A Beautiful Struggle

by Lilliana Anderson

  “Soon,” he told me, kissing my nose and guiding me, so I was sitting on a chair - pouting. “Is satay and fried rice fine with you?”

  I nodded and listened as he called the restaurant, asking for home delivery.

  “It’s going to be about an hour,” he informed me when he was finished.

  “Well, what are we going to do with all that time?”

  He moved towards me, lifted me from my chair and sat me on the table, taking the seat in front of me. “This,” he told me as he leaned forward and slid his tongue into my folds for the second time in less than half an hour. I was still sensitive from coming the first time, so he was careful not to press his tongue too firmly on my clit. He used soft gentle laps to ease me into the build-up of another orgasm. I moaned out my pleasure as his mouth and fingers teased me until I was once again writhing in ecstasy while his mouth drank me in.

  This time he followed through, undoing his pants as he stood, ramming his cock inside me causing me to gasp from the suddenness of it. I clutched myself against him and breathed into his ear, “Yes. That's what I needed – you inside me.”

  He pushed deeply into me and lifted me from the table, walking with us still connected until he was sitting on the couch, and I was on top of him, grinding my hips, so I could take in every millimetre of his length.

  He held me tightly to him and pushed back, touching me deeply. When he let go, I lifted myself up until he was just about to slide out of me before I slid back down again, griping him tightly as I repeated the process. He threw his head back and moaned, his hands resting on my hips as he guided my rhythm.

  His body shuddered and he held his breath as he came, burying his face in my neck and kissing me. I curled my fingers through his hair and tilted his head up, so I could kiss him back, wriggling in his lap to enjoy our continued connection.

  The intercom buzzed with what I assumed would be our dinner delivery, “I’ll catch it this time,” I said to him.

  “You don’t have to, I’m prepared,” he told me as he nodded towards a box of tissues on the coffee table in front of us.

  Grinning, I reached for them, “Well done,” I praised, impressed. I slid off him and used the tissues to clean myself while he did his pants up and went to answer the intercom.

  I could hear Elliot talking to the delivery guy at the front door and went into the kitchen, threw the tissues in with the rubbish, washed my hands and pulled two plates out of the strainer next to the sink to set the table.

  I turned as I heard the rustle from the plastic bag Elliot was carrying, “I hope you’re hungry,” he stated, holding up the take-away containers. He placed the bag on the table, and I started to unpack it, opening each container and setting it on the table in front of our plates. He moved over to the drawer and took out forks and spoons for us, setting them on the table also. He then went to the fridge and poked his head inside. “Beer, wine or coke?” he offered.

  “Hmmm, wine I think – is it white? If not, then beer.”

  “Yeah it’s white,” he told me taking out the bottle and getting two glasses and a corkscrew from the cupboard above his head before he poured us both a glass.

  “Here’s to a full weekend together and the end of your exams,” he toasted me, clinking our glasses together and looking me straight in the eye. I could lose myself in those eyes of his, like gleaming deep blue beacons, shining in a sea of white.

  I reached out and touched his face as I sipped my drink, feeling the rough of his stubble starting to edge out of his skin. He turned his head to kiss my hand, smiling at me like it was the most natural thing in the world for us to be together. If it wasn’t for what the world was like outside these walls, I would think that it was too, we seemed inexplicably drawn together.

  “I wish I had have gotten a job at a different law firm,” I said suddenly to him.

  “Why? You regretting meeting me?” he teased.

  “Of course not, besides - we still would have met; you would have seen me running in the park and felt compelled to start talking to me,” I smiled batting my eyelashes comically at him.

  He raised his eyebrows thoughtfully, “You know. I don’t know if I would have been that audacious if I didn’t know you from the office,” he told me truthfully.

  “Really?” The revelation surprised me. “Well, I would have found a way to talk to you,” I reasoned.

