Can't Hate You (Second Chance Diaries Book 1)

by Emma Vikes

  Their success in the profession that I was now in was something I did look up to. Their marriage, though, scarred me in a way that I still hadn’t gotten past.

  “How’s that research going?” Andrew asked, pushing his chair towards me. “I can’t believe you came here on a Sunday to work on that.”

  The only reason I did was to distract myself. After that confident statement, I left Kate with last night I needed to use my energy on something else. I didn’t want to spend all day wasting my energy, thinking about her. Although admittedly, it wasn’t as if I would be doing a dandy job of it, while her brother was in the same room as me.

  “As good as it can get.” When I turned to Andrew, he was peering at me closely. With furrowed eyebrows, I looked at him questioningly. “What?”

  Andrew shrugged. “It’s weird. It’s been more than a month that you’ve been here.”

  “And is that a problem? I applied for a grant. I can be here for three to six months.”

  Andrew pursed his lips and shook his head in amusement. “I know that, Ry. It’s just surprising that with the length of time that you’ve been here, you haven’t hooked up with anyone.”

  Wrong. I’d hooked up with someone. I couldn’t tell him who that person was because of the likelihood of him killing me. If I randomly dropped this big bomb on Andrew, I had no idea what he would do. He was always protective over Kate and I knew he wanted to kill Adam had Mila not stopped him.

  “I have a question,” I began, swirling my chair around, so I could fully face him. “It’s about Kate.”

  Andrew eyed me. “What about her?”

  I gauged him for a moment, wanting to see if there was even an ounce of suspicion. When I was sure there was none, I continued, “I’m just curious. What if she meets a guy that’s good for her?”

  He made a face. “Then I’ll let her go for it all the way. In case you’ve forgotten, I was a part of the group that chose her dates. I find it too bad that she hasn’t made another date with Elliot. He seemed like a nice guy.”

  Taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, I shook my head at him. “No, that’s not what I meant. I meant… what if she ended up dating what she deems as a good guy?”

  “What she deems as a good guy?” he repeated.

  “Yeah. Someone she thinks is good for her but you know isn’t.” I knew I was walking on eggshells with everything I was asking. Andrew might just realize what I was talking about and could punch me. The last thing I wanted was to leave the hospital bruised and beaten or worse, land in the ER.

  Andrew looked thoughtful for a minute, spinning around in his chair. Slowly, he faced me again. “Did she tell you that she’s thinking of giving Peter another chance?”

  Restraining the urge to roll my eyes, I shook my head and looked down. “No, it’s not that. I don’t think she’ll ever want to go out with him again. One can have a limit listening to someone talking about the skeleton in their office.”

  Andrew chuckled and shrugged. “Well, if she wants to give him another shot, I wouldn’t mind.”

  “What if it’s someone that you wouldn’t want her to be with?” Like me. If Kate was well aware of my history with women, Andrew was more than well informed. He knew how I treated girls and the measures I took to have and drop them. If there were anyone in the world who knew me terrifyingly well, it would be him.

  “Like Adam?”

  The mention of her ex-boyfriend wasn’t expected but I nodded, letting him answer with that. I just wanted to know what he would do to someone he didn’t want her to be with. As much as Andrew liked me, it didn’t mean he liked me to be with his sister.

  “Well, do you want the long answer or a short one?”

  “Why are there two?” I asked.

  “For starters, I could explicitly tell you how I’m going to castrate the guy and let him die a slow and painful death.”

  He sounded so nonchalant when he said it and I merely nodded, dropping the topic entirely. The last thing I wanted was for him to describe it in perfect detail, so it would give me nightmares.

  Or worse, make me decide not to pursue Kate entirely.

  It went quiet between us for a while until Andrew cleared his throat, “I don’t know why you’re asking about Kate. I’ve mentioned to you probably a hundred times how I want her to find the right guy. If you know anyone to introduce to her, go ahead. Just make sure that they won’t set her up with her heart getting broken or else I’ll hunt them down.”

