Sin's Flower

by Carlene Love Flores

  “Go on, take a look.”

  Slowly, like she was tethered to an imaginary string keeping her head from bowing, she glanced at his bulging crotch. “Um, okay, I believe you.”

  “Good. Can I have your hand please?”

  Her eyes popped, “I thought this was a vocabulary lesson, Jaxon.”

  “It is. I just want to hold your hands while we talk.”

  “Oh God. See how I do that? Turn everything into a big ole bowl of awkward. Sorry. Here.” She offered him her hands which he took and rubbed with his thumbs and then held in the intimate space between their bodies.

  “You’re sure?”

  “Yes, I’m a grown woman and I want to be able to say grown up words without...”

  She was butting up against something and he guessed getting over it was the real reason she was daring herself to have this conversation. “Without what, baby?”

  A soul-searching stare lingered between them as he continued to rub her hands and wait.

  “Without,” she pulled her hands back then settled them against her mouth. “Being reminded of how dirty he made me feel when he twisted them and used them.”

  Fuck. “Who are we talking about Lily?”

  “My ex-husband.”

  Jaxon hated the relief at her answer when she was so obviously torn up over it but thank God she hadn’t said her father. An asshole ex-husband was something he could handle. A sexually abusive father, fuck, he had no idea what to do with that shit. Just ask Trissy.

  So this was Lily wanting to take something back that some asshole had stolen. That—he could and would help her with. Not that it would make up for past failures but it was a step in the right direction.

  “Let’s take it slow and start with just one of those words. All you need is a sense of humor about it. Loosen up.”

  She rolled her neck and shoulders, loosening up like he’d instructed. She was a damned cute student. His groin ached. “Ready,” she said in the sexiest voice he’d ever heard.

  “Well, since he’s awake and wants to be part of the conversation…what word would you use to refer to him?”

  “Uh, if by him we’re talking about your…,” she pointed her finger and swirled it in a large circle directly in front of his hugely excited dick, “Oh my God, this is so embarrassing. I guess I’d say your manlihood.” Her face pleaded with him not to laugh and he wouldn’t. He could tell how hard that had been for her and wondered what kind of sick mental abuse the ex had doled out.

  “Okay, that’s okay. Well, it is that. But it’s also just a dick.” He paused to gauge her breathing which she was doing, just a lot slower than was probably normal for most humans. “It is. Think about it, what is it about that word that makes you uncomfortable?”

  She gave it some thought. “I guess I just wouldn’t want to be offensive to anyone.”

  “And that makes perfect sense. Even I’d never dare to say dick to Grace. I’m not crazy. I can tell you’re not sold yet.”

  “It’s just, it sounds vulgar when I try to hear myself saying it.”

  “That’s because you’re a lady. Which, for the record, should never change. But if you’re gonna have a guy like me around, you’re gonna hear stuff like this. Hey, here’s a thought. What about when it’s a guy’s name? Or that English bread pudding dessert.”

  “There’s an English dessert named after it?’

  “Yeah, it’s called Spotted Dick.”

  “No way!”

  Her lips curled into delectable, tight vees at the corners, showing him her each and every tooth. He’d lick her from smile line to smile line if he wasn’t so enthralled in their laughter.

  “Can you say it now?” he asked.

  “Jaxon, I could have said it a long time ago. It would just come out sounding really weird and lame. I’m not one of those sexy girls who can pull off that kind of talk.”

  “Why don’t you let me be the judge of that? I promise you won’t sound weird. And would it help you to know that your golden boy brother-in-law has said it plenty of times?”

  “Lucky?” Her voice hightailed it from beginning to end of his cousin’s name.

  “Yep.” He pulled his lips together and held them like that, trying to keep from tackling her and rubbing himself into her voluptuous body she kept maddeningly hidden.

  “What about Stefan?” she asked, setting his jealousy hackles on edge.

  “Stefan?”

  “Yeah, what does he call it?”