  “I’d hope so,” he picked up a spring roll and swirled it in the sweet and sour sauce, taking a bite before he spoke again, “You know,” he held his hand in front of his mouth as he cleared the food away and swallowed. “I don’t like this situation either, when I’m around you I want to touch you, and it sucks that I can’t always do that.”

  I sighed and shook my head slightly, “Let’s change the subject. This isn’t getting us anywhere; neither of us can change the policy.”

  “I’ve been thinking though, what if we both changed jobs? We could look for work at two different law firms, that way we can’t be affected by ‘no dating’ policies.”

  The thought of being free to date openly excited me. I would finally be able to touch him more than once a week.

  “That’s a great idea. Would it be hard for you to find another job? It’s pretty competitive out there isn’t it?” I asked.

  “My dad’s a barrister, remember? He got me this job. He should be able to help me out.”

  “Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Is he ok with you dating someone from your office?”

  “He doesn’t know.”

  “Oh, would he disapprove?” I probed, feeling slightly disappointed that he hadn’t mentioned me to his father.

  “I don’t know. We don’t talk about this kind of stuff.” His demeanour changed as he shifted in his seat, giving me the impression that he wasn’t really interested in talking much about his dad, so I left the subject alone.

  “Ok, well I guess I could start looking for a different job next week? – maybe get the paper tomorrow and go through the jobs section.”

  “So it’s settled then?” he asked, a gleam in his eyes as excitement settled in.

  “Yes, it’s settled - new jobs it is,” I agreed as we clinked our glasses together in toast to our newly decided plan.

  Turning back to our food we ate quietly for a while. I had no idea what was going through Elliot’s head but in mine, I was going over this decision, it meant that things were moving forward for us and becoming a bit more serious.

  I knew I was falling hard for Elliot, and I was hoping that he felt the same way about me. I was worried that maybe this thing between us was only this intense because we had to hide it. What if we had met under different circumstances? Would we still be this attracted to each other?

  “Would you like to watch a movie tonight?” Elliot asked me, interrupting my thoughts.

  “Do you think you can keep your hands off me for that long?” I asked him in a sultry voice.

  “I’m not guaranteeing anything,” he replied as he got up and took our plates to the sink, rinsing them. “All of the DVDs are in the cupboard next to the TV. You can choose while I clear up in here if you like.”

  I took my glass of wine with me and walked through to the lounge room, opening the door to peruse the selection of movies. “Do you have any preferences?” I called out to him. The choices were what you would expect from a guy, big blockbuster action movies, some more obscure kung fu type movies and a smattering of documentaries.

  “Not really, pick anything you think you’ll like,” he called back.

  Choosing a movie I hadn’t seen yet, I put it in the DVD player. I was standing in front of the television trying to work out the remote control when Elliot joined me holding his own glass of wine and the rest of the bottle.

  “Which one did you choose?”

  “Indiana Jones.”

  He smiled, remembering our lift encounter, “You still haven’t seen that?”

  I smiled, “Not yet. I think I chose the first one – I saw there were a few i
n there.”

  Elliot glanced over at the case and nodded, indicating that I had made the right choice.

  Elliot set the bottle and his glass on the coffee table and sat on the lounge. Joining him, I handed him the remote, snuggling in next to him as he put his arm around me. I rested my head on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart beating as we watched the movie.

  ***

  I was in the bathroom getting ready to go out the next night after having spent an entire 24 hours with Elliot. As was expected, he got a little frisky through the movie last night, and we didn’t quite make it to the end.

  We had gone swimming at the Bondi outdoor pool that morning and for once we got to behave like a couple and be a little playful together in the water after we had finished our laps. Spending the rest of the day lying on the beach, talking and playing in the surf before going back to Elliot’s flat, making love and falling asleep together - tired out from all the sun.

  I sighed contentedly to myself as I ran my straightening iron through my hair. I applied only a small amount of foundation to cover my scar and even out my skin tone, I then added a brush of mascara and some rose coloured lip gloss, dabbing a little on my cheeks as well to give me that flushed girly look.

