Kiss My Heart Goodbye (Heart's Intent, #4)

by Brower, Dawn

  God. She wanted to believe him, truly she did. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over and done with.”

  “Is it?” he asked. “Because it seems like I’m paying for that mistake today. The stupid decisions of my youth have driven a wedge between us so deep I don’t see a way to dig us free of it.”

  “I refuse to let her ruin things between us. It was my mistake to let it go this far,” she insisted. “Don’t push me away when we can have so much.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know if that’s true anymore.”

  She’d really messed up. Her heart was breaking into a million pieces and it wasn’t Sullivan’s fault at all. She’d been so worried he would hurt her, and he hadn’t. No, she’d been the one to take a sledgehammer to their fledgling romance, and she had to find a way to fix it. Maybe sex wasn’t the answer, but it could be a start. They’d come so close to falling into bed together several times. Something had always interrupted them.

  She didn’t answer him or even try to convince him they had something. The time for talking was done. Now she had to act before it was too late. She brushed past him and went to the bedroom.

  SULLIVAN WENT OVER to the bar and poured himself a glass of whisky. He downed the entire thing. It burned as it traveled down his throat and settled into his stomach. He’d need a lot more alcohol to get through the night. It wasn’t how he’d thought things would go. He had envisioned a forever with Lana. His past was mucking shit up. He’d stirred the pot, and now he had to live with the results. The fucked up thing was he’d still be sleeping on the damn couch. He was seriously starting to hate that damn thing, and as soon as Lana found another place to go, he’d exorcise it with fire.

  He poured another glass and was about to down that one when a noise filled the room. He turned toward the bedroom and froze. Lana’s silhouette filled the doorway, and from the little he could see, she wasn’t wearing much. The urge to turn on every light in the apartment filled him. She sashayed forward, her hips swinging to a rhythm of her own making. It was a siren’s call, and it seduced him completely.

  “Lana,” he said. It was a struggle to find his voice and the word came out far rougher than he’d wanted it to. The babydoll chemise she wore barely covered her breasts. It was black, sheer from the chest down and stopped at her hips. Her panties were visible through the transparent material.

  “Lisanna,” she said. “You don’t call me Lana. Don’t start now.” She’d kept reminding him she was no longer that girl. When had she started to like that he’d called her by her real name? She stopped in front of him and brought her hands up to his chest. She trailed her fingers down the edge of the buttons holding his shirt together. “I’ve had this fantasy for a long time. I hope you don’t mind what I’m about to do.”

  She looped her fingers through the edge of his shirt and yanked. Buttons flew as the seam ripped apart. Sullivan sucked in a breath and dropped his glass of whiskey to the floor. It splashed across the hardwood floor as the glass clanked against it, then shattered into several pieces. Sullivan yanked her into his arms and pressed his lips to hers. She continued to stroke her fingers over his bare chest, fueling him to deepen the kiss. He had enough presence of mind to lead them away from the broken shards and onto the soft carpet of the living room area. After that he had one focus—to finally find the pleasure he’d imagined with her.

  There was no denying he wanted her. He’d always desired her, and nothing was going to change that. This wouldn’t solve their problems, but damned if he could prevent it from happening. He didn’t even want to. As soon as she walked out the bedroom in the sexy, barely-there outfit he’d been lost to the lust ruling his blood.

  Reluctantly, he stopped kissing her and stared down at her. The ruddy line of a scar trailed downward through her cleavage. The stitches had been long ago removed and an angry red slash left in their place. It was a sign he’d almost lost her and a reminder he still could. Pushing her away would be a mistake. He bent down and kissed the edge of the scar until it hit the cloth barrier of her negligee. Her eyelids were shut and fluttered open. “It’s ugly, I know,” she whispered.

  “You’re beautiful,” he insisted. “Nothing could change that. It’s a part of you, and while I wish it hadn’t happened, I can’t help but be glad for it in a fucked up way. It woke me up and kicked me in the gut. I’ve been walking half asleep through life. I won’t do it anymore.”