  “Okay, but you asked. Stef, he’s more of a cock kind of guy. Which we can work up to if you really want to go there.”

  “Oh no, I don’t want to go there.”

  Her sweetness endeared him so fully he thought his heart might explode under her touch. She was fingering his pointer finger like it was a shiny new toy.

  She blew out a breath, making him wish he was the air she breathed. “I’m ready. I’m gonna say it.”

  “Okay, you can do it,” he encouraged.

  “Wait, should I just blurt it out, just that one word or can you give me a sentence?”

  “For the record, you’re killing me, baby. So fucking cute. Sorry, that’s one I’m working on not using so much anymore.” He thought about it and then leaned into her ear to whisper the one thing he’d die to hear her say. “You could whisper that into my ear for a warm up.”

  She nodded yes. The second her balmy, cherry scented lips made contact with his ear, he was a lost cause.

  He had to pay attention because her words were so very quiet. Letting the immediate tickling sensation smooth its way out, he put his hand to the other side of her head and edged her lips closer to his ear then listened for her to repeat the prompt he’d given her.

  The quietest, most erotic voice flowed from her mouth, “I’ve never met anyone quite so honest and open. Thanks for being yourself with me. And for giving me the courage to be able to say this.” Shit, he was dangling by a thread on her every word. “You’re not a dick, Jaxon. You’re much more, to me anyway.”

  That wasn’t anywhere close to the line he’d fed her to say. To steal her words, it was much more.

  A feminine sniff rattled him from the tender galaxy he’d floated off to.

  “Lame, huh?” she asked.

  “Lily, that’s one of the sexiest things anyone has ever said to me. Thank you for being you, baby.” He had her hands back in his so he rubbed them again. “Lily, can I ask?” He paused to ensure the sensitivity he intended came out right. “What’s the difference between me saying these words to you and how your ex did? Because so help me God, I do not want to upset you.”

  If she regarded him one more time like that, so needful, he’d have no other choice. She’d be his, in every imaginable way.

  “Oh Jaxon, who knows? He was a deceiving, twisted jerk who I let hurt me and wasted entirely too much time with. Whereas you,” she smiled, “You are who you are, out in the open, for everyone to see. Good or bad, that’s not so scary.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Jaxon stood outside, admiring Grace’s converted flat and the nostalgic familiarity of her flower garden. He leaned down and picked up some stray brown leaves that didn’t belong. Good for them. They all deserved this. Good men and women, the decent, hardworking people of the world deserved a humble place like this to call home. Maryellie, his baby. She belonged here, way more than where they’d come from.

  His next thought nauseated him.

  Maryellie was his world. And this was the type of life she needed. This was what he’d been scavenging for in California and coming up empty. No more tricks like he’d pulled earlier that day with Lily and the lesson. He had to at least try to fit in with these people. His father and uncle, men who could live off this land. Maybe Jaxon could learn.

  And then there was Lily. Sweet, forbidden Lily. Although he was getting over that and thinking more and more about helping her find the woman she’d lost to the ex. She was sexy as hell and had no idea.

  He sat back and closed his ey
es. Her innocence made his nerves show up on his skin which became tight with the cold air and his pumping blood. He shivered. It was going to be a long night as Lily had offered to cook another huge meal, enough to feed the four Mason men and the women too. But if he wasn’t ready to play the part of whatever they expected of him, he had no business being here.

  He drug his hands through his hair, slicking it back on top and then feeling the prickly stubble that had gone too long since its last visit from a razor. Maybe he should try looking less like a crazed maniac. No, he knew better. He couldn’t blame it on the razor short sides of his head or the thorn marks he’d had tattooed up the side of his neck. It was his actions, the way he made people feel all jumpy on the inside. Like they didn’t know if they wanted to cry with him or because of him. The frustration came from his inability to prove to everyone he didn’t want that anymore.

  He wanted someone to see him as a daddy. A loving, doting father. Funny enough, and foreign as hell, he wanted Lily to laugh for him. What a beautiful sound that would be if they could be out in the open together. Her laughter would be everyone’s proof that he wasn’t a bad guy. Not anymore.

