Ashes of Life

by Erica Lucke Dean

  “I thought you were on birth control.”

  I glared at her. “It’s not foolproof.”

  “Condoms?”

  “Can you lecture me some other time? Seriously, Natalie. What am I going to do?”

  She didn’t answer me right away, but when she did, she was adamant. “You have to tell Ben.”

  I dropped my voice to a whisper. “I haven’t even spoken to him since the snowstorm.”

  “I never said it would be easy.” Natalie patted my leg.

  “Three weeks, Natalie. I haven’t seen him for three weeks.” I slid off the bed to pace the room, my hands clenching and unclenching the soft fabric of my sweatshirt.

  “Well, I haven’t seen him either, since you’ve effectively run him out of my life too.”

  I stopped pacing to gape at her. “I never told him he couldn’t come into the coffee shop.”

  “Right, because he wants to bump into the girl who broke his heart. That’s hardly the best way to start each day. Caffeine and heartache to go.”

  “I didn’t mean to break his heart.” I let my face fall into my hands. “I didn’t ask him to fall in love with me.”

  “Love doesn’t work that way, and you know it. And you also know Ben isn’t the kind of guy to take something like this lightly. You need to tell him you’re carrying his baby.”

  “Ugh, I know.” I flopped backward onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. “I’m just not ready to say it out loud, okay? I mean, what if I lose this one too?” I turned my head to look at Natalie as hot tears welled up in my eyes.

  She lay beside me and took my hands in hers. “You don’t know that you’ll lose this one. Maybe you should go see a doctor before thinking all gloom and doom. And while you’re at it, you need to call Ben. He still loves you. Maybe it’s time you let him.”

  It sounded simple, but what she was asking could easily be the second hardest thing I’d ever do.

  The sound of a door slamming followed by heavy footsteps broke through the fog in my brain.

  “Hey, are you still sick?” Maddie leaned over the back of the sofa, her thick hair falling like a curtain around me as her face hovered above mine. The angry expression I’d come to expect from her had lifted, and she actually looked happy. Or maybe she just found joy in my possible illness.

  “Umm… yeah.” It took me a minute to get my bearings straight. I shooed her away and sat up, wiping away the line of drool creeping down my chin and removed the video game controller from my lap. “Wow, I guess I fell asleep.”

  “Ya think?” Maddie perched on the arm of the couch with something that looked suspiciously like a smile teasing the corners of her lips.

  “Don’t be a smart-ass—and don’t sit there, you’ll break it.”

  “What? You mean sit here?” She bounced a few times before I leveled a skin-melting glare at her. “Fine. You’re so touchy. Are you PMSing?” Maddie slid off the arm and into the cushions beside me.

  I did a quick mental calculation before reality came crashing down. “No!”

  “Geez, sorry. Could have fooled me. Maybe you just need a few doses of chocolate. We could go get some fudge. I wouldn’t mind a decadent chocolate concoction myself.”

  My stomach rolled. “I’ll pass.”

  “Come on! Let’s go to Mercier’s and get some chocolate cherry—oh, or the chocolate peanut butter—come on, come on, come on.” She yanked on my sleeve to punctuate each word. I didn’t think I’d ever seen her so lighthearted.

  Unfortunately, with every tug, my stomach threatened to open its gate and send back everything I’d ever eaten, along with several things I’d only thought about. Basking in her mood would have to wait. “Maddie, please! Not tonight. Just go dig through the freezer. I think there’s a pint of Chunky Monkey in there.”

  “Oh sure. From months ago. It’s probably freezer burned and gross. But whatever—deny me my last request for fudge. See if I care.”

  “God, it’s not like you’re on death row. There’ll be other chances to eat fudge.”

  “Sure, you say that, but how do you know? Maybe I’ll never eat fudge again, and it’ll be… All. Your. Fault.” She’d said those words before, but this time they didn’t carry any of the same malice. I almost wanted to hug her. Almost.

