Sin's Flower

by Carlene Love Flores

Was she screwed either way? He could always refuse to let either of those things happen.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Well, I guess we should try and get some sleepies.”

  “Yeah, I guess that’s a good idea.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay.”

  “Good night.”

  “Good night.”

  “See you in the morning.”

  “Yep, you too.”

  “Jaxon?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I can’t sleep.”

  “Me neither. Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea.”

  But the small talk had worked to relax her since he’d knocked at her door a half hour ago. Of course she’d let him in. Locked door her derriere. Like that was happening. She felt less like she was standing tip toes on top of an icy mountaintop after just having drunk a pot of coffee and more like a thirty-one-year old grown woman simply lying beside a man who she could call friend. Tris’s cat, who had snuck in behind Jaxon, stepped his way over her face, letting her get a mouthful of fluffy gray tail. Lily giggled and sputtered but averted round two as she picked him up and set him on her empty bed.

  “Did you know I rescued that little pain in the ass?”

  Well how adorable was that? Jaxon James, one man kitty rescue squad by day, sinful, musical sexy man by night.

  “Figjam?” she asked, just to keep the soothing talk going.

  “Yep, named him too. It suits him and Jaxon was already taken.”

  “Odd name, I have to admit.”

  “Fuck I’m Good, Just Ask Me,” he said and then reached out to pet the kitty who had refused her bed offering.

  She smiled softly at that.

  “You have a beautiful smile, Lily. Did you know that?”

  “Um, thanks,” she said around what felt like a giant squirt from a tube full of blush.

  “I like talking to you. I hope you feel the same.” He tapped the tip of her nose and then tucked his hand back to his side.

  “I do. You seem so regular.”

  “Ouch. I bet you wouldn’t say that to your real crush, Stefan.”

  “That’s not what I meant. I just feel like I can talk to you about, stuff. Crazy stuff, funny stuff. Messed up stuff. I get the feeling nothing’s off limits. It’s nice.”

  The way his eyes settled on her and his shoulders and chest relaxed made her feel even more comfortable.

  “Good, because I’m curious to know what you, Lily, like about your body? Lesson three? Are you up for it? Told you…should have locked your door.” He winked.

  “Oh.” She could do this. She wanted to do this more importantly. He was interested or he would never have asked. There was no reason not to be honest with him. And she didn’t feel any pressure, not like she had at Tom’s requests. Yuck, her ex’s name goosed her. She shook it off with an airy flick of her fingers before rubbing them hard into the floor.

  “Well?” he said while touching the ends of her hair.

  “Well, I like when a woman’s body is smaller than a man’s.”

  The sexiest, most devilish grin blazed across his handsome face and she wondered if he was going to bust her out for not really answering his question. “You may have noticed. I’m much bigger than you,” he said.

  She couldn’t have responded even if he’d stopped long enough to let her. Were they still trying to be good and get to sleep because his new line of questions had her pulse playing air hockey under her skin.

  * * * *

  He hated keeping her up with his admittedly teasing questions, but the thought of sleeping with her scared the shit out of him. If he let her close her eyes, would he be strong enough to keep his hands, arms, legs, and tongue to himself? Doubtful. He coughed.

  “So, is there anything particular you like about my body, Lily?”

  God, he’d never thought “shy” could equal sexy but here it was, in the flesh. He was dying to hear her answer. Maybe she’d use the new word he’d taught her at lesson one.

  “Um, yes…I like your arms and chest,” she said a little more quietly. He didn’t want to lose her to her shell again. He put his hand over hers and squeezed then petted her fingers with his.

  He ached to lose his shirt, only for her but he had to keep the conversation going. “May I ask why you like those particular parts?”

  She shook her head, obviously not wanting to share.

  “Would you like to know what I like about you?”

  He rubbed his hand softly up and down her arm, wishing she wasn’t still covered from head to toe.

  “I’m not sure,” she let out shakily.

  He couldn’t help but chuckle at her honesty. He was telling her anyway and if he wasn’t such a pussy all of a sudden, he’d have done it with a kiss.

