What You Left Behind

by Len Webster

  She nodded.

  Julian shook his head in disbelief. “I didn’t want that life. I wanted one with you. I didn’t care where you were from, but I was going to figure out my life around you.”

  Figure out your life around me…

  “No,” she breathed, shaking her head.

  Then I did the right thing by leaving.

  “Yes.” Julian sighed. “But I woke up and you were gone. Like you never existed. You didn’t even try to look for me when all I did was look for you.”

  I would have found you.

  We were going to have a child together.

  I would have.

  Just as Stevie opened her mouth to speak, her phone ringing sliced through their silence. She reached into her pocket and pulled it out to see Sophie’s name on the screen.

  “I have to take this,” Stevie said, not meeting his stare.

  “Yeah, take it,” Julian mumbled and took a step back. Whether to give her a form of privacy or not, she didn’t know.

  “Sophie?” Stevie asked once she answered the call and brought the phone to her ear.

  “Oh my God, Stevie. Are you all right? He heard your message and well… I’ll get him.”

  “Sophie, don’t! I’m okay. He’s okay, yeah?”

  The line went silent. Stevie knew it would be early in the morning in London, and it was foolish of her to call Charles’ old number. The number he kept active for her to listen to his voice, and if she was desperate enough, leave a message.

  “He just nodded. He’s okay. What’s going on, babe?” Sophie asked, fear lacing her voice.

  Stevie glanced over at Julian as he stared at his feet. She couldn’t confess that Keira’s pregnancy had triggered the memory of her receiving the news of her miscarriage. It meant being honest. And she hadn’t been honest with the people she loved for a long time. The only people who knew were Charles and Sophie, not even Jarred. But this was Julian. He deserved to know. She just wasn’t sure how to tell him.

  It was four years ago.

  It’s not like it matters anymore.

  It wasn’t like he wanted to be a dad.

  I wasn’t even ready to be a mum.

  It’s not like he needed a kid around.

  “I’m fine. I just… I’m fine, Soph,” Stevie stated, trying to level out her shaky voice.

  “Give me the phone, Soph!” Charles demanded.

  Stevie’s breathing faltered as she heard him. Tears brimmed her eyes. She’d broke the deal they made. She was going to go back once her degree was finished. Live and love Charles. Be something. But as Stevie focused on Julian, she knew that deal was about to be tested.

  Or broken.

  “No, don’t give him the phone, Sophie. Please! I didn’t mean to call. I’m okay,” Stevie blurted out.

  “She doesn’t want to talk, Charles! Relax.”

  “Tell her I miss her and I love her.” He sounded desperate. The same kind of desperation she remembered when they were on that bridge.

  “You hear that, Steves?” Sophie asked.

  “I did,” she answered, realising the extent of how large that hole in her chest really was.

  “You want to talk?”

  Julian lifted his head and the sad glint that consumed his eyes had tears sliding down her face.

  I’m going to destroy you.

  You’re going to hate me.

  I lost your baby.

  I’m sorry.

  “I have to go,” Stevie said quickly and hung up before Sophie could say anything else.

  Stevie glanced down at her phone, staring at the call history. In the past twenty minutes, she had called him more than in the two years they had been apart. She missed Charles; that she couldn’t ignore.

  But I’ve missed Julian more.

  She closed her eyes tightly and whispered, “Julian.”

  “Yeah.”

  The thumps in her chest had increased in volume and pressure as the aching pain took over. She gripped her phone tightly and took a deep breath. “Stay away from me,” she instructed, still staring at her phone.

  “No,” he said softly.

  She peeked up to see him shaking his head. “Please,” she begged.

  “No.”

  “Don’t do this. I can’t be around you. For God’s sake, I was with your brother. This isn’t right,” she cried.

  Julian stepped closer to her. She was tempted to take a step back, but the way he looked at her had her freezing. He held her left hand like it was a delicate lily.

