Get Rocked

by Tabatha Vargo

  My head lurched back when my dad grabbed the back of my hair and pulled me back into the house. Tiny pins pulled from my hair and strands were released into my face.

  “Don’t even think about it. God don’t like ugly, Faith, and you’re disgracing yourself and this family. I hated to do it this way, but you leave me no other choice. I’m a respected man around here. One call to the police and I could have that boy put in prison for a long time. Did you know he sells drugs from his home? I knew that and so does his probation officer.” He jerked me closer to him; my hair was being ripped from its roots. “All I have to do is make a call. Quit being a selfish girl. Think about that mother of his. She can barely make it around without him. Do you really want to take him away from her like that?”

  “You’re lying!”

  He spun me around and again his hand connected with my cheek.

  Then he pulled out a video tape—one that went to those old style VCRs that no one used anymore. He shoved it in my face, the black plastic dug into my cheek.

  “Do you know what this is, Faith?” An angry vein poked out of his forehead. “Of course you don’t. Well, let me tell you what this is. It’s Finn on tape, selling drugs. I bet you know all about drugs and such now that you’re a sinner.” I smacked the tape out of my face and pulled away. “Leave this house, even think about leaving this house, and he’s going to prison for a very long time. You’re no longer allowed to see that boy. It’s over and we’re leaving.”

  I tried not to believe anything he was saying, but it was hard since for my entire life, I’d looked up to my father like he was good and saintly. It also didn’t help that I could remember all the drugs that bounced around Finn’s garage. He didn’t have a job yet, but somehow he’d been able to fix his car and buy things. I didn’t know much about the way drug deals worked, but I assumed Finn was in a good place in the world to be able to do such things. His neighbors alone would make great customers for him.

  I pulled away from my dad again and this time he freed me. I took advantage of the moment and of his age and I ripped open the front door. I knew I was taking a chance on getting Finn into some major trouble, but the thought of just disappearing on him didn’t sit well with me. I knew Finn and I knew he’d want to know what was happening with me, even if it meant false accusations on him.

  I collided with the screened door and went right through it. Tiny pieces of wood splintered into the air. I heard my dad calling out behind me, followed by my mother’s high-pitched voice. Tripping on the broken door, I fell to the ground. My dad latched onto my ankle with strong fingers and I kicked with all my might until he let go. Jumping up, I ran.

  I ran until my lungs ached, my flats beating into the asphalt and echoing into the wind that rushed past me. Tears that I didn’t know I was shedding spread across my cheeks and cooled, leaving my face feeling stiff and swollen. Hair flapped against my face and tangled into the chain around my neck. My cross dug into my palm until I felt like it was bleeding.

  Night was settling in and the air was getting cooler. When I saw a pair of headlights coming my way, I freaked out, knowing it was my father coming after me, so I turned and fled into the patch of woods on the side of the road. I ducked down into the brush as my dad’s car zoomed by.

  I’d done the unthinkable, and I already knew it wasn’t going to end well for me. I was seventeen. I could leave. I could tell my dad to shove it and run away with Finn, but I needed to make sure Finn was on board first. I needed to make sure that he wanted the same from me.

  It took a while, but I finally made it to the closest gas station. My feet burned and lungs ached from breathing in the night air. The cashier looked at me like I was death walking in the store, which made sense since that’s exactly what I felt like.

  “Do you have a phone I can use?” I asked.

  I pulled the chord as far as it would go and punched in Finn’s home number. I prayed as it rang that he would answer and when he did, I nearly burst out into tears again.

  “Finn, I need you. Please come and get me.” The minute the words left my mouth, I began to cry.

  I couldn’t get to her fast enough. From the second I heard her crying on the phone and telling me she needed me, I was out the front door. I broke the speed limit the entire way to her side of town and left most of the rubber from my tires on the road. When I pulled up to the gas station and saw her sitting on the sidewalk in her pretty black dress and her hair all tangled up, I was angry. I wanted to put my fist through her dad’s face—pastor or no pastor.