  “You know, you’d be really handsome if you smiled more.”

  Her voice pulled his eyes closed. A command to take notice of the butterfly who’d just flown by.

  “It’s so cold out tonight. Why don’t you come back inside, Jaxon?” asked Lily.

  “I just needed a little space, to think. I’m fine.”

  “You’re tough, I know.” She walked over and stole his arm, making it warm with her soft hands. “Maybe I just needed an excuse to come say hi.”

  She stepped even closer, tiptoeing like she was creeping up to a tiger exhibit with no protective glass. She had great instincts.

  “Mind if I stand here with you for a bit?” she asked.

  “I don’t. But, uh, you’ll be missed inside.” He lifted his chin in the direction of Trissy’s house. Their breath blew out in puffs together.

  “Nah, they’re too busy doting on your beautiful little girl.” He caught wind of a smile that spread across her face subtly. He didn’t normally see beauty in light, airy things. But she cast this adorable glow right now, like a sweet young backstage virgin at her first concert where the neon lights picked her out from the crowd. He’d been with too many like that—young women who’d pretended to be those sweet girls but who were really just dying to show him they would see their teasing through. At least Vangie hadn’t tried to hide what she was. Again, an image of that last fight he’d had with her did its best to ruin the moment.

  “You know, I have a hard time figuring you out, Miss Lily,” he finally said, wanting to get her back inside but needing her presence just as much.

  “Why’s that?” she asked. Again, her arms rubbed up against his. Thank God for those thick, long sleeves protecting her from him and the cold.

  “I think I’m a pretty straightforward girl. Here, I’ll prove it. Ask me anything.”

  “Unh-unh. That’s a dangerous game.” One they’d tiptoed around earlier at their so called lessons. She'd barely made it out undevoured. “You don’t want to play that with me, baby.” He pulled her elbow and walked them to a spot behind the raised porch where the chilly wind was at least blocked. There was a corner. He continued to press forward until she was completely protected, by the wood against her back and sides, and his body at her front.

  “So you’d rather figure me out all on your own?”

  Oh shit, how did she do that? She was all sweetness but played all the wrong way. Like God had made her this innocent demon just to torment him. Shit, how he wanted to figure her out, every molecule. Her mouth made his tongue feel like jelly.

  “Lily, I think you should go back inside.” He appreciated the visit but telling her would have kept her there longer, in his gratitude, which was dangerous.

  “Tell me why you want me to leave so badly and I’ll go.”

  Fine. This girl didn’t know when to quit. She had asked and offered up honesty all night. She was going to get it, full blown. “If you don’t leave right now, I’m going to do things to you that will make everyone in that house hate me forever. You really want that?”

  Ah hell. It took one second for her head to dip nearly to her shoulder, her hand to come up to her mouth and rest at her bottom lip, as she poured out her heart to him in one look. She didn’t believe him. But there was no question, she wanted it.

  * * * *

  Lily couldn’t help running her hands over her hips, wondering if he could see that her underwear were too tight against her skin again. Like the universe had heard her and was in a teasing mood, Jaxon’s eyes strayed to those parts of her body. Get a grip silly. He’s looked at thousands of women this way. And probably slept with nearly as many. She couldn’t decide if that fact hurt her self-confidence or her feelings more.

  “You’re right, Jaxon. I would be heartbroken if all those people in their—your—family hated you. Especially if it was because of me.”

  “Good, I’m glad you understand. Now you’d better get back.”

  “Don’t I get a chance?”

  “A chance for what?”

  “Well.” She cleared her throat and looked down at her rather beat up sneakers. “I appreciate your honesty, again.” A smile grabbed her even though she tried to keep it at bay. Its heat warmed her cheeks. “But I wasn’t playing when I said I would tell you anything you wanted to know. I don’t know why that makes you so nervous. I’d like to get to know you better, too.”

