In Search of Satisfaction

by J. California Cooper

  chapter

  41

  sally’s new school was open. She was still working on it in small details, but it was comfortable. Many children were hesitant to come, but as time passed, they came, clean and smiling. Negro, white and Indian. The dirty ones, the lame, all were welcomed. She also had a small schoolhouse built on the Indian land for those who were adult and didn’t want to attend the children’s school, and she spent a few days a week over there.

  Russell had proposed again and again. Sally liked him, might even love him, she mused. He was very kind and sweet. He even liked what she was doing. Never called her a fool, wasting money. But … she was an older woman now, and free! With money! Really free.

  Her own children, Reginald and Lenore, had begun writing her lately. They had heard about her inheritance. They declared their love, separately, in letters and apologized for not writing sooner or more, but they said, “Life has been so busy and we knew you were well.”

  Sally waited before she answered them. She wanted to think about them and life a bit more. In her heart she longed to see them and her grandchildren. Perhaps, she thought, she would go and visit the grandchildren. She would see. There was time. But right now, she was busy living, thinking and teaching.

  Before she made up her mind to go visit them, she received a letter from Lenore about one of Lenore’s children, Ann. It seemed Ann was a problem child and kept the family from being the peaceful, happy family it would be without her. “So I am wondering if her very good grandmother would like a visit from her granddaughter. I am sure she will love you. Reginald and I agree, she reminds us of you, Mother. I can put her on a train, she is very grown up and capable. She just does not get along with her sister and cousins. May I say in a month or so? We think of you often, Mother, dear.” Lenore was really thinking of the inheritance she might miss because of her actions when she thought her mother was destitute. “Mother will grow to love Ann and that will take care of that. Mother was always soft.” Reginald began to think of which of his children he might send to accomplish the same thing.

  Sally didn’t know whether to become excited or not. What could a child do to upset a household? But she remembered growing up with Carlene, and her heart beat faster for the child. Then she wondered if Ann was like Carlene or herself. “I will wait and see. What can it hurt?”

  On the appointed day, Sally rode to Mythville, her thoughts rather excited. Her own flesh and blood! A blessed grandchild. The train had come and gone! She had to look all over the station, inside and out. She went back in to sit and think about whether the child had stayed on the train and what to do to get her back to Mythville. She leaned back on the wooden bench and her eyes fell on a thin, tight little being, about fourteen years of age, huddled in the corner of a bench way in the back of the station. “How did I miss her! If that is her.” Sally went directly to the little girl.

  “Ann?”

  The little girl straightened up, looking into the eyes of this woman who must be her grandmother, she looked like she, herself, did. The voice was timid, but clear. “You are my grandmother?”

  Sally wanted to reach out and grab the child, to smother her with kisses and the love she had been holding in her heart while separated for so many years from her own children, but something held her back. “Yes. If your name is Ann?”

  The young girl stood. Her clothes were fairly good, not the best that Sally knew Lenore could afford. The colors were dark and somber. She had one small bag with her. “My name is Angela. I don’t like ‘Angela.’ Please call me Ann.”

  “Well, Ann, if we are the ones we are looking for, let’s go home.”

  Ann was a thoughtful child, quiet, taking time to think before she spoke. She was not a Carlene. She was not really a Sally. She was an Ann. In time, Sally’s warmth drew her out. In time she began to laugh. In a month, she was going to the schools, helping Sally, which the child seemed to enjoy. She loved going on the Indian side of the river. She worked with Luke on the land. Luke was kind and patient. She soon loved Luke. She followed him around when she was not in school.

  Ann was a giver. She gave away almost everything Sally bought her. She liked to see the pleasure on the faces of those who had never had anything before. Sally started to fuss about it, but decided the child was right.

  Ann played at last. Not vigorously, but she played. Her spirit had been stunted by empty demands and values, which somehow the child understood to be empty. She had questioned them, embarrassing her parents and the sister who did not like her. So she had been sent away, gotten rid of, to a grandmother who could not have been more pleased.

  Sally relaxed about the child one night when they were lying in Sally’s bed reading. Sally had turned to Ann to emphasize the last words of the story, when she realized the child was looking at her intently, very seriously. “What is it, Ann? What is the matter?”

  “I love you, Grandmother.”

  Sally drew the young girl closer. “Why, I love you too, Ann.”

  “I have never felt this way before, Grandmother.”

  Sally looked into the child’s eyes, understanding her completely. “Grandmother is such a long word, Ann, how about you calling me Grandma?”

  Ann laughed, her face lost that tight look and softened, was full of open joy. “Okay, Grandma!” Then they both laughed, and were happy.

  The sun, wind, earth, the loving and giving turned Ann into a beautiful, young girl who would soon be a woman. Phillip saw that in her. He watched her growing and spent much time with her when he was in Yoville visiting his mother. His love grew in a different way. He decided she would one day, maybe, be his wife, if he could watch her closely so that no one else would take her. After a time, Sally saw all these things. She did not mind. She even laughed, thinking of Lenore and even Reginald, how they would learn one day that the child they had not wanted in their families had married one of the richest men in the world. “And he is not only rich, he is kind. Which is like finding a needle in a haystack!”