  “Give it up.” I grabbed my head in my hands. “You’re not getting fudge unless you make it yourself.”

  “Fine.” Maddie exhaled, and I could have sworn she muttered “Miss PMS” under her breath, but I wasn’t sure.

  “So… who drove you home?”

  “Do you really need to ask?”

  I groaned but said nothing.

  “Don’t make that sound. You don’t even know him. He has a good job, he helps take care of his little brother, and he’s nice to me.” Maddie wound the hem of her shirt into a knot. “I like him, and nothing you say can change that.”

  David should have been having this conversation with his daughter, not me. “You’re too young.”

  Maddie picked up her head to scowl at me, all traces of good humor gone. “I’ll be seventeen in a few weeks. And before you ask, I haven’t gotten drunk or high since we’ve been together.”

  “What do you mean by together?”

  “I’m not sleeping with him, if that’s what you’re asking. He hasn’t even tried. He’s a good guy. You should give him a chance.”

  “It wasn’t that long ago you thought Brody was a good guy, too.” I twisted sideways to face her on the sofa. “I haven’t forgotten what boys his age are like.”

  “Whatever. Grey is nothing like Brody.” Maddie scoffed. “And for the record, I never thought Brody was a good guy. And just so you know, it’s been… like a hundred years since you were a teenager. You have no idea what boys are like now.”

  “Right. That’s exactly what I said to my mom when I was sixteen.”

  Maddie crossed her arms and sank deeper into the cushions. Her teeth came together with a clack. “You’re not my mom.”

  “That’s not what I meant.” I sighed. “Look, I’m not trying to be your mom. I’m just trying to be the best stepmother I can. I’m pretty much learning as I go here.”

  “Well, you have no reason to treat Grey like he’s a criminal. He’s not one of the Sons of Anarchy. He’s my boyfriend.”

  “Boyfriend, huh?” I blew out a breath. “I guess I could try.”

  Maddie smiled.

  I forced back my own grin. “I’m not making any promises. I said I’d try. Maybe he could come over, and I could meet him under less crazy circumstances?”

  “I’ll ask him.” Her smile got wider. “So does that mean it would be okay for Grey to take me to the Imagine Dragons concert in Grand Rapids in June?”

  “Don’t push it.” I wagged a finger a few inches from her nose. “But I’ll think about it.”

  Maddie swallowed a squeal before reining herself in. “Fair enough.”

  I dragged myself out of the cushions and staggered to stand. “I’m going to lie down.”

  “You just woke up.”

  “And I’ve been awake too long already. Lock up before you go to bed. And don’t forget to make sure the garage door is shut.”

  I trudged up the stairs and fell into my bed, well aware that I wouldn’t be drifting to sleep any time soon.

  Chapter 31

  Maddie

  I flumped down in the passenger seat of Grey’s black Focus. For the past three weeks, Alex had been letting me ride to school with him. She hadn’t entirely given up on her crusade against him, but she’d stopped trying to forbid us from seeing each other. Despite what she’d said about meeting Grey under better circumstances, there just never seemed to be a good time. And she still wanted proof his parents would be home before letting me go over there.
r />   Her complete lack of attention also seemed to directly coincide with her working and being tired all the time, but she hadn’t even come out of her room this morning to wish me—

  “Happy birthday!” Grey leaned over to kiss me.

  I forced a smile. “Thanks.”

  “Don’t tell me you’re one of those people who hates her birthday.” He threw his car into gear, flashing a quick smiling before gunning the engine. “You’re only seventeen. You can’t be feeling old yet.”

  “No, this is just the first one without my parents.” Unlike every year for as far back as I could remember, I’d woken up to a silent house. No whipped cream slathered blueberry pancakes in bed. No over-the-top presents rivaling Christmas morning. And I already knew there’d be no dinner at Beverly’s, and no decadent German chocolate cake topped with Clara from The Nutcracker—an ornament Mom had picked up for me when I was five and just starting dance—the paint had faded, and it had a big chip on the bottom, but Mom never forgot it.

