The New Owners

by Marilyn S

  I had an afternoon appointment at her hairdresser and he re-did the highlights and then curled it. Then they did my make-up and my nails and I really started feeling like a decoration being prepared to impress Mr Barnabas’ guests. It made me feel very owned. This realization that my hands and feet and hair and face (along with the rest of me) were really hers. She can make them up the way she wants and dress me the way she wants and let Mr Barnabas or whoever do whatever she wants with me. Like a doll for her to dress up and play with with her friends.

  I think I look like a total whore. She said “an expensive whore” but that doesn’t exactly make me feel any more comfortable. I would worry about what I am going to have to do at the party but when they were talking about it the other night she was very clear that there will be no sex.

  When I got all dressed and looked in the mirror it wasn’t even me in there. But it isn’t not me either. I look like a very plain woman who has put on all the makeup and clothes of a beautiful woman but just looks like a skinny, boring middle-aged woman pretending to be a model and only looking trashy. I feel so uncomfortable. I know the guys are going to think I look stupid. Why can’t I just be who I am instead of having to pretend I am something I am so totally not?

  I feel like a delicate cake. The guests won’t be here for an hour but I can’t do anything because of my hair and makeup. We had to order Chinese because I could not cook. He made me let him change Alyssa because I was dressed. I am doing okay on the platform heels but I know I don’t look natural and it is scary going up and down stairs.

  She is going out with Charlene because her husband is coming to the party. I feel a little nervous being here alone dressed like this with all those men.

  I felt funny about the money today. It didn’t feel right that she paid for my dress and shoes, but it also didn’t feel right that I had to pay for the salon for hair and makeup that I don’t want.

  Sunday, July 23, 2000

  Oh my G_d, the party was so much fun!

  At first it was just serving drinks and snacks. The guys acted like I was really sexy which was very nice of them. That made it a lot easier to relax a bit. I can't figure out if they were just being nice or they actually thought so. Maybe guys only see the makeup and clothes and not the face underneath.

  Mostly I just stood there watching them play and bringing beers and taking away the empties. But then one time when I was beside Kevin he put his hand on my leg and started moving up. I almost spilt my tray and I got away as fast as I could and I thought I would have to avoid him for the rest of the night. But then I started wanting to go back, too, and I was fighting with myself. I felt like if I went back it would be the same as telling him I wanted it. Which I guess I did, but it is embarrassing to let him know it. Mrs Barnabas had made me take off my panties and I really wanted and didn’t want him to know it. I never understand how I can not want something and really want it, too.

  Anyways, the next time he wanted a beer I figured I could not really avoid it and the moment I was beside him his hand was on the inside of my knee and sliding up. I tried to act as if nothing was happening but I know I was blushing.

  I don’t think I was there for very long, maybe just a few seconds, but I was just standing there and Mr Barnabas figured out something was going on. By then Kevin’s hand was right up my skirt slipping all the way up between my legs and I think I jumped a little when his hand touched my hoo-hoo. Mr Barnabas and I were looking at each other and I think he guessed what was happening, but he asked me. He wanted me to say it.

  Kevin was rubbing me and Mr Barnabas kept saying “Marilyn, tell me what is going on” until I finally said it. It was SOO embarrassing. But embarrassing in the best, best, best way. I know I was bright red.

  The guys all thought it was funny and were making jokes and the whole time Kevin’s fingers were trying get further and further inside me. I wanted to move my legs a bit further apart so he could, but felt like it would be like saying, “Hey everyone, I am a total slut. You can stick your hands up my skirt and I will even make it easy for you”. But part of me totally wanted them to think that so I did it quick before I could think too much.

  Someone said "she's LOVIN' it!" and they all laughed. I wanted to crawl away but I was loving it, too. Loving the feeling, and that I was being such a slut. Loving the way they were all looking at me, laughing but not mean. It was like they had a sexy look in their eyes. That just sort of made me melt. All over Kevin’s fingers.

