The Darkest Hour: A San Diegan Novel

by S. M. Soto

  “I’m going to come, Aliza,” he says in a gravelly voice. “I need you to come with me, baby,” he grinds out. His thumb rubs frantic circles over my clit effectively spurring another orgasm out of me.

  I cry out at the force of my release. I feel Chase expand within me before he grunts and slams his mouth over mine in a brutal kiss that steals my breath. His pumps slow to a halt as we both catch our breaths. Chase holds his weight above me and stares down at me looking worried.

  “Are you okay?”

  A shy smile spreads across my face. “Yeah,” I say breathlessly before sucking my bottom lip into my mouth. “More than okay actually.”

  Chase grins above me, then bends and kisses me senseless.

  “So much for that conversation in your office earlier, huh?” I can’t keep the goofy grin off my face because this is not where I envisioned this night going. After the talk in his office earlier I knew it would never happen no matter how bad I wanted it to.

  Chase laughs and pulls my body flush against his. “Yeah. So much for that.”

  I can hear the smile in his voice and it in turn makes me smile. I just hope he doesn’t come to regret this decision.

  “Remind me to thank Alex,” I tease. Chase grumbles something incoherent under his breath and I laugh recalling the look on his face when he saw me with Alex earlier.

  “Yeah, that’s not happening. Fucking Alex,” he grumbles.

  I was worried about the whole awkward after sex situation but it never came. In all honesty, I’ve never felt more comfortable with anyone. Now, here we are, his arm around me and my head resting on his chest. He’s running his fingers through my hair and I’m fighting the urge to purr like a content kitten. His heartbeat is a steady rhythmic beat against my ear, it’s soothes me. I snuggle deeper into his side relishing the feel of him so close.

  A small contented smile graces my lips as I recall this whole night. Something Sam and Natalia said to me a while back has been niggling at the back of my mind for some time now. Blowing out a breath I decide to get some answers.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.” His voice vibrates in his chest underneath my ear.

  “Were you afraid when you jumped in the water that day to save me?” His body tenses beneath me and I try to soften the blow of my question.

  “The girls made it seem like a big deal when I told them I met you before the interview. Sam made it seem like it was the end of the world just because you jumped in the water after me; like it was extremely out of character for you or something. Why?”

  I don’t pick my head up off his chest; I stay snuggled against his warmth giving him a chance to gather his thoughts.

  “Because I hate the beach.”

  My brows furrow prompting me to pick up my head, propping my arms on his chest and stare at him.

  “Okay, so you hate the beach…but why? How could anyone hate the beach? Didn’t you used to surf?” I search his stormy blues for an answer but Chase just darts his eyes away.

  “I did surf. Until I couldn’t handle being at the beach anymore. So, I stopped going.” He shrugs carelessly beneath me.

  I frown at his explanation still not following. His eyes meet mine for a brief second and he sighs.

  “I run every day around my neighborhood. I didn’t have time to go for a run that morning, so I put it off for later. I zoned out during my run, sometimes it happens but never like it did that day. Next thing I knew I was at the beach. Then I saw you…you were the only one out there and you didn’t even seem to notice. I was fascinated by you. I forced myself to walk closer…it was like I was drawn to you or something. Then you just dived in and I froze. When you stopped coming up for air I reacted. Before I knew it, my feet were pounding in the sand and I was sprinting to the boardwalk to jump in after you.”

  I close my eyes remembering every detail of that day. The feeling of helplessness when I couldn’t breathe was the worst part. I open my eyes and redirect my stare to Chase who’s in his own world now.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper. Those intense blues meet mine and I shiver upon the contact.

  “I’m just glad I managed to save you.”

  “I’m glad you did too.” I smile softly before laying my head back down on his chest and decide to give this conversation a rest. Before long I’m drifting off to sleep to the beat of Chase’s heart. Just before I’m asleep, I swear I hear him say something akin to, “Death takes away many things from you, not just the people you love.”