  “Your curves.” Then he leaned his lips to her ear and closed his eyes, breaking his own rule, as he committed to telling her the absolute truth of his desire. “I’ve thought about holding onto your hips, and pushing myself inside you. The fantasy is so much better when I picture entering you from back here…” He stopped, taking a moment to place a kiss in her hair and pet the rounded top of her hip softly then move to her ass. “Your body is so fucking hot, Lily.” But she’d become still after hearing that. Maybe it was good that had come out sounding more like a warning. He decided to go with that in hopes of bringing her back to their little talk. “Lily, that’s the absolute truth and exactly why I’m so hot and cold. Always talking about kissing you and then never following through.”

  But all she did was flinch against his cheek. He pulled back because something felt wrong. “Hey, are you okay? I’m sorry, I’ll ease up.”

  Smartly, she pulled back so he could see her face. “It’s okay. I uh, I just had a bad experience with my ex.”

  “What do you mean?” Fuck. Bad ex stories were never good; he had plenty. And he’d gone and said something to remind Lily of hers. “Tell me, please.”

  She blew out a big breath and fanned her hair at the left temple all the way to the strands’ ends just below her collar bone. “He insisted on filming us.”

  Shit, he’d done that before a time or two. That didn’t sound so bad. Which told him there must be more. But he didn’t want her to feel dirty that she’d shared that with him. “It’s okay. I’d be lying if I said there weren’t tapes of me doing God knows what out there.”

  “Well, he made me watch it.” A couple shakes of her shoulders and her head dunked to her hands.

  “Hey, hey, hey, shush, don’t cry, Lily. I’m sorry, baby.”

  “No, it’s just…all I could see was the way my fat jiggled and I hated doing it and seeing it. But he didn’t care. He never listened to me. I thought he’d stopped after the one time but one day I found a bunch of movie files on his laptop. Basically I’m an idiot.”

  “Don’t say that. No you’re not.”

  “Well, I left him at his family’s Easter dinner and he still has the files. I guess I should have been more clever.”

  “I’ll tell you what; I haven’t busted anyone’s ass in a long time. Just say the word.”

  “Thanks,” she said. His air motions of elbowing someone in the face made her let out a small grin.

  “Lily, I never want to make you feel that way. But as you can see, I’m pretty loose talking about sexual stuff. It’s just my nature. So if I ever say something crazy, just kick my ass okay?” Even an ankle biter would have known she in no way could see herself kicking his ass from the way her eyebrows hiked up, wrinkling her forehead and making her an absolute cutie. “Or uh, you could just have a poke at my belly. That’d work too.”

  He loved getting those smiles. It made him wonder what else he could get out of her. A quick look to the clock and he nearly groaned. It was barely past eleven thirty. Unaccustomed to having anyone else awake with him, he decided to take advantage of both the company and his secret task. To get Lily to shed some layers and enjoy herself again like she’d mentioned.

  Exhausted, he stil
l couldn’t sleep. He eyed the ugly gap keeping her safe on the other side of the blanket pallet she’d made them. “Sure this is okay with you?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  Coming from anyone else, he’d take that short quickie as eagerness but coming from her…he wouldn’t kid himself. Most likely she was on the fringe about having let him in.

  “Shit, it’s still too early for me to be attempting sleep,” he complained and blew out a hot breath while fighting his clothes and the covers. “What’s so interesting in your maggy there?”

  “My magazine? Oh, um nothing.”

  Yeah, she wasn’t getting away with that so easily. He tried peeping at what had grown her eyes to the size of blue golf balls. “Lemme see.”

  First she tried turning the page very quickly but he grabbed it.

  “Jaxon!”

  Well, now he understood what she was trying to hide. There in bold, all caps was his answer. “Don’t got sheep? Masturbate your way to sleep. Wow. Now that’s a goody.”

