The Long Way Home

by Rachel Spangler

  “I’m surprised Rory hasn’t been singing my praises.” Miles pretended to pout, despite being clearly pleased with the compliment.

  “I’m sorry,” Rory said, stepping in from the porch and casting a weak smile at Beth before she sat down in an armchair across from her. Rory joined the conversation, obviously trying to ignore Kelly’s presence. “You’re not my type, Miles.”

  “She didn’t do any of you justice. From the way she’s talked all these years, I expected torch-wielding villagers.”

  “I wasn’t that bad.” Rory laughed nervously, which led Beth to believe that was probably exactly how she’d described them. Did she still feel that way?

  “You told me about some old lady accosting you in the store, and some religious convert verbally attacking you in a bar and—”

  “All right, they get the picture,” Rory said. “I’m sure they all have similar stories.”

  “I don’t,” Wilson said. “Everyone on campus has been very supportive.”

  “I’ve never had trouble on campus either, and when I go into town, people are always absurdly polite,” Miles added.

  “I’ve noticed that,” Edmond said. “Everyone’s gone out of their way to welcome me. They act like Rory’s the freaking homecoming king, and it’s obvious we’re as gay as the day is long.”

  “Not everyone pegs us as gay right away,” Rory said defensively, but everyone chuckled.

  “Are you serious?” Edmond snickered along with them. “You’d have to be blind not to see how gay we are. Some drunk Cubs fan who’d stumbled into Boystown after the game a few weeks ago called me a fag. The man was so plastered he didn’t even know where he was, and he could still clearly see that I was a fag.”

  Rory laughed. “It’s funny when they do that. Cubs fans aren’t the brightest.”

  “Why?” Beth asked seriously. “Why is it funny when you get called a fag in Chicago, but when someone in Darlington says something similar, you condemn the whole town?”

  Everyone was quiet as Rory considered her answer. “I guess it’s easier to ignore in the city because you’re surrounded by people who think like you. The homophobes are in the minority.”

  “They are here too, Rory,” Beth said. “I came out to Mrs. LaRussa today.”

  “Oh, God, Beth,” Kelly groaned. “You didn’t.”

  “She’d already heard the rumors, but I confirmed them. She told me God made me who I am and that He doesn’t make mistakes.”

  “There are good people all over,” Rory admitted grudgingly. “But I wouldn’t say that the majority of Darlington residents are gay rights activists.”

  “The majority of Chicagoans aren’t activists either. They’re normal people who want to live their lives and don’t care what you do with yours.” Then sitting forward and searching Rory’s green eyes, desperately trying to make her understand, Beth added, “But the good people in the city are strangers. Here, they’re people who love you.”

  The room was quiet as Rory sat back in her chair, arms folded across her chest, her brow furrowed in concentration as she appeared to mull over that thought. Was she angry? Maybe Beth had pushed too far, but she wouldn’t apologize. She’d spoken the truth, and if Rory was hell-bent on viewing everyone the way she had as a petulant teenager, that was her right. However, Beth wouldn’t sit around and help her bash the people who had been so good to her.

  Finally, Rory rubbed her hands over her face as if scrubbing away her brooding and asked, “Beth, would you have dinner with me and my parents tonight?”

  Beth grinned despite her confusion at Rory’s quick change of subject. She wasn’t sure what sparked the invitation, but Rory was reaching out to her. While it wasn’t a complete acknowledgment of Beth’s points, it showed that Rory was trying to make peace with her two worlds and she was including Beth in those endeavors. “I’d love to.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Raine pulled into Beth’s gravel driveway and found her waiting on the porch. Her simple black skirt flowed loosely from her hips down to the middle of her calves, and her cerulean tunic made her eyes shine the color of cornflowers. Her dark curls were pulled back from her face and flowed gently in the breeze as she bounded down the front steps.

