Sin's Flower

by Carlene Love Flores

  * * * *

  How did he tell her this should be goodbye?

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  The longer they sat in front of this house, the less she felt like a burglar. It had grown on her in the thirty minutes they’d been holed up in the Rover, figuring some things out and not yet brave enough to venture in other directions. For example, he hadn’t tried to call her baby again and she didn’t bring up the fact she wasn’t planning on sleeping at Tris’s for a few days. It would feel entirely too awkward. Bingo. That must be what Jaxon had felt like this whole time.

  When was the last time he’d said anything, anyway?

  He just sat there keeping his mouth shut and listening to her talk. God knows what she was babbling on about now.

  “Jaxon, I’m sorry I rushed you to tell me the truth when you weren’t ready for it. But I can’t handle having someone hide their dark side from me. Those things are scarier when they slip out. You had me terrified last night.”

  That was when his body, big and muscled and covered mostly in black turned to her. He finally took her hand.

  “Lily, I know what I want. But I’ve taken everything I’ve ever wanted in the past. And I won’t do that to you.”

  He won’t do that to me. So that’s what this was about. Dragging me out here to a place of his choosing. He is giving me the boot, again.

  “Are you trying to say goodbye to me?”

  * * * *

  He was supposed to be. Letting her go to be happy, keep up her work with Trissy, find someone golden like his cuzzy. That was where the thought kept screeching to a bloody stop. He couldn’t picture her loving anyone else. Or anyone else loving her.

  * * * *

  God, could she do this?

  She knew what she wanted too. And as much as that included hearing him make the invitation, he was right. He wasn’t playing stubborn, selfish games. This felt like the last lesson in that crazy little plan he’d apparently cooked up after that first night she’d shown up on his villa’s door step. What started out as a grin turned down into a frown at that thought.

  She realized showing up was the easy part. It was sticking around that proved who you were.

  How nice it would be to make her next arrival as someone who’d been invited, though. But the one she desperately wanted to do the asking was sitting right there with a smug and maybe worried look on his gorgeous, zipped lips and face. One look into his eyes molded her decision. By not saying anything out loud, he was in effect asking her something very important. To make her own decision.

  She wiggled a few wonky side-to-sides in an effort to face him again, blew out a breath she tried not to let out in a whoosh, and then let her un-casted arm hang freely at her side as she turned all the way to face him. She looked straight into his eyes. Something told her he was dying to reach out and hold her hand but just as certainly as she knew that, she also knew he wouldn’t do anything to interfere.

  “Jaxon, a year ago, it became obvious I needed to make some changes. Get rid of the bad stuff I’d acquired and find the good things that had gone missing. I thought running into my big sis that day at your concert was it. The thing I thought was going to be the reward at the end of this journey I’d imagined ended up landing in my lap like a big ole present dropped straight from heaven.

  “It happened so fast. There I was with my sister back practically on day one of the journey. And then she asked me to stay with her and Lucky and run the dress shop in Momma’s honor. It made me feel so needed. Even Bugscuffle made me feel safe. That raging Duck River was like my own personal troubles washer-away-er.”

  She caught him smile at her description and then he bit down on his lips from the inside to get back to serious. Maybe he didn’t realize it, but his hand had stretched and crept closer to hers. She knew he hadn’t done it on purpose so she decided not to go for it with hers. He wanted her to do this on her own. And so did she, come to think of it. She licked her dry lips.

  “It all happened so fast, I just figured it was fate’s way of telling me I was right where I was meant to be and we were square. But, I fell out of balance. That’s why I came to find you. For Tris. I needed to do something for her. And I’d learned quickly that she was hurting pretty bad over something to do with you.”

  She could see him listening intently to her, that manly hand of his inched toward hers bit by bit. He probably regretted insisting she be the one to do the talking. But he had to hear this if he was really going to believe her, trust her.

  “The first time I heard your voice. The most beautiful but sad words came drifting down the studio hall. I’ve thought of them practically every night I’ve laid down to go to sleep.”