  “Oh, right, I’m sorry.” He clasped my hand over the center console.

  “It’s okay. It’s not even that. I mean it is, but it’s… Alex.”

  The light turned red, and he took that opportunity to catch my eyes. “I thought you two were getting along better. Didn’t you say she took you out for a midnight ice cream run a couple nights ago?”

  “We’re only getting along because she practically ignores me. And yes, we went out for ice cream—and fudge a few days before that—but only because she didn’t wanna go alone. She’s been a junk food junkie for the past few weeks, and I’m just there to tag along. Green light.”

  “Oh.” He didn’t tear his attention away from me until the car behind us honked. “I’m sorry. But it’s gotta be better without her harassing you all the time, isn’t it?”

  “I guess. I just thought… I don’t know, I thought maybe she’d at least try to make my birthday special. But she didn’t even get out of bed this morning.”

  We pulled into the school lot with plenty of time to spare, and Grey parked the car and cut the engine. “Well, I plan on making it special. Since today’s only a half day, and I have a surprise for you later, can you try not to be grumpy?”

  My heart beat faster at the promise of a surprise from Grey. “Do I get a hint?”

  “No.” He laughed then pressed his lips to mine in a quick kiss before climbing out of his car. “Not even a little one.”

  The dreary April showers had finally cleared out, leaving a bright sunny sky in their place as Grey and I walked across the parking lot, hand in hand, avoiding the last remaining puddles.

  “Happy birthday, sweetie!” Haleigh skipped up behind me, wrapping her arms around my middle in a breath-stealing hug, then shoved a brightly colored card at me before grabbing Todd’s hand. Sometime in the last few weeks, they’d officially become a thing.

  “Thanks. Do you want me to open this now?”

  “Oh, no.” Her cheeks turned pink. “Later is fine. Are you doing anything special today?”

  “We are.” Grey draped his arm over my shoulder and pulled me against him.

  “Aww.” Haleigh’s eyes glistened as she watched us. “So, what did Alex get you?”

  I had to swallow the lump in my throat. “She, um…”

  “She’s giving Maddie her gift later,” Grey said, saving me from explaining the whole thing again.

  “Well, that’s cool.” Haleigh nodded, but I could tell she felt the tension in the air.

  “Grey’s giving me my gift later too, but he won’t give me any hints.” I ducked under Grey’s arm, but he snagged my jacket and yanked me back with a laugh.

  “You’re going to love it! It’s—” Haleigh clapped her hand over her mouth.

  “Hey!” I shot a glare at Grey. “You told her, but you won’t even give me a hint?”

  “Sorry, Grey,” Haleigh squeaked out.

  “It’s okay.” He smiled at me, not at all bothered by my sorry attempt at looking sour. “I had to make sure you would like it.”

  “Fine.” I relaxed into him with a huff. “I guess I’ll just have to wait.”

  “It’ll be worth it.” He pressed a kiss to my temple then spun around to back down the hallway to his first hour, watching me the entire way.

  “You ready for your surprise?” Grey slid an arm around my shoulder as we exited third hour.

  “Are you kidding? I’ve been ready all morning.”

  He laughed. “Well, you’re going to have to wait a little while longer.”

  “Hey, no fair.” I hip-checked him, and he caught me around the waist, hauling me into the air to carry me to the car.

  The weather was unseasonably warm, almost summery, so I threw my jacket in the back seat. That’s when I noticed the big black box with the silver bow.

  “Is that my present? Was that here this morning?”

  “Yes. And yes. But you were too crabby to notice.” He laughed. “Now get in. I want to take you somewhere.”

  We drove through town and up the coast of the bay. We’d gone several miles north before I recognized where we were. “There’s a roadside park up here my dad used to take me to.”

  “I know.” He grinned. “That’s where we’re going.” He pulled into the gravel lot and parked near the path that led to a small picnic area with a bay view.

