A Beautiful Struggle

by Lilliana Anderson

  I dragged myself into work and once again avoided everyone I could. Carmen had told me on Monday that she had questioned Andrew about why Elliot wasn’t speaking to me, and he had told her that Elliot’s father had threatened to cut him off entirely if he continued our relationship. As was expected, it all had to do with the fact I was from Western Sydney and that Elliot's father thought that I was only after him for their money.

  The thing that hurt me most was that Elliot didn’t fight for us, he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me and then the moment his father got involved, he cut off all contact – he didn’t even have the decency to break up with me via a text message! He just left it all in the air, unresolved and hanging there. I thought we had enough of a friendship that at the very least I deserved an “I’m sorry, but it’s over.” But no – there was nothing. He just treated me like he didn’t even know me. Gotye’s Somebody that I used to know, had become my song of the moment, I listened to it repeatedly as my mind worked through my feelings.

  I hadn’t trained all week as I didn’t have the energy to put into it, I was seriously considering giving up the sport altogether to focus more on uni and work – I needed to change my life; it just wasn’t working the way it was.

  My phone beeped a message, Can I come over tonight? It read. The message was from David. Instead of being elated at seeing his name on my screen, I huffed out my breath and dropped my phone on the desk beside me without replying. I had been expecting to feel glad when he contacted me. But after all I had been through recently, seeing his name invoked fear of another heated discussion between us and I had cried enough. I wasn’t in the mood for anymore man drama – I just wanted to… I just wanted to forget them both.

  I decided that I could do with a night out dancing, even if it was on my own. When I got home I showered, did my hair and makeup and put on a nice dress; my mother gave me a concerned look when I told her my plans.

  “Mum, I just want to try to have a bit of fun – I promise not to have more than two drinks ok?”

  “Just be careful, I don’t like that you’re going out on your own. I wish you’d call your brother and see if he wants to go with you.”

  “I’m going to the Irish pub mum; there will be somebody I know from school or uni there, for sure.”

  She sighed and nodded, telling me to have a good time.

  I could hear the band playing as I pushed my way through the Wednesday night crowd at the Irish pub in Emu Plains and made my way up to the bar. I ordered a Midori, Bacardi and lemonade – the bartender shook his head and told me they weren’t allowed to serve doubles anymore.

  “Wow, I haven’t been here in a while then – just give me a midori and lemonade, and a Bacardi shot then; can you do that?”

  He nodded and started mixing my drink. “I’ll pay,” a familiar male voice said as a hand came over my shoulder passing a twenty dollar note to the bartender.

  “Hello Christopher,” I said evenly without turning around.

  “Katrina, long time no see.”

  “Well, I have a very good reason for that,” I said holding up my forearms and displaying my scars. “Thanks for the drinks,” I picked up my glasses and started to walk outside so I could watch the band.

  “Katrina, you know I would never intentionally hurt you – it was the drugs, not me.”

  “Christopher, I don’t want any drama tonight. I forgive you for what happened ok - I just want to go and listen to some music, have my drinks and dance a bit; that’s all.”

  Christopher held out his hands in a non-threatening manner, his dark hair falling over even darker eyes. “Hey, I’m not trying to get you to take me back – I just thought we could hang out a bit; Brent and Abby are here - remember how much fun we used to have before everything got so messed up? No pressure, just friends talking. I promise.” He flashed his male model smile at me, stark white teeth against his olive skin and I found myself smiling back and nodding. Despite my better judgement, his charm still worked on me. Clapped his hands together satisfactorily, he said, “That’s great. They'll be really happy to see you.”

  “I’d like to see them too actually.” I hadn’t seen Brent and Abby since Christopher put me in hospital, and they had come to visit me. Abby had tried to talk to me about Christopher’s steroid use. I think she was pleading with me to forgive him and not press charges. I liked her a lot. They had kind of been Christopher's, and my couple friends while we were together.

