Risk

by Baylin Crow

  ---

  When I woke up in the morning, Asher had already left for his first training session. I breathed another sigh of relief and spent the morning sitting on the balcony with my colored pencils and sketch pad. Determined to forget about the night before, I focused on the clouds, drawing a scene where the morning sun burst through the fluffy layers in golden streaks.

  Asher came home around ten, and we danced around each other, not saying much. Neither of us acknowledging what had gone down. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and him to kick me out. Maybe I should have left preemptively.

  The same awkwardness filled the drive to the gym—me for work and him for a second round of training. He didn’t say much and I was still embarrassed for my part. For how I’d witnessed him come undone. I’d never watched another guy jerk off before. Hadn’t wanted to. As we drove, my mind constantly replayed the visuals from last night and my cock swelled in my shorts. So much for forgetting about it. Why was it affecting me this way? Why did it affect me at all? It was embarrassing and confusing. And both responses frustrated me.

  My eyes flicked to Asher from the passenger seat, trying to understand why we’d engaged in that little peepshow and trying to figure him out. Asher glanced at me, catching me staring, and then his eyes fell down to my lap, where I couldn’t quite hide the bulge tenting my black shorts. The corner of his mouth kicked up. Heat burned my cheeks, and I jerked my gaze away to stare at passing buildings.

  We went our separate ways when we entered the gym. I headed straight for the supply closet where I spent the next thirty minutes resolving to be in the same room with him and appear normal. While I made the rounds, cleaning equipment, I couldn’t help but glance at him from time to time. He was so focused on what he was doing with each of the trainers. I had to admire his dedication. I also admired other things I shouldn’t. Every time I caught myself seeking him out, paranoia followed. The last thing I needed was someone picking up on my newfound interest in my roommate.

  Somewhere in the last twenty-four hours, I’d come to terms with the fact that Asher had turned me on the night before, and that he could be gay. If not gay, at least bisexual. There might be some truth behind those rumors floating around. How I felt about that, I didn’t know, especially considering I was now imaging him in ways that would’ve never occurred to me before.

  Brody caught my eye after what I thought had been another covert glance while I was passing out water. His head swung from me to Asher and back, a curious expression on his face. I made the decision, right then, to avoid Asher completely at work. My face would give me away, so I headed in the opposite direction back to the offices.

  “Drew, hang on a sec.” Brody put down the weights he’d been lifting and jogged in my direction. I turned and waited for him. “I’m sorry about bailing on you last time and not being able to make it to the bar.”

  “Not a big deal.” I waved him off. “You’ve already apologized.”

  “Well, some of us are going out on Friday. You want to come? Sasha won’t be in town and I promise not to back out.” He was all sweaty, his black shirt sticking to his skin, but somehow his bleached spiked hair seemed untouched.

  I eyed Brody, trying to find a spark of interest. Anything to suggest I may be attracted to him, but nothing. Nada. Relief spread through me and I exhaled. I didn’t want men. Some kind of ingrained primal response to a sexual situation was what happened. I mean, if this happened to other straight guys, they weren’t going to talk about it. So it had to be a natural response. A satisfied grin stole across my face and a weight lifted from my shoulders.

  “Sure. Just let me know where and what time.” For some reason, my eyes found Asher again, and the spark I’d sought in Brody but hadn’t found, burned bright, and my new theory deteriorated into ash. Not that it had been a good one because it hadn’t explained why I was still thinking of him in that way. A sinking sensation formed in the pit of my stomach.

  Asher’s intense gray gaze narrowed on me and his jaw hardened as his glare turned toward Brody. My brows furrowed in confusion.

  “What’s up?” Brody asked as he followed my line of sight and glanced over his shoulder. Asher’s lips were drawn into a tight line. Brody scoffed and turned back to me, folding his arms over his chest and giving Asher his back. “What crawled up his ass?”

