A Beautiful Struggle

by Lilliana Anderson

  I poised myself above him and took him in my hand, sliding his tip back and forward between my folds to gauge the fit a little. I settled him at my entrance and pressed down a little, gasping as I felt myself expand around him. I moved back up to assist my lubrication and then slid back down, a little further this time.

  I let out a shaky breath as I slowly took in his length, feeling him pressing deep inside me. My core quivered at his touch. I was stretched around him, filled completely and the sensation was amazing. I was letting out small whimpers of pleasure as I rode him, grinding our hips together to accept him into the depths of me.

  He placed his hands on my hips and stilled me, “Stop, st-st-stop,” he breathed out carefully and closed his eyes for a moment, frowning slightly.

  “What’s wrong?” I panted out, worried I was hurting him.

  “Nothing, I just don’t want this to end yet.”

  He winced as I clenched around him, taunting him. “Oh my god, you’re gonna get it,” he threatened, grabbing my legs and flipping me back so he was on top of me, still connected.

  I laughed. “That was a suave move,” I told him.

  He closed his eyes and tilted his head in a show of modesty. “Well, I practised these things so I was the best lover possible when you were ready for me.”

  I feigned horror and slapped his chest lightly, “Is that your story now is it?”

  He grunted in the affirmative and tilted his head down to run his tongue around my nipple, blowing lightly on it so it stood up from the cool air and then flicked his tongue over it, sending shivers rippling all over my body. I inhaled sharply as he started to move inside me again.

  My eyes rolled back in my head as he filled me so thoroughly. I was experiencing that fine line between pleasure and pain as I protracted around him, and he increased his rhythm. With each thrust, I let out my breath, trying desperately not to make any sound to alert his mother to what we were doing.

  When he came I felt his pulsating inside of me and shuddered in response, clenching myself around him once more, shocking us both when it caused me to orgasm for the second time that night.

  We lay together, breathing heavily and touching each other, not wanting the closeness to end. We had waited so long to be together that it seemed that now we were connected. We didn’t ever want to break apart.

  Eventually though, we did, as he withdrew from inside me I felt as though I had this gaping hole between my legs. I squeezed my internal muscles to try to make it feel normal again, but it just felt big and swollen.

  I looked up at him concerned, “It’s not going to stay stretched is it?” I asked.

  He laughed and kissed me on the forehead, “No, not at all. Although you will get used to it – or so I’m told anyway.”

  He sat back on the bed and held his arms out to me. I slid in beside him and curled up against him as he squeezed his arms around me and said, “I love you more than anything in this world you know. I don’t ever want to go through this past couple of months again.”

  I sighed, “Me either. I felt like a piece of me had gone missing without you in my life. It was like you died, and I couldn’t stand it. I tried being angry at you, but that only really made me reckless and horribly sad.”

  “Reckless, hey? Did you go around stealing cars in my absence?” he joked.

  “No, I opened my heart to the wrong person,” I felt him stiffen a little as he reached up and smoothed his hand over my hair.

  “Did he hurt you at all?” he asked flatly, a slight chill to his words.

  “Only my pride, I was mostly upset about not being able to talk to you.” I sat up and looked him in the eye, so he could see my face as I said this, “I love you David. You are more a part of me than I am.”

  “I am the same,” he whispered emotionally as he pulled me to him and kissed me again. I reached my hand up and smoothed it gently over the side of his face, feeling the dampness of tears. I sat back from him and wiped at his tears as softly as I could. He reached up in turn and tried to wipe away the tears I had been shedding.

  “Aren’t we a pair!” I exclaimed, “getting all emotional after making love.” I smiled at him weakly, my lip trembling as fear gripped at my heart, “I am scared that this is a dream. I'm petrified that I will wake up at home, and you still won’t be talking to me,” I whispered to him, my eyes wide and serious.