  “I’m not going anywhere. I know it’s selfish of me not to give you what you want, but I’ve found you again. And I don’t know what you’ve been through over the past four years, but I want to be something to you, Stephanie.”

  All air fled her lungs.

  “I’m not who you think I am,” she whispered.

  Julian let her hand go and brushed her tears away. “You’re Stephanie. My Stephanie. Not my brother’s and not that Charles guy’s.”

  That’s where you’re wrong.

  “I’m not a good person, Julian. I never was. Just… please.”

  He gave her a sad smile. “We both know that’s a lie. You’re a good person. No matter what mistakes or flaws you think you have or done. Give me the chance to be something to you.”

  This is the biggest mistake you will ever make in your life, Julian.

  Worse than Thailand.

  Julian stepped back and let his arms fall to the side of his body. “I believe in the possibility of us. I just need you to do the same.”

  Stevie shook her head and said, “You’d never forgive me,” before she walked past him, towards PJ’s.

  “You left me and I still forgave you,” he called out, causing her to stop.

  Positive.

  Four positives.

  She shook the image of the pregnancy tests away. Then Stevie reached the pub doors and turned to face him. “I don’t think I would ever forgive myself if I let anything happen between us. In time, you’ll realise just how right I am. I’m sorry, Julian,” Stevie said and walked into the pub.

  Before the door closed, she swore she heard him say, “I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t try.”

  “What do you mean our management structure is wrong?” Rogers asked as he stared at the presentation slide.

  Julian had made the rough presentation over the weekend. But he needed to show Rogers something. And last week Julian had observed the way management went about their tasks and the way they led their subordinates. There were too many managers and far too many supervisors for each department. What Rogers & Co. needed was to downsize how many leadership roles they had in place. It would avoid employee confusion and pave the way for a smoother communication transition from leader to worker.

  “People pay you thousands of dollars to point out things that are so clear and simple?” Rogers asked, bewildered.

  Julian smirked. “If it were so clear and simple, then you wouldn’t have sought my services. And no, clients don’t pay me to point out the issues. They pay me to solve them. The way you handle business is fine. You are good at advertising. What you’re not so good at is your business structure. You lack the personal connection with your employees. That’s why your casual turnover rate is so high. You only focus on the moneymakers. You’re afraid they’ll take their client lists away when they leave. You need to take a risk on the younger ones. They have the creativity that can land larger clients.”

  Rogers hummed as he settled into his leather seat. Then he tapped his right index fingers against his lips. “You sure you want to go back to Sydney, Julian? I think you’d make a good VP here.”

  Julian set the presentation remote on the table and then crossed his arms over his chest. “And why would you want some twenty-four-year-old as a VP?”

  Surprise consumed Rogers’ eyes. “Because I was twenty-three when I became CEO and took over from my father. I see a little of me in you, kid. And in all honesty, I can’t let my competitors have
you. It’s business.”

  “And if I refuse?” Julian asked to relieve his curiosity.

  Rogers’ lips tugged into a confident smile. “I’ll make sure every firm you consult for gets taken down. I’m a businessman, Mr Moors. And I don’t like to lose great assets. And you are Tara’s hidden gem that I want.”

  “Well, old man, guess you’re going to have to show me you’re serious about making these changes work. Right now, I’m here to consult. We can talk about the VP position when we’re done.”

  “You and I both know that there isn’t much that needs to be done about what I have established here. I brought you here to persuade you to join the team.” Rogers got out of his chair and picked up the folder that Julian had a prepared for him.

  “I’m a consultant.”

  “No.” Rogers paused, rounded the large meeting table, and stood by the door. “You’re more. You’re a businessman. I like the way you think. I don’t need any more marketers or advertisers. I need a vice president. I need someone like you, Julian.”