  When I left the bathroom, I found Elliot waiting for me in the lounge room flicking through the channels on the TV. He switched it off as I approached and let out an appreciative whistle. I spun around and posed a little, enjoying the way he looked at me. Being with Elliot did wonders for my self-esteem – if a guy that good looking considered me gorgeous; well, I wasn’t going to argue!

  I was wearing a black strapless dress covered with small red printed flowers. It had a fitted bodice and a loose flowing skirt that ended just above mid-thigh. I thought it was very feminine and was great for showing off my legs. I topped it off with a pair of red strappy heels.

  “You look stunning,” Elliot said as he got up and walked towards me, hugging me to him and kissing my neck.

  “You’re looking pretty gorgeous yourself,” I told him, smoothing my hands over his rock-hard chest. He was wearing dark denim jeans that hugged his arse and his package perfectly and an emerald green short-sleeved button up cotton shirt. The muscles in his arms strained against the cuff of his sleeves, I couldn’t help but run my hands down his arms to feel the rise and fall of each muscle with my fingertips.

  “I think we had better get going before I take you back to bed and throw that dress on the floor,” he growled into my ear.

  I looked at him in pretend horror, loving every moment that his eyes devoured my body, and his hands wandered over my skin. I doubt I would have fought him if he had carried me to his room and made good on that promise.

  “We have to go outside and wait for the cab anyway,” he told me taking my hand and leading me to the door. “Do you need to get your purse?”

  “No, my ID’s in my bra along with my emergency money and ATM card.”

  He laughed and shook his head, “I’ll have to remember that later.”

  The cab pulled up almost the second we stepped out of the door. Elliot asked the driver to take us to a nightclub I had never heard of before. He told me that we’d probably see some of his friends there but not to worry because they would love me.

  Upon arrival, we walked to the front of the line, and Elliot spoke to the bouncer, shaking hands and sharing a joke with him. The bouncer unclipped the barrier rope and allowed us through, Elliot then told me that he used to work as a bouncer at the club while he was at uni and still knew a few of the guys working there.

  Once inside, Elliot asked me what I wanted to drink and lined up at the bar while I scouted a table to sit at. As he was making his way over to me with our drinks, I saw him being stopped by another couple. He was smiling and chatting to them, so I figured they must have been friends of his. Indicating that he was heading over to me, he continued toward me, bringing them over to join us.

  I thanked Elliot as he handed me my drink. He leaned close to me, so I could hear him over the music, “Katrina, this is a friend of mine – Gary, and his girlfriend Stephanie. Gary and I went to uni together.” I shook hands with both Gary and Stephanie as Elliot yelled to them, “This is my girlfriend – Katrina.”

  “It’s nice to meet you,” we all yelled at each other.

  Stephanie leaned towards my ear to talk as Elliot and Gary caught up, “Wow, I don’t think I have ever met one of Elliot’s girlfriends before; you must be pretty special.”

  I felt myself blush a little, “Oh, I don’t know about that.”

  “So how do you two know each other?”

  “We work together.”

  “Really? I thought Elliot wasn’t allowed to date at work.”

  “Why? Has he wanted to before?”

  She laughed and shook her head, “No, I just remember him mentioning it when he started. Gary thought it was a pretty crappy policy.”

  “Don’t we all?! So how long have you known Elliot?”

  “A couple of years or so, I started dating Gary when they were in their final year at uni. How about you? How long have you known Elliot?”

  “A couple of months. Since I started work.”

  “And how long have you been dating him?”

  “About a month properly, before that we were just getting to know each other.”

  She nodded, looking thoughtfully at Elliot and Gary talking, “There are going to be a lot of girls around here that are going to hate you for snagging him.”

  I rolled my eyes and laughed, “Is there anywhere that doesn’t have girls crushing on Elliot?”

  She laughed again, “I don’t think that’s possible.”

  I shrugged my shoulders and gave her a look that said ‘well there you go’.

