaging my breasts with his hands through my clothes. He rocked his hips up and pressed his erection firmly between my legs, “Oh god, do you see what you do to me? I don’t think I can let you out of this car,” he growled.

  I smiled mischievously at him as I reached down to release him from the confines of his pants, pulling my panties to the side to take his length inside me. We both let out a long steady breath as I lowered myself over him, locking eyes while I slowly moved in his lap.

  We moved carefully together, luxuriating in our continued closeness and watching as our own desire was mirrored in the others face. When he came I clenched my muscles against his spasms and kept on moving, knowing my own orgasm was ready to explode at any moment. As I erupted I pulled his head to my chest and held him tightly, while he held my hips down and pushed us together as deeply as we could manage. It was as if we were trying to meld together somehow.

  Letting out a calming breath he murmured, “So I guess you’re not worried about anyone from work seeing us here then.”

  I laughed through my nose and kissed him, “No, not at all.”

  I reached into my handbag for some tissues to put between my legs so we could separate and moved back into the passenger seat.

  He looked around for a moment and rested his head back in his chair, watching me closely, a bewildered expression on his face.

  “What?” I asked.

  He shook his head slightly, “It’s just you, you get me doing things I wouldn’t normally do.”

  I shrugged modestly, “It’s a god given talent,” I opened the door and got out, turning to him before I closed it, “I’ll see you Monday.”

  He nodded, giving me a smouldering look that made me want to jump back into his lap again. It took some will power but I got into my car and waved my goodbye as I started to drive home, slipping out of the bubble that encapsulated us when we were together.

  ***

  When I walked through the door, I was greeted by silence, my parents had obviously gone out, most likely to have lunch together, and my brother was, god only knows where. I dropped my bag on the floor in my room and flopped down on to my bed, exhausted after not sleeping much last night.

  I was woken by the sound of the doorbell a couple of hours later. As I trudged to the door half asleep, the person waiting started knocking insistently. “I’m coming!” I called out, feeling irritated.

  Looking through the peephole, I could see David standing on the porch, “Come on Katrina, let me in. I can hear you breathing on the other side of the door.”

  I was both excited and nervous when I opened it, “Are you going to have a go at me again?” I asked him trepidatiously.

  He laughed through his nose and shook his head, “No, I just want to talk to you,” he said, and I stepped aside to allow him through.

  I led him to the family room, where we sat facing each other on the couch, “So… what do you want to talk about?” I asked, searching his face for his current state of mind.

  He gave little away, “I just had a very interesting conversation,” he started.

  When he didn’t continue I urged, “and?”

  “Elliot came to visit me.”

  “He what?”

  “He said he got my number from Carmen - he called me and asked if he could come and have a chat with me.”

  I sat watching his handsome face struggle with something before he spoke again, “I want to say I’m sorry Katrina. He's not as bad as I thought he was.”

  “What? That’s all you’re going to tell me - what did you talk about, what did he say?”

  “All we talked about was you and how important you are to both of us. I guess we kind of have… an understanding now.”

  “Did he tell you he hasn’t slept with Beth?”

  “Yes he did.”

  “Did you believe him?”

  “I did.”

  “Ok, well – where does this leave us?” I asked hopefully.

  “I don’t know Katrina.”

  “But…I need you David. You’re my best friend,” it came out almost as a hoarse whisper, laced with tears that were threatening to spill from my eyes as I feared the worst.

  He sighed and took my hand in his, and spoke to it instead of me. “When Christopher hurt you, it made me realise how… important, you were to me – are to me. I just didn’t realise that seeing you move on from him would be this hard to handle. I know I’m being selfish, but I don’t think I can handle you dating anymore Katrina. It’s like I’m petrified something is going to happen to you again, and I’m not going to be able to stop it this time. That thought; it makes me so angry. And while I’m angry, I’m not worried. Either way I feel horrible whenever I see or think about you with him, with anyone - and I don’t know what to do about it.”

  “I don’t understand, are you saying we can’t go back to being friends like we were only a week ago? I miss you David. I'm lonely without you!” I could feel myself shaking, so scared that whatever was happening between us couldn’t be fixed.

  “Listen, I’m glad that you’re with someone like Elliot. He really does seem like a decent guy. But, I’m struggling here Trina. It’s hard for me to be around you.”

  “David – what is this? I feel like you’re breaking up with me,” tears were now brimming in my eyes, and it was taking all of my self-control not to let them spill out.

  “I just need time to sort out my head Katrina,” he told me as he stood up, releasing my hand. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head, “We’re still friends. It's just different now - that’s all.” With that, he left, once again taking my happiness with him.

  ***

  “How are things with Elliot?” my mother asked me as I helped her put the groceries she had come home with away.

  “They’re pretty great. It's wonderful when we’re together, and we get along so well - ” I let the sentence hang in the air.

  “But?” my mother prompted me.

  “But everything else in my life seems to be turning to shit as a consequence.” My mother looked at me, patiently waiting. She had been making such and effort not to ask too many questions lately, and it had really improved our relationship.