  I spend the rest of the night dreaming about what that could possibly mean coming from a man like Chase.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  The next day at work I’m jumpy an antsy. Last night was so much more than I bargained for; I’m not mentally prepared for what’s next. After Chase and I rode in silence to work together, my anxiety quadrupled. I feel like a strung-out drug addict. Not that I would even know what that’s like, but I’m nervous as all hell about the consequences of the night before.

  What if he goes back to his usual routine like nothing happened? Or what if we have a big fall out in front of everyone? I shake those thoughts out of my head and occupy my brain with work related stuff instead. I’m just about to take a break when I hear someone yell out, “CJ!”

  I whirl around searching for the source and see Chase shaking hands with some guy near the entrance. He’s dressed in a white Henley that hugs his muscles and a pair of cargo shorts–simply edible. Upon closer inspection, I realize he’s wearing the shirt I was caught sniffing at his house. Holy mother. My heart thumps like horse’s hoofs on a dirt road, reverberating throughout my body.

  His conversation with the man is brief and friendly. Chase’s eyes scan the room looking for something, until finally they land on me and everything around us fades away.

  It’s just the two of us. No one else matters.

  He strides across the room toward me and bends low, I can feel his breath against my ear sending shivers down my spine.

  “Come see me in my office,” is all he says before he takes off up the stairs. My breathing is labored and I swallow thickly, unsure of what to think.

  The walk to his office is nerve wrecking. I lightly rap on his door and open it upon his request. He’s leaning casually against the desk with his hands gripping the edges.

  “You can close the door.” He straightens to his full height and my breath catches. I close the door and feel his gaze on the back of my head burning me inside and out. Within seconds of turning around Chase is striding toward me and then his mouth is on mine. I moan upon the contact, the heat emanates off his body, warming me down to my core. I didn’t realize how much I missed his mouth until now. His mouth devours my own, his tongue traces my bottom lip sending violent bolts of electricity through my body—it’s intense. Gripping my hands behind his neck, I kiss him back just as fervently, pouring everything into the kiss. Chase pulls away breathlessly and I’m a panting mess.

  “I couldn’t go one more minute without doing that. Sorry.” He doesn’t seem sorry in the least, and the smirk on his face is all the proof I need. He gently caresses my cheek and I melt.

  “Neither could I,” I whisper. I slide my hand around his neck and pull him back down onto my mouth for another kiss. A soft groan spills out of my mouth as his tongue tangles with my own. He pulls away and places his forehead against mine.

  The confusion I felt earlier is starting to return along with all the stupid unanswered questions in my head. I need to know.

  “What are we doing, Chase?” I whisper, afraid of his answer. He sighs before pulling back and looking me in the eyes. He rests his hands on my neck rubbing his thumbs along the columns of both sides.

  “Whatever you want.” I look into his eyes for any indication of regret. Instead all I see is the truth.

  “Even after everything you said?” I scrunch my brows in confusion. Chase smirks and rubs the pad of his thumb along my swollen lips and nods his head. The heated look returns to his
eyes as he stares at my lips.

  “But…what about what you want?” I ask as my heart thumps madly in my chest. Chase stares deeply into my eyes, reaching in and touching my soul—or at least that’s what it feels like. He bends low toward my ear.

  “Let’s get one thing straight, Aliza. You’ve always been mine, from the first moment that I saw you. Last night just solidified what I already knew.”

  My breath catches in my throat, and I swallow thickly.

  “This is what I want,” he whispers, placing a wet kiss below my ear. He blows a soft breath of air against it making me whimper helplessly. Straightening, he leans against his desk again as he waits for me to respond. I’m completely speechless. My breaths come out in shallow pants as I try to gather a shred of composure.

  Holy shit.

  He wants this.

  My brain is doing a victory dance in my head as I stand here like a silent fool. Chase’s eyes glint with satisfaction and his lip twitches. I must look stuck on stupid. Before I get myself too excited, I decide to pull out the big guns on him.