  She stood, my headlights blinding her, and adjusted her dress. She looked like a weeping willow in a spot of sunlight. I jumped out of my car and went to her. Pulling her into my arms, I held her close and breathed her in.

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  “I am now.”

  She looked up at me with a broken smile. I caught a wayward tear on her cheek with my thumb.

  “Come on. You’re coming home with me.”

  I held her hand on the ride back to my house. By the time we got there, she was asleep. Instead of waking her, I went around to her side of the car, opened the door, and carried her in my house. She wrapped her arms around my neck and breathed softly into my ear.

  Mom had gone to bingo with some friends in hopes of hitting the big-ass jackpot and paying some bills, so the house was empty and quiet.

  I carried Faith straight to my room and laid her on my bed. She turned and sighed into my pillow. Her hair spread across my pillow and a tiny smile formed on her mouth. She looked so peaceful. She fit perfectly there, and I silently wished that she would sleep there every night.

  I left her there, turned everything off in the house, and then went to shower. The bathroom steamed up as I let the hot water wash away the bad memories of the week that passed. So many life-changing things happened to me in the last week—the loss of my brothers and hopefully, the permanence of Faith.

  I turned off the shower, wrapped a towel around my junk, and then crept into my room to get some clothes. My room was dark—the only sound was the osculating fan that I couldn’t sleep without. I pulled open my top drawer and grabbed a pair of boxers.

  Turning around, I was about to drop my towel and slip on the boxers, but I stopped when I realized Faith was standing across the room, staring at me. Her eyes burned me as they moved down from my face, past my neck and chest, and landed on the part of my towel that was slowly lifting.

  I expected her to turn away or leave the room, but instead, she walked up to me and slid her arms around my neck. Her fingers moved across the droplets of water that lingered on my back before she worked them through my wet hair. I sucked in a breath when she pressed her sweet mouth to my chest.

  I tangled my fingers in the back of her hair and lifted her face to mine. I kissed her slowly, memorizing her mouth with my tongue. She pressed into me and dug her nails into my back as if she couldn’t get enough.

  I turned, pressing her up against the wall. Lifting her dress, I wrapped her legs around my hips. She didn’t stop me; instead, she began to move her hips like she knew what she was doing. Our panting breaths filled the room as we kissed. Dropping my mouth to her neck, I kissed softly, nipping at her earlobe before sucking it into my mouth.

  “Please, Finn,” she said over and over again.

  I knew what she was asking me for, but it was too soon. Things were too emotionally fucked up right now, and I didn’t want her searching for consolation in the wrong places. Her friend had just died and her father had just attacked her.

  Thinking about what she told me in the car before she fell asleep was making me crazy. He hit her and from what she’d said, it was for no reason at all. That son of bitch hit her!

  I growled a little before taking her mouth again. I felt like an animal—wild and ready to rip someone apart. She tugged at her dress, making it move up past her hips, before she began to grind against my towel, against my hard cock. It was then that I knew I had to stop. I was ready to
go all the way, but it was wrong. It was the worst time for her to lose her virginity. Once she was done grieving for Amanda, she’d hate me for taking advantage.

  I pulled away from her and used my hand to block my hardness. “Faith, we have to stop.”

  I was breathing like I’d just run a marathon. Every muscle in my body was tight as if I’d been working them all at the same time.

  She shocked me as she followed me, slid her arms around my neck again, and then started kissing me again. She tasted so sweet and her body felt so amazing against mine. I wanted to keep going. I wanted it more than anything, but again, I pulled away. I had to be the levelheaded one.

  She looked up at me with pain in her eyes. “Please, Finn, just give me this night. Please.”

  That made no sense to me. We had all the nights of our lives if we wanted them.