  “What if they try hard not to break her heart?” I could hear how hopeful I sounded. For a moment, silence came between us. I wondered if he was suspicious that I was having feelings for his sister.

  But Andrew smiled and shrugged. “I guess that’ll be good enough for me.”

  We dropped the topic entirely after as Andrew and I stayed for another hour at the hospital. He’d only been there because he had to check on his patients and found out I was in, so he hung out with me for a while. Then we left and went to our respective homes. He wanted to invite me for dinner but remembered he had a date night with Mila.

  At home, I had no control over my thoughts anymore. As much as I tried to distract myself by watching The Big Bang Theory on Netflix, it was impossible. Even Sheldon Cooper’s humor and wit had nothing against the thought of having Kate.

  And having Kate meant having Faith too.

  They came as a package, beautifully wrapped in a box with a red ribbon on top. It wasn’t that I didn’t want Faith. I would love to be one of the male figures in her life she knew who protected and loved her. I just wasn’t entirely sure if I wanted to be just Ryan or…or somewhat of a stepdad to her. I never even gave having kids much of a thought because I was sure I would never have any.

  And as it turned out in life, I ended up liking a girl with a child.

  With a sigh, I got up from the couch and took a bottle of beer out of the fridge. Just as I popped it open, the doorbell rang. I wasn’t expecting anyone. I didn’t even have a lot of friends in the hospital and if there would be people visiting me, it would be one of the Shaws.

  Heading for the front door and not bothering to look at the peephole, I opened it.

  “Hi, Ryan.”

  I blinked and stared at her. Then, rubbed my eyes. Might be I’d been thinking so much about her that she suddenly manifested in front of me.

  “I’m real, Ryan. I’m right here and I would like if you’d invite me in.”

  Still slightly dazed and surprised, I took a step to let her come inside. “What are you doing here, shortcake?” I tried to sound cool and nonchalant as if I wasn’t affected at all by her sudden presence.

  Kate smoothened her expression into a calm one but she was fidgety with her hands. “You told me that if I made a decision, to come to you.”

  Running my tongue along the insides of my lips, anticipation coiled at the pit of my stomach. “So what’s your verdict?”

  Kate stared at me, her blue eyes filled with so many emotions that I couldn’t decipher any of them. Her face though remained almost expressionless, so it didn’t give anything away.

  For a moment, I could feel my heart slowly dropping; free-falling from a high building and coming close to the cemented ground. I could feel the impending shatter, the looming heartbreak.

  “I want you, Ryan.”

  There was no shatter or even a crack. I opened my mouth to speak but no words seemed to come out. All I could do was stare at Kate and wait for the punchline.

  She could easily laugh in my face and tell me she was joking but she stared at me, as serious as she could be.

  “What?” I asked.

  Kate closed her eyes and sighed. “God, I knew it. You were probably joking around when you said it. I get it. It was supposed to be a one-time thing and that kiss wasn’t…I don’t know what that kiss was about! But with that kiss in mind and what you said last night, I just thought that maybe—”

  I kissed her, cutting her off. My lips were familiar with hers, s
o with ease, I slipped my tongue into her mouth, tasting her. She tasted like cinnamon. Kate gasped a little when I bit her lower lip gently, opening her mouth even more, giving me more access. I switched our position and pushed her against the door.

  “Ryan,” she moaned my name, placing her hands on my chest and gently pushing me away.

  I felt intoxicated with our kiss, drunk on the fact that Kate wanted me too.

  “Will this all be just for sex?”

  Her question sobered me a little and I shook my head. I cupped her face with my hands and kissed her nose. “I want you, Kate. Like I want you. All of you. Not just parts of you or time with you in bed. All of you.”

  Kate stared back at me with those luminous blue eyes and then she crashed her lips against mine roughly, pushing me to the couch. Her hands slipped underneath my shirt and we pulled away for a moment just so I could remove my clothing. We toppled onto the couch, mouths attached against each other. One of her hands smoothed along my body, the other tangled in my hair.

