Unable to Resist

by Cassie Graham

  Okay—maybe that was a little harsh? But, at this very second, I’m kind of doing a happy dance in my mind. That was damn funny. I’m hilarious.

  The side of my mouth turns up. “Interesting,” I volunteer.

  Blondie scoffs. “Interesting? Interesting!” She practically screams. “Where was he today?” She challenges.

  I cross my arms under my breasts and roll my eyes so far into my forehead it actually kind of hurts. “Work. Get over yourself, and if you could, please let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.” I point to the exit.

  The redhead begins to slowly work her way to Blondie. “Let’s just go,” she begs.

  “No,” Blondie insists. “I’m sure she wants to know where her precious Duane was today.”

  I’m not going to believe her. I’m not going to believe her.

  I chant in my head.

  Sure you’re not.

  I bring my hands out in front of me, gesturing at her. “Please, by all means, enlighten me.”

  She straightens her back, and puts her hands on her small, boyish hips. Yeah, I said it. The chick has no hips. Suck on that egg, Blondie.

  “He was with me, in his office…fucking,” she hisses.

  Slimy snake.

  “While you were here in your dreary little bakery, Duane was deep inside me, moaning my name. Mine!” She barks, angrily slapping her chest. “My name!”

  Jesus, she’s crass.

  Yet, my idiotic inner self is shrugging down into an uptight turtleneck sweater and contemplating the possibility.

  Shoo off, bitch.

  My inner strength comes back, reminding me I need to stand my ground.

  I slowly walk around the counter to face the blonde bitch.

  She’s much taller than me in her slutty stilettos, but my Converse hit her peep toe and she stumbles back. Pointing my finger at her chest, I summon the courage and fight for my man. I am not going to believe this crazy woman’s bullshit. She reeks of desperation.

  “You will,” I stress, “leave now. If you don’t, I’ll throw your skinny ass out on that street quicker than you can say Michael Kors. You got me? Now go.” I once again point to the door.

  The redhead pulls on Blondie’s elbow, encouraging her to move.

  Blondie huffs and puffs, thinking about her next move. I think we might be having a staring contest. I haven’t done this in a very long time, but I sure as hell am not going to back down first.

  Blink bitch!

  If she doesn’t get herself together in a few seconds, I am going to knock her feet out from under her and drag her out by her extensions.

  Yeah. That little morsel added a bit of extra satisfaction. Fake hair. Really?

  Assessing me carefully, she raises her drawn-on eyebrows.

  I’m quickly losing my patience. She won’t have time to make a decision for herself. I’ll make it for her.

  A couple beats later, she immaturely screeches and turns for the door. Guess she didn’t think she could take me.

  At least she has some brain cells.

  I’ve got a good thirty pounds on her. I’d probably break her in half.

  She’s almost out the door when she pivots in my direction. “Do yourself a favor,” she snarls, “just ask him where he was during lunch. That’ll tell you all you need to know.”

  With that little bomb planted, the blonde bitch walks out, slamming my door in the process.

  Oh sweet Jesus, please break my glass door, I’d love to take some of your money.

  I grit my teeth and walk to the front door to lock it. I really don’t need her to come back here tonight—or ever, for that matter. She’s lucky I don’t go out there and pound her to the ground. I’ve never been a violent person, but I want to forcefully hit her in the face—with a freaking rolling pin.

  Gah!

  I do a couple of lip trills, and shake my entire body.

  I know better than to believe her. Really I do. She is obviously in love with Duane. Who wouldn’t be? I can’t blame her, but what really gave her away was the flicker of uncertainty in her eyes when she thought I wasn’t going to buy her shit. Acting is not in that woman’s future.

  Rule number one of performing. Got to commit, bitch.

  Turning out the lights, I walk up to the loft. Liv and Mia are sitting on the couch watching TV when I walk in the door.

  “Hi, Annie,” Mia exclaims as she jumps over the couch and into my arms.

  Her tight hug reaffirms I have fantastic friends. I giggle and wrap my arms around her.

  “Hi, Mia Pia. How’s it going?” All thoughts of the Blondie bitch push to the corners of my mind.