  “So how is this going to work? Are we telling people, or will we only see each other at night after everyone is gone?” I’m silently praying he says the right thing because this would be a deal breaker for me. I understand the need for privacy, believe me, but I also don’t want to be hidden away like a dirty little secret. He contemplates for a few seconds before pulling me into his arms.

  “We don’t have to hide, Aliza. Not if you don’t want to.” He grips my hips in his large hands. “Tell anyone you want, as long as you know you’re mine at the end of the day that’s all that matters to me.” I lift onto my tiptoes gently placing my lips over his. His hands explore my backside and squeeze, earning him a gratified moan on my part. I feel his smile against my mouth and I pull away slapping him playfully across the chest.

  “I should get back to work,” I admit regretfully. “You see, my boss is kind of a hard ass.” I blow out an exaggerated sigh. Chase chuckles and it vibrates through my whole body jolting me to life.

  “Is that right? I’m sure his good looks make up for it.”

  I downright laugh and nudge him away as I get ready to head back to work. Chase pulls me back into his chest by my hips and kisses me passionately, leaving me breathless and red faced.

  “That’s better,” he says with a devious smile. I hurry out of his office feeling happier than I’ve felt in a really long time.

  The rest of my shift I debate on whether or not I should tell Natalia and Sam yet. On the one hand, Sam would be happy, while Nat would be disappointed. On the other hand, Sam hates me so she could probably care less about my love life. Instead, I opt for telling them another time. It’s too soon. I just want to savor these feelings. I’m not ready to divulge anything yet.

  Once my shift is over I spend time with Chase, and by that, I mean we have a heated make out session in his office. He asks me to go home with him but I know I should really head back to my own apartment. Plus, I have brunch with Mr. Walker tomorrow, and there’s so much to share. So, instead I tell him I’ll see him tomorrow on my day off.

  After driving me home, we parted ways with a soft and lingering kiss. It was life altering; one that I won’t be forgetting anytime soon. I walk into my condo for the first time smiling like a complete goofball.

  ***

  I wake up for the first time in a long time from a night of dreamless sleeping. I feel well rested for once and it’s completely unusual for me. Mr. Walker knocks on my door at 11:20 on the dot, the same time as always. He’s so punctual. He comes bearing gifts—coffee and cookies.

  “So, anything you’d like to share, angel face? You keep smiling to yourself like you’ve won a damn lottery.”

  I roll my eyes and diligently try to hide my smile. He’s always so spot on with my feelings and moods, I chalk it up to the only thing possible— intuition. I think it’s an old people gift. They have a keen sixth sense for that kind of thing. I take a sip of my coffee and smile behind the rim. God this feels good. Smiling.

  “I took a chance,” I say while placing my cup down on the coffee table in front of us. Mr. Walker waits quietly for me to elaborate.

  “Chase and I are giving this thing between us a try. I’m nervous, pensive, excited.” I list all the things I’ve been feeling. “But most of all, Arthur, I’m really, really happy.” I admit with a toothy grin.

  Mr. Walker’s eyes glint and his smile is broad, revealing how happy he is for the both of us.

  “Good.” He says as he pats my hand that’s resting on the countertop. “I’m glad you’re finally opening up. My job here is done,” he says with a satisfied smile as he leans back in his chair. My smile turns into a confused one.

  “Your job is done? Truthfully, I don’t think your job here will ever be done.”

  Mr. Walker makes a show of looking me over.

  “Well, everything looks okay to me. You’re in one peace, and you’re actually smiling. So yes, I’d say my job here is done,” he says concluding his assessment playfully. I can’t connect with his humor because I don’t want his job here to be done, as he keeps saying. I place my hands into my lap and wring them nervously.

  “Well, what if I’m not ready for your job to be done? Ever.” I say quietly. I stare sheepishly at my hands unable to look at him. Mr. Walker places his hand over mine and rubs soothingly.