  “It’s about time,” she told him. “I’ve waited so long.”

  He had too, but he hadn’t realized it until now. This time with her almost didn’t seem real. They’d taken the long way around to where they belonged. What fools they’d both been. This was perfect—she was perfect. He couldn’t imagine being with anyone other than her. She was the one person he couldn’t live without and prayed he’d never have to.

  She smiled softly at him and ran her fingertips over his cheek. He loved her so damn much his heart burst with it. Her lips were full and inviting and he had to kiss her again. Sullivan lowered one of his hands and pressed it to the edge of her hip below the hem of the negligee. He slid it upward and trailed his fingers along her panty line. She sucked a breath in as he slipped a finger inside to caress her wet folds. When he skimmed the pad of his finger over her sensitive clit, she moaned. He held his finger there for several seconds waiting for her to go crazy with need.

  “Please,” she begged. “Don’t stop.”

  “Not this time,” he agreed trailing kisses over her face, neck and down to her chest. He sucked a tight nipple into his mouth through the material as he slid his finger into her tight sheath. Her moans grew louder as he stroked her with his finger in rhythm with the swirl of his tongue over her breasts. He loved the sexy lingerie, but it had to go. He wanted her naked and writhing in his arms.

  Sullivan let her go and stepped back, then shoved his shirt off and shrugged out of his pants. There was no time to waste. He feared if he did, someone or something would interrupt them again. He stalked forward, completely naked. She didn’t back down and met him halfway. Lifting her into his arms he carried her to the bedroom, set her down, and then stripped her of her clothing. She was finally, gloriously naked. Sullivan took a half-second to appreciate that before he leaned down to worship at her altar. She was so beautiful, and tonight at least, all his. He’d worry about their future later.

  He lifted her onto the bed and pushed her thighs apart. The need to taste every part of her was one he would not ignore. He leaned between her thighs and licked her clit and then sucked it. She grabbed his hair and raked her nails over his head, making him suck harder until she moaned with pleasure. His heart beat heavily in his chest. The emotional overload ricocheted through him, giving him pleasure he’d never known before her. She brought out a side of him he hadn’t realized existed.

  “More,” she ordered. “Yes, like that.” He chuckled lightly and did as she asked. He hadn’t realized how good it would feel to pleasure her. When her release hit, she screamed his name. It was music to his ears.

  Sullivan yanked the drawer open from his bedside table and reached for a condom. He had to be inside her and fast. He ripped the wrapper open with an expertise he should be ashamed of, but wasn’t, then slid the condom down his hard, aching cock. He was going to fuck Lana the way he’d been imaging for weeks now, then he’d make slow love to her the way she deserved. He joined her on the bed and slid between her thighs, pressing his hardness against her wet heat.

  The ache to be inside her was almost too much to bear. He pushed himself into her and moaned at the pleasure. He pulled out and then slid back in. Nothing he’d ever done had prepared him for this. He’d had plenty of sex, but none of those women held his heart. They weren’t his. He quickened his pace, and Lana wrapped her legs around his waist, meeting each thrust. He was mindless to the pleasure and blind with his own need. His orgasm hit him fast and hard. It devastated him and fried all of his circuits.

  It took him several heartbeats to roll off of her and dispose
of the condom. He returned to the bed. Sullivan lifted her and placed her on the other side, then joined her as he pulled the blankets over him. He wasn’t about to leave her for anything. They had a lot to work through, but he wouldn’t give up on her. He loved her too much to let her go easily. It had been foolish of him to think he ever could.

  She curled against him and trailed her fingers across his chest. It was an innocent action, but it made him happy at the same time. He didn’t do this with other women. The bedroom had been for sex or sleeping—not post-coital cuddling. He never let anyone stay afterward. Truth be told, he didn’t bring them to his home. He’d always gone to their place and left afterward. With Lana, everything was different, would always be because he loved her.