  My eyes flew wide and a choking sound stuck in my throat. I coughed into my hand and blocked Asher out. What was I supposed to say? I didn’t understand why he appeared pissed either.

  We hadn’t told anyone, other than Pete, that I’d been staying at his place, and I didn’t feel like explaining, especially now. I wasn’t even sure why neither of us had mentioned it to anyone. It wasn’t their business, but it felt like a secret we were keeping and I didn’t know why.

  “No idea,” I said honestly. I wanted to look back at Asher to see if he was still staring, but was able to make myself stay in the conversation with Brody.

  “Well, whatever. I’ll text you details for Friday.”

  “Sure.” I nodded absently.

  “Later, man.” Brody headed for the showers, and I checked the clock on the wall. Close to closing.

  “How are things going at Asher’s?” Pete startled me from behind.

  “Fine, I guess,” I replied, turning to face him. My cheeks were hot. With my tendency to flush when embarrassed, I could only imagine how red they were. Pete gave me an odd look. “You can always come back if it isn’t working. Mags would be thrilled.” He chuckled.

  “Tell Aunt Maggie that I’ll see her this weekend when I come for dinner Sunday.” I laughed with him. “But really, everything’s okay,” I assured him.

  “All right then. I’m getting ready to close up. Are you and Asher staying after today?”

  “No, I don’t think so.” At least I wasn’t. “I’m just going to go restock the refrigerator real quick before I head out.”

  Pete left me to it, and I continued on to the second office.

  Asher hadn’t stayed late anytime I was working in a while. He left when I did, which I wasn’t complaining about since that meant I had a ride. The only difference was that we’d been staying late for practice sessions and then it’d just stopped. He hadn’t said anything about it in a while. After last night, I was able to piece together the reason.

  I hadn’t told him that I’d felt him get hard while we sparred. Adrenaline rushes could make it happen, and at the time, it hadn’t seemed like a big deal. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what the problem had been now that I was aware of his attraction to men.

  Did that mean he was attracted to me? I mean, I never had any issues getting women, but Asher seemed pretty far out of my league even if I swung that way.

  I was grateful he’d put a stop to our little sessions, considering I was still thinking about last night. I didn’t know how I’d react being pressed against him like last time.

  I had a little money saved now since Asher wouldn’t let me pay for food or anything. I was torn between putting money down on a car and saving it in case I found a place to move into, which admittedly I’d been slacking on the search for.

  After Brody was safely in the locker room, I looked back toward Asher who was sitting on a bench, unwrapping his hands and not looking my way anymore.

  Maybe I’d imagined that he was pissed at me for some reason, but just to be safe, I’d walk home instead of waiting on him and being stuck in a truck with someone who might seemed angry over something I’d done. No thanks.

  After refilling the refrigerator with water and grabbing my wallet and keys, I left it up to Uncle Pete to lock up. I’d only made it halfway out of the parking lot when footsteps pounded on the cement behind me. With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I turned, knowing in my gut it was Asher.

  His eyes held my stare, unwavering. The uneasy feeling returned, and I averted my gaze to the cracked concrete beneath my feet.

  “What did Brody want?” When I looked up at him, his jaw was cl
enched and his eyes hard.

  My defenses went up and I crossed my arms over my chest. “He asked if I was interested in going out with the guys Friday. What’s your problem?”

  He was acting so out of character, and I didn’t know what to make of it. I expected awkwardness. I even expected to be kicked out, but I hadn’t expected jealousy. Was that what this was? I almost laughed but thought better of it.

  He ignored my question and instead asked one that made me freeze in place.

  “How did you like the show?” His husky voice sent chills over my skin, making the hairs stand on end.

  “I don’t know what you mean.” I mentally slapped myself for the pathetically shaky way it came out.

  Asher’s eyes locked on mine. “We both know you were there. I saw you and I also know you didn’t turn away and leave. So again. How. Was. The. Show?”