  The kiss was filled with an intensity we hadn’t yet experienced—fiery and wanting, with sincerity as an aftertaste. I managed to remove her shirt without opting to rip it off of her and unhooked her bra. The sight of her breasts was still enough to arouse me and with both hands filled, I squeezed a little hard.

  “Oh!” Kate exclaimed, eyes closed, her body arching towards me. I gently caressed her nipples with my thumbs, wanting them to stand alert as my dick was, straining against my jeans.

  Kate’s hands fumbled with my jeans and she managed to unbutton them, her hand quickly dipping into the waistband of my boxers. Wrapping her cool fingers around my cock, I let out a growl as she squeezed it, bringing it out along the way.

  “Damn it, shortcake,” I mumbled, pressing my lips along her neck and gently nipping at her skin.

  She shimmied down from me, brushing her lips along my body with light kisses. She removed my jeans from me, my boxers following right after. She was still clad in her shorts.

  I swiftly pulled them off of her as she stood in front of me, leaving her in only her panties. Never in my life did I imagine to have Kate Shaw naked in my living room but here she was.

  She knelt, hand filled with my cock as she moved it up and down.

  Her free hand massaged my balls and while she worked her hands on me, I was trying to reach for her breasts. “Oh, shit!”

  Kate’s teeth were grazing my length up and down, the sensation building in the pit of my stomach, coiling and nearly unraveling. Her hand squeezed my balls, the other pinching the inside of my thigh. It was as if her actions were in perfect sync and symphony. Then she began to suck, my cock hitting the back of her throat.

  I tapped her shoulders urgently, signaling her that I was about to come. She pulled my dick out of her mouth and continued working on me with her hands until I came, her chest catching my cum. I was breathless but I was hard again at the sight of her glistening breasts.

  Kate climbed on top of me and I wanted to move to get a condom but she shook her head. “I’m on the pill. Just take me now.”

  Without hesitation, I positioned myself at her entrance and she slammed herself onto me, causing both of us to groan. We clung to each other as we moved, meeting thrust after thrust. Her face was buried into my shoulder, her moans stifled. I kissed alongside her jaw, nipping at her shoulder and then we came, simultaneously.

  Panting, I pulled myself out of her. Kissing the top of her head, I tugged her closer to me.

  We stayed like this for a little while, drinking in the situation we were now in.

  “You think this will work?” she asked softly.

  I wasn’t entirely sure what she meant by this. It was a broad question but whatever she meant, I wanted it to. “I want it to. We’ll make it work.”

  She looked up at me, pulled away for a moment, and then picked up my shirt and boxers. She tossed my boxers to me, so I slipped them on while she slid my shirt onto her body. It hung down halfway her thighs and she came back to her position, right next to me.

  It got quiet between us but to be honest, I wanted nothing more. It felt perfect and although it was surreal to have Kate in my arms, it was the most real thing to happen to me in like forever. For the first time in my whole life, this felt so incredibly right.

  Maybe this was love choosing us.

  18

  Kate

  “You look different,” Vanessa mused, handing me my dinner. We’d just finished shooting a video and decided to have Chinese food for dinner.

  Opening my Kung-Pao Chicken, I glanced up at Vanessa. I was sprawled on the living room floor, laptop on the coffee table while editing the video. “What do you mean by different?”

  Vanessa shrugged, sitting cross-legged on the couch. “You have this natural glow going on for you. By any chance, did you meet up with Elliot without either of you letting me know?”

  Fortunately, Vanessa didn’t know what happened between Elliot and Ryan. She had asked me how the date went and I told her it had been great. It was a good thing she never asked Elliot or else she would know how everything unfolded. So obviously, Vanessa had no clue about Ryan and me.

  And now… Her question also made me feel like she suspected something.

  Taking a bite of my food, I tried to focus my attention on work. “Well, let’s see. I can sleep in because it’s summer vacation for Faith. Time’s a lot more flexible for me to do whatever I want. We’re nearing the launching of my new line of DIY supplies. I think all that is enough to make me happy.”