  “There will come a time when I won’t be around, Aliza. Not everyone gets to live forever.” And that’s when it hits me, what he’s really saying. Moisture fills my eyes quickly and I keep my head down to hide it from him.

  “Don’t say that,” I whisper weakly staring down at his hand rubbing mine. His hands are thin and boney, the wrinkles and age spots only make this conversation all the more real.

  “Angel face,” he says, making me lift my teary eyes to him.

  “I did what I needed to do. My job here is done. As much as I’d love to stay here with you, and guide you, I can’t. This is your life, so live it. You don’t need me. You never did,” he states firmly. “You have two new friends who have grown to care for you immensely, and you have someone you can come home to and share a life filled with love. So, don’t you dare feel like you’re losing anything with me being gone,” he says firmly. “You’ve gained everything, including the friendship of a boring old man.”

  He tries to lighten my mood with his joke. It doesn’t work though, because all I can think about is when that time comes, and I’ll no longer have my true best friend around to guide me. Tears leak out of the corners of my eyes and I sniff.

  “I’m not ready to lose anyone else. Especially you,” I say through my tears. My lip trembles with the need to break down and sob, so I bite my lip and hold it in.

  “No one’s ever ready, angel face.” He soothes. I shake my head at him, because he doesn’t understand.

  “You don’t get it, Arthur. I’ve lost more people in these last couple of years than most people lose in a lifetime,” I stress through my tears. “I’ve thought about giving up every day because the grief and the memories were too much.” Tears slip down my cheeks. “All I wanted was one more day, one more chance to see them. They didn’t deserve to die, and I think that’s what hurts the most.”

  No longer able to hold in my sobs I cry onto the shoulder of Mr. Walker. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to. His presence here is enough comfort to get me by. My sobbing comes to an end as do my tears. I pick my head up off his shoulder and wipe my face clean of tears. I turn to Mr. Walker who’s regarding me with patience and pity written all over his face.

  “Those tears, right there.” He points out. “Those won’t be wasted on me. You’ve already opened up to me, Aliza, and that’s why you’re so afraid of losing me. But I won’t really be gone. I’ll always be right here,” he says pointing to my heart, “where everyone else is. The next step is just sharing that,” He points to my tears again, “with someone else who really matters.” His voice deepens and
his eyes beg me to believe him.

  I suck in my bottom lip and nod my head in understanding.

  Overwhelmed with emotion I throw myself into Mr. Walkers arms and hold on tightly, feeling comfort in his unique smell.

  After Mr. Walker leaves, I try not to let our conversation from earlier affect my time with Chase. We spend the day together. He shows me his favorite restaurants and the places he went to as a kid. Walking hand in hand through Old Town San Diego, I marveled at all the history. The old, yet intricate buildings surrounded with Latin culture and tourists. Later that night, he took me to the Coronado Ferry Landing, showing me the most incredible views. The high-rise buildings from downtown glitter over the ocean water; orange and pink hues slowly setting behind the buildings with nightfall. Sailboats and ships litter the water, all the while jets screech overhead from the local Navy base. It was all so beautiful and surreal—like I was in another world. Even though Chase kept me preoccupied, I still couldn’t escape the lingering weight of my conversation with Mr. Walker. I can’t shake this bad feeling that’s spreading through my body like wildfire.

  ***

  The next day we opt to stay home, playing hooky at his place. It’s perfect. Every second I spend with him my smile only gets wider, he’s this beam of light that penetrates my darkest thoughts. I have to physically restrain myself from smiling so often when we’re near each other, just so I don’t look like the Cheshire cat. It’s a difficult task.

  “I should really get home now,” I mumble through our kissing. Chase grips my waist tighter and a high-pitched squeal erupts from me as his fingers dig into my side tickling me.

  “Stay,” he says gruffly as his mouth travels along the column of my neck. I tilt my head back, granting him the access he needs. His skillful tongue makes my eyes roll back and I moan. I tap the tops of his shoulders as I regain my composure. Chase pulls back and I stare into his bright blue eyes.