  Raine faltered at the sight. She’d had plenty of practice with women. She’d dated many, most of them on the sexier end of the spectrum. She’d been with athletes, actresses, and models, all hot enough to singe anyone who stood too close, but nothing could’ve prepared her for this pure, natural beauty. Raine’s stomach started to flutter and the sensation radiated throughout her body. Her throat went dry and her limbs shook as she opened the passenger-side door for Beth.

  “Thank you.” Beth smiled and kissed her on the cheek. “I’ve never had a woman open a door for me before.”

  The sweet greeting made Raine feel like a bumbling teenager in the presence of a fairy-tale princess. “You’re welcome.”

  They drove the few miles into town with their fingers intertwined. She had plenty to worry about. Raine was about to take Beth into her parents’ home, as well as being totally uncertain about what her future would hold and how the beautiful woman beside her would fit into it. She should’ve been a wreck, but she couldn’t shake the silly grin she’d had since Beth gave her that little peck on the cheek.

  She parked in front of the house. “Are you ready for this?”

  “I’m not sure what I’m in for,” Beth answered, plainly nervous. “I’ve never been to meet anyone’s parents.”

  “We’re even, then.”

  “I didn’t know you’d seen them often, much less been ready to do something like this.”

  “I’ve been having Sunday dinner with them off and on since the first day at Miles’s when you yelled at me.” Beth looked surprised and Raine chuckled. “I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to admit you might’ve been right. I didn’t even admit it to myself until last week when we finally had a conversation that was ten years overdue. Things are getting better with them, and I owe that to you.”

  Beth held her hand and kissed it. “I know how much courage that took, Rory. I’m so proud of you.”

  “Don’t go overboard. We’ve got a long way to go, and you might not be so happy with me after the awkwardness tonight.”

  Beth squeezed her hand. “You’re trying, you’re opening yourself up, and you’re risking a lot. No amount of awkwardness will take away from that.”

  Raine’s mother met them at the door and turned from Beth to Raine before she looked at their joined hands. She smiled radiantly. “Beth, it’s so good to see you.”

  “It’s good to see you too, Mrs. St. James.”

  “Rory’s here,” she called into the living room, then practically gushed, “and she brought Beth Devoroux with her.”’

  When her mother bustled off back into the kitchen, Raine glanced at Beth, who gave her a little shove. “You didn’t tell them I was coming?”

  “I mentioned that I might bring a friend. If I’d known you’d get a warmer welcome than I did, I’d have brought you months ago.”

  “Hello, Beth,” Raine’s father said when he came into the room. “It’s nice to see you again.”

  “Thank you, sir. It’s good to be here.”

  “I was about to set the table,” Rory’s mother called from the kitchen. “Can I get you girls something to drink?”

  “I’m fine,” Beth said graciously, “but I’d love to help you get dinner on.”

  “You don’t have to do that, dear.” Rory’s mother brushed off the offer, but the way she beamed at Beth said she loved the idea.

  Beth continued toward the dining room. “I don’t mind at all.”

  Raine watched her go, wanting to follow yet content to simply enjoy the view.

  “Ahem.” Davey gave her a nudge.

  “What?” Raine hoped he hadn’t caught her admiring the finer aspects of Beth’s backside.

  “Are you dating Beth?” Davey asked, and her father muted the TV.


  Raine hadn’t put a label on what she and Beth were doing. Everything had happened so fast. They’d only kissed for the first time last night, yet it felt like they’d been building up to this moment for months. They hadn’t really dated, not formally anyway. Beth had been an amazing friend, yet they were clearly more than friends. They’d flirted and argued, fought and surrendered, hidden and collided. Beth frustrated her, challenged her, excited her, and aroused her.

  Was it too early to call her a girlfriend? No other woman had ever had this kind of effect on her. Beth exhilarated and terrified her all at once. Raine wanted to run from her, protect her, hold her, and make love to her. What did you call that?

  “Sort of.” Rory knew it was a cop-out, but she didn’t know how to explain it to herself, much less convey an accurate picture to her father and brother.

  “Beth is a good girl.” Her father shifted uncomfortably as if he wasn’t sure he should go on or not, but his fatherly side won out. “I’m not a young man, and I’m sure a lot of things are different these days, but women like that don’t come along very often. And when they do, they don’t wait around for long.”