  “Hmm,” Vanessa mused still eyeing me carefully. “It’s more of a sex glow, to be honest.”

  I almost choked on a piece of chicken at her actual wording. When I turned to her, she wore a knowing smirk on her face. I wasn’t sure whether I should backpedal or act completely oblivious about what she meant. Then again, I already choked on my food so it sort of felt like I gave myself away. Chuckling nervously, I tried to act nonchalant. “What are you talking about? I’m not even seeing anyone. Oh, and how many times do I have to tell you to keep our conversations PG?”

  She continued to stare at me with the same suspicious glint in her eyes. “I’ve been your best friend for years, Kate. It’s like having a twin telepathy thing with you. And you told me to keep it PG when Faith’s in the room. Your daughter is currently having dinner with Ryan.”

  “Pssh.” I waved her off and shook my head at her, desperate to remain nonchalant. “Whatever you say, Ness. I’m not seeing anyone.”

  Thankfully, Vanessa dropped the topic. I wasn’t sure if I could continue to lie to her anyway. Had she continued pressing me for answers, I would’ve cracked and told her it was Ryan. Vanessa would have a field day if she knew I was doing it with him.

  She would even assume we had a relationship when we hadn’t covered that subject yet. I liked what was going on with us. It felt fun to sneak around and hide what we had from the people we knew. He would sneak into my house at night and then he would duck out early in the morning. We just had to be quiet since Faith was in another room.

  Faith was having this streak of independence which was why she decided it was time for her to sleep all by herself. She’d made that decision weeks before her summer vacation, hence the number of times Ryan tucked her into her room. For a while, I felt a little upset because I didn’t have anyone beside me but Ryan had been filling that empty void lately.

  We were washing the dishes when we heard a car pull up. We both knew it was Ryan since it was about time for him to drop off Faith.

  I could feel Vanessa eyeing me when I turned to look at her.

  “He seems to be spending a lot of time with Faith lately.”

  For a moment, I wondered if she was suspicious but she didn’t add anything to the comment. So I smiled because I liked the fact that Ryan took Faith out on ‘dates’ and showered her with attention. I pulled away from the sink and dried my hands with a towel. “It is sweet and if you’ll excuse me, I’ll open the door for my bab
y girl.”

  “Mommy!” Faith squealed with delight when I opened the door. She hugged me, wrapping her small arms around me when I knelt down to meet her. I kissed her forehead. “Ryan told me you love Princess Diaries! Can we watch that?”

  Surprised, I turned to look Ryan who popped up behind her. “Didn’t you two watch a movie?”

  He nodded his head. “We did and the animation of Toy Story 4 is amazing, by the way.”

  Faith ran past me, rushing inside.

  Ryan approached me and I could sense he intended kiss my head and I quickly backed away. His eyebrows furrowed, confusion clear in his eyes.

  I mouthed to him, “Vanessa’s inside.”

  He nodded in understanding and remained where he was.

  “So, why is my daughter asking me that we watch another one?”

  “I mentioned you love Princess Diaries and I had a feeling you’ve memorized the whole script.”

  “Oh, that’s true,” Vanessa butted in.

  Ryan nodded, lips pursed in amusement. “I told Faith that we could watch it here. Build a fort in the backyard and watch it.”

  Faith stared at me with hopeful eyes. “I want to do it now!”

  I glanced at the time. It was quarter to eight and since it was summer, Faith’s bedtime had been extended to ten. “I don’t know. It might get a little late.”

  “But I don’t have school.”

  “Ryan still has work tomorrow,” I pointed out, knowing she would want him to be around.

  Ryan waved a hand at me. “Oh, that’s okay. I’m used to late nights.”

  I wanted to wipe the stupid smirk from his face because Vanessa was around. He meant late nights with me.

  Faith cheered in delight, knowing she was getting what she wanted. “I’ll get the blankets!”

  Ryan smiled sheepishly and followed her upstairs to help her.

  I turned to Vanessa.

  She leaned against the kitchen counter, watching them in amusement. “It’s like a father and daughter teaming up against mom.”