  With her lying next to him he could relax for the first time in a while. They still had a lot to work through; nevertheless, he believed it possible now. They were finally on the right path, and he refused to take any step backward. From that moment on they would continue to move forward—together.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Lana rushed into the Brady mansion with the garment bag holding her bridesmaid dress and a duffel bag with all her extra items in it. Her hair had already been styled and sprayed, so not a strand would escape before pictures and the actual wedding ceremony. She was running late and felt incredibly bad about it. Spending the night in Sullivan’s arms had turned her brain to mush and made her forget her promise to arrive early.

  “Lana,” her mother called out.

  Lana halted long enough to turn toward her. “I can’t right now, Mama. Dani’s expecting me.”

  Her mother smiled. “I know, dear, but you’re going the wrong way.”

  Lana glanced around her. Shit. Her mother was right. She usually didn’t take wrong turns in the mansion. She’d helped clean it often enough to know where things were. Sullivan really had killed some of her brain cells with his lovemaking the night before, and the morning, then the shower... If they’d had more time, they might have christened every room in the apartment. One look, a touch, and just like that she was ready for him. How had she survived as long as she had without him?

  She turned around and headed to the correct hallway. “Thanks, Mama,” she called over her shoulder. She went into the room designated for the bride and her attendants. Dani was seated at a vanity while Claire curled her hair. “I’m so sorry I’m late,” Lana said. “I don’t have any excuses, and I’m not even sure where to start.”

  Dani’s lips tilted upward into a knowing smile. “I’m willing to bet everything I own—and it’s a considerable fortune now—my brother had everything to do with it.”

  Heat filled her cheeks at Dani’s pronouncement. She hadn’t realized the whole world could see through her so clearly. Lana prided herself on her privacy and it appeared now she had none. “I have no idea what you speak of.”

  Claire laughed. “There’s no reason to keep it a secret. Everyone could clearly see how much he doted on you last night. Did you really move in with him?”

  Lana frowned. “Not intentionally.” He really should have told her it was his apartment he’d offered her to stay at. If she’d known, she would have made him take her to the mansion. Part of the reason she’d originally refused going to it was because she’d thought Sullivan lived there. She’d been afraid he’d prove to be too much of a temptation. Turned out she was right about that much. Hard not to be when she took into account how gorgeous he was and that she’d wanted him since she was a teenager on the brink of her first devastating crush.

  “There’s a story there,” Dani said. “Sit and tell us all about it. We promise it won’t leave this room.”

  “Don’t you need me to do anything else?”

  Dani shook her head. “Claire has my hair covered. My mother is taking care of everything else. Sullivan promised me last night he’d stay by Ren’s side until the wedding. I think we’re good. Besides, you were in the hospital a couple weeks ago. Take a second to breathe and let yourself heal. Today is a celebration of the love Ren and I share. It took us a long time to get here, and you’re a part of that in a roundabout way.”

  Lana had been the one to phone Dani about her business partner, Matthew Price’s accident. That phone call had led to Dani and Ren finding each other again after a ten-year separation. Now they were about to marry and start the next part of their journey together. Lana was happy for them. “Well, if all you want is a story, that I can give you.”

  “Is it juicy?” Claire asked.

  “No, not really,” Lana replied. “The night my house burned down, he wanted to bring me here, and I said no. I have...” She chewed on her bottom lip, trying to figure out the right way to say it. “...issues with the mansion. The Bradys have always been wonderful, but my mother is the housekeeper. That had a stigma for me I’ve never fully shaken.”

  Claire nodded. “You don’t have to explain family drama to me. Remind me one day to tell you about my mother and how my sister stole my man from me. Though that last part turned out to be a blessing in disguise.”

  Lana laughed. “I think I heard something about a former lover of yours being a complete sociopath and trying to kill you.”

  Claire shuddered. “It’s a night I’m not likely to forget anytime soon. Thank God for Matthew. I don’t know what I’d have done if he hadn’t shown up when he did.”