  “It’s no dream baby girl,” he told me gently, holding my face so he was looking straight into my eyes. “How about we try to get some sleep? That way, you will wake up here and know that this,” he used his hands to emphasise our connection, “is real.”

  I nodded my head, “Ok,” I got up and went over to his alarm clock. “How often do I have to wake you up?”

  “You don’t have to. It's been hours, and I’m fine. I’m sure some sort of symptom would be showing by now,” he said calmly. “Come to bed Trina, sleep with me.”

  I padded back to his bed and climbed in, resting my head on his chest as we held each other tightly, “I’m sorry your nose is broken,” I said to him.

  “It’s not, it’s fractured,” he replied to me. “I’m sorry your cheek is bruised.” He ran his fingertips up and down my side as he planted a kiss on my head. “Get some sleep Trina, I promise I will still love you in the morning and then every morning after that.”

  Chapter 21

  “I’ve got something for you,” David said, moving over to his desk and opening the drawer. When he turned he was holding a small box.

  “But it’s not Christmas for a couple of weeks yet!” I exclaimed. I sucked my breath in a little, excited by this impromptu gift. It was Friday morning and I was still in my pyjamas, sitting in the middle of his bed with my legs crossed. He came to sit in front of me before presenting me with a thin navy blue rectangular shaped box, tied with a white ribbon.

  I held it in my hand for a moment, trying to guess what it was. “Open it,” he urged me.

  Pulling at the ribbon, I let it fall either side of my hand. David was watching me eagerly as I slid off the lid and placed it on the bed beside me. White tissue paper was covering the gift and when I moved it aside there sat a silver necklace with a spinning disc attached to it. On one side were the letters ‘L V Y U’ and on the other, ‘I O E O’.

  I looked at David curiously, not understanding what the letters were. “Spin it,” he said, his eyes twinkling and the corner of his mouth turning up with enjoyment as he watched me.

  I did as I was told and held the necklace up, so I could see the disc more closely. As it spun the letters came together and spelled ‘I LOVE YOU'. My chest swelled, and tears pricked my eyes as I was touched by the thoughtfulness of his gift. I looked from the necklace to David, who was biting his lip, waiting for my response.

  “Oh David,” I breathed, “this is the most beautifully corny gift anyone has ever given me. I love it! I love you!” I crawled forward on the bed and sat in his lap with my legs wrapped around his waist, kissing him tenderly to show my gratitude for such a beautiful gift. “Thank you so much, I’ll wear it always.”

  “You’re more than welcome,” he whispered as he took it from me and started undoing the clasp. “I wanted to get you something to commemorate our first month as a couple.” I held my hair up as he reached behind me, re-joining the clasp and adjusting the necklace so it sat neatly on my breastbone.

  I fingered the disc, twirling it as I smiled happily at him, “A whole month hey? That’s got to be a bit of a record for you – I’m honoured.” His longest relationship so far had been with Beth, and that had lasted for only three weeks.

  “Hey, why would I want to spend a whole month in the company of another girl when I have always had you?” he tackled me on the bed and started to getting frisky, I reached up and touched his, now healed face affectionately.

  “I love you David, and I love my gift,” I whispered to him again.

  He nibbled at my ear and whispered, “I love you too Trina,” before he sat back and took his
shirt off.

  I looked at the clock, “Do we have time for this?” I asked, knowing that we both had a train to catch so we would get to work on time.

  “We do if we’re quick,” he said grinning wickedly as he whipped my pyjama shorts down my legs.

  Half an hour later I was satisfied, showered, dressed and at the kitchen table having breakfast chatting with David’s mother.

  “I am so glad you two got back together,” she said to me after inspecting the necklace David had bought me.

  “Back together? This is the first time we’ve actually been a couple, before that we were just friends Mrs Taylor,” I told her feeling a little confused. I thought she had always been clear on our relationship status.

  “No, you were together, you’ve always been together – you just didn’t know it at the time. I could see the way you were around each other, and I know my David. He’s been in love with you for as long as he has known you.”

