Spin My Love

by Chantal Fernando

  “I’m guessing you mean Giselle,” Gage says with his eyebrow raised. “She went home; she was just here.”

  “How is she these days?” I ask, not bothering to deny it. Gage smiles fondly. He always did have a soft spot for his little sister.

  “She’s good, man. She works at the library when she’s not with Parker.” So she must take care of him often, then. No wonder he’s such a cool little kid.

  “Man, it’s been years since I spoke to her,” I say. I’m technically not lying. I did say “spoke to” not “saw”.

  “Well you probably wouldn’t recognise her. She’s changed a lot over the years,” Levi says, rubbing his thumb and index finger over his chin. Gage slaps him on the back of his head. I mentally agree with him. Giselle didn’t look anything like I remembered. Hell, I almost didn’t recognize her.

  “What? She’s beautiful,” Levi defends himself adamantly, rubbing where Gage had hit. I bite my lip, not liking the way his eyes twinkle when he talks about her.

  “She’s always been beautiful,” I blurt out. I clear my throat and ignore their pointed looks. “Is she married?”

  Gage stares me down. “No, she’s not married.”

  Levi gives me a searching look. Am I being that obvious?

  “She’ll be here tomorrow morning. Where are you staying?” Gage asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

  “I’ve bought a house near the beach,” I tell them. I’d considered renting, but I had the money and my financial advisors said a house in Perth would be a decent investment.

  “Sweet, man, that’s cool,” Gage says, nodding.

  “Can we play PS4?” Parker interrupts.

  “Sure, buddy, what do you wanna play?” Levi asks.

  “A shooting game,” he says cheerfully.

  “You want your mum to kill us?” Gage asks with a chuckle. Somehow I can’t imagine Keira caring about whether the games the kid played were child-appropriate.

  “I won’t tell! I’m no snitch!” Parker insists, his eyes huge on his small face. I can’t stop the laugh that escapes me. I can’t remember the last time I’ve laughed. This kid is a riot.

  “You gonna stay and play, Tane?”

  “Sure,” I answer. “Why not.”

  I’m playing my second game with Parker when I notice Gage staring at me with a weird look on his face. His eyes flicker between Parker and me. I wonder if I’ve done something wrong. They seem pretty casual around the kid, but maybe I said something inappropriate.

  “Everything cool, man?” I ask.

  He shakes his head, as if clearing it. “Yep. Prepare to get your ass, ah, I mean butt, kicked.”

  I smile, game-face on. “Yeah, we’ll see.”

  Parker beats us all.

  Once Parker goes to sleep, Gage, Levi and I chill out. It gets late, so Gage tells me to crash in the guest room so I don’t have to drive all the way home. I take him up on his offer, feeling too tired to drive.

  For the first time in ages, I go to sleep thinking things just might get better for me.

  Chapter Three

  Giselle

  I open the door with my key, pausing to pick my handbag up from the floor. I just finished my kickboxing class. I started doing it after I gave birth to Parker, to lose the extra baby weight, and it had become addictive. I’ve gone every week since then.

  “Parker?” I call out, heading straight to the kitchen. I come to a stop when I take in the scene before me.

  Tane Miller is making breakfast. For my son. Two identical pairs of pale-green eyes raise when they see me enter. Parker gives me a huge grin. I force a smile, blinking slowly a few times. This was not something I’d ever thought I’d see: Parker and his father, standing side by side. It’s so obvious that Parker is his son; did Gage and Levi notice? I look around the room before my eyes find Tane again. Feeling a little unsure, I take a step closer, wondering how much Tane knows.

  “Giselle,” Tane says almost reverently.

  So now he addresses me. Why not before when we were at Keira’s? Did he not recognise me? Maybe he’s trying to play that night off like it never happened.

  “Tane,” I say sharply, in what I supposed was a greeting. I see his forehead wrinkle in confusion, most likely surprised by my dismissiveness. I realise he probably wasn’t used to women who didn’t fawn over his every movement.