  All the years of loneliness and grieving for his mother, a family, had made Phillip very introspective. Had broadened and deepened his values. He understood a great deal about true life, true values. There were very, very few wealthy men who were like him. But Ann never thought of him or these things at all. She was learning about other things like the earth and people, animals and rivers and trees and Grandma. Those kinds of loves.

  yin visited Arabella. Arabella, knowing what life was about and what Yin was about, had given many dinners and musicales in Yin’s honor. “You must dress more like a lady than a passionate woman! The kind of man you need goes to whorehouses for his passionate women. He shows the world a lady when he presents his wife.”

  “But I am not a whore! I have a son, a house, some money!”

  “So do some whores. It is not a case of you looking like a whore or being one. You want the type of man who is respected as well as rich! He decides what he wants from you when he sees you. You must show him you are what he wants!”

  They argued, but not long. Yin knew Arabella was right, but she thought her clothes were beautiful. They went shopping. Arabella helped Yin spend loads of money on dresses that looked so simple Yin could have cried. “I shall be a nun!”

  Arabella laughed. “You shall be a rich man’s wife!”

  On Yin’s body the simple dresses took on another dimension. They were gorgeous. They brought out all her beauty and subdued it so that it would be inviting as well as reserved and special.

  Yin found her rich man. After a proper time during which he learned about her property and how, as Arabella told him, Yin was a fine lady from an old fine family, he proposed. As instructed, Yin had shyly refused. But he was swept off his feet; he proposed again. Yin coyly accepted, much like her mother years ago. He was an older man, much older than she was.

  Yin took her time. Aunt Ellen was still taking care of Joseph back in Yoville. Yin had to take her time. She wanted her son, but she wanted this rich man, too, and h
e would, surely, never accept a Negro son. “This color stuff has ever and always caused me problems!” she thought to herself. “Why can’t people just be people!?”

  Yin married the man, Mr. Monigold, and stayed in the East. She came home as frequently as possible to see her son and Aunt Ellen. He never suffered for anything but a mother. She had another child by her new husband. It was a girl. A white girl-child. When Yin looked at the child, she would think, “Joseph’s sister. I will teach her love for all races. I will teach her what God has said, that we are brothers and sisters, all of us.”

  Yin really thought she had stayed long enough in the marriage. She had given Mr. Monigold a child. He was not so concerned about having a new child, he had other older children by his former wife. He was not easy to get along with unless she was in bed doing some of the perversions he so enjoyed and demanded more and more the longer they were married. One day Yin said “enough!” to Arabella. Arabella said, “Well, get a good attorney if you wish to continue being a lady. Divorces are taboo!”

  “To hell with being a lady! I want money enough to pay me for all I have gone through with this, this … man! I want to be with someone I love!”

  “I have no doubt you will have all the money you will need. I don’t know about love.” Arabella’s satisfaction was in being a respected lady, with money of course. She was not sure she wanted love again. Love, before Carl, has cost her a great deal. But Yin’s satisfaction was in having money, a family and being loved. Her dissatisfaction drove her on.

  That night when Monigold reached for her, Yin insisted on un-perverted lovemaking with her surprised husband or no lovemaking at all. The next day, she found the lawyer Arabella had recommended and filed for divorce. She had compromising pictures of her husband she had found among his private things. “There is no date on a picture so they can’t prove it was before our marriage. It’ll work! Rich sure ain’t what it’s cracked up to be.”

  Then … she returned to Yoville, taking her daughter Kay with her.

  chapter

  42

  now, all these things were going on and on. Hosanna had given out her cards during the time when many people had returned to Yoville for the season. Sally had helped her. Hosanna stayed busy catering and very busy washing and ironing fine lingerie. She hired Lovey and Little Wisdom when they were not in school. Sometimes, Lettie. A few years passed.

  Lettie had married Boyd and had two children, Ruth and Boyda. Hosanna loaned Lettie, not Boyd, the money to purchase a small, inexpensive house. The family moved into it so Hosanna could do her business in peace. She had to continually check to make sure Lettie sent the children to school. She loved to see her two little nieces, the older one pulling the smaller one, as they walked down the road on their way to school in their little, cotton dresses.

  Lettie and Boyd argued most of the time now. Boyd did not like to work. Could not keep a job, no matter how many jobs Hosanna found for him. Boyd did not like Hosanna. “She try to be too damn independant! She need a man to whip her ass!” He sometimes whipped Lettie’s. Lettie was thin, unhappy and evil most of the time. Her satisfaction was love, and she didn’t have a man who loved her. She sometimes envied Hosanna, but refused to work much for her.

  men came to court Hosanna. She was very attractive. Some of them thought she must have some money because she worked all the time. A few really cared for her for herself. One in particular, Homer. Homer always tried to help Hosanna in some little way. A better fireplace for her soaking tubs. A better platform for all her tools. He would make things at his house where he lived with his mother and bring them to her completed. Always afraid she might not accept them. He would bring her a bunch of wild flowers, even a box of candy sometimes. He helped Hosanna in her garden sometimes, so they could talk.

