Where I Wanna Be

by Vera Roberts

  “Hey, Faye, it’s me. Um, when you get this, can you call me back? I just want to talk to you about little man and other stuff between us. Thanks.”

  Faith was surprised by Eli’s message. She thought he was going to curse her out and belittle her. She was so used to the horror stories of single mothers at her shop she naturally grouped Eli into being a deadbeat dad. Maybe he wasn’t like the others. She was still hesitant about him and kept her guard up. No matter how nice Eli sounded over the phone, he was probably calling from his girlfriend’s house.

  Faith swallowed her pride and called her husband. No, she would have to correct herself. Eli was not her husband. Eli was her ex-husband. Big difference.

  “Hey, Faye,” his deep voice roared over the phone, “thanks for calling me back.”

  Faith briefly closed her eyes at the sound of Eli’s voice. It always used to tickle her ears whenever he spoke to her. It was deep, smooth, and rich. She especially loved it when he would speak in Italian as he moved inside her, taunting her with his words and encouraging her orgasm.

  She hated that she missed him. She hated that she was still in love with him. She hated that he hurt her and ruined their marriage. She hated him.

  She loved him.

  “Hey.” She cleared her throat. “What’s up?”

  “Um, I know I was a dick the other day, with the vase and the door. I promise to replace both before you get back from Florida.” Eli began.

  “That’s fine,” Faith kept her answers short, “was that all?”

  “Yeah, I was wondering if little man was up? I wanted to say good morning to him.”

  “No, he’s still asleep but he’ll be waking up soon, though.” Faith promised, “If you call back in about ten minutes, you can talk to him then.”

  “Okay, I’ll do that.” Eli leaned against the kitchen counter. “So when are you going to be back from Florida?”

  “In a few days,” Faith briefly heard her son wake up and make noise, “We’ll be back soon.”

  “Good, good. I was hoping maybe we could meet somewhere and start to make arrangements with visitation and support.” Eli suggested. “And just come to reasonable terms and not get lawyers involved.”

  Faith had to steady her breath. She threatened Eli to clean him out but she said that out of anger. Everything became very real to her. “Um, what did you have in mind?”

  “Well, I was thinking,” Eli spoke on the phone as Simone listened in from a nearby corner unbeknownst to him, “I would continue to pay the mortgage and bills, including Nate’s daycare while you could figure out what reasonable dollar amount of support you want. Reasonable.” He emphasized.

  “I’ll… I’ll think of something,” Faith then heard Nathan talking with someone in their hotel room. She rushed out of the bathroom and saw Nathan sitting at the table with a full breakfast in front of him—and Darren. “Um, Eli, I really need to go now. I’ll call you back.” She hung up on him.

  “I was wondering when you were going to come out of that bathroom,” Darren smiled at Faith, “I ordered breakfast for everyone. Please sit down.”

  “Why are you in my room?” She scolded Darren, trying to ignore the delicious aromas from breakfast.

  “It’s too early for questions,” Darren smiled. “Please, sit down. I’m sure you’re hungry.”

  “Yeah, it’s too early for questions, Mommy.” Nathan pointed to her chair.

  Faith reluctantly sat down and unfolded her napkin. Darren was good, really good. He had figured out what room she was in and ordered room service, which she hoped was charged to his room based on how much was before her. Normally she would’ve been charmed by a guy going out of his way to show affection towards her and her son. But with her marriage to Eli still firmly in the background, she played caution. Darren was too good to be true.

  “You know,” Darren took a sip of coffee. “You never did tell me your name.”

  “I’m sure you have that figured out already,” Faith nodded.

  Darren laughed. “You keep throwing that same line to me.”

  “Well, start catching it and I wouldn’t have to keep throwing it.” She commented.

  Darren smiled. The woman beside him had both beauty and brains. It was rare for him, in his profession, to find a woman who had both. If she had brains, she was boring and dull. If she had beauty, she was high-maintenance and stupid. Faith didn’t look like she would fit into either category.

  Instead, she created her own category for Darren: sophisticated woman.

  “It must be hard,” Darren began, “being a single mother?”

  I wouldn’t know. This is new to me. “I’d rather not talk about that in front of my son.” She adjusted her position. “And it’s a very personal subject.”

  Darren held up his hands in defense. “I’m sorry for stepping on toes. I didn’t mean to offend you. I just thought…”

  “Hey, Darren!” Nathan turned to him. “Can you teach me how to throw a football?”

  “Sure, I can do that, little man.” Darren smiled at him.

  Faith cringed at Darren interacting with Nathan. It should’ve been Eli having breakfast with him, and making plans to play catch, not some superstar football player. It should’ve been Eli referring to Nathan as little man as he just did in their phone call. She didn’t know whether to feel sadness or anger.