  Lily reached out and touched the very edges of his rough fingertips with hers and sang those words to Jaxon. “I love her because she’s gone. I have no idea where she is and I couldn’t care less. You were always my chosen mess. I’m not the only one who needs you; wish I could say the same for myself. I’ll never get another chance if I won’t ask for help. Just change me, then someone can save me. I’m the mess. I’m the mess.

  “Jaxon, I thought that song was about my sister. But now I realize it was about Vangie too.” She paused to see how he felt about her mentioning the hurtful pieces from his past but he kept an even face. How did she tell him this without sounding selfish? The thing was, she knew this was crucial and that she owed him the truth if that’s what she expected in return. “It’s taken me awhile to feel like I have any business even saying this. But I want to be the girl someone writes a song about.”

  His brow crinkled in a manly sort of tender way. “Someone?”

  “You,” she admitted.

  One time when she was fourteen, she’d been hit smack in the mouth with a softball. Her lips, gums, and teeth had all felt like they’d been hit clear from her face. Jaxon’s sudden kiss knocked her back just as hard as that softball had. Her lips, gums and teeth all felt like they’d disappeared from her face just now. It was heaven.

  “I have a little secret to tell you. I’ve kind of written you twenty-two songs. But only thirteen of them are making it onto the new cd. I hope that’s okay.”

  “You wrote me a CDs worth of songs?”

  “I did. And Stefan thinks they’re pretty good. Well, the lyrics anyway. He’s even willing to talk the guys in to coming out here and recording in Nashville. Switch things up a bitty.”

  “Oh. Well, that’s cool. Um…”

  “Lily, I’m prepared to stay here with you. If that’s what you want. That’s sort of what this spot is all about.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, yesterday morning I made an offer on this house. I was planning on bringing you here last night after our gift exchange and telling you the truth. Depending on how you took it, I was going to ask if you’d let me and Maryellie…and Benny, live here with you.”

  “Wait, I don’t understand. That wouldn’t be my offer to make.” Now she felt her brow crinkle.

  “Yes it would be because it was…it is my Christmas present to you. Your own place. Of course I hoped you’d want some company. Lily, after the way you found things out last night, I don’t expect you to make that offer.”

  “Of course that is what I want,” she said.

  Did he need more convincing? No. No, he’d written her songs for goodness sake.

  “Can I hear a little piece of one? Of the songs I mean?” she asked.

  He cleared his throat. “It will sound much better coming out of Stefan’s mouth but…”

  “I disagree. Things sound much better to me coming out of your beautiful mouth.” She winked.

  “Yes ma’am.”

  “Ma’am? What happened to baby?” She smiled for him.

  He swallowed and picked at a few pieces of string at the rip in his jeans. Then he looked up at her and rubbed his throat.

  “What’s a matter?”

  “I think I’ve got stage fright. For the first time in my life.”

 
She drew her fingers over the razored-short hair of his sideburn and up and over his ear. Then she kissed him. When he pulled back he had the taste of a song on his lips.

  “I can’t help from drowning in your eyes. You make me wanna come and clean up all these lies. Let me up before I die. Mine.”

  “Mine?”

  “Mm-hmm. You like it?”

  “It’s beautiful. I don’t know how I feel about hearing those words coming out of Stefan’s mouth someday though.”

  “Well, that’s another new idea I’m kicking around. I’m gonna sing the lead on this one.”

  She was a big enough fan to know he’d never done that before. Oh my God. He loved her.

  “Jaxon, I would like you to stay. Here in Tennessee with me. And Maryella. In my new house.”

  “And Benny?”

  “Yes, Benny too.”

  “I thought you’d never ask,” he said playfully.

  “Is that a yes?”

  “No, not yet.”

  “Wha—?” But he tugged her up before she could finish. In true caveman fashion, Jaxon hiked her over his lap, except he did it with care. It seemed like he might have his own point to make. She couldn’t focus and breathing had come so much easier in the minutes leading up to this.