  “Yes, sir.” She knew what her father was saying, even if he hadn’t been comfortable giving his recently returned lesbian daughter advice on women. Though the tone was different, the message was similar to Kelly’s. Beth deserved someone who would deal with her honestly, with care and respect, and if Raine didn’t offer that, someone else would.

  Raine wanted to be that person for Beth, the one who could make her dreams come true, the woman who treated her right and reaped all the rewards. Was she capable, and if so, what did that mean for her own future plans?

  Raine’s mother announced, “Supper’s on the table.”

  Beth sat next to Raine at the table, and Raine silently prayed that she would be able to navigate this dinner, her feelings for Beth, and her future at large with grace. She hadn’t expected her time in Darlington to turn out like this, but Beth’s hand on hers under the table quieted her mind immediately, though her heart rate increased drastically. Was it time to start thinking less and feeling more? She smiled as she echoed her family’s “Amen” after the blessing.

  “What’s new and exciting out at the college these days?” Raine’s mom asked as she passed a bowl of mashed potatoes.

  Raine froze. It was the first real open-ended question anyone had asked her since she began coming to these dinners. She immediately censored herself as she ran through all the topics she feared would offend her family, including her course material, her work with the GLBT students, and her making out with Beth in the library.

  “Everyone’s preparing for homecoming,” Beth said, saving Raine. “The library is doing a float for the parade this year, which is pretty funny since parades and libraries are about as discordant as you can get.”

  “Do you remember that year your junior class made their Halloween-parade float in our barn?” Davey asked.

  “I’d forgotten all about that.” Rory laughed as she recalled her and her friends stuffing napkins into chicken wire shaped like a giant football. The memory was sweeter than any speaking engagement she’d had or any symphony she’d attended. “We worked on that silly thing every night for weeks.”

  “I remember,” Beth said with a shy smile. “You were the only girl I knew who could weld. I was so impressed.”

  “Really?”

  “Of course. I always wished I could do stuff like that.”

  “I can teach you.” Rory could already feel her arms around Beth’s waist, steadying her with one hand on her hip and the other on the blowtorch. She had no doubt the heat between their bodies would rival any metal-melting flame.

  “You could use my equipment.” Her father was oblivious to where Raine’s mind had wandered.

  Between bites of steak, Davey said, “I’ll haul it over tomorrow.”

  “You should go help them with their float,” her mother added.

  Raine couldn’t believe how quickly her family had jumped into the event. Did she want them getting this involved? How did people do this? What would she have done if her parents had been this accommodating in high school? It would’ve changed her whole life. Would she have even left? Would Raine ever have come into existence, or would she have lived happily ever after as Rory? Would she and Beth have connected sooner? Would all her Sunday dinners have included Beth by her side, maybe a couple of kids running around the backyard?

  It didn’t sound as scary as it would have two months ago, but did she want this? Her high-school friends simply grew into this life without thinking about it. Then again, she hadn’t stopped to plan where her life was headed in Chicago either. It had just happened.

  She was certainly enjoying tonight’s dinner more than any other Sunday she’d spent since her return. It beat her past anger and awkwardness, and the way Beth’s eyes danced with light and laughter was charming. Raine wanted more of the same.

  The dinner conversations flowed easily, and Raine enjoyed not feeling out of place. Beth was the missing puzzle piece that fit perfectly in this part of her life. Would she be the same in other areas as well? Raine was still pondering that question as she cleared her dishes from the table. Lost in her own thoughts, she didn’t notice her mother standing close beside her until she asked, “Is Beth a special friend?”

  Raine tried not to laugh at her mother’s lack of a term for her relationship with Beth, since she’d had the same problem defining it earlier. In fact, if “special friend” didn’t sound absurdly puritan, it would be pretty accurate. Beth was an amazing friend, and undeniably special, but Raine wasn’t ready to explain all that to her mother, so she grinned and said, “Yes, she is.”