  “Oh my goodness! How great to see you!” Abby called out as I approached with Christopher, “it’s been so long – how are you?” she asked hugging me.

  “I’m fine,” I lied, “it’s great to see you. I've missed our chats.” That was the truth, I had missed talking to Abby, she was one of the few girls I got along well with.

  “Me too, tell me about your life right now – what’s happening?”

  I gave her the version of my life that didn’t involve Elliot or David. I asked her if anything new was happening in her life, and she told me she and Brent had been ring shopping as they were planning on getting engaged – organising a romantic way to propose was up to him, but she wanted to make sure he knew exactly what type of ring to choose.

  “About time,” I told her. “How long have you two been together? Nearly five years now?”

  “Yep, almost,” offered Brent, “it’s time to turn her into an official ball and chain.”

  Abby playfully tapped him on the arm, and he held his hands up in surrender. I was so busy watching them that I didn’t notice David coming up behind me.

  He grabbed me forcefully by the arm and growled close to my ear, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  I snatched my arm back, and turned towards him, “Why do you care? What are you even doing here?”

  “I went by your house, and your mum said you came here. I need to talk to you,” he told me.

  Christopher moved closer to me and asked protectively, “Is everything alright here?”

  I held my hand up and said, “It’s fine Christopher. We're just talking.”

  At the same time, David growled, “Don’t even speak to me, Christopher, if it was up to me, you’d be in prison right now, so just fuck the hell off!”

  “What did you say to me?” Christopher demanded through clenched teeth, leaning threateningly towards David.

  “I said ‘fuck. the hell. off’ you pussy-hating woman-basher,” David goaded, speaking close to Christopher’s face.

  My mouth fell open as Christopher’s fist connected with David’s jaw and sent David sprawling on the ground. Christopher then jumped on top of David and started pounding him in the face.

  I rushed over and tried to pull him off but only succeeded in getting clipped in the cheek by an elbow as Christopher pulled his fist back to hit David again. I yelped as I stumbled backwards. Brent jumped in along with some random guy I didn’t know, and hauled Christopher off David, who was lying on the ground covered in blood and laughing, of all things.

  I rushed over to David and knelt down beside him, scowling at Christopher, “Jesus, Christopher! I let you back in my life for five minutes, and you beat the crap out of someone. You know, I believed you when you said it was the drugs, but now I’m thinking you’re just a thug! Don’t ever speak to me, David or anyone I care about again - or I promise you I will press charges against you for what you did to me.”

  He looked at me disheartened as he aggressively shrugged the men off who were holding him back. When he started to leave, Brent and Abby followed him out, Abby turning to me and saying, “I am so, so sorry that just happened.”

  I shook my head to say ‘don’t worry about it’ and turned my attention back to David, who was now trying to sit up.

  “What the hell was that David?” I asked him softly. My anger had evaporated the moment, he hit the ground. Accepting a paper napkin from a girl at a nearby table, I held it under his bleeding nose, “He could have killed you, then what would I do?”

  Davi
d sighed and shook his head, “I don’t know. I just saw him near you and pretty much stopped thinking from that point on.”

  I reached up and moved his hair away from his forehead, “Do you think you have a concussion?”

  He started to try and stand up, so I jumped up first to help him. “I don’t know,” he said. “But I’m pretty sure he broke my nose.” The bleeding wasn’t slowing down so I grabbed some more napkins to help stem the flow.

  “Come on, I’ll take you to the hospital and get you checked out.”

  We walked out to the parking lot together and got into my car, driving in silence to the emergency room at Nepean Hospital. We were sent through to triage fairly quickly; they assessed the urgency of David’s wounds and decided to take him straight through as he was bleeding quite profusely.

  I went through with him and sat quietly while one of the nurses cleaned him up. A doctor came by to look at David’s face and order some scans to be done to check the extent of his injuries.