  Then the creepy Australian guy interrupted and made them all start playing poker again. He had lost a lot and wanted to win it back. It felt disappointing when Kevin’s hand pulled away, but kind of a relief, too, because I seriously thought I might drop the tray or fall over.

  After that, every time I went to the table hands went up my skirt, usually one on each leg. I totally felt like a piece of meat. It feels so wrong that being treated like that turns me on, but it totally did. I was so turned on. They kept telling each other how wet I was which made me feel like such a slut and turned me on even more.

  Then Kevin started asking for a BJ. Mr Barnabas told him “no” but he kept asking, first offering to pay again so then everybody knew that I had been a whore, and then he kept offering more money. I think he was a little drunk. He was not going to stop and finally Mr Barnabas got a little angry and told him to drop it. He said I don’t belong to him, I belong to Mrs Barnabas and to ask her when she got home.

  Then Kevin told me to give him a kiss. “For luck”. I looked at Mr Barnabas and he nodded that it was okay so I gave him quick peck but he grabbed me and held my head while he gave me a huge French kiss. All the guys hooted.

  Two of the others wanted a kiss, too. The Aussie guy has to be the worst kisser ever. It was like necking with a big, eager, pimply-faced, slobbery puppy. Or maybe a cow. Gross! But even with the other guy it was humiliating. I wouldn’t have thought that just kissing would be, but it was. I think because it is so intimate and I didn’t even know those guys and they don’t care about me so I totally felt like just an object. Not Marilyn. Just “the girl”. He (Merv?) was squeezing my boob, too. I felt totally out of control. Like they could do anything and I would have to let them. Maybe it was because Mr Barnabas was telling Kevin “no” so I felt like he would keep me safe, but I felt myself letting go. Sort of relaxing into being the...

  the party slut, I guess. The girl-thing that gets passed around and kissed and felt up and who has to let them do whatever they want. It was very degrading but it was also making me so turned on.

  That’s what was happening when you came home.

  It was embarrassing having you and Charlene come in and see me sitting on someone’s lap with his hand on my boob. It made me feel even more slutty than I already was.

  I really appreciated you taking me upstairs to ask how I felt about Kevin. It’s not that I want you to ask if I want to do things. As much as I sometimes hate what you want me to do I would not want to think I have any say or choice. It’s just that after you had told me a number of times that I would only be serving drinks I was very grateful that you did not suddenly put me in a scary situation. Those big surprises like when you had your friends over make it so I am always half expecting you to pull the rug out from under me and it makes it really hard to relax and just enjoy doing what I am told like tonight. It is so much easier if I feel like I can completely trust you.

  They were back playing poker when I went back downstairs and mostly I sat on Kevin’s knee when I wasn’t serving. Where I wanted to be was upstairs rubbing your head. I kept worrying about how much noise they were making but I didn’t feel like I could shush them. I am so glad it did not turn into a migraine.

  When Mr Barnabas came back down the guys asked him all about me but I don’t think they completely believed what he and Kevin told them. Mostly I think they just couldn’t believe that you were okay with him having sex with me.

  When they finally decided to leave, Mr Barnabas told Kevin he could stay and
asked if he had a condom. He didn’t but he said he would be back in 15 minutes and ran out. The other guys were so envious and right then I would have let them all do it if it was my choice.

  The Aussie guy made me bend over the card table so I was lying on it and he flipped my skirt up and told me not to move until Kevin got back. That was Soo degrading. They all laughed at me and my bare ass was hanging out. I felt so exposed. I had felt so much like a piece of meat all night - - discussed, groped, passed around - and now lying there on the chips and cards and Cheeto crumbs...

  Cunt!

  After they left I could hear Mr Barnabas moving around and then I heard him brushing his teeth and I looked over my shoulder and saw him standing in the bathroom brushing and looking at me. Then I heard him rinse and then he put a towel over my face. Then his zipper. Then he spit. Then he just shoved it in.