  “I’m sure you have plans today, Darren,” Faith interrupted the pair, “you don’t have to go out of your way like you already have.”

  “I know I don’t have to,” he turned towards her, “I know I want to.”

  Faith took a bite of her bacon and smiled. “Thick.”

  “The bacon?” Darren asked.

  “No,” she shook her head, “what you’re laying on me. It’s thick.”

  Nine

  “How much are you willing to give her?” Divorce attorney, Sebastian Williams, asked his client.

  Eli shrugged, thinking about a possible dollar amount. “Enough to keep her happy, to make sure my son is provided for, but I don’t want to be bankrupt.”

  Eli sat in his attorney’s office going over his fortune. Between what he made at Madre’s and being a co-owner of Million Hair salon, he easily pulled in six figures a year. That figure didn’t count his massive fortune courtesy of his mother. He took the money and bought the home he shared with Faith, upgraded their cars and start up her salon. The rest of the money was divided between stocks, bonds, and other investment portfolios. He had seen his wealth fluctuate to the highest of fifteen million, at the height of the stock market boom, to the lowest of ten million when it was crashed. It currently held steady at twelve million.

  In short, Eli had a lot of money to lose. And if Faith’s threats were any indication, it was going to be a long and ugly battle for them both.

  “Well, son, you’re lucky you’re not in a community property state because if you were…” Sebastian shook his head and whistled. He was a tall White man with wavy brown hair, a lanky stature, and looked every part of an expensive attorney. “But we are in an equitable distribution state. Whatever she brought into the marriage is hers. Whatever you brought into the marriage is yours. Whatever you two have earned since the marriage can be hammered out in details.”

  Eli stared out the window and soaked up the information. Faith didn’t bring anything into the marriage. By the time they married, Eli had already bought the townhome they shared and the building her salon was currently housed in. He could just taken everything away from Faith and that would have been the end of it, giving her money to start over.

  Start over? What did he really want out of this? He met with his attorney to discuss options, but he wasn’t sure if divorce was in the cards. He didn’t know what he wanted, truth be told. He did know he just needed a break from everything. “I see,” he quietly answered.

  “What’s your opening demand?” Sebastian asked.

  “I was thinking fifteen thousand,” Eli suggested.

  “Total?” Sebast
ian asked.

  “A month,” Eli corrected. He couldn’t bear the thought of his wife not being taken care of, at least for a short while.

  Sebastian raised an eyebrow at Eli’s suggestion. “Oh, do tell.”

  “That includes the mortgage, bills, and child care costs. The rest would include the maid service we currently have and a cook, if she chooses to get one.” Eli reasoned. “I think I’m being very generous.”

  “Generous isn’t the word, son.” Sebastian smiled. “Insane is more like it.”

  “I just don’t want any reason for my son to not be taken care of,” Eli stated. “I don’t want to know the reason he didn’t eat or he hadn’t gotten new clothing was because there wasn’t enough money. I want to make sure he is being provided for.”

  “And what about visitation?” Sebastian asked. “How often do you plan on seeing Nate?”

  Eli leaned against the window and stared out into the sunny New York weather. He hated that the weather was everything opposite he felt. Blue sky, not a cloud in sight, simply beautiful. He felt alone, dark, and miserable. “As much as she would let me.”

  “You need clear rules, my man. Clear and set rules.” Sebastian played with a pencil on his desk. “You can’t give her free will to determine when and if you’re going to see your son, especially if you’re shelling out fifteen thousand a month to make sure she’s taken care of. Do you want every weekend? Every other weekend? Some weeknights? Alternate weeks? You need to be clear what you want and expect out of this.”

  The conversation was causing a headache in Eli. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He wasn’t supposed to be in his attorney’s office, hammering out custody and visitation rights. He wasn’t supposed to give direction on how much Faith was going to receive monthly. No, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. The last three months he didn’t realize how unhappy he was. The last several weeks made his skin crawl and he needed a chance to breathe.

  He was always the responsible brother. He was always the dependable one. If someone needed something, they went to him before the others and he had always accommodated, even if it meant he went out of his way. He was happy with his life for the most part. He was happy with Faith, for the most part.

  And then something went wrong. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly when, where, why, or how it started. It would be a fight here. It would be a silly argument there. Then there would be slammed doors. Then there would be silent treatments for days. Then there would be the hottest make-up sex, breathing and sweating each other out until they were exhausted.

  Then another fight would happen and it would start all over again.

  They didn’t fight often but when they did, they were blow-outs. A lot of screaming. A lot of cursing. But they never demeaned each other. They never put each other down. They played by some rules. As always, Eli had to go out and buy something expensive for his wife to prove all was forgiven. She was expensive. She was exhausting. She was high-maintenance. He loved every inch of her.