  When the doctor left the curtained area David turned to me, confusion in his eyes, “Why were you even with Christopher anyway?”

  “I wasn’t with him. I was actually there talking to Abby – I wanted to go out, and they were there so I was saying hi. It was no big deal, I wasn’t trying to rekindle anything.”

  He reached out to me and took my hand, pulling me towards the bed he was on. I sat down facing him. He kept his eyes focused on my hands as he spoke, “I lost my mind today seeing you with him Katrina,” he looked up at me, and I could see the pain in his eyes. “I can’t handle seeing you around other guys anymore – especially him.” He reached up and touched my cheek gently, “Does this hurt?”

  I closed my eyes against his touch, feeling the warm familiarity of his fingers against my skin. I held his hand against my cheek and let a tear escape as my heart ached from missing him so much. I shook my head no, not trusting my voice to speak.

  He moved his thumb to wipe my tear away and sat up so his swollen face was closer to mine, “Katrina…I can’t handle seeing you with anyone else because… because I want to be with you,” he whispered. I met his eyes and could see the truth in them. Eyes that were blue like mine and filled with all of the pain and suffering that I had also been feeling during our time apart.

  I saw myself in his eyes, there was a connection between us that ran so deeply, we were one and the same. I realised that connection, it had been there all along. “I love you Katrina,” he murmured as he moved closer and kissed me gently, softly brushing his swollen lips over mine being careful to avoid hitting his nose.

  When he pulled away, he looked into my eyes, his own filled with concern as he wiped at tears I hadn’t felt flowing. That was the moment I understood - the entire time I had been with Elliot, I had been missing David. I had felt a like a part of my soul was gone when he wasn’t in my life, and I was using Elliot to fill that gaping hole. I didn’t love Elliot. I loved David.

  My tears flowed more freely now as I admitted to myself what I had been denying for years. I loved David – that’s why I teased him constantly about the girls he flirted with. That's why I was so angry about Beth; I wanted him to flirt and be with me.

  “Hey, baby girl – why are you crying so much? The kiss wasn’t that bad was it?” he cooed.

  I shook my head and tried to dry my face with my hands. “It was beautiful David. I'm crying because, well, because I love you too, and I have been so miserable without you,” I sobbed.

  He took me in his arms, and I clutched myself to him crying on his shoulder. He smoothed my hair and shushed me, whispering to me that everything would be alright and that he wouldn’t leave me again. He told me how sorry he was, and that he had loved me so much it hurt to be away from me.

  A nurse came around and took David to get his scans done, I was told to sit in the waiting room as it was likely he would go home afterwards. A good two hours later David came through the doors with a prescription for painkillers and an information sheet about concussions. The scans didn’t show anything except for a fractured nose which was less than we were expecting, but it was still possible that David had a concussion, so he needed to be monitored overnight and wasn’t allowed to drive the next day.

  I looked at his face, all swollen and bruising already. “Aren’t they going to put anything on your nose?” I asked him concerned.

  He took me by the hand, “Nah, they said to ice it, and take some painkillers and decongestant. It’s just a fracture and should heal fine on its own. But,” he grinned that half dimpled grin of his and said, “you’re going to have to keep me up all night to make sure I don’t have a concussion.”

  “Well we have a month of catching up to do. I think I can manage that,” I told him squeezing his hand.

  I drove him back to his house and his mother almost fainted when she saw him. After telling her what happened, I asked her if it was ok if I stayed with him to keep an eye on him for concussion symptoms. Reluctantly she agreed, hovering close by trying to take care of her son herself.

  We got David settled in bed after he took his medication and gave him an ice pack for his nose. I called my mother to let her know I was staying at David’s place, I told her briefly what happened and despite some pretty heavy sighing, she was reasonably good about it.

  I sat down on the bed and tucked my leg underneath myself, so I could face David and talk to him. “So, where do we go from here David?”

