Can't Hate You (Second Chance Diaries Book 1)

by Emma Vikes

  Her statement made me choke again. “Yeah, I’ll forget that you said that.”

  Vanessa chuckled, poured herself a cup of water, drank it, and then washed the cup in the sink. “I’d love to join your little movie festival, but I’ll leave you on a date with your family.”

  “Nessa…”

  She rolled her eyes and then kissed me lightly on the cheek. “I’m kidding but it’s not like it’s a bad joke. I told you, I want Faith to have a Daddy and I’m not going to argue with you about that. You’re doing the best job you can on your own, but it wouldn’t be too bad to have someone do it with you.”

  At that moment, I briefly considered telling her. She was my best friend, after all. I knew she wouldn’t tell anyone, not even Mila or my brother if I swore her to secrecy. At the last minute, I decided against doing so. “That’s your opinion on the matter, Nessa. We’re fine on our own.”

  She sighed. “Okay then. Well, I’ll be heading out now. Oh, and just a suggestion, you can vlog you building a fort.”

  I made a face. “But I’m not a vlogger, Nessa.”

  She clicked her tongue. “I know, Katie, but we might need that footage or something. Like a credit roll of a B-roll or something. It’s just a thought.” With that, she flashed me a smile and called out to Faith and Ryan that she was leaving.

  I sighed, shook my head, and turned to clean up the living room. I caught Ryan heading downstairs, carrying blankets and pillows.

  “I had her take a bath while we make the fort.”

  I met him at the landing of the stairs, took the blankets from him, and gave him a quick peck on the lips. “Thank you for taking her out for movies and dinner and doing this with her.”

  The smile on Ryan’s face looked so soft that it sent a wave of warmth to my heart.

  He leaned closer and kissed me, deeper than the little peck I gave him. It was fast though because Faith was still awake and she could come out of the bathroom any time.

  “I wanted to do that earlier,” Ryan whispered to me, kissing the top of my head, and then reaching for my hand, pulling me to the backdoor.

  I giggled and let him drag me outside but I fetched the camera before we reached the backyard,

  “And I also wanted to hold your hand,” he stated. “Pull you against me and kiss you senseless but I always want to do that.”

  Rolling my eyes at him, we dragged the garden chairs together and began to set up the fort. It brought me back to the time when we did this with Andrew when we were younger. It was probably the only time when Ryan and I didn’t fight. We loved setting up forts in the living room, watching a movie… which was always Star Trek, and I didn’t get to have a say in that. Then eventually, we would fall asleep.

  “Wow!” Faith announced the moment she arrived in the backyard.

  Ryan and I had set up the fort and I added Christmas lights as a nice touch.

  Ryan was in the kitchen, heating popcorn for us to snack on.

  I was taking pictures of Faith on my phone when Ryan got back, popcorn, and my laptop in tow. The three of us crawled into the fort and Ryan set up my laptop on a small table. As I searched for the movie in my files, Ryan and Faith were tickling each other. Without them knowing, I snapped a quick picture of them before starting the movie.

  “This is nice,” Ryan whispered in my ear.

  Faith lay on her stomach beneath us, head propped by her arm, eyes glued on the screen.

  Still, Ryan and I had enough space to be near each other and he held my hand in secret.

  “Nice? That we’re watching my favorite movie in a fort in my backyard?” Honestly, as much as Faith was enjoying the whole thing, I was too.

  “Hmm also, I’m sure you’ve got nice footage by now.”

  When Ryan brought this up, I remembered the camera I’d set outside before we started making the fort. I cussed under my breath and crawled out to get the camera.

  Faith didn’t even pay me attention as I crawled back in, smiling sheepishly at Ryan.

  “So what were you recording anyway?”

  I shrugged as I checked the footage, fast-forwarding it. “Us building a fort. Nessa suggested it earlier and I don’t know, I thought it’d be nice. It’s not like I’m going to use it or anything. But maybe I can use it when I make Faith a birthday video in November.”

  “At least we weren’t doing anything naughty,” Ryan whispered to me, wiggling his eyebrows.