  “I need to get you somewhere private.”

  “Do you have the keys to this place yet?”

  “Not yet. Hopefully later today.”

  “Hmm, well, I feel pretty comfy right here, where we’re at.”

  As soon as she said it, she knew what she’d done to him. But if they were going to live here together, they had to feel safe. Whatever he decided, whatever he was comfortable with, she would go along for the ride. Then she had another stroke of brilliance.

  “Hey, you know what? I’m a little light on cash…so….do you think you might spring for a hotel room?”

  “Baby, I’m already so sprung.”

  She found directions on her phone to several motels within twenty miles. Jaxon insisted on splurging on the only one that offered a king size bed. And yes, he paid extra for early check in.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Around suppertime, Jaxon set Lily down on Trissy’s porch. Her face told him she was confused but the cute way her forehead creased in the middle with a little “w” melted his fear that she’d changed her mind about facing the music, now rather than later. Maybe too abruptly, he found her hand, took it in his and gave it a good squeeze. Hopefully she’d know there was nothing to fear or worry about because they were doing this together. He certainly felt the strength having her by his side inspired. “This is my yes, baby.”

  God he wanted to kiss her first, but that wasn’t the deal he’d made himself that morning. He opened the door, blanking out all the things he could let slow him down. The family inside he’d spent way too long alienating. The best friend he’d initially saved only to destroy later on. The little piece of him walking around in sparkle boots and pig tails who he owed his life to. And the brand new baby who, thank God, would only know a happy and healthy Uncle Jaxon.

  “Jaxon? What are we doing?” He heard Lily ask, trying to be patient and sweet with him as he stumbled in the entryway.

  “My yes to you doesn’t count unless I can face this house full of people I’ve hurt.”

  “Hey, you stop right there.”

  “No Lily, come on. Let’s go in.”

  “No, not yet.” She pulled the door closed. “I get it. Okay. I could actually be a big baby right now and cry at what you’re doing. But I need you to promise me something first.”

  He sniffed in a breath because she wasn’t the only one who could turn baby out here on the front steps. The fact she felt the confidence to stop him and demand a promise blasted through him like sun heating an icy ocean. “What baby? I’m ready to give you everything I am. Just ask.”

  “I’m gonna have so much fun loving you when you’re at your best. But on those days when you’re not up for being perfect, for the world or anyone else,” she smiled and poked a finger into his chest, “Promise you won’t hide that guy from me. I intend to love your entire package.”

  “Kind of like how you did all morning and afternoon at the hotel? My package could handle that.”

  They both cut into a loud roar of laughter. Which brought Lucky to the door. “Hey, what are y’all cracking up so loud about out here? And it’s freezing cold. Get inside.”

  “Yes sir,” they said in unison to Lucky and stepped through the doorway. Jaxon made sure to keep Lily’s hand tightly in his.

  Watching Lily coo over the baby picture Lucky carried around everywhere made him almost forget his mission. “Hey Lucky, where is everyone?”

  “In the sun room. Got the chiminea going so our, uh, dads can show Maryella the fine art of roasting snowmen marshmallows. You coming? Trista and I have to head back to the hospital soon. She’d like to see you two.”

  He looked to Lily and then brought their laced hands up to his lips and kissed her knuckles nice and slow. “Yes,” he said. “We’re coming.”

  Lucky chuckled to himself and grinned. “This way, then.” A second later his cuzzy seemingly was lost in thoughts over his brand new bundle of joy. But he managed to come back for a moment to wrap one arm around Lily’s shoulders. “Glad to see you’re okay, sis. I missed ya,” Lucky said to her.

  On their way through the home heading toward the sun room, Jaxon chanced a quick look over at Lily. She couldn’t have looked more like he felt if she’d tried. She was his soul’s mirror. All the butterflies popping around in his belly were busy kissing her cheeks. “I love you.”

  It didn’t surprise him that she thanked him first. Silly Lily. “I love you too, Jaxon. Wow, here we are.”