  “I’m good. Missed you. I brought dinner.” She points to the mounds of Chinese on the coffee table. My stomach grumbles and I slap her ass, moving toward the food.

  “Thank you, I’m starving.” I probably sound more excited than I should over food, but they don’t care.

  Liv chuckles from the couch. “Oh, how I’ve missed our trio ass slaps, Ann.”

  I pile my plate with greasy goodness and mumble, “I know, right?”

  I’m about to dig into my garlic noodles when Mia sits next to me. “Who the hell slammed the door down there?”

  My smile falters. I set my plate down, and take a drink of water, feeling parched. How do I tell them about the woman who claims to be having sex with Duane right under my nose? I don’t want them to have any doubts about Duane. Their trust in him means the world to me.

  I might have believed her if she didn’t sound so anxious for me to get angry and riled up. She wants me to dump Duane out of anger. She wants him. I could smell her a mile away. She isn’t fooling me. Plus, little did Blondie know, the redhead was unintentionally giving her away.

  “This crazy woman came into the shop right before closing. She claimed to be fucking,” air quotes accompany the word, “Duane.”

  Both Liv and Mia’s mouths pop open and the look at me expectantly, waiting.

  When I hear myself say it out loud, my inner voice is throwing her hands in the air at both of the girls, saying, “See? This isn’t something you can brush off.”

  The three of us are looking at each other.

  It’s obvious I need to say more, explain, but I can’t bring myself to tell them what happened.

  “Don’t stop now, you noob. What the hell happened?” Liv pipes in.

  Mia chews on her thumbnail and bobs her head. “Why would she say that?”

  I comb my fingers through my straightened hair. “Because she’s lost her damn mind. She walks in, tells me to stay away from Duane. Says she was having sex with him today. I don’t believe her. She was so insistent that it makes me question her motives. She seemed hell bent on making me pissed off at Duane.”

  Liv tucks her feet under her butt and pulls the throw blanket over her legs. She huffs.

  “Listen woman,” she starts, “I’m not saying you should believe her, but I wouldn’t completely dismiss the accusation either. You’ve only just met Duane. Do you really know him?”

  I shoot her a glare that makes her retreat further into the sofa, attempting to slither away. I’m about to spit fire when she puts her hands up in submission.

  “I’m just trying to be the devil’s advocate, alright? I don’t want you to get hurt,” Liv pleads.

  Mia lays her hand on my leg. “We aren’t agreeing with the woman. We’ve always said you can read people, but that doesn’t mean you should ignore her. Maybe there is some truth in what she is saying. Maybe Duane is too nice to her. He might need to set some boundaries. How do they even know each other?”

  I shrug my shoulders. “I have no idea. She said she was in his office today. That’s all I know.”

  Liv gets up from her side of the couch, and sits next to me. “I love you, you know that, but he is the first guy I’ve ever seen you date. In all the years I’ve known you, you’ve never once given a man a second glance. I’ve always given you your space. I’ve never asked, but I think he is d
ifferent. Duane is a good guy; I see the way he looks at you, but I want to make sure that you are safeguarding your heart.”

  Neither of them really pressed me about my past. They’d ask and I’d shut them down right away, or change the subject.

  It’s so unlike me to tell Duane about Kyle. There’s a reason why I let him break down those walls.

  He is healing me.

  Tears pool in my eyes and Mia wraps her arm around my shoulder, while Liv coils her hands around my arm. Laying my head on Liv’s shoulder, I struggle with myself, debating if I should tell them or not. They deserve to know, they’re my best friends for Christ sake. Maybe it’s time I stop shutting them out of that part of my life.

  “Guys, I have something to tell you,” I start as the tears start rolling down my face uncontrollably.

  They both look at me, immediately more concerned than before.

  By the time I’m done with my story, both girls have tears in their eyes and we’re holding hands. It would look funny to an outsider, but I couldn’t imagine a better way to tell them. We’re connected even more now. They know everything.

  “Jesus, Ann. I’m so sorry,” Liv says.

  Mia sniffles. “Annie, you kept this all to yourself this whole time?”