  My face heated, and I was glad it was dark out as my traitorous brain replayed the scene again like I hadn’t thought about it enough on my own. My mouth opened and closed several times before I finally snapped it shut. To my horror, it was already too late and I’d started to swell. My gym shorts did nothing to hide it either.

  I didn’t miss Asher’s glance down to the semi bulging my shorts. The knowing twist of his lips completed my humiliation. Why was I embarrassed? He was the one clearly in the closet, masquerading as the womanizing playboy to the public. Then I wondered if the man had a boyfriend that he was keeping away while I was there, or if he, instead of women, hooked up with men regularly. Or maybe even both.

  As much as I’d gotten to know Asher while living together, there was still quite a bit I didn’t know.

  I couldn’t answer him. When I tried, nothing happened.

  “Let’s go,” he said as he turned back in the direction of his truck. On autopilot, because I couldn’t come up with anything on the spot, I followed.

  “Why did you…” I started.

  Asher held up his hand. “Let’s talk when we get home.” He left no room for argument.

  After a quiet drive back, the tension in the elevator left me glad for a little more space once we were inside his apartment.

  “I’m going to grab a quick shower and then we’ll talk.” He waited for me to nod before heading down the hall.

  My imagination took off at the idea of a shower—the fact that he was so close, completely naked, running his hands over his body. And then those were my hands. With a firm shake of my head, I opened the sliding door and took a seat on the terrace, welcoming the breeze to cool my overheated skin. The view was amazing, and I spent a lot of time out there with my sketch pad. It was a good place to think.

  “Here,” Asher said from behind me. I jumped at the sound of his voice, so wrapped up in my thoughts that I hadn’t heard him coming…much to his delight, judging by the way his eyes were dancing. He handed me a much needed beer, and I took big swallows, trying to get my nerves under control.

  He took the seat next to me with his water, and we quietly stared out over the city skyline.

  “So what do you want to know, Drew? Where should we start?”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  ASHER

  The light from the living room gave me a clear shot at his face. Rosy pink splotches crept up Drew’s neck and spread across his cheeks. Damn if the sight didn’t do something to me.

  Clearing his throat, he seemed to choke on the words. “Are you, um, gay…or bi? Not that I really care or mind or anything.” His eyes flashed to mine before looking away, trying to hide the small glance of embarrassment I’d caught.

  “Relax. It’s fine. Yes, I like men. More than like.” I shot him a wink. “But, no, I’m not attracted to women.” I waited to see his reaction, but for once, he schooled his features, concealing his emotions. I wondered if I’d gotten it wrong and my sexuality bothered him.

  He was clearly affected by me. I’d seen the proof, but what if that wasn’t enough? It was becoming apparent that my wanting Drew was beginning to override my need to do right by Pete, and I didn’t know what to do about it.

  And what was with my jealousy earlier over Brody? It was irrational, but I couldn’t stop it either.

  “Well, I’m glad you told me. You know I’d never out you, right?” he said, sincerity written over his face.

  “I didn’t have much of a choice,” I said, shooting him a sly grin. Drew wouldn’t tell anyone. I trusted him.

  He shifted, trying to discreetly adjust himself and not doing a very good job of it—I couldn’t control my need to look down. I wasn’t faring much better, but I wasn’t trying to hide it either. Talking about sex with Drew was probably not a good idea, but we needed to get it out of the way.

  “What I want to know is why you watched.” I leaned back in the chair and waited.

  He let out a rush of air. His hands raked over his face and then tangled in his hair. When he first showed up, his hair had been a mess of golden blond strands, long enough to curl under his ears. He’d gotten it cut, but it was growing back out, long and messy. I liked it.

  “You saw me getting off while watching two guys fucking, and you, Drew Everly, watched. I’ll be honest, I’ve been trying to get a read on you, and considering I’m being honest with you, I think it’s fair that I can ask as well.” He frowned, and my finger twitched, wanting to smooth his pale skin. I settled on clenching my water bottle while I waited him out. His wary eyes stared deep into mine, and a few silent beats passed before he nodded. I tilted my head as I considered him. “You gay, Drew?”