  They followed Lucky into the home’s glassed-in back porch. Lucky made his way to Trissy, leaving Jaxon and Lily to head up the group of concentrated stares focused entirely on them. Feminine hands that had been icy and dry a few minutes ago warmed and wetted inside of his. He gave them another squeeze. His baby girl sat bouncing on his father’s knee, watching the glow of the fireplace melting her marshmallow snowmen against a darkening sky. She looked up and blew him a kiss which he caught and tucked into his fist then rubbed it into his chest near his heart. Like always.

  “So hey there.” God I suck balls at this. After scanning the intimidating small crowd, being sure to make a connection to each person giving him their full attention, Jaxon loosened his vice grip on Lily’s hand. “I uh, don’t wanna take up a whole lotta time. But I’d like to say thanks for letting me be here. It’s turned out to mean a lot. You all played a biggy in that, but mostly I owe the thanks to this beauty standing here with me.” He turned to Lily and re-took her hand in his. “I love you, baby. That’s all that matters.”

  “I love you guys too.” A voice that sounded so sincere, the fact it had shuttled out from a grown man’s mouth had them all laughing together now.

  “Aww, Benny, mate. I love you too, brother.”

  “So…does this mean you’re staying?” Trissy asked, lacking her usual moxie.

  What could he tell Trissy except for the absolute truth?

  “Well, I put an offer on a place not too far from here. Pretty sure it’ll be ours by the end of business today.” He’d found the perfect love nest and Lily had said yes.

  “Yours?” came Trissy’s shaky voice. “Not far from here?”

  She looked and sounded so hopeful. He hoped Lily heard it loud and clear too.

  “About ten miles from your front porch.”

  Trissy nodded and cried and then Lily nodded, spilling a new tear each time her chin tilted downward. He couldn’t wait to be the new owner of the place, with Lily. But for right now, time couldn’t pass quickly enough. The rest of his surprise awaited them at Grace’s borrowed flat.

  Unexpectedly, Trissy came over and gave them both a big hug. “I’m an idiot. And I’m sorry. You guys make a beautiful couple and I know you’ll take good care of each other.” Trissy wi
nked for him and gave him another hug. Then she whispered into his ear. “Thank you, Jaxon.”

  Once the last log had been burnt for the night and Maryellie’s face had been wiped clean of melted sugar, Jaxon and Lily tucked her into bed and sang her to sleep. Then they made their way hand in hand over to Grace’s. Lily stopped him at the door.

  “So the house—”

  “Our house.”

  Lily smiled. “So our house…ten miles is pretty close. Are you sure you’re okay with that?”

  “Twenty minnys drive from our front door to the dress shop and just a bit further back here to Trissy’s.” He nipped at her bottom lip and warmed her with his breath. “Yes, I’m okay with that. It was never my plan to take you from your family, baby. I just had to figure out how to insert myself into your life. I think I finally worked it out.”

  “You did, perfectly. The house is perfect, by the way. And private.”

  One more grin like that and he’d caveman her inside Grace’s. On second thought, that was a great idea. Up she went in one swing over his shoulder.

  “Mine,” he said and made his way out the door. Her hot laughter tickled along the bared skin of his back where his shirt hiked up. “All mine.”

  Inside, he laid her on top of the lush set of blankets he’d scavenged from the main house, covered in lily petals. And lots and lots of pillows, probably six or seven. Her hand flew to her mouth and she nearly bust out laughing when she saw that Stefan’s face peeked out from one on the bottom.

  But then her laughter sucked back in when she must have realized what he had planned next. On his knees, he slowly began stripping his clothes off. He tried to take it nice and slow, seductive like he’d done in the hotel room, but a mere minute later, he was naked.

  “This is the rest of my yes,” he said. “I love you, Lily.”

  “Mine?” she asked as she touched her hand to his heart.

  “Yours.” He covered her hand with his. “All yours.”

  Epilogue

  Rock Star, California…