  “I’m very glad you brought her over tonight.” Her mother wrung her hands, a nervous habit she’d had as long as Raine could remember. “I used to be upset because I didn’t think you’d have what your father and I had. I worried you’d never know the happiness that comes from loving someone and having them love you back.”

  Raine tried to swallow the lump in her throat. “Thank you, but don’t get ahead of yourself. Me and Beth, we’re...” She didn’t know what to say.

  “I know. We all come to things in our own time, but when you look at her, it’s like the world’s been lifted off your shoulders. And she looks at you the same way. It’s good for a mother to see, even if you don’t see it clearly yet.”

  Raine could hardly believe she was having this conversation with her mother. It would’ve been surreal if it hadn’t been so genuine. Then her mother handed her a stack of Tupperware containers filled with food, the quintessential Midwestern display of love.

  As Raine drove Beth home, she couldn’t help but steal glances at her. She was sweet in a way that disconcerted Raine, but she was also sexy. Raine couldn’t get the feel of Beth’s hands and lips off her mind, and she hungered for more even as she struggled to do right by Beth. She wanted to hold her, touch her, kiss her, but honestly she’d settle for being near her.

  “What are you thinking?” Beth asked, gently laying her hand on Raine’s knee.

  “I don’t want this night to end.”

  “It doesn’t have to. We could go back to your place,” Beth said with a mischievous grin.

  Raine raised her eyebrows questioningly. Was she getting the green light?

  Beth rolled her eyes playfully. “Don’t get ahead of yourself. I was going to suggest that you invite me over for coffee, and we’ll take it from there.”

  “Oh. Coffee,” Raine said with a fake pout. She wouldn’t pressure Beth. In fact, she’d accept whatever stipulations Beth had at this point.

  *

  Beth watched Rory move back and forth aimlessly across the apartment. It was funny to see such a usually self-assured woman fiddle and fumble. Her cheeks flamed bright red when she spilled the coffee grounds all over the floor. Then when Raine bent over to wipe them up, Beth glimpsed her backside with her usually loose blue jeans stretched tight, h
ighlighting her perfect form. She hadn’t lost any of her athletic figure from high school. Instead she’d grown into her limbs and filled out her torso.

  Beth knew from earlier that Rory’s abs and stomach lightly rippled up into small, firm breasts, and it was her turn to blush when she realized Rory had caught her staring. “Why don’t I find us some music?”

  As she crossed the room to put some distance between her and Rory, she tried to focus on the rows of CDs under the small boom box. Hopefully, the lists of names and titles would interrupt her lustful thoughts. Rory had the standard lesbian repertoire of music—Melissa Etheridge, Indigo Girls, Jill Sobule, and Mary Chapin Carpenter—but Beth was silently delighted to find an equal number of country CDs. She selected Reba McEntire’s Greatest Hits.

  When the first song started to play, Rory laughed. “I can’t believe you picked that.”

  “Why?” Beth worried she’d broken the mood. “You don’t like it?”

  “No, I love it.” Rory turned the volume up. “Most of the women I’ve dated were disappointed when they found out I like country music.”

  “I guess I’m not like the other women you’ve dated,” Beth mumbled. She didn’t like to be reminded that she wasn’t Rory’s type. She was too country, too small-town, too plain to hold her attention very long. Why was she here, falling for a side of Rory that didn’t exist under usual circumstances?

  Rory hooked a finger under her chin, lifting it gently until their eyes met, and Beth gasped at the tenderness that blended into more subtle shades of desire. “I love that you’re not like them. They were all disasters, and I never let them see who I really was. I couldn’t trust them to understand that the high-powered, high-energy, chic lesbian they saw onstage had left the country but never got the small town out of her heart.”

  “Oh, God, Rory.” Beth covered her eyes and shook her head. “How am I supposed to think clearly when you say things like that?”

  Rory chuckled, taking Beth’s hands and wrapping them around her neck before she slid her hands down the curves of Beth’s body until they rested delicately on her hips. “Okay, I won’t be smashingly romantic again until you give me the go-ahead.”