  “I’m sorry about yesterday, Giselle, I had no idea that …”

  “Don’t worry about it, Tane. What you do isn’t my business,” I say, cutting him off. He thinks I’m upset because I saw him about to have sex with Keira? And while yes, that hurt badly, it’s nothing compared to what he’s done before. My whole body tenses when I see his gaze trail over the tattoos on my arms, his eyes widening.

  Is it possible that he doesn’t remember that night between us?

  *****

  Tane

  “Giselle,” I say again softly. I love saying her name. She looks beautiful. Now that I have time, I look over her every feature. That jet-black hair is tied up in a messy ponytail. Her face is flushed and her bright, blue eyes are piercing.

  “Parker go into your uncle’s room for a minute, please,” she tells the kid, fussing with one of the bracelets piled on her wrist. I can’t help but check out her body. The tight pants and tank top she’s wearing hug her every curve. She must have come here from the gym or something.

  “Okay,” Parker answers, doing just that. I stare at her beautiful inked artwork. Something about the pieces are slightly familiar.

  “How have you been? You look so different,” I tell her honestly.

  “And you haven’t changed at all,” she says. The tone of her voice is surprisingly harsh. Her words sting.

  “I guess it’s not just your appearance that’s different,” I say, eyebrows raised. “You used to be so quiet and sweet.” I had meant for it to be a light-hearted comment.

  I didn’t expect to hear her laugh coldly. “I used to be a lot of things.”

  She has changed. And it’s something more than the weight she’s obviously lost, the hair, tattoos and makeup. I can’t help but miss the old Giselle. She was something else. Kind to everybody. I was always protective of her. Sweetness like Giselle’s needed to be savoured, because it doesn’t come along very often. I left before I had a chance to do that.

  I rub my chest where it suddenly burns.

  “What brings you back home? Slumming it?” she asks as she walks into the kitchen and pulls an apple out of the fridge, slamming the door closed behind her.

  “I’m taking a break,” I tell her. “Finally visiting home.”

  “How long before you leave again?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.

  “You know why I left last time, Giselle,” I tell her. She sighs, her body releasing some of the tension she was obviously trying to hold. She washes her apple, and then takes a small bite out of it.

  “Do I?” she replies. “I think it was about more than just losing your mum.”

  It was, but I don’t say anything.

  “I’m sorry, but you left a lot of people behind as well, Tane,” she says frankly. “It’s been years since any of us heard from you.” I swallow hard when I see the emotion blazing in her blue eyes.

  “Hey sis,” Gage greets her as he walks out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. I watch as she walks over to her brother and kisses him on the cheek, before disappearing into one of the rooms. Gage gives me a curious look as she walks away, but says nothing.

  “You want to head out and catch some waves?” Gage asks me. “I have a spare board.” I nod hesitantly, wanting to talk some more with Giselle, but I guess now isn’t the time. Some surfing with my old buddy actually sounds good. It’s been a while. I linger in the kitchen, waiting for Giselle to come out. When she does, she is hand-in-hand with Parker.

  “We’re going to get going,” she tells us.

  “Bye Uncle Gage! Bye Tane!” Parker calls out. I notice Giselle stiffen noticeably.

  “By
e little man,” Gage says, leaning down and kissing him on the forehead.

  “Bye Parker,” I say, but my eyes are solely on Giselle.

  “Mama, can we get ice cream on the way home?”

  My heart skips a beat.

  “Sure thing, baby,” she replies with a warm smile. I watch them both walk out of the apartment, not looking back.

  I stand there, staring where they were in my last view of sight, shocked. Parker is Giselle’s kid? Not Keira’s? Feeling confused, I remember the colour of his eyes and frown.

  Who the fuck is the father?

  Chapter Four

  Giselle

  The week passes slowly so I welcome Friday with open arms. I can’t seem to get Tane off my mind. I keep thinking about us growing up. How he had been. I compare my memories of him to his behaviour five years ago, and then recently. Seeing him almost naked, getting down with Keira, had been torture. I couldn’t get the images out of my head, and they made me feel nauseous. Yet, despite every ounce of logic telling me that Tane was nothing but bad news, I can’t help the feelings I have. I just have to write them off as being the lingering emotions of a young, insecure girl.