  “There’ll be other nights. We have the rest of our lives, Faith. A lot has happened this week. Let me hold you and when you’re really ready and only when you’re really ready—”

  She captured my face in her hands and kissed me again, harder. I kissed her back and then pulled away. “I’m ready, Finn. I’ve never been more ready. What if this is the only night we have together?”

  I was confused.

  “But it’s not. Don’t even say that.”

  “I know, but what if it was? What if someone tried to take me away from you?”

  I couldn’t even fathom the idea.

  “That won’t happen,” I said.

  I clenched my jaws so hard my teeth ached.

  “But how do you know?” she asked.

  “Because I’d kill anyone who tried to take you away… either that or I’d die fighting for you. No one will ever take you away from me—ever.”

  The truth of my words burned in my chest.

  Her eyes filled with tears until they broke free and rolled down her cheeks. “I love you, Finn.”

  My heart shifted. She meant it. I could see it in her eyes that she meant it, and I’d never been so happy to hear those words. I needed them. I wanted to wrap them up and stick them in a box for safe keeping. They meant everything to me since I felt exactly the same.

  I looked her in the eyes and took a deep breath. It wasn’t every day I confessed my love to someone. “I love you, too.”

  She smiled up at me before leaning in close. “Then show me.”

  She stepped back and reached for the hem of her dress. I could hardly believe my eyes when she pulled it up and over her head. She wore simple white cotton panties with a matching bra. My eyes dropped from her breasts, down her stomach, and landed on her thighs. Her body was beautiful. Her hair was pushed across one shoulder as she shyly peeked up at me from her dark lashes. She’d never looked more like an angel.

  And just like that, I gave in to her. Taking her by the hand, I led her to my bed and laid her down. She held her arms out to me and welcomed me into them when I climbed on top of her. I took my time kissing her and touching her in all her secret places. She moaned my name over and over again, and when I felt her fingers make their way into my towel, I moaned, too.

  She squirmed beneath me, her breath coming in rampant pants. I removed her bra and panties and blew softly on different parts of her body, making her arch her body and shiver. Once my towel was gone from between us, I pressed and teased her with my body. She shifted her hips and whined.

  “Please, Finn. I want you.” Her eyes were wide as she looked into mine.

  “Are you sure?”

  I had to make sure before I took something from her that I could never give back.

  Her fingers dug into my back, pulling me so close to her that I could feel her heartbeat against my chest.

  “Yes. Please.” The desperation in her voice matched my own.

  Reaching into my night table, I pulled out a condom. The foil crackled as I ripped it open. She looked down and watched as I slid the slippery rubber over my hardness. Swallowing, she looked back up at me and I saw the nervousness in her expression.

  I braced myself above her and adjusted my hips. I knew it was going to hurt her, so I leaned down and began to kiss her hard and deep to take her mind off of it. Once she was into the kissing and wrapping her arms around my neck, I pulled back and pressed into her in one swift movement.

  She broke the kiss and gasped in pain. I stopped moving and sat there seeded deep inside of her.

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  She felt amazing wrapped around me. It took everything in me not to let loose and go hard and fast.

  She nodded with big, shocked eyes. “Yes.”

  I wasn’t so sure, and the last thing I wanted was to hurt her more. “Do you want to stop?”

  “No. Don’t stop.”

  So I didn’t. I waited and kissed her more, letting her get adjusted to the feel of me. After a while, natural instinct kicked in and she began rolling her hips beneath me. It felt amazing. I began moving my hips as well—withdrawing slowly before moving back in.

  It felt different with Faith. Even with the condom on, I felt as if I could really feel her. She was warmer and felt better than anything I’d ever felt in my life. I told her so over and over again as I rocked into her and angled my body in ways that made her make more noise.

  The world around us ceased to exist as we panted each other’s names—our bodies slid together in a way I’d never experienced. It was as if I were the virgin. Sex with Faith was beyond words. I wasn’t only physically connected to her; I was emotionally connected as well, which made it feel a hundred times better.