  I grab another tissue and snort a humorless laugh. “Yep. How could I tell you guys? I was ashamed and devastated. I lost my whole world that day. I didn’t want to bring you into my darkness.”

  “What changed your mind?” Liv asks with thick concern. “Why tell us now?” Her confusion lingers in the air. She still doesn’t fully understand.

  Duane’s hazel eyes flash into my mind. I pause, waiting to admit to them the real reason.

  “Duane,” I say. It’s the simplest and most honest answer I can give.

  Mia, confused, says, “Duane? What do you mean?”

  I dreamily sigh and picture his arms wrapped around my waist, comforting me with his soothing words and loving presence.

  “He showed me love when I didn’t think I would ever find it again. I’m able to open up because he gave me the strength.” I look at them both, hoping the relief I feel in that fact is clear as day.

  Liv looks down. “Well, shit.”

  I look at her. “What?”

  “All I have to say is the fucker better not be cheating on you, because I will beat his ass within an inch of his life,” she threatens.

  I unclasp our hands and giggle a bit at the first humor I’ve felt since we began the conversation. I know him. I’ve seen his heart. I’m safe.

  “I don’t think that’ll be an issue, but thank you,” I reply, “I’ll see him on Wednesday and we’ll talk things out.”

  “You really think you can wait that long?” Mia asks.

  Shit, probably not.

  “No,” I admit.

  Liv straightens up, hops into the kitchen and retrieves a bottle of wine. “Good,” she shouts. “You are going to go see him tomorrow.”

  I give her a confused look. “I’ve been back one day. I can’t take another day off.”

  “Oh, yeah?” Liv challenges. “Who is the boss around here? It sure as hell isn’t me. Mia?” She asks. “Are you in charge?”

  Mia tips her head back and laughs. “Nope.”

  Set on her decision, Liv puts her hands on her hips and nods her head. “Good. Then it’s settled.”

  Shit, what’s settled? What just happened? I can’t go see him. It’ll just prove I don’t trust him, and I can’t make him think that. I trust him. I know I already sound like a naïve girlfriend, but I can’t shake the feeling Blondie was just trying to get me to second-guess Duane.

  I take a long breath and attempt to reign in the force named Olivia. “I’ll just call him, Liv. There’s no reason to ambush him,” I rationalize. “I’m not going to let some blonde bitch get into my head. She knew what she was doing.”

  Liv rolls her shoulders and pffts. “Just go see what his deal is. There’s no harm in—.” she’s cut off by the ringing of my phone.

  Grabbing it from the coffee table, Duane’s picture shows on the screen and I silence it.

  Mia peers over my shoulder. “Aren’t you going to pick that up? It’s Duane.”

  I shoot her a shut-it look, but it’s too late. Liv hops over the couch like a damn Olympic runner to retrieve the phone. I struggle to pry it from her tiny fingers, failing

  “Hi, Duane, it’s Liv.” She pauses, listening to him. “Yeah, she’s here, hold on.”

  With challenging eyes, she shoves the phone to my chest and whispers, “Talk. Get a feel for him.”

  I clench my teeth and put the phone to my ear. “Hi, Duane,” I say a little more cheerful and fake than planned.

  Despite the conversation I was just having with the girls, I’m so excited he called me. I’d started to worry slightly since I hadn’t heard from him, and the workday was well over with.

  “Ann,” he breathes, seeming relieved.

  Jesus, the way my name falls out of his mouth is enough to melt my panties right off. Desire quickly pools in my belly, and I turn to walk toward my room. Safely behind the confines of my door, I fall lazily into my bed.

  “How’s it going, Cowboy?” I ask. Blonde bitch, be damned.

  “You told me to be honest with you, right?” He asks with a shaky voice. “Communication is the basis of our relationship, right?”

  Oh shit.

  My heart drops. I lean up on the bed.

  “I just got off the phone with Jana,” he interrupts my panic, “she told me you ran into Lauren today.” He stops to take a deep breath. “Dammit, Red, I’m so sorry. Jana didn’t tell me much, but I’m sure she gave you a hard time.”