  I smacked him on the back of the head.

  He hissed in pain and glared at me playfully.

  I could only roll my eyes at him when he stole a quick kiss from me. I slapped him gently for it but felt my heart flutter. The whole sneaking around thing brought excitement to our situation. It made me feel young and alive, like I felt when I was a teen.

  During the movie, I could barely pay attention because I could feel Ryan sneaking glances at me. Whenever I caught him, he would smile at me shyly, the kind of smile that made my insides somersault. He would wrap a hand around mine and his thumb would gently caress my knuckles. Somehow, it made me feel like everything was all right in the world.

  In the middle of the movie, Faith fell asleep between us.

  Ryan sat up, ready to lift her.

  “Maybe we could stay here a little while? Finish the movie?” I suggested.

  He glanced at me. “You love this movie, don’t ya?”

  “You’re the one who said we should watch it,” I whispered to him, smiling cheekily.

  Ryan rolled his eyes and kissed the top of my forehead. Then, he repositioned Faith as he gently lay her head on a pillow and tucked her into a blanket. He gave her a sweet kiss on the forehead too before making himself comfortable again.

  I watched all of this unfold with Vanessa’s words echoing in my mind again.

  “What?” Ryan stared at me.

  I simply shrugged. “Thank you for taking good care of her.”

  Ryan simply smiled at me and mouthed, “Always” taking my hand in his and bringing to his lips for a kiss. We continued watching the movie without talking and by the time it ended, Ryan was already asleep. I felt bad waking him up to take Faith to her room. Maybe sleeping in the backyard wouldn’t be so bad for the night.

  So, I adjusted both their blankets, made sure everything in the house was locked and crawled back into the fort. When I got back, Faith was snuggled in Ryan’s arms and I couldn’t help but take a picture of the two of them. When I settled beside them, Vanessa’s words echoed in my mind again.

  I want Faith to have a Daddy and I’m not going to argue with you about that. You’re doing the best job you can on your own, but it wouldn’t be too bad to have someone do it with you.

  Suddenly, I entertained the thought.

  I wasn’t sure what I had with Ryan. I wasn’t sure what we meant to each other right now. We were clear on the fact we wanted each other but to what extent, neither of us knew. All I felt certain of was that whenever I looked at him, I felt warm all over. It started within my chest and spread throughout.

  All I knew was that right now, I felt more than content.

  19

  Ryan

  The soft ‒ but incredibly incessant ringing of my alarm ‒ woke me up.

  Beside me, Kate groaned. She turned to face me and her arm wrapped around my naked waist.

  I couldn’t help but chuckle, sliding an arm beneath her body, swooping her close to me. Kissing the top of her head, I proceeded to feather her with kisses until she giggled and pushed away from me.

  “I have to go,” I whispered to her. Since the time when she had come to my house and told me she wanted to be with me, we’d been sneaking around. On the days and nights when Faith stayed with her grandparents, Kate sneaked over to my place. Then on some days, I would sneak into her house after Faith’s bedtime.

  Kate pouted, hugging me tighter. “No, please.”

  I loved it when she acted clingy. Every time I finished work, I would swing by their place and spend time with both her and Faith.
Most of the time, I ended up having dinner with them. But we’d made sure that we were extra careful because we didn’t want anyone catching us.

  Admittedly though, it was hard. There were moments when we were around Andrew and Mila when I also wanted to pull Kate close to me and kiss her on the head. I knew if I did that though, I would be dead before I could even reach the front door. A part of me felt guilty for keeping this from Andrew. Then, I would push it away. I liked my face just like it was and didn’t want it rearranged by his fist.

  “I’ll come back right after I shower and have a change of clothes,” I promised her. It was Sunday morning and I didn’t have work, well, unless I got called in. Kate had me all to herself if she wanted and honestly, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

  “Don’t go,” Kate said again, kissing my bare shoulder, and hugging me tightly. She looked up at me with her big blue eyes and sighed.

  “Let’s say that could work. Faith’s still asleep, so she wouldn’t notice that I’ve been here all night but she will notice the fact that I’m wearing the same clothes since last night.”