  “It doesn’t make me nervous,” he said back casually.

  “Then why was your first instinct to blow me off with that silly scare-tactic?”

  “That wasn’t a threat, Lily. You don’t know anything about me.”

  She knew he was arrogant, that was for sure. Had he already forgotten she’d been married and divorced? She knew about men, both the jerks and the ones worth their weight in gold. There was just something she couldn’t shake about his words. The look on his face as he’d tried to scare her off. It was a warning, not a threat. At least that’s what she thought for the few seconds he’d stood there looking serious and withdrawn.

  A knowing grin barely made its way onto his handsome face. Her first thought was of her father. The next, Tom. The last, Jaxon.

  No. She wouldn’t condemn Jaxon to that group, no matter how badly he seemed to want her to do it. She’d figure him out, whether he participated in a conversation with her or not. She wasn’t going to let him use sex as a threat. That was so wrong. And it hurt her that it had been his gut reaction. She wondered if the rock star had ever loved a woman. She wondered about Maryella’s mom.

  He leaned in and after a brief pause, whispered into her face, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You can’t hurt me. Not like that. I promise.”

  He pulled back from her and tucked his chin to his chest. She’d said the wrong thing, or exactly the right thing to get him to open up.

  “Jaxon?”

  “I’m sorry, I was just thinking about something.”

  “Me too,” she said.

  They stood huddled in the tight corner together in silence for a few minutes. Finally Jaxon relented. “You wanna talk about it?” His words sounded restricted and uncomfortable but when she felt his hand cup hers, she could only reason he’d meant it to be soothing.

  “I don’t know if I want to talk about what I think is on your mind right now, but I do want you to know I didn’t go through the same hell Tris did. I hate what happened to her, but it wasn’t the same for me. It doesn’t mean I don’t hate my father any less.”

  He nearly stumbled a step back from her and caught the porch’s overhang above her head to steady himself. “Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting you to be able to put that out there like that.”

  “Well, I feel safe around you, Jaxon.”

  He shook his head as it bowed and he grasped her arms again. “Please, don’t say that. You really don’t
know me well enough.”

  “Hey, look at me, please?” When he did, she continued. “My father never touched me, but I lived with him and it turns out he was a devil. I know that now. And then there was my ex. You’re not bad like that, Jaxon. I’d know it if you were.”

  “Lily, maybe I’m just a great actor and maybe you scare the hell out of me.”

  “Why?” she asked. How could she be scary to him?

  “I don’t know what to do with you.”

  “I scare you? And you don’t know what to do with me? You’ve been hurt, haven’t you?”

  “I’ve been the one who hurts the ones I’m supposed to care about,” he said, staring through her.

  He wasn’t going to let her convince him tonight with her truths and her honesty. She wouldn’t push him any further. They’d opened a gaping hole of communication just now, whether he realized it or not, something had clicked even more so than it had the weekend at his place.

  It was a real, bonafide start.

  She watched as he pulled down with both hands on the stretchy vee-neck collar of his t-shirt. The night should be over for them. She should go back inside and finish prepping supper. Luke and Bear would be there any minute. But the solemn look on Jaxon’s face contrasting with the exposed patch of his chest left her unable to move.

  She didn’t know what possessed her to do it, but she reached her hand out to touch the exposed triangle of skin, the light sprinkling of hairs on his chest. Like a bear trap clamping down on a foot, promising to do permanent damage, Jaxon’s hand caught her at the wrist, tight and sharp. She wanted to tell him he was hurting her, like Tom had done, but she didn’t. He didn’t mean to hurt her, she knew that in her bones. He was merely stopping her before it got to that point.

  * * * *

  He had to stop her before she ended up another victim. “Lily, go back inside where you belong.” He let go of her wrist. It was the nicest thing he could say to her. In two seconds, he would be at her throat, treating himself to the taste of her neck. The smell of her hair. “Go on.” The feel of his hand dropping to her waist and then back out again to her amazing hips.