  Luke was living with Richlene now, they had been married the Indian way. All his garden time was at his new home now, though he did help Hosanna when he was on that side of the river or she sent for him for something special. He was proud of Hosanna. He liked Homer and was glad Homer was around to help his sisters.

  Homer kept Hosanna’s kindling pile full, putting wood there even while she slept at night. She would just wake, go out, and there it was. Hosanna liked Homer, respected him. “He ain’t always over there at Choker’s juke joint, lappin up that liquor and the ladies hanging round there!” she would say. But she did not love him. In fact, he bored her. She thought his mind was too country, too slow. She treated him nice, joked and teased with him, because when he came around where she was working, he could make her laugh and she wouldn’t be so tired anymore. But she never let him touch her or get too close. Lovey watched them, longingly.

  Lovey had heard that Lincoln had gone to fight in the war and had lost a leg. He still worked with Phillip, made a great deal of money, invested it. But when he came to Yoville to visit his father, he always stole into town and left the same way, quietly. He did not want anyone to see him with his one leg. Lovey always “just missed Lincoln,” old Mr. Creed would say when he passed on his way to visit Aunt Ellen. Older now, grown more beautiful, body filled out and luscious, Lovey had no boyfriend, no man. Lovey still loved Lincoln.

  • • •

  lovey and Hosanna were alone in the little house now. Luke gone cross the river, Lettie in her own house. They had more space and they had fixed it up very nicely. Each would lay in her bed in their own rooms after a full day, thinking. Lovey of love and Hosanna of whether anyone would ever come along in Yoville who would be right for her.

  Hosanna would toss and think, “I don’t want none, none of these no account men around here. They are too satisfied with makin do. I want some nice things. Yin is a woman and she has some nice things. Sally is a single woman, she has some nice things. Course they have plenty money now. I’m not going to have that much, don’t need that much, but I want SOME! Ain’t gonna be poor no more. Poor killed my daddy and my mother. I’m gonna have children some day, Lord willin, and I don’t want nothing to happen to them like it happened to us!” Hosanna had begun to pray more lately. She would say her prayers, have a long talk with God and slip into sleep before she was through.

  Lovey would lay in her bed, thinking and praying at the same time. “I’m just layin here lookin at the rest of my life. Nobody ain’t ever gonna really love me. All this schoolin ain’t gonna do me nothin. I ain’t never goin to go nowhere away from Yoville and workin this little job for Hosanna. I’m savin money, but what am I going to buy?” She gave God a mean look at the ceiling. “Shoes?! WHO? Who gonna hire me anywhere else? I don’t even care about that either! Who gonna LOVE me?” Lovey’s pretty, little young body was awakening to its own music and life. Well fed now and exercised, it was a healthy body. Though its legs were lame, everything else worked really well!

  don’t misunderstand, Hosanna loved her life now. Getting up in the mornings, fresh beautiful mornings, rain or shine. All the trees, their own trees and those off in the distance, green and tall and beautiful. Filled with birds of all colors, flying off and flying back to their nests with the sky, clear of clouds, still beautiful beyond everything. The sun coming up casting that golden glow over everything. The very color of the morning, even without the sun, was a mellow, blue-gray fresh feeling of beauty. And their garden, green, gold and dewy, growing and healthy.

  Little by little Hosanna was improving the house. It stood small, bright and proud. Yes, it was a good feeling to get up and begin a new day, every day. But … it was lonely sometimes. She turned to the Bible more, reading it alone or with Lovey.

  luke had Richlene and the work he was doing and he had Little Wisdom who loved him. Luke’s satisfaction was love, peace and no worry. Richlene’s satisfaction was family, love and peace. They were happy. When Richlene’s hair started graying, she wanted to dye it, but Luke stopped her. “If it yours, I like it just like it is.” Sometimes he would look off into space and say, “Richlene, you got all that money! It’s a plenty poor people you could help. We got t
o think of somethin to do to help make other people as happy as we are.”

  Richlene was, after all, Carlene’s daughter. “Aren’t … these Indians … happy? I did … that already.”

  Luke would smile at her. “You broke?”

  “No.”

  “Well, let’s think of somethin else we can do.”

  “Well … let’s do … something … for us.”

  “We don’t need nothin else, Richlene.”

  Then Richlene would speak of something else to distract his mind.

  Little Wisdom had begun allowing other men to court her after Luke and Richlene’s marriage. She saw and respected the love in Richlene and Luke’s eyes. She really thought Richlene was too old, “At least ten years older than Luke!” but she knew from experience, “What does the heart care about time?” Little Wisdom’s satisfaction was love, respect and family. It was there, just around the corner, if she could just get Luke out of her eyes.

  Sally had Russell whom she might marry. Her mind went back and forth. And she had Ann. And it was possible another grandchild, William, would be coming. Another “problem” Reginald had said, but he really did not want his sister’s child, Ann, to inherit all of Sally’s wealth, so he chose the child of his own he did not like, William. By now Sally knew what Reginald and Lenore called “problems,” and she was more than ready to welcome her grandson. Sally’s satisfaction was peace, giving and love. She was happy.