  She smiled at this and wiggled her eyebrows. “Remember I wore your clothes the last time I slept over at your house?”

  I grinned. I’d been so excited to see her that night that I ripped the clothes from her body the moment she arrived. Her shirt and panties were torn but we couldn’t find where I chucked her shorts. She ended up going home in my clothes, an old pair of sweatpants that she had to tie around her waist and an old shirt.

  “But those clothes looked better on you.” Even I could hear the suggestiveness in my tone.

  Giggling, Kate playfully shoved me and rolled to the side of the bed, sitting up.

  Admiring her naked body from where I was, a burst of familiar warmth flooded through me.

  And then there it was again— a feeling that came to me whenever I looked at Kate each time she didn’t know I was. Since the first time I’d felt it, I’d wondered what it was. It felt like being caught in this tornado. The giddiness of what we were, the euphoria that burst through me each time she touched me…

  …and the anxiety that stayed hidden in the corner that crawled to the spotlight each time we were alone. It crawled to the surface during the quiet moments; the times when Kate would fall asleep first, so I could stare at her and imprint the memory in mind. Those sweet moments would trigger the anxiety, and the uncalled for panic.

  All because of one simple thought—I didn’t want to lose her.

  A shirt was thrown directly in my face, followed by sweatpants. “I don’t have a pair of your boxers but once you did mention to me how you enjoy going commando.”

  I couldn’t help but smirk. “I’m fairly certain that you’re the one thrilled with that idea.”

  Scoffing and rolling her eyes, she opened her bathroom door. Pausing for effect, she turned to look at me…still in her naked glory. “You can start the coffee while I shower.”

  “You’re not even gonna ask me to join?” I asked my tone suggestive.

  Kate seemed thoughtful for a moment then she let out a scoff and went inside the bathroom.

  I hastily got out of bed and rushed to the door but as I reached it, I heard the lock.

  “Yeah, nice try, sweetheart. But you only get this at night.”

  I knew she was playfully joking and I chuckled. I quietly crept out of her room after I dressed and checked on Faith. Even with what I had with Kate, my love for her little kid grew the more time I spent with her. I think that maybe I’d grown another heart because Faith took up my entire heart and I wasn’t entirely sure if that was possible.

  The other day, I suggested to Kate that she should have a coffee area in her kitchen. It was spacious and she didn’t have a lot of appliances that took up space. Faith and I had some wood left from when we built her treehouse and I used it to build her a coffee area. It was a dainty little space. She loved it and her followers did too.

  Grabbing two capsules from the drawers and refilling the water in her Keurig, I began to brew us both a cup. While waiting, I decided to start making us toast to go along with our coffee. I was too focused on my work and too comfortable in my environment.

  Maybe it was the fact that in my mind, it was too early in the morning for visitors. I was whistling to myself ‒ comfortable, at ease in my own little world ‒ and I didn’t hear the car pull up. By the time I realized someone had come, the front door had already opened.

  “Katie?” It was Andrew. He had a spare key to Kate’s house, for emergency reasons.

  I glanced at the clock… 6:15 in the morning. What the hell is he doing here?

  He was already talking, “I know it’s early for me to be here but Mila made casserole for you guys last night and I might forget to drop it off.”

  In a state of shock and panic, I stayed rooted where I stood in the kitchen. I could hear his footsteps coming to the area.

  “I can already smell the coffee from here—” He halted and stared at me.

  I stood there, like a deer caught in headlights.

  Andrew’s eyebrows furrowed. I was standing in his little sister’s kitchen at 6:15 in the morning. His eyes traveled from my bed hair, my crumpled jeans, and shirt, then to my bare feet. Andrew wasn’t stupid. He understood what he was seeing and yet, he still asked, “Why are you here?”

  I swallowed, unsure of what lame-ass excuse I could give my best friend who knew me too well. “I was out for a run and just…I thought I’d stop by.”

  “You were out for a run,” Andrew said the words carefully and slowly, blue eyes fixed on me and unreadable, “and you just happened to be on a run in her neighborhood?”