  Fingernails dug into my back as she threw her head back and cried out her release. It was my undoing. I buried my face into her neck, held her closer, and released my all for her. I died a little in that moment, and Faith was my heaven.

  I lay next to Finn and watched him sleep. The alarm clock beside his bed blinked twelve midnight and lit the corner of his room red with every blink. His chest moved up and down with his deep breathing. Every now and again, he’d make a sweet noise of contentment and I’d smile to myself.

  I could hardly believe I was no longer the innocent girl I once was. I’d sinned in the worst way, but I’d welcome hell if it meant being with Finn. We were in love and being with him that way, I could almost forget the drama with my dad. I had until the sun came up to decide what to do. Either I’d risk Finn going to jail and stay with him, or I’d give in to my dad’s commands and walk away from love and everything that I wanted for myself.

  I knew if I told Finn the truth and gave him my options which one he’d pick, but the thought of Finn in jail made me feel nauseated. He was too good for that. He was too good for the life he was living. Technically, I hadn’t seen Finn dealing drugs, but would my dad lie to me?

  His abs felt hot against my fingertips as I ran them down his body. He turned toward me in his sleep and gathered me in his arms. I felt so safe there, like no one or nothing could reach me. My eyes grew heavy, but I fought sleep for as long as I could. I needed to stay awake and at least try to contemplate what to do. I was practically asleep when I heard Finn whisper, “I love you, Faith,” in my ear.

  It felt like five minutes later when a loud crashing noise woke me. I sat straight up in an empty bed. The alarm clock blinked two a.m. in my face, letting me know I needed more sleep.

  Throwing back the sheet, I slid from Finn’s bed and pulled my dress back over my head.

  Bright light spilled into the room as I silently pulled his bedroom door open. There was no one outside his room, but every now and again, I’d hear someone talking from down the hallway. I followed the voices and ended up in front of the master bedroom.

  I didn’t want to be rude and go in, but all I could think was what if someone in there needed help? What if Finn needed me? When I heard his muffled voice through the door, I knew I had to go in. I should’ve knocked, but if Finn was in the room doing something drug related, I wanted to see it with my own two eyes.

  I reached out for the rusted d
oorknob and gave it a turn. The door was silent as I pushed it open enough for me to peek in. A mauve-covered room stood before me. My eyes skimmed the room carefully, taking in the matching bedspread and curtains. Then my eyes landed on Finn and his mom. They were in the master bathroom across the room from me. Finn held back her hair as she puked in the toilet and cried.

  “It’s hurts so bad, Jimmy.” She moaned.

  My heart broke for her. Finn told me before that she had multiple sclerosis, but I had no idea what that really meant.

  “I know, Mom. I’m here. I promise I won’t leave you,” Finn said softly.

  I saw another side of him in that moment. I’d always known he was a guy who would take care of anyone he loved, but seeing it with my own two eyes made it more real. He was a caretaker—a good man—and I was a lucky girl to have him.

  I felt awful for prying into their business, but it was such an honest moment that I couldn’t look away.

  “Don’t leave me. Please just stay until I’m not dizzy anymore,” she asked as Finn wiped at her cheeks with a rag.

  I stood there until he helped her back to her bed. Something happened to me as I watched a very personal story unfold in front of me. Whatever it was changed my entire thought process, and I knew in that moment that I couldn’t stay with Finn and risk my dad having him arrested for drugs. His mom needed him too much. She was sick, and as badly as I wanted to be with Finn, I couldn’t be selfish.

  I quickly made my way back to his room, peeled off my dress so he wouldn’t know I’d been awake, and fell back into his bed with my eyes shut tightly. His door squeaked a little and I could see the light through my eyelids when he came back into his room. Darkness consumed me, and the door clicked into place as he shut the world out again.

  I pretended to sleep as he slid back into bed with me. His side of the mattress dipped and pulled me closer to him. Warm arms came around me and he snuggled his body up to mine and spooned me. I wanted to cry for what I would be losing if I walked away. I was almost positive it was what I had to do.