  G_d, I felt so slutty. It’s like part of my brain is standing back and shaking my head in disbelief that I am letting someone treat me like this even though the rest of my brain is screaming “Oh, yeah, you are such a whore!” and feeling very...

  grateful, I guess, that Mr Barnabas would want me like that. Funny that I feel grateful. Somehow I feel like he should be the one feeling grateful, but I do. Now that I am thinking about it, I really hope he doesn’t. I hope he feels like it is his right to do that. He seemed like he did. He only fucked me for a few minutes and then came inside me, patted me on the ass, and walked away, leaving me like that. That really made me feel used. Just a thing, I mean, just a cunt for him to come in. I wanted to cry I felt so happy.

  He told me to lock the front door when Kevin left and he went upstairs.

  It was so exciting lying like that alone, one man’s stuff leaking out of me while I waited for another man. Are any other women as slutty as me? The towel over my head made me feel like such a piece of meat. Like the pillowcase. Like Marilyn was inside the dark mound of terry and everything that anybody could see was just a thing. A vagina. Open and waiting.

  Then Kevin came in and laughed and a few seconds later he was inside of me.

  I don't like it as much with a condom. It hurts more. But I am glad they make him wear one.

  I love the way they are so selfish. I wonder if that may be because of the towel over my head. Like they can’t see me so they forget there is a real person under there. But that is good. I like feeling like that. I am “just a pussy to come in”. I like them feeling like that, too. I don’t want them to talk to me.

  He went for longer than Mr Barnabas had. I could feel that he was slowing down to make it last. But finally he did come. And he patted my butt, too, which I thought was funny. Then I started cleaning up and he kept following me around asking questions like if I like having to do it with him, too. I told him I am not supposed to talk with him but he kept asking. He is a very persistent person, isn’t he? Eventually I told him that yes, I do like being treated like that. I tried to say as little as I could but I told him a few other things, too. When I had finished cleaning up I told him I had to go so he left.

  I really wanted to come, but I didn’t have permission so I came down to sacrifice an orgasm. I actually sacrificed a whole bunch. I just could not stop. I was so turned on from the whole night and I felt like such a whore that as soon as I recovered from one almost-orgasm I started again. It was almost 4am by the time I finally went up to my mat and that was only because I almost went too far one time and thought I better stop before I had an accident.

  Then I had to get up before 8:00 to change Alyssa and bring her to bed to nurse. Then Mrs Barnabas told Mr Barnabas that she still had a headache and would he mind if she let me take care of him. Have I said how sometimes I feel like an appliance? A sex appliance. Like the way I think of my vibrator. I know I call it “Kendal”, but I really do just think of it as a gizmo to make myself orgasm. Well, that’s how I felt then. A gizmo for him to come in. Like a useful household appliance making her life easier by taking care of her husband’s needs when she is not feeling up to it. I thought that when I was getting him hard but it especially felt like it after he was finished and took the blindfold off and I found out she had left the room. Then he left too and I was alone with his sperm inside me. There was something just so hot about that.

  Monday, July 24, 2000

  Woke up at 5:30 with a horrible UTI. I was almost in tears it hurt so much. Had to go to the walk-in clinic first thing.

  It feels like I am being punished for being such a slut. I know I’m not, but it's been years since I had one so maybe it is because of having sex.

  Anyway, it sure got rid of any sexy feeling I had left over so now I can get to just feeling bad about myself. Maybe I was just too exhausted yesterday to think about what I had done on Saturday. No, I wrote all that. I know, I was still totally horny when I wrote that, but she let me have an orgasm before bed and I always feel Way more disgusted with myself after I orgasm than when I am all turned on. Or maybe it is just the UTI. Last time I felt like this she made me feel better with a spanking but somehow with this UTI I think a spanking would make it all worse.

  It made me late for work and then everybody made a huge fuss over my hair and nails. I still think I look like boring old me dressed up like a cheap whore but if that is what other people think at least they are nice enough to not show it.