  Before he could even reply, Rogers had already left the meeting room. Once Julian had turned off the projector, he went over to the computer and took out his USB. Then he picked up his jacket that he’d hung over his chair. When he had left the meeting room, he scanned the office floor to see Stephanie’s cubicle empty. He hadn’t seen her since the other night. Once she had gone back into PJ’s, she’d collected her things and went home while Julian had stayed.

  Walking up to her desk, he realised that he hadn’t seen her all morning, too, which he found odd. Normally, he’d see Stephanie walk past his temporary office once or twice, but today he hadn’t. He took in her workspace. It was bland. Not a hint of colour or personalisation. She hadn’t made her desk hers at all.

  “You okay, Mr Moors?”

  Julian quickly spun around to see Stephanie’s internship mentor holding a few folders in her hands. Mona was in her early thirties, with her black hair always pulled back into a bun. There was something off about Mona. She didn’t seem like the type to be an intern mentor. It seemed mediocre for her. She seemed to know more about the company than she let on.

  “Mona, is Stephanie on break?”

  She shook her head.

  “Gone to the records department or something?”

  Mona set the folders she held on Stephanie’s desk and then faced him. “She called in sick. Poor girl isn’t doing so well. I told her not to come in.”

  Sick?

  “Interns don’t have sick leave,” Julian stated.

  She squinted at him. “With a father like hers, this intern does. Plus, I like her enough. Rogers won’t notice her missing for a few days. I better get to work on that Taylor account.” And with that, Mona left him alone in Stephanie’s cubicle.

  Julian reached into his jacket pocket and retrieved his phone. Then he pulled up Stephanie’s contact and proceeded to text her.

  Julian: Blondie, you doing all right?

  As he waited for Stephanie to reply, Julian exited her workstation and headed towards his office while he read his messages.

  Dean: Julian, mate. Heard you were back in town. I’m heading to Melbourne Central. Wanna meet there for a drink?

  Julian smiled at the message his university friend had sent him. Dean had been one of the friends he had gone to Thailand with, along with a few of their other mates and Dean’s eventual girlfriend, Willa. It was on their Thailand trip that Dean and Willa had finally become a couple and confessed that they loved each other. It was sickening how consumed two of Julian’s anti-love friends had become by it. Dean had been there moments after Julian had woken up to find that Stephanie had left. And it was time he told Dean that he had found her once again.

  Julian: Sure. Meet you there in ten.

  “Julian?”

  Dean’s voice had him spinning around and taking his eyes off the almost-completely-risen sun.

  “She’s gone,” he uttered.

  Dean’s eyebrows knitted. “What do you mean?”

  “I woke up and she was gone.”

  “What happened to the hammock?” Dean asked, staring at the pieces of mangled rope on the ground.

  “I was angry and…” Julian sunk to his knees. “She’s gone, Dean.”

  His best friend was quickly by his side. “She could have gone back to her room?”

  “She would have told me. She always told me before she left.”

  Dean patted his shoulder. “She’ll come back.”

  “I took her virginity,” Julian whispered and then gazed at him with blurry eyes.

  “Shit.”

  Then Julian’s tears slid down his face. “I love her, Dean. I love her and now she’s gone. How could she leave me? She didn’t… she didn’t even say goodbye.”

  Julian: Hey, Clara. Do you mind seeing if Stephanie’s okay? Heard she called in sick.

  After he had sent the message, Julian scanned the Melbourne Central Lion Hotel Pub to find his friend. Once he spotted him, Julian made his way to him.

  “Well, if it isn’t the son of a bitch with it all,” Julian said as he approached the table Dean had claimed.

  After they had hugged, Dean chuckled and returned to his chair. Julian had taken the seat opposite him as he stared at one of his oldest friends. Besides Dean’s now short blonde hair, he hadn’t aged. Same blue eyes and same facial structure. The only thing that was gone was his surfer look. Instead, he looked grown up; but working for his father’s real estate empire meant having to.

  “What the hell are you doing back in Melbourne?” Dean asked, holding his pint of beer.

  “Got tired of Sydney. My best mate got married last week,” Julian answered.