  It was kind of ironic in a way. Matthew’s accident had brought Dani and Ren back together and made Matt finally admit to Claire how much he loved her. Sometimes bad things happened, and there was no way to prevent them. Like her car accident and the fire... She refused to let those things control her, and instead would choose to look at the good things that had come out of it. “You’re lucky to have him. I’m rather jealous of the two of you. You have both found men who love you so much they’d lay their lives down for you.”

  Dani scrunched her brows together. “You have that too.”

  Did she? Sullivan had been an amazing lover, and they were making progress in their relationship; however, she couldn’t help but believe they had a long way to go. She shook her head. “Some things aren’t always what they seem.”

  As Claire pinned a lock of hair in place, Dani held up a hand. “Leave it for a moment.” She turned toward Lana. “What the hell has Sullivan done?”

  “It isn’t him.” She didn’t want Dani on the warpath before her wedding. “We’re too—different.”

  Dani sighed. “Those differences are what make you work. I’ll tell you the same thing I told him after your accident. You need him, and he needs you. There’s something between you, and everyone who knows the two of you can see it. It’s you and Sully who are blind to it, and have been for a while. Don’t throw away a good thing because you’re afraid.” Dani reached for Lana’s hand. “Trust me on this. I did that, and it took me a decade to find the love of my life again. Second chances are hard to come by, and if you throw away true love, there is no guarantee you’ll get another.”

  A tear formed in the corner of Lana’s eye. She wiped it away before she turned into a maudlin idiot. “I wish I could have your faith.”

  “You can,” she said. “If you’re brave enough and open your heart. You have to be willing to accept him, flaws and all. No one is perfect. It all boils down to one thing—do you love him? The rest are details you can learn to compromise on. That’s what a relationship is. You give a little and he will too, and before you know it, you’ve found your middle ground.”

  Lana nodded. Dani had given her a lot to think about. “Let’s finish getting you ready. We don’t want to keep Ren waiting.”

  Dani grinned. “I do believe I’ve made him wait long enough as it is.”

  Claire finished Dani’s hair and pinned the last dark curl in place. Dani had opted to leave most of her locks down, but partially pin some back away from her face. Lana went over to the garment bag hanging on the back of the closet and unzipped. She sighed at the sight of Dani’s wedding dress. It was perfect for her. Simple, e
legant, and fancy all at the same time. The A-line dress had a deep V-neckline. Lace overlaid the skirt, and it had a silk bow in the back that tied at her waist.

  “Are you ready to put this on?” Lana asked.

  “I’ve never been more ready in my life.”

  Claire and Lana helped her step into the gown and zipped up the back. Dani was no good at tying bows, so she left that to Claire to do. Besides, Claire was already in her gold, floor-length bridesmaid dress, and Lana the slowpoke had barely had time to grab the bag and run. She unzipped her own garment bag and pulled the dress out and the matching silk scarf.

  “You need me to zip that?” Dani asked.

  Lana was going to say no, but that was silly. Why strain when she didn’t have to. “If you don’t mind?”

  “Of course not,” Dani said. “I can’t exactly do more right now, or Claire will swat me. She is a perfectionist.”

  “Ha ha,” Claire mocked her. “We both know who the perfectionist is in this room, and I don’t come nearly as close.”

  This was nice. Dani had spent so much of her life pushing people away, she forgot what it was like to have friends. Work was different. It paid the bills and she loved it, but it didn’t come close to this. She should not have closed herself off from the world. What did it say about her that she let one bad summer dictate her life? Victoria Masters was a bitch, and it was easy to hate her. To place the blame firmly on her evil shoulders... But it wasn’t that simple. Lana had made choices too. Being brave was hard; however, she was ready to give it a try to see where it led her.

  THE WEDDING HAD BEEN beautiful, and no, Sullivan, did not think that because his sister happened to be the bride. He’d had his moments of sentimental nonsense like anyone else. This just happened to be one he cherished above any other. By all appearances, it was for his parents too. His mother had been a blubbering mess through the vows, and his father had wiped a tear or two from his eye as he walked Dani down the aisle.