  David walked out of the bathroom at that moment, bringing the scent of soap and steam with him, passing by and kissing me on the head before he took a seat at the table next to me. “Did you see what I got Trina, Ma?” he asked as he crushed weetbix into his bowl.

  “I did, it’s beautiful,” she said smiling. “I was just telling Trina how glad I am to see you both so happy.”

  He poured his milk and sprinkled sugar while he nodded and grinned uncontrollably, “It’s true. I've never been happier.”

  “You should have seen him for that month you two weren’t getting along. That big grin of his was nowhere to be seen, and I swear he lost a good two inches in height moping around the place with his lip out,” she teased.

  “It’s true, my soul was torn in two,” he said dramatically through a mouthful of cereal.

  I laughed at him and playfully nudged into him, “Well if it wasn’t for that month, we probably wouldn’t have had this month.”

  “You’re probably right. We'd probably still be in ‘best friend land’ if it hadn’t been for me getting insanely jealous when I saw you with that Elliot guy,” he admitted, chewing thoughtfully. “Has he even spoken to you yet or is he still avoiding you?”

  “Still avoiding me – the last thing I said to him was ‘go fist yourself’ so I think it’s pretty clear to him where I stand on everything.”

  “Katrina! You didn’t say that!” Mrs Taylor gasped almost choking on her coffee.

  “I did. I was furious with him for not having the decency to at least dump me.” I saw the questioning look on Mrs Taylor’s face, so I filled her in. “His father threatened to take his precious money away if he didn’t stop dating me – because as far as he was concerned a westie girl wasn’t good enough for his son. Instead of breaking up with me Elliot just cut off all contact.”

  “Well how did you find out what happened if he’s been ignoring you?” she asked, understandably.

  “Chinese whispers,” David said knowingly.

  “No, not Chinese whispers – a girl I know at work is dating one of his friends; she found out and told me.”

  “Yeah, Chinese whispers,” David repeated.

  “It doesn’t matter anyway; he doesn’t sound like a very good person if he can just stop talking to you with no explanation,” Mrs Taylor added as she got up and took her dishes to the kitchen.

  David put his arm around me and hugged me to him, “Well, if it wasn’t for him, we probably wouldn’t have our shit together. At least now, we don’t have to worry about anyone else hurting you though, right?”

  “That’s right. You're my world, my forever,” I said dramatically, laughing as I kissed him lightly on the mouth.

  “Erk! You two are giving me a toothache you’re so sweet,” Mrs Taylor put in from the kitchen. She looked at her watch, “I have to go, or I’ll miss my train. Are you two staying here tonight or at Katrina’s place?”

  “I have my work Christmas party tonight, and then we're going out afterwards,” I told her. “So we might go back to my place because we’ll be late and my mum and dad sleep like the dead. We won’t disturb them coming in.”

  “Ok, well I’ll see you both over the weekend sometime?” I nodded as she held her hand up in goodbye and walked out the front door.

  David looked at me with a mischievous grin on his face, “What?” I asked.

  “We don’t need to come home this weekend,” he told me, his eyes sparkling.

  “Why not?”

  “Because, I got us a room in the city for two nights - we can stay there all weekend.”

  “Oh my god! You’re amazing.” I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, kissing him on the cheek.

  “I thought it would be nice not to worry about parents for a weekend.”

  “Have I told you today that I love you?”

  “You have, but keep saying it; I like the way it sounds.”

  I told him again and kissed him passionately, breathing him in.

  “Let’s go before we miss our train,” I suggested pulling away before we ended up in the bedroom again.

  Chapter 22

  “I love half days,” Kayley said as she approached my desk. “Are you looking forward to your first work Christmas party?”

  I wrinkled my nose, “I don’t know. I'm a bit nervous actually.”

  “Don’t be, they’re great – they are pretty swanky and everybody gets drunk and starts dancing and letting loose. Then we are all going out afterwards so it’s a day and night full of fun, fun, fun!”