  “What the hell is wrong with you?” Eli asked his new bride.

  A giggly Faith gently swayed back and forth. “Huh?”

  He eyed Faith’s stance and stood beside her in case if she swayed too far and hit the ground. “Oh Jesus, you’re drunk.”

  “I’m just happy to be married to you, baby! That’s all!” Faith smiled.

  Eli called his brothers over. “She’s drunk. I need to sober her up before her dad sees her.”

  “Tony, get me a cup of hot water with lemon,” Nick directed, “K, stand to her left in case she sways again and kisses the floor. Joey, distract the dad.” Nick then glanced at Faith, who was uncontrollably giggly. “And you, missy, you stay put and don’t move.”

  “Yes, drill sergeant!” Faith saluted her brother-in-law.

  A slow smile appeared on Eli’s face at the memory. Just as quickly as it appeared, it faded away into the background and Sebastian’s voice became clearer and in focus. “Eli? What are your plans for visitation?”

  A scowl replaced the smile on Eli’s face. “I’ll talk to Faith about that. I have to talk to her when she gets back in town.”

  “Let me know what goes on and do not put anything in writing without me looking it over first,” Sebastian warned. He turned to Eli and saw how distressed he was. “Listen, kiddo, I know breakups are hard and I’ve been divorced enough times to tell you how much it sucks. But I’m rooting for you, kid. We can work on something that will make everyone happy.”

  “I certainly hope so,” Eli blew out a sharp breath, “because I’m feeling pretty miserable.”

  Ten

  Darren Matthews was quite the charmer.

  Faith learned of his life story during their breakfast date. Date? No, it wasn’t a date. Their breakfast shindig. That’s what it was.

  He’d loved football since he was a little boy, always practicing with his dad in the backyard. He knew stats and percentages of his favorite players. He played freshman football his first year in his high school before he was elevated to the varsity team his sophomore year. He had received many offers from colleges and was considered to be one of the three top players in all of the United States. He chose to go to Arizona State on a full scholarship, leading them to many championship wins.

  He was the third draft overall in the NFL. With a hit and miss first season, Darren made up for it the second one, leading his team to the playoffs. The third season, they finally went to the Super Bowl. The fourth season, they won it and racked up a string of victories shortly afterward.

  He was loved by many. He was equally hated by many. For all praise, there was an equal amount of criticism and none of it he could deem as constructive. “I’ve concluded that there are some people who just want to see me fail,” He said over coffee.

  Darren, though some of his recent actions might deem him otherwise, was a nice guy. Faith already knew this was a man who was not used to taking no for an answer and if something seemed impossible, he would find a way to make it possible. His hunger to achieve more was admirable. His generous charity donations were heart-warming.

  Still, Faith couldn’t help but think she was looking at a blonde-haired, blue-eyed version of Eli.

  The similarities between the two men were almost identical. Eli could’ve gone into sports and would’ve been great at it. Watching sports and playing them were two different things and he was more into graphic design. Every summer, he hosted an art camp for a week for poor and underprivileged children, teaching them how to draw and how to design bouquets and centerpieces.

  Eli also had his fair share of criticism, with many critics of Madre’s calling his designs ‘gaudy’ and ‘over the top.’ It used to bother Eli a lot, making him wonder what the purpose was for him working in his mother’s shop. After a while he figured out the answer, “The ones who criticize are the ones who can’t do it,” he simply smiled. “If they can do it better, I encourage them to do so. I will bet you money theirs will suck ass, though.”

  The memory warmed Faith’s heart. She loved how determined he was, no matter the circumstances. Now he was no longer hers and that was something she needed to get used to.

  “So, what are your plans for today, Faith?” Darren’s voice broke through her thoughts.

  “Um,” Faith blinked several times to relieve her mind of Eli, “we’re going to Sea World and then out to dinner.”

  “Can I join you?” He asked.

  “I’m sure you have a lot planned today, Darren.” Faith declined him with a flippant hand. “And besides, a man like you needs to go out and live it up. Not being stuck with a woman and her son.”

  “You call it stuck, but I offered to join.” He replied, with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “Besides, I haven’t been to Sea World in a while.”

  “Aren’t you afraid of paparazzi and the media following you?” Faith asked.

  “No one knows that I’m here, and no one will know if I play my cards right.” Darren replied. “Now, can I join you and Nate tod
ay? If not, I’ll see what you’re up to tomorrow.”

  “You don’t take no for an answer often, do you?” Faith asked.

  Darren leaned in closer to Faith. “I don’t take no for an answer at all.”

  ****

  Nicola sat in her office at the non-profit she founded, Donne Forti, looking into space. She had several appointments with women she had helped, all in various stages of assistance. Some had graduated from the program and were coming back to keep her abreast of their lives. A few were just starting out and had nowhere to turn.