  “Forward… together,” he answered quietly, taking the ice pack off his own face and pressing it to my cheek while he ran his fingers through my hair on the other side.

  “What about Beth? What are you going to tell her? She already hates me enough as it is. Her and Bianca will probably string me up for stealing you away.”

  “I broke up with Beth last week,” he said, taking a hold of my hands.

  “Last week?”

  “Yes, when I saw you upset last Wednesday, I knew I was being unfair to Beth. I guess I was using her to prove that I could move on from you – but I couldn’t. I guess it’s why I’ve never really had a relationship; because I’ve always had you. Although, your friendship isn’t enough for me anymore Trina, I want all of you.” He moved forward and was about to kiss me when I pulled back.

  “I scared of hurting your face,” I told him.

  “It’ll be worth it,” he told me, closing the distance between us and kissing me. His kiss was gentle at first but became more insistent as I relaxed into him and allowed his tongue to explore my mouth. He winced when we pressed a little too firmly, but mostly it was one of the most soul warming kisses I had ever experienced, all the emotion and desire my body had been harbouring for him for all those years had been released and was surging through me, setting my skin abuzz as every part of me longed for his touch.

  His hands were roaming over my body. “Lock the door,” he whispered in my ear.

  I got up smiling at him coyly and went and over to turn the lock. We kept watching each other, not really sure who was the hunter and who was the prey.

  “Take off your clothes,” Ok, I was the prey - his voice was husky as he spoke and his boldness sent a bolt of lust straight between my legs.

  I’d never been commanded to take my clothes off before. I had to admit it was hot. He watched me with darkening eyes as I reached behind my back and undid the zipper of my dress, letting it fall off my shoulders exposing my breasts. I could hear his breathing change as watched me shimmy out of it, taking my panties off with it to stand before him, naked, exposed and loving his eyes on my body.

  “You are exquisite Trina,” he breathed as he held his hands out beckoning for me to come closer. I moved to him, and he pulled me onto the bed kissing me while he ran his hands up and down my naked back, “Lay down,” he instructed.

  I reclined on the bed in front of him, and he reached up to smooth his hands over my skin, starting from my collar bone and running his fingers down, in between my breasts and over my stomach. He brushed his fingers through
the hair on my mound and guided my legs, so I was lying in front of him with my legs open, baring myself to him.

  My breathing was hot and heavy as I watched him trace his fingers over my body. He slipped a finger in between my folds, and I gasped when he pushed into me. “Oh, that’s wonderful,” he whispered, “that’s my heaven in there,” he said as he moved his fingers in and out of me and started to slide them over my clit and back inside me again. Small whimpers kept escaping my lips as feelings of ecstasy were flooding through my nerve endings.

  My orgasm was building quickly, but I wanted more. I wanted - “I want you inside me David,” I gasped out, trying to hold out but only managing a few seconds before I exploded around his hand, bucking my hips as I instinctively closed my legs, squeezing myself around him and riding his hand with the waves of my orgasm.

  I sat up and reached to unbutton his pants, “I want you inside of me,” I said to him more forcefully this time. He grinned that wicked grin of his and lifted his hips to assist me in taking his pants off. I raised my eyebrows as I realised there were just pants. “You don’t wear underwear?” I asked him.

  He shook his head slowly from side to side, watching me with a half grin.

  Being careful to make sure I didn’t hurt his face any more than it already was, I lifted his shirt. He raised his arms above his head to aid me and I dropped it on the floor as my eyes wandered over his naked body.

  I had seen his chest before, it was lean and fairly well toned with only a light smattering of brown hair over it. He had broad shoulders and long sinewy limbs, and his manhood – well, let’s just say it was sizeable.

  My mouth dropped open upon seeing it, and I looked up at his eyes. They were dancing with amusement. “It’s fine,” he assured me, “you’ll stretch.”

  “I hope so,” I said eyeing him off as he applied a condom.

  “Come,” he said guiding me to straddle him, “you control it.”