  That is not who I am now.

  *****

  Levi told me that Tane has been hanging out with him and Gage, catching up any chance they can get. I have no idea how to process that. Is he going to stick around this time? What do I tell him? It’s so embarrassing to admit what happened that night. He’s acting as though he doesn’t remember. Is that even possible?

  Well, this is Tane …

  I can’t let it go on any longer. He and I need to have a chat.

  He deserves to know he has a son.

  The library has ten minutes until closing time, so I finish putting away the last of the returned books. Gage told me to come over straight after work for dinner and movies. Parker is already there, since Gage picked him up from kindergarten. Owning their own business, Gage and Levi enjoy a level of flexibility that I could only dream of. They really are a godsend. Without them, I’d have to put Parker in day-care some afternoons. Besides being insanely expensive, I just wouldn’t want to do that. It makes me feel much better to know that he is with family.

  I finish up and close the library. Heading to my car, I get the absolute shock of my life when I see Tane leaning against it, staring right at me. He’s dressed casually in fitted jeans and a t-shirt that gently clings to his toned chest. I can’t even deny it. He looks delicious. I’ve always been attracted to him. I guess that’s just something that’s never going to change.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask him angrily, digging through my handbag for my keys.

  “I just wanted to talk to you, alone,” he says, his eyes raking over me. I’m dressed professionally in a knee-length black skirt and a white blouse. My hair is pulled back away from my face, pinned in a severe bun, and the only makeup I’m wearing is mascara and baby-pink lipstick.

  “How did you know I would be here?” I frown.

  “Gage told me you work here. Any more questions?” he asks in a sarcastic tone.

  “I don’t think you want to go there,” I say wryly. I cross my arms, impatiently waiting for him to tell me whatever it is that is so important that it required him to come to my work.

  “Look, I’m sorry I left and didn’t contact you. But I never forgot you, Giselle. Never,” he says, his eyes begging mine. I wanted to hear those words for so long. I wanted him to turn up and reassure me and tell me how much he loved me. But I stopped that after I had Parker. I will not allow myself to be weak because of Tane ever again.

  I’ve already given him so much of me and gotten nothing in return.

  “Okay,” I respond. Nothing he says will make what he did better. Nothing.

  “And I’m sorry about Keira. I had no idea she was Levi’s sister, and I sure as hell never expected you to see anything like that,” he says, looking down.

  “Why? We all know you get around, Tane. It’s a bit late to play coy,” I tell him sharply, finally finding my keys and pulling them out.

  “You’re not going to make this easy on me, are you?” he says under his breath.

  “Should I?” I ask him.

  “Giselle, just … come here, please?” he begs, as he steps closer to me and pulls me into his arms. I can’t help but relax into his body after a moment, closing my eyes and allowing myself to pretend; pretend that this is Tane, my old Tane. Not this new person who has inhabited his body.

  “You’re beautiful, but I liked you before, too, you know. Just as you were. You’ve always been perfect to me,” he almost whispers into my ear. “I missed you.” I pull away. It’s all too much.

  “Just don’t, Tane,” I say, raising my hand to stop him from continuing. “Why are you suddenly back?”

  “I’m taking a little breather,” he says ambiguously. His hands run up my back, causing me to shiver. I take another step back, out of his arm’s reach.

  “For how long?” I ask him.

  “Six months, possibly longer,” he replies.

  “I see,” I drawl.

  “So, you have a kid,” he says, his tone light, but the sudden stillness in his body gives away his tension.

  “I do.”

  What else am I supposed to say? When I realize Tane is silent, I look up at him, to see him staring at the ground.

  “Where is his father?” he asks frankly, his fingers tightening their grip on me. He looks up at me intently, waiting for my answer.

  Now it’s my turn to stiffen. “Not in the picture.” I pull away from his embrace.