  He’d expected her to have a chuckle along with him at the ridiculously funny title of the article she’d been busting through silently but her eyes were now fixed on the dainty palm covering them. “Aw, I’m sorry. It’s a funny title, that’s all.” What could he do to make up for being an ass? “Hey,” he tried for her chin. “Let’s give it a read together. I’m very curious now. Please?” He pouted when she finally looked up at him. Most of her cherry red blush had calmed back down.

  “Well, I um, I actually already read this last week.” Uh-oh, her cheeks were pinking again.

  “And, what did it say?”

  She took a deep breath but the look on her face told him he may as well be asking her to torture and eat kitties. He tried a new tactic. “Come on baby, you’re making me feel like a huge perv here. Do you have any idea how often I’ve masturbated in the past year? Probably triple the amount of all you Glazmo readers combined.”

  That got a brief smile to tug at the corner of her kissable mouth. “Oh all right. Well it basically just states that the endorphins released from masturbating help relax the mind and body. Their aim in this issue is getting people to try natural sleep aids with all the recent celebrity overdoses.”

  He nodded his head in what she would see as agreement but it was really more from personal experience. “So…do you think I ought to give it a go?”

  Something was coming out of her mouth that was going to drive him crazy, he could tell by the sudden intensity in her eyes and the tilted downward angle of her forehead. “I tried it the other night and I fell right to sleep.” Short, sweet and to the intoxicating point of the sinfully rapturous ledge he was teetering on where she was concerned.

  Next came his what the fuck moment. Had he heard her right? Holy shit. He nearly passed out from her admission once it caught up to him what she’d admitted. “Lily? Are, are you okay? Really? That…that’s…hot. Are you by chance having a hard time getting to sleep tonight or um, have you been body snatched by a sex-talking alien?”

  She chuckled. “Nope. You didn’t give me much choice and maybe that lesson of yours is paying off. I can’t believe I just said that either.” She finally blew out that breath she’d taken a minute ago.

  A sudden fear of this conversation making its way through the house’s air vents and to her big sister’s ears silenced him. But only for a second. Fuck that. This was their time alone and he was going to enjoy it. “I would have liked to have been there for that.” A long pause. “Could I interest you in giving it a try now? Please?” he asked soft and serious, confident for the most part she wouldn’t haul off and slap him but would most likely say no. It was worth a try. “Safe and under the covers, unless you prefer otherwise,” he added.

  “Okay. Um, covers sound good, and necessary.”

  Whoa, she was actually gonna do it, with him there. “Understood.” He smiled like a curious devil on his best behavior.

  Without much ado, she dipped her hands down into her pajama pants.

  * * * *

  Cold air licked her stomach like a giant shiver bug as the bottom of her t-shirt inched up. “Hey, what are you doing?” The blanket covering them lay on top of his head, flattening his hair.

  “Can’t I at least see a little belly? Just up to your button? Please?”

  “Okay.” He was being very well-behaved which explained why she only felt halfway sick to her stomach doing this with him. Of course that could all change when he saw her flab.

  He relaxed back down into the center of the pallet, crossing their imaginary dividing line, watching on the fringe.

  Whatever kind of sex voodoo powers this man had, she needed to extract them and start taking daily doses. No wonder he was the leader of the band. He couldn’t turn that raw, magnetism off. Closing her eyes and remembering the sensation of his powerful yet tender lips beneath her earlobe, she climaxed, tensing and then relaxing her hips back onto the ground. Sheepishly, she looked over to him.

  It was a look she would cherish for all time. His jaw had gone slack. He swallowed.

  “My turn?” he asked.

  Her body on fire, she nodded.

  “You wanna watch?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  “You wanna help?”

  Trembling, she reached out her hand which he took and showered with kisses. He then placed it on his perfectly beautiful muscled abs.

  “You stay put right there,” he said directly to her lucky hand. One corner of his mouth quirked up into a decidedly ornery grin and then his eyes caught hers with a spark of warning. “I can’t let you go down there, not tonight, but I’ll be imagining it’s your hand.”

  * * * *

  Lily looked so peaceful, and sexy, sleeping there on her bedroom floor. He heard a knock at the door and wondered who it would be so late. At least he knew Trissy was stuck in her bed.