  A group of three guys and two girls came over and said hello to Elliot, Gary and Stephanie. It was a flurry of hand clapping, shoulder slapping and cheek kissing. One of the girls lingered with her hand on Elliot’s shoulder, and I felt a pang of jealousy in the pit of my stomach. It was short-lived as he reached out for me and brought me to his side, introducing me to the group. I didn’t really catch their names, but I nodded hello and shook hands smiling politely, the girl who had been clinging to Elliot gave me a fake bright smile and shook my hand very weakly.

  “So this is your local hang out?” I asked Elliot. One of the other guys; I thought his name was Michael – announced that he was buying a round and took off for the bar.

  Elliot smiled after him before turning his attention back towards me, “Yeah it is, I’ve known most of these guys since uni, a couple I know from when I was a bouncer here.” He leaned in and briefly kissed me, pulling back to look at me slightly concerned, “You’re ok here aren’t you? Are you having fun?”

  “I’m fine, Elliot – I’m having a good time,” I smiled brightly to show him I meant what I said and kissed him back – and I did mean what I said, I was having a good time; it was great to see Elliot in his element as well as to meet his friends. It made me feel more like his girlfriend and less like a dirty little secret.

  The guy I thought was called Michael came back to the table with a tray full of tequila shots, a bowl full of lemon wedges and sachets of salt.

  “Alright everyone, lick your hands and hold them out,” he bellowed over the music, shaking salt on the back of our hands between our thumb and index fingers. One of the others handed out the lemon wedges, and another handed out the tequila shots.

  Michael called out “Ready! Go!” and we all licked the salt, knocked back the tequila and sucked on the lemon, dropping the rind back on the tray as we all made noises about how much the alcohol burned on its way down our throats.

  “I swear that stuff removes your nose hairs!” yelled Stephanie.

  I nodded in agreement. I felt as though my own sinuses were much clearer after that shot.

  “Time for another!” one of the other guys called as he came over with a new loaded tray.

  “Holy shit!”
I said laughing as I was already starting to feel the effect of the alcohol all the way down to my feet.

  “You don’t have to do them if you don’t want to,” Elliot assured me.

  “It’s ok. I'll be fine.” Famous last words.

  I think we did six shots in total before moving on to drinking vodka mixers, we were all laughing and dancing and just being generally stupid – as you tend to be when thoroughly intoxicated.

  The dance floor was packed. It was hot and bodies were pressed against bodies gyrating away to the music under the constant flashing lights. The music was so loud that I could feel it vibrating in my chest.

  Elliot and I broke away from the rest of the group. I had my arms wrapped around his neck and was swaying to the music. Grabbing a hold of my head to still my movement, he pulled me towards him, kissing me. Long deep devouring kisses that travelled down my neck and back up to my mouth. I started to get so lost in my body’s desire for him that my awareness faltered. I started writhing up against him, feeling him becoming aroused as I rubbed him through his jeans.

  I felt a vibration as he moaned into my mouth and pulled my body closer to his, gripping my behind and letting his hand travel under my dress to rub between my legs, I lifted one of my legs and wrapped it around his waist, pressing myself against his erection. He gripped my buttocks tightly and pressed himself harder against me as we continued to move to the music in the middle of a crush of bodies.

  With the alcohol removing any concern for what I was about to do, I reached between us and undid his zipper, sliding his erection out and taking it inside me via the side of my panties. We both gasped as we made contact, never breaking the connection between our mouths. I kept my leg up and wrapped tightly around his waist as we moved our hips together – my head was filled with the rush of desire I felt for Elliot, the dizzying effects of the alcohol and the thump of the music; I didn’t care where we were, and I didn’t spare a thought for getting caught, and obviously neither did he.

  He groaned into my mouth as he came, and I experienced a sheer rush of adrenaline, enjoying what it was I did to him; what we did to each other, our desire was hard to control while sober – with us both being drunk, neither of us stood a chance.