  “You know that I just live a couple of blocks away from here,” I said, trying to sound convincing and nonchalant. Whenever I sneaked in Kate’s house, I never brought my car to avoid suspicion. “I turned in their neighborhood and thought that maybe I could have a cup of coffee with her.”

  He wasn’t buying it, that much I already knew because I’d known him for years.

  We both heard Kate’s footsteps coming down the stairs.

  “Okay, the shower’s all your—”Her words died on her lips the moment she saw her brother standing in the middle of her kitchen.

  Andrew stared at her for a moment and then glanced back at me. Then, he shook his head. “So you just also happened to think it would be okay to shower in her place too, after your jog.”

  “Andrew, it’s not…” I began to form an excuse but I didn’t know how to.

  “It’s not what I think?” Andrew finished for me, anger seething in his tone. “Tell me, Ryan, what am I thinking right now?”

  I honestly couldn’t answer him. I felt frozen with panic settling in and anxiety filled up every crevice of my mind.

  Fortunately, Kate came in between us. She moved in front of her brother, blocking him from my view. “What are you doing here this early, Andrew?”

  Andrew scoffed. “You sound annoyed that I’m here this early but you don’t mind having my best friend around at this time.”

  Another moment of silence followed his statement.

  Kate and I didn’t know what we were supposed to say or do. We’ve never really gotten to the point of discussing how we were going to tell Andrew about what was going on between us. Hell, we didn’t even know what was going on between us.

  But Kate’s mind seemed to be one step ahead of me. “I don’t mind having him at this time because he has been here all night. Whatever you’re thinking, you’re right.”

  Both Andrew’s and my mouth dropped open in shock at the bomb Kate just dropped.

  Andrew’s eyes flashed to me and the restrained anger he had been putting on hold… burst free. He marched towards me, grabbed me by the shirt, and shoved me against the wall. He held me in a manner wherein his elbow was up at my throat, choking me.

  “Andrew!” Kate called in a whisper-yell, nervously glancing upstairs.

  I knew she was afraid the commotion would wa
ke up Faith. She was trying to pull Andrew away from me but failing miserably.

  “Your niece is still asleep. Please, let him go. We’ll explain everything to you, just please?”

  Her brother still held me against the wall, deaf to his sister’s pleas. His blue eyes stared straight into me and I could see the hurt and betrayal, and the flash of disgust when Kate mentioned Faith. “You do it with my niece in the next room?”

  “Andrew, please,” I croaked as he pressed his elbow harder against my throat. I began to choke but made no attempts to push him off of me.

  “Andrew, stop it! This is silly. I’m twenty-four, in case you’ve forgotten. I’m at the right age to do whatever I want and be with whoever I want. So let him go, because this is getting ridiculous!”

  But my best friend continued to hold me aggressively, the rage crystal clear in his blue eyes. Another moment longer and he finally let me go.

  I sputtered, falling to my knees, trying to suck in as much air as I could.

  Kate rushed to my side. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded and stood up, wanting to talk to her brother. When I looked at him, he was staring at us with an unreadable expression on his face.

  He let out a harsh exhale, ran a hand through his brown hair, and shook his head at us. “I get that you’re old enough to be with people again, Kate. We even sent you on three blind dates but you could’ve chosen at least one of them. Why did it have to be my best friend?”

  Turning to me, the fury left his eyes, making way for hurt and betrayal. “And you. Of all the women in Tampa that you could screw with, did it have to be my sister? Are the nurses at our hospital too boring for you or have you already fucked all of them? Did chasing after my sister give you such a thrill because you knew she was supposed to be unavailable to you?”

  His words stung and sliced through my heart. “Is that what you think of me?”

  “Isn’t that how you’ve always been?” Andrew angrily accused. He shoved me back and shook his head. “You know what? Do whatever the fuck you both want to do. As you said Kate, you’re old enough to be aware of how much of a scum he can be with women. If you want to be stupid with him, be my guest. And to you, Ryan, you’re a lousy excuse for a fucking best friend.” With that said, Andrew left, slamming the door behind him.