  “Let me guess. You're going out to Pontoon afterwards?”

  “Hell yeah, we all love it there, there’s dancing, food, billiards and best of all – couches. I just love the couches. Are you coming this time? You’ve been notably absent these past couple of months.”

  “Well, it’s a bit uncomfortable being around Beth these days. So I thought it best to stay away.”

  Kayley laughed, “You know her and Bianca only come out with us when you’re there, they normally have nothing to do with us.”

  “Really?” I said taken aback slightly.

  “Yep,” she drummed her hands on the top of my partition, “Well, I’m off – do you want me to go downstairs with you and show you where the bus picks us up?”

  “That would be great Kayley, thanks.”

  When the time came to leave, the entire office stood on the side of the road and waited for the two buses the company had hired to safely ferry us all to the Park Hyatt. The function room was beautifully appointed with round tables covered in white linens and festive silver and blue centrepieces, surrounding a buffet and a small dance floor.

  Christmas music was crooning out of the speakers and waiters were circulating with trays of wine and beer. There was a bar at the back of the room that served spirits for you to buy and soft drinks, which were free.

  I took a glass of wine from one of the trays and walked towards the nearest table to inspect the settings. I noticed there were name cards at each table telling us where to sit.

  “Oh god, I hope I’m not seated next to my boss,” Kayley said from beside me, “I’m going to find out where I am and move my name if I’m not happy.” She gave me a mischievous look before dashing off to find her name.

  I really wasn’t fussed about where I was sitting and spent a bit of time chatting to a few people I knew and admiring the Christmas decorations around the room. They were all white faux pine with silver and royal blue decorations, the light in the room had a blue hue to it as well and they were pumping that smoke they use in night clubs into the room at floor level, creating a very misty swirl as everyone moved around.

  “So what do you think of it all?” Carmen asked as she approached me smiling warmly.

  “It’s lovely, almost – magical,” I breathed looking around, “I think this is the fanciest place I’ve ever been to.”

  “Me too, they go all out don’t they?”

  I nodded, still looking around the room, feeling like I had entered some kind of Christmas wonderland.
>
  “Have you found your name card yet?” she asked me.

  “No, I’ve been too busy admiring the room.”

  “Well, you had better claim your seat fast, people are rearranging the cards – you’ll get stuck next to someone awful if you’re not quick enough,” she warned me.

  I laughed, “Well in that case. I'd better get moving.”

  I wished Carmen a good time and started to make my way around the tables trying to find my name. A lot of people had already taken their seats and were chatting happily. I spotted Kayley already seated and she signalled to me that she didn’t know where my name was.

  My heart fell when I finally found my name. I hadn’t even considered the possibility of placed there. I was seated on the right-hand side of Elliot, to his left was Beth and to her left was Bianca. There were eight people to a table and two others, that I didn’t know, were sitting across from me. I stood back from the table a little, not really wanting to sit down just yet.

  Ken, the partner I had spoken to at drinks, stood up at the front of the room tapping the microphone to get everyone’s attention, “If everyone could please find their seats. The buffet will soon start, then we’ll have some speeches, a few fun awards and a bit of dancing when the eating is all done.”

  I rolled my eyes and huffed out my breath as I moved forward and roughly dragged my chair out to sit down. I didn’t bother looking at the three that I already knew. I just smiled and nodded at the four I didn’t know, introducing myself to the person who had come to sit at my right. He was softly spoken, and I struggled to hear him over the noise of the room but I thought he introduced himself as Eric.

  “Long time no see,” Elliot murmured in my ear.

  Turning slowly, I levelled my gaze on him, and I could see his eyes darken. He still set off the primal responses in my body but I didn’t have that same need or want for him when I looked at him now. “Well, I have been avoiding you. I thought that was what you wanted,” I shot quietly back at him, fixing a saccharine smile on my face as I did so.