  “I want a name,” he bites out harshly.

  “What for?” I ask, now suspicious.

  “Because no one hurts you,” he says it like a threat.

  I can’t help the cold laugh that escapes me. “That’s rich.”

  I told myself I was going to tell him; what the hell am I doing? Each comment that comes out of his mouth just infuriates me further.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” he demands.

  “Nothing. Look, are you coming to Gage’s now?” I ask, changing the subject. I will tell him, just not right now. Fuck, I’m scared.

  “No, I just left there. I thought I’d let you have some family time,” he says, his voice suddenly gentle.

  “How kind of you,” I say sarcastically.

  “What the fuck did I do now?” he asks, looking confused.

  “Nothing, Tane. It’s Friday, I’m sure you have plans. Keira? Or someone new, maybe?” I say, my fingers digging into my palms at the thought. Instead of answering me, or giving an explanation, Tane just smiles. The bastard smiles. Shit, I need to get a hold of myself.

  “I’m going,” I announce, pulling myself from his reach.

  “I like you being jealous,” he says, his lips turned up in a smug grin.

  My eyes narrow to slits. “If I was, I’d have to be jealous of how many women around the world? It would be a full-time job.”

  He shrugs. “I was looking for something, trying to keep myself distracted. What I really wanted the whole time was you.”

  I open my mouth, and then snap it shut. What does one say to that? He had me. He had me, and he didn’t want me.

  “You’re good, Tane. I’ll give you that.”

  “That wasn’t a line, Giselle, give me some credit,” he says, looking down at his shoes. “You know there has always been something between us. Connecting us. Drawing us together.”

  “It doesn’t matter. You have no right to say those things,” I reply, taking a deep breath, hoping it will calm me down.

  It doesn’t.

  “If we were so connected, you would have come home a long time before now, and I wouldn’t have had to run into you by accident. If I didn’t walk in on you and Keira, I probably would have never seen you, would I?”

  He lifts his face up to look at me. Many emotions pass over it.

  Guilt. Regret. Confusion. Love. Loss.

  “I never stopped th
inking about you, I just knew I didn’t deserve you,” he finally says in a quiet voice. “No other woman will ever have anything on you, Giselle. Never.”

  I puff out a breath. “That’s hard to believe when they get more from you than I ever did.”

  Now he looks hurt. “What did they get? My body for one night? You got everything else, Giselle. My dreams, my heart. My future. My past. My every fucking thought.”

  “Your words and actions don’t match up. Actions mean much more to me. Now why don’t you just go to whoever you will end up with tonight?” I say, regretting the words the moment they leave my mouth.

  His face falls. “I’m not seeing anyone tonight. I’m going straight home.”

  “A bit out of your way, isn’t it? Coming to see me?” I ask, knowing it is. The beach is about a twenty-minute drive from here.

  Tane shrugs and says, “It was worth it.”

  I narrow my eyes on him. “What was?”

  “Seeing you. I missed your charming personality,” he adds sarcastically.

  “Ha, ha. I save this charm just for you,” I drawl.

  “I can see that. Why is that, exactly?” he asks, tilting his head to the side. The motion causes his hair to hide one of his pale-green eyes.

  “You’re just lucky, I guess,” I mumble.

  “I’m sorry for leaving you. I’m sorry for the Keira thing. But we weren’t together then; you can’t really hold that against me.”

  “We aren’t together now either,” I point out.

  “Not yet,” he says as he opens my car door for me.

  “Not ever,” I say stubbornly under my breath. He ignores it, though I know he heard me.

  “I’ll follow you to Gage’s, make sure you get there safely,” he says, his tone commanding no argument.

  “That’s not necessary, Tane,” I say with an eye roll. “Unless one of your groupies comes hunting me down, I think I’ll be just fine.”

  “No arguing, Giselle,” he says sternly.

  “You just came from there,” I argue, pushing away my embarrassment.

  The man is being ridiculous right now. I’m so confused. I must have been just another number to him. A number he probably doesn’t even remember.