  The door opened and in stepped Trissy. Fuck. I should have known. He tried to erase all images of his and Lily’s play earlier so his best friend of all these years wouldn’t decode the lust on his face.

  She started to speak but he put his fingers to his lips to shush her. The peaks of her eyebrows pulled together like a testy vulture as she poked her head in further and snuck a look around the door.

  He held his hands up when she glared at him. And then mouthed, “I haven’t touched her, much.” He’d had to hold Lily’s head still in order to get at that spot behind her ear. But technically they’d each kept their hands, albeit intimately, to themselves tonight before Lily had zonked out.

  Trissy mouthed back, “Why are you in here when there’s a perfectly fine spot on the couch?”

  Well, it was a good fucking question anyway. She’d never believe his answer.

  “It’s hard to explain.” No it wasn’t. And why should he have to? He hadn’t had a drink in two years. Hadn’t fucked around with casual sex in half that time. Which was a long ass time. And fuck-him-good, he was ten years older than Trissy, thirteen older than Lily. He understood Trissy’s concerns, but hadn’t he proved anything by swallowing his pride and showing his face here at her home? Was this new and improved version of himself ever gonna start convincing people? “I’m sorry, Trissy. But I can’t sleep out there,” he gestured dramatically toward her living room.

  She mimicked his flapping hands. “What’s wrong with my living room?”

  “Nothing. It’s perfect.” He dry-washed his face with his hot hands. “Hey, shouldn’t you be off your feet, in your bed?” He got up to walk Trissy down the hall, back to her room. Carefully he held the door so it didn’t slam shut and wake Lily. Trissy refused to budge any further.

  “Jaxon, I’m not gonna lie and say I’m thrilled about you two…hooking up. Okay, you know that pisses me off, but whatever—”

  “But Trissy, can I just ask why?”

  “Do you really have to?”

  “Look, you think I don’t question myself every fucking day? I do.”

  “I’m not saying you aren’t trying
.”

  “For the record, so far I’ve done pretty freaking amazingly good. Don’t you think I would have stayed in Cali if I didn’t trust myself?”

  “Jaxon, oh never mind.”

  “No, say it.”

  “What if it’s not you? What if…”

  “Spit it out, Trissy.”

  “What if it doesn’t matter how much you try? How much you change? You weren’t a bad guy when our shit happened.” She hissed the word shit and shifted, grinding her heels up and down and rubbing her arms in torrents. “What if it’s not you, Jax? What if it’s your world? Huh? Your fruity karma you’re always complaining about?”

  His head bobbed under the truth of the very question he’d had to ignore because it always pulled him down into depression. He didn’t have an answer to that yet but had been trying to convince himself if he changed, his karma would have no choice but to play nice.

  She was right to a degree, but also dead wrong.

  “Trissy, two years ago I was a selfish prick, not some good guy suffering because of his seedy world. Okay? That’s what led us to all that crap we went through. I’m not that guy now. That’s the difference and the one thing I cling to every time I go anywhere near your sister.”

  Trissy’s belly jerked, marking her face with pain and she nearly fell against her door. “I should get back in bed, Jax. I don’t know how to feel about all this. I love her. I just got her back. After all this time,” she said, rubbing her side and then finally opening the door a crack.

  “I understand. And for the record, I haven’t hooked up with your little sis.” He wanted to make note that her baby sister was grown and in her thirties. But he noticed deep flinching gouging the outline of her mouth so he let it be.

  Trissy’s head rolled back in a deep stretch, extending her throat muscles. God she’d had a hard life. He wondered what Lily’s had been like, hoping for better and safer.

  “She was sleeping good when I poked in just now?”

  “Yeah, for about an hour already.”

  She blew out. “Jaxon, be careful.” Her eyes weren’t shiny with moon glow. That was pure fear. “You might not want to break her heart. Look, I love you like a brother. But we both know what your world is like. It’s why I ended up all the way out here. So promise me, now.”