  “How was it?”

  Julian shrugged out of his jacket and placed it in the free chair next to him. “Bastard married well. His wife is every guy’s dream. He didn’t even like her when we were growing up.”

  Dean had downed the rest of his pint before he set it on the table. “Why didn’t you go for her then?”

  “Because I like my balls where they are and functioning. His wife is our other best friend’s little sister. No matter how hot Clara is, I ain’t sacrificing my greatest bits. How are you and Willa doing?”

  The smile on Dean’s face was priceless. He loved his girlfriend; it was written all over his face. Before he spoke, Dean raised his two fingers in the air and ordered them their beers. Then he shrugged.

  “What’s that shrug for?” Julian asked with a smile. “And why isn’t she here?”

  It wasn’t long before a waitress was by their table with their drinks. When she set them down, Julian picked his up and raised his brow for Dean to continue.

  “She says she’s too fat to come see you,” Dean answered.

  Julian rolled his eyes. “And how is she looking?”

  “Pregnant. But beautiful.” Dean blinked at Julian several times then he said, “You seem different.”

  Straightening his spine, Julian squared his shoulders and grinned at him. “I’m more beautiful than you last remember?”

  Dean playfully shook his head. “Still the confident bastard, I see. But seriously.”

  I better tell him about Stephanie.

  Julian sighed and traced his finger around the rim of the glass. “I found her,” he stated softly as he kept his eyes on the amber like liquid.

  “Oh, you met someone?”

  Julian lifted his stare to meet Dean’s curious one. “No. I found her.”

  Dean’s eyes widened. “Her… you mean?”

  A sad smile touched Julian’s lips. “I found Stephanie, Dean.”

  “And you’re both living happily ever after?” he asked, hopeful.

  Julian didn’t answer straight away. Instead, he picked up his beer and finished it off in one pull. “It’s complicated,” he stated once he placed the empty glass down.

  “Seriously?”

  “She was involved with Rob recently.”

  “Wait. Your brother, Rob?”


  “My brother,” Julian confirmed.

  “Holy shit,” Dean breathed. “Where’s she been? It was a misunderstanding about her leaving, right?”

  Julian let out an unbelievable chuckle. “Here. She’s been here in Melbourne all this time. If I had just stayed, then I would have found her. She wouldn’t have been with Rob or that other guy. It would have just been me.” He clenched his fists tight. If he hadn’t moved to Sydney, then things would have been so different.

  “I’m sorry, mate.”

  He glanced at Dean and gave him a tight smile. “Not your fault. I guess we just weren’t meant to be. I don’t think she ever felt the same way.”

  “You loved her,” Dean pointed out.

  “I still do… and it seems like it’s pointless to continue.”

  “Julian, don’t—”

  Julian’s phone beeped as he got a new text message. Believing it was Rogers, he reached over and pulled it from his jacket pocket.

  Clara: Hey, Julian, it’s Noel. Clara’s in the shower. She says come over when you can. Stevie’s not doing too well and she’s worried. She thinks you might help.

  He frowned at Noel’s message. Something was definitely wrong with Stephanie. Leaping up from his seat, Julian picked up his jacket and slapped a twenty from his pocket down to pay for drinks.

  “I gotta run, Dean. I’m sorry but—”

  “Stephanie?” A worried gleam consumed Dean’s eye.

  “Yeah.”

  “All in?”

  “Always. Tell Willa I want to see her pregnant ass soon!” he ordered before he ran out of the pub. Once he had made his way outside and slid inside a free taxi, Julian unlocked his phone and began to text Noel back.

  Julian: I’m coming over right now. I gotta stop somewhere first. Don’t tell her that I’m on my way.

  Clara: Clara just shouted ‘Okay’ from the shower. We’ll see you soon.

  Julian: Put the phone down and join your wife.

  Clara: Can’t. Already tried. She said no or we’d never make it to see her dad.