  _____

  At dinner she told him Kevin had called to thank her for the other night and says he can’t really afford to pay for BJs all the time and wants to just pay her a set amount every month and be able to come over whenever he wants. She's pissed off that he would ask but they talked about it all through dinner. She only seemed worried that he can’t afford to pay more than a couple of hundred dollars a month and Mr Barnabas says, who cares since it doesn’t cost her anything and it is $200 they don’t have now. They really don’t think I am worth anything.

  Mr Barnabas is wondering if Merv or Bane would want it, too! Who is Bane?!

  I so had to bite my tongue to not say anything. They were busy worrying about how much to charge and whether to use the bedroom or build a room in the basement and if it would take too much of my time away from helping around the house and they never even discussed whether it was a good idea to make me have sex with bunch of men anytime they want.

  I’m scared. I don’t know if I can do it. It was so degrading to have them discussing how much they can sell me for. I know Kevin was a little drunk the other night, but when he was offering $400 for a bj it made me feel, flattered, I guess.

  I guess maybe it is like that joke about having determined what I am and now we are just negotiating the price. If that Merv guy wanted to pay, like $2,000 I think I would feel totally sexy and special. But she said if Kevin only pays $200 a month and comes over every day it is like less than $7 a time and I think I will feel worse than dirt.

  I know they don’t care about how I feel.

  Why should they care? If I am stupid enough to let them treat me like this why wouldn’t they? Like he says, who cares, it isn’t costing her anything for me to hate myself. It’s like the other night. I just let them put me like that on the table and treat me like a piece of garbage. I know when I am turned on I enjoy that but look how it makes me feel afterward. And she barely even acknowledges how hard this is for me. Like I do that on Saturday and then we barely talk yesterday because of her headache and now all of a sudden she is talking about turning me into a full time whore so she can pay off her stupid mortgage as quickly as possible. Oh, and she is going to invest part of it in my RSP. Great. Let strange men fuck me for $7 so I totally hate myself but let me have part of it for my stupid mutual funds.

  I seem to have some of that trapped feeling I was wishing for a week or two ago. I don’t want to do this, but I am pretty sure if she wants me to go through with it my only choices are to do it or leave and I don’t feel like I could do that. I guess I could, but I don’t have a place to move to.

  No, it's not that. I don’t want to leave. I just can’t stop th
is. I know I could if I had to, but I don’t know how bad it would have to be for me to want to. I know if it gets bad enough I will leave, but not for this. I guess I already hate myself for being so stupid so if she needs to prove how pathetic I am by selling me to some guy I don’t know for all-you-can-fuck for $200 a month, then I will prove she is right by letting her. I’ll do it. I’m such a stupid idiot. Dirty slut.

  Stupid cunt.

  Stupid dirty whore cunt.

  Thank you Mrs Barnabas.

  So Mr Barnabas finally saw me get spanked. He looked like he would have rather just go to sleep. I guess I could have tried to wait until morning but I think I would have cried all night. Maybe the spanking just forces the tears so they all come out at once.

  I don’t know why being spanked makes it better but it really does. Partly it feels like I am being punished for being so disgusting but it also just feels like you are spanking the tears out of me. You know how sometimes you just need to cry. I mean, I have been crying all night but spanking makes me do a total Marilyn meltdown which seems to get a lot of the bad stuff out.

  Anyway, I am feeling much better than earlier.

  Tuesday, July 25, 2000

  UTI is way better today.

  Kevin came for dinner and all they talked about was this “arrangement”. He just figures if Mr Barnabas is only having sex with me once or twice a week then my pussy is going to waste. And her only problem with the whole thing is that he might make me late making dinner or not available to change Alyssa. That and I don’t think she wants him over here that much. But he when promised he would just “Get off and get out” she said okay. That was it. Never asked me what I thought. I guess when she used to borrow Kendal no one asked for my vibrator’s opinion, either.