  I scoff. “First of all, who the hell is Jana?” I need to get this right if I’m going to be pissed. Rightfully so, might I add.

  Quickly, hearing my tone, Duane responds, “Jana is a little redhead. She came in with a blonde woman.”

  Yep, okay now that we’re on the same page I can get down to it. Letting him talk isn’t doing anything to ease the worry. I need to get this off of my chest.

  “Listen, Duane, I don’t know what’s going on between you and Lauren,” her name tastes sour in my mouth, “but I won’t put up with cheating.” I have way too much pride for that.

  Duane gasps, and I hear a loud thud in the background. If I didn’t know any better, it sounded like he punched something.

  “Fuck, Red, is that what she said?” He shouts, demanding an answer.

  Biting my nail, I nod my head. “Yeah.” I don’t want to say anymore. What else could I say?

  “You at home?” He asks.

  Confused, I answer with the same one word, “Yeah.”

  I hear the jingle of keys and Duane says something to someone, it’s muffled and I can’t make out what he says.

  With the slam of a door, Duane says, “Good. Stay there. I’ll be at your door in ten minutes.”

  I’m a tad perplexed. Looking at the clock on my nightstand, I start to stammer nonsense into the phone. Realizing it’s almost eleven, I manage, “Wait, what? Why?”

  Duane starts his truck. “I’ll be damned if I let Lauren fuck up the one good thing I have going in my life. I’ll see you in a few minutes.” He stops to take a couple calming breaths. “Ann? Please don’t give up on me. I’ll explain everything.”

  I close my eyes and listen to the alien tone coming from Duane. He sounds troubled and anxious. I don’t like it. I hate it.

  Forgoing the stupid inner voice telling me to demand he drive his ass right back home, I agree. “Okay. I’ll see you soon.” I know as soon as I see him, my walls will go back down, but I couldn’t turn him away when he sounds like that. So tortured.

  I let the tears spill. This has to be one big misunderstanding. I don’t want to lose him.

  Relief washes over me when Ann agrees to let me come over. There’s no way I could have stayed at home when I know that Lauren had gone to harass Ann.

  Today has been such a shit
ty day. I was not prepared for the bomb Jana dropped on my lap. Of course, she didn’t tell me what Lauren said or did to Ann, but after Ann questioning my fidelity, it’s pretty damn obvious Lauren lied about something.

  I would never do anything to jeopardize my future with Ann. I couldn’t.

  She’s precious to me. She’s the sun in this dark world. I need her light. I can’t get enough.

  I drive entirely too fast to Ann’s and make it to her place in record time. Running up the stairs, two at a time, I thump on Ann’s door loudly.

  When Ann answers the door, her eyes are red and puffy, like she’s been crying. Without thinking, I wrap my arms around her and bury my head in her neck. Her feminine scent invades my mind and she’s the only thing I can think of.

  Desperately, I bring her mouth to mine to devour her. She’s hesitant at first, but after a few insistent kisses, she wraps her arms around my middle, and kisses me back with want. Our tongues dance together in a tempo that makes my head spin.

  I need to make this better.

  Tears begin to slide down her cheeks and I taste the saltiness as I kiss my way up to her eyes. She clings to me, and I bring her as close to my body as I can. I’m seconds from breaking away when she pulls me tighter.

  “Don’t let go yet, Cowboy,” she whispers.

  Keeping her in a tight embrace, I bend and lift her lower half up by the back of the knees to hold her in a cradle position. She clings to my neck and nuzzles as I walk with purpose to her bedroom. Kicking the door open with my foot, I swiftly shut it behind us.

  Stepping out of my shoes, I skillfully move the comforter away from the bed without allowing Ann to slip. I lay us down and Ann cuddles my chest with a strong hold. I hug her to my side, both of us refusing to let go.

  We sit there for a long while, just holding each other. Drawing circles on Ann’s back, she sighs.

  “Please tell me it isn’t true,” she finally whispers against my chest.

  I kiss her temple and shake my head. Bringing her hand to the left side of my chest, I let her feel the slow, steady beat of my heart. “Red, this is yours. Only you. Lauren means nothing to me.”