  His eyes went wide. “What? No. Why would you think that?”

  To answer his question, I simply glanced at his bulge long enough that he squirmed. Right, then. Drew was straight. I chuckled to myself. “Never thought about it?”

  His cheeks flushed brighter, but he shook his head no. A sense of disappointment tethered with relief filled me. I’d never know what it was like to touch him when, at the moment, I wanted that more than anything, but knowing there was no chance would make it easier to take my mind off him. Drew being straight made the night before more confusing though. Maybe he was curious, but there was no hiding how affected he’d been. Whatever was going on with him, he didn’t seem to want to talk about it. Unfair? Possibly, but if I hadn’t wanted to tell Drew about my sexuality, I wouldn’t have—even if he pressed. And I wanted us to go back to normal. If he said he was straight, I had no choice but to believe him. He knew himself better than I did.

  “I just wanted to get everything out there. I wasn’t going to say anything about last night, I promise, but today was weird between us, and I didn’t like it. I have no problem just letting it go if you can.”

  “I can do that,” he was quick to agree. “I didn’t mean to be weird about it.” He still looked like he had something on his mind.

  “I can see those wheels spinning. Out with it.” I took a sip of my water and waited him out. He took a minute and sat up straighter.

  “I feel like I’m overstepping, but I’m curious. Have you ever, ya know…like with a woman?” He stopped and peeked over at me.

  “Have I ever what?” I tried for serious and failed miserably when I couldn’t contain my smile. “You can say fucked, you know.”

  Drew groaned. “Ugh, whatever. I just wanted to know if you’d ever actually even been with a woman to compare.”

  His cheeks reddened again. It was too easy to get him riled up. I was having too much fun at his expense, so I decided to tone it down and just be honest with him.

  “I have actually,” I replied. “In high school. It didn’t feel right, and when I started college, I was finally honest with myself. I was attracted to men. Once I came to terms with it, things felt right and I haven’t looked back.” Even though my parents would never be okay with it.

  “You went to college?” he blurted. Out of all the things I’d just said, that was what he was thinking about? I was slightly insulted.

  “Surprised?”

  “Well, yeah, I guess. But no
t like you’re taking it. I mean, why get a degree and then become a fighter? Was all of this the plan?” he asked, finally facing me, and gesturing inside as if I’d ever dreamed of making it as far as I had.

  I nodded thoughtfully. “I love what I do, but I’m not as arrogant as everyone believes.” I winked. “Not quite anyway. When you first start out, you aren’t exactly rolling in cash. You have to work your way up to the big fights that pay well. I was confident in my abilities but never stupid enough to count on them.

  “Even if I made it to the top, I’m not invincible and career-ending injuries can happen at any time. I also know my body will grow too old at some point to do this anymore. Basically, success isn’t guaranteed, so I have a backup plan. Not that I need it now.” I could retire now and be set for life. I wasn’t so rich that I could keep up the expensive lifestyle forever or anything, but I had set aside enough money over the years that I could live comfortably if I ever had to stop.

  Growing up, I’d lived in a nice middle-class neighborhood and had been happy before outing myself. If it came down to it, I didn’t need any of these flashy things, although they were nice.

  “Are you always so careful?” he asked.

  I inclined my head, trying to figure out where he was going with this conversation. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, no one knows about you, and you know…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it, so I helped him out.

  “No one knows I’m gay, you mean?” I leaned forward to look him in the eye, the light blue shade drawing me closer.

  “Right. No one knows you’re gay. How does that happen?” He met my stare head on.

  I took another drink of my water. “My manager is how it happens.” I frowned. This part of being in the limelight was the worst. Having to pretend to be straight was complete bullshit. He was waiting for more, so I gave it to him. “I’m no saint, but what I do is very discreet, since the rumors anyway,” I said vaguely.