  He climbed out of the car, grabbing my gift from the back seat, then hurried around to get my door for me. The wind coming off the water had a bite to it—Dad always waited until later in the season to make the trip—but it didn’t matter. The look on Grey’s face made every icy gust worth it. He grasped my hand and dragged me down the deserted path to sit on one of the picnic tables. Then he placed the rectangular box in my lap.

  “Happy birthday.”

  I squealed as I pulled the ribbon away from the box and lifted the lid. Inside, I found a leather-bound sketchbook. “What’s this?”

  His smile nearly split his face in two. “Open it.”

  I carefully flipped open the cover and gasped at the first drawing. “Grey…” The girl in the picture looked a lot like me, only she wore a sort of combination of battle armor and a long gown with a small gold crown on her head. Under the drawing he’d scrawled, Princess Madison, beloved heir to the throne. “It’s beautiful.” I glanced up at him, his face blurred by my tears. “I don’t feel very royal though.”

  He rubbed my back then put his arm around my shoulders. “Keep looking,” he whispered.

  I turned to the next page, surprised to see an image of Alex. Considering he’d only seen her a few times, he’d done a pretty amazing job capturing her likeness. He’d sketched her wearing an intricate black robe that reminded me of a Disney villainess, but the thing that drew my attention were her eyes. He’d managed to capture them almost exactly, right down to the deep sadness within. I ran my finger over the caption as I read it aloud. “Queen Alexandra, keeper of lost souls.”

  The next page had Grey himself in knight’s armor, wielding a sword. Haleigh and Todd both had pages too. He’d always been so private about his art, only letting me see a few here and there, but for my birthday, he’d created an entire book full of his drawings.

  Just for me.

  I flipped through the rest of the book, following the story of the princess who’d lost her family and had no choice but to battle her way through Queen Alexandra’s realm and free the souls of her parents to claim her birthright. Toward the end, he’d sketched Princess Madison with her arms over a crouched Queen Alexandra.

  “She defeats her.” I ran my fingers over the drawing, feeling the indentations where his pencil had pressed into the paper.

  “No, Maddie.” He gently pulled my hand from the page and held it in his. “She frees her from her own misery.”

  �
��You think she’s miserable. Is it because of me?”

  He shook his head. “I think she misses your dad as much as you do, and it might be easy for her to take things out on you because you remind her of him.”

  “She’s been so unfair to you, and you’re defending her?” I pulled my hand away.

  “She’s just trying to protect what little of your dad she has left. And this can’t be easy for her either. She’s not really old enough to have a teenager, is she? And besides, I’ll win her over eventually.”

  I leaned my head against his shoulder and flipped through the last few pages of the book. They were of the princess and her knight, and they were very… intimate.

  “I wouldn’t show those around to anyone.” His face turned bright red.

  I tilted my head up and pressed my lips to his. “I won’t. I guess you weren’t kidding when you said you liked corsets. But maybe we could act it out some time.”

  He took the book from me and set it aside then shifted our positions so I was straddling his lap with my arms around his neck. “That is very tempting,” he whispered in my ear before kissing his way across my jaw to my mouth. We kissed for a long time, long enough that the sky clouded over again, putting a fresh chill in the air. “We still have a little time before Alex expects you home. Do you want to come with me to get my paycheck?”

  “Yeah.” I shivered and only partly because of the cold. “Maybe a hot chocolate while we’re there.”

  It didn’t take long to get to the coffee shop, but as far as I was concerned, we could’ve driven around all day as long as we were together.

  Grey parked in the alley behind the building, giving me one last toe-curling kiss before climbing out and opening my door for me. “Come on. Let’s get your cocoa. Do you like marshmallows or whipped cream?”

  “Definitely whipped cream.”

  “Whipped cream it is. I’ll even add special birthday sprinkles.” He grabbed my hand and led me to the backroom, where he plucked an envelope out of his cubby and tucked it into his pocket.