  It had improved so much that I poured my heart out to her and shared all of my troubles, something I haven’t done in a long time. I told her about David’s reaction to me and Elliot, and the fact that he seemed to be dating one of the two bitchiest women from my office, and I told her the way they treated me when David wasn’t around.

  “I can see what you mean,” my mother said as I finished, “I suppose the thing with you, and Christopher was really hard on David, so I can understand he’s upset. I just don’t understand why he is letting it affect your friendship so much.

  “Is there something about Elliot that you’re not telling me? Is that why David is so upset?”

  “No mum, Elliot is a good guy – David even said so himself.”

  “Unless - ” my mother said thoughtfully.

  “Unless what, mum?”

  She shook her head, “Oh nothing. I'm sure it will all work out in the end.”

  “I hope so mum, because I hate not talking to him and seeing him all the time. It just feels so – wrong – when he’s not around, you know?”

  My mum gave me a tight hug and assured me that things would get better in time. I thanked her for listening to me and went into my room to study for the exam I had on Thursday for one of my humanities subjects. David wouldn’t be there this time, so I would actually manage to complete this one.

  ***

  I wasn’t at work for long on Monday morning when my internal line rang. I answered it with my usual greeting, smiling when I heard Elliot’s voice rumble down the line.

  “I need you to hear something,” he said to me.

  “Ok, what is it?” I asked intrigued.

  “Just give me a minute, I’m going to set the phone down. Ok?”

&n
bsp; “Ok…” I could hear the clunk of the receiver as he put it down on his desk as well as the movement of his chair.

  I was wondering what he could possibly want me to hear when he said, “Beth, can I see you in my office please?”

  I held my breath as I heard him take his seat and tell Beth to take a seat as well.

  “What can I do for you Elliot?” she asked politely.

  He cleared his throat, “Beth, it’s been brought to my attention that you may have been exaggerating your relationship with me.”

  His statement was met with silence, and I could only imagine the look on Beth’s face.

  “Allegations like that could cost me my job Beth. Now you and I both know that I have been nothing but professional with you. So I would appreciate it if you would set these rumours straight before they get out of hand.”

  Beth immediately started stammering, “Elliot, I-I-I don’t know w-what you heard, b-but I would never try to cause you any problems. I will make sure whoever is spreading rumours knows that they’re false.”

  “Thank you Beth, you can go now.”

  I heard her get up and leave his office, and the click of the door behind her. Elliot then picked up the receiver to speak to me again.

  “Did you get all that?” he asked me.

  “Yes, I did. But you didn’t have to do that – I believed you when you said nothing happened.”

  “I did need to do that. The rumour needs to be stopped before it goes any further. Plus, I wanted to make sure there was no doubt in your mind.”

  “There wasn’t, I trust you,” I said sincerely. “I’ll see you at lunch?”

  “See you then.”

  I met Elliot at the sign I was reading the first time we ran together. It was now our usual meeting spot inside the botanical gardens.

  As we started running I had to talk about something that had been playing on my mind, “Elliot,” I started. “Why did you go and visit David?”

  He looked at me to gauge my mood before he answered, “You were upset, and I wanted to try to help things a bit by letting him know that I wasn’t planning on challenging your friendship with him. Do you mind that I spoke to him?” he asked with raised eyebrows.

  “No, not really. It’s actually kind of nice that you did.” In truth, it was. Elliot was the first guy I had dated, that actually tried to work things out with David instead of fighting it. It was just a pity that David didn’t seem so willing this time around.

  We ran along in quiet for a moment before Elliot said, “Did it help at all?”

  “Yes and no, he is talking to me again but not like he was before.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that, I thought he might be ok now.”

  “I think the stuff with Christopher just messed with his head a bit too much. He’ll come around in time – or so my mum says anyway.”

  “She’s probably right.”

  “I hope so… So, why don’t you have a problem with David? I only ask because every other guy I have dated has a huge problem with him.”

  “At first, I’ll admit, I was a bit worried about him. Especially seeing how close you two were, but then I thought about how I’d feel if David was a woman and it was just your typical best friends situation, it was then that I realised I had no reason to be jealous.”

  “That’s the way I always thought about it,” I told him.

  Chapter 18

  With my exams finally over I was looking forward to spending the weekend with Elliot and not worrying about having to go home to study or train, it was a weekend off everything, and I was bursting with excitement.

  I was heading down to the parking garage when I ran into David, we hadn’t spoken since the weekend, but we had been exchanging texts. So things were improving, which is better than the radio silence I was getting from him before.

  “Hi,” I said to him as brightly as I could, “are you going up to meet Beth?” I tried to keep my voice friendly, even though I really disliked that he was dating her and I hated that our friendship was so strained.

  “Yeah, we’re going out to celebrate the end of exams,” he told me, not really making eye contact. “You’re not staying for drinks?”

  I shrugged. “No, not this time. Have fun though,” I said, feeling awkward. We stood there looking at each other, trying to overcome the tension that was between us. I desperately wanted to hug him and tell him how much I missed him, but I knew that wasn’t going to help anything right now. I gave him a tight smile and nodded. “See you around, David,” I hitched my overnight bag higher on my shoulder and left the building, giving him a small wave as I walked past the glass exterior and saw him watching me as he waited for the lift.

  The parking garage was about a ten-minute walk away. Elliot had texted me that he was on his way down before I left so I was expecting to see him waiting outside the entrance.

  “Hey stranger,” he said to me as I got close enough, holding the door open and ushering me through. He took my bag and caught my hand as soon as it clicked shut.

  “Thank you,” I said leaning into him, it was so wonderful to be able to touch him again after spending a week near him with nothing more than stolen glance here and there. It made it all the more important to be in as much physical contact with each other when we could.

  “I was thinking we could eat Chinese for dinner,” he told me casually.

  I couldn’t help myself, “I’m not much of a cannibal Elliot, but if that’s what you're into – I’m not going to stop you,” I replied jokingly. Elliot was shaking his head and smiling his amusement at my good-natured jibe.

  “I thought we might get some take away Chinese food for dinner.”

  “Oh Chinese food! I love Chinese food - that would be amazing. I’m starving!”

  Elliot dragged my head towards him and kissed me roughly in my hair, I looked at him wondering what that was for and he told me, “Because you’re funny.”

  We stopped at his car, and he opened the boot to put my bag inside. Pulling me to him, he kissed me passionately. “Mmm perhaps I should just have you for dinner,” he murmured as we parted.

  “Is it as hard for you as it is for me – the weeks between?” I asked as we got into the car and started on our way.

  “I think it’s harder,” he said looking at me hungrily; it sent shivers through me as my own world fell away and I became Elliot focused once more.

  We drove straight to Elliot’s flat, not bothering with small talk but instead just luxuriating in the sexual tension that was filling the air between us, arousing and intoxicating. Racing up the stairs to his door, we didn’t even realise that we had left my bag in the boot of his car, our need for each other was too over powering to care about trivial things like clean clothes.

  As soon as the locks clicked he turned and took my face in his hands and kissed me, breathing me in as he did so, making me feel as if I was melting into his body. He took me by the hand and let me straight to his bedroom, kissing me again as he slowly undid the buttons of my blouse to slide his hands over my bare skin.

  Everywhere his hands had been screamed for more as his touch moved on, my body was craving him like he was the sustenance that kept me living. He let my blouse drop to the floor as he guided me over to the bed, unzipping my skirt and sliding it down my legs as he urged me to lay back, propping a pillow under my hips as he removed my panties and positioned himself between my legs.

  “It seems a little unfair that you still have your clothes on,” I spoke, my voice husky with desire.

  “You’re still wearing your bra,” he murmured wickedly, as he started kissing a trail across my stomach, while he teased my opening with his finger. He groaned, “I love that you're always so wet for me.”

  With his finger, he slid my juices up towards my clit. I let out a slight gasp as he began to circle it. Around him, it seemed to always be throbbing; a result of the desire I continuously felt when in his presence.

  He kissed a trail down my stomach and over my mound, flick
ing his tongue over my swollen clit and sucking it as he slid his fingers back towards my opening until they were inside me. I moaned, clenching myself tightly around his fingers, “Oh, it’s so hot when you do that,” he let out.

  Returning to tease my clit with his tongue, his fingers continued to massage my depths. There was little warning as my orgasm ripped through me, sudden and explosive. He withdrew his fingers and held onto me tightly while my hips spasmed and he continued to lap at my folds. When I screamed out enough, he released me, wiping his mouth as he sat back on his haunches. Prepared to continue our sexual encounter, I was surprised when he stood up and offered me his hand.

  “Let’s go and order something for dinner,” he suggested, pulling me up off the bed towards him.

  “What about you?” I asked, boldly running my fingers over the erection straining the zipper of his pants. He closed his eyes for a moment and caught my hand, kissing me softly.

  “What about me?” He had a look of mischief about him as he backed out of the room, leaving me standing there with just my bra on and wanting him badly. I took my bra off and grabbed a shirt from over the back of a chair and dropped it over my head, following him out. I lifted the shirt to my nose and breathed in his scent, which to me was everything I found erotic.

  I found him in the kitchen pulling take away menus out of a drawer; he smiled appraisingly at me as he took in my clothing choice.

  “That’s now my favourite shirt,” he said, taking me in his arms and kissing me, hooking his finger in the neck of the shirt and pulling it towards him to look inside. He saw that I was completely naked underneath and raised his eyebrows at me, snaking his other hand down from my waist to slide under the shirt and caress my bare behind. “My absolute favourite shirt,” I melted into his hard chest once more as we kissed again, his hands roaming over my body underneath the shirt.

  In a show of great restraint, he stepped away and said, “What would you like to order?”

  “Elliot, with a side of more Elliot,” I purred reaching for the button of his pants and undoing it. He caught my hand again.