I Can't Let Go

by Chenell Parker

  “I know but I’m okay,” Kimora replied.

  Kimora didn’t really have any friends in Carmel, but she had gotten close with his previous secretary, Sydnee. They used to go shopping and to the nail salon together at least twice a month. They often had lunch dates or just hung out doing nothing. Kimora didn’t know what happened but after seven months of a blossoming friendship, Sydnee started distancing herself. Then, she just up and quit the insurance company and Kimora hadn’t seen her since. Hassan had been using a temp agency for the past few months, but he was ready to fill the position permanently. Lately, Kimora had been hanging with her mother and she was good with that.

  “See you later. I love you baby,” Hassan said as he gave her a kiss.

  “I love you too,” Kimora replied as she watched him walk away.

  And loving him was one of her problems. She didn’t think that it was possible to love two men, but she did. Crazy thing is, she loved one of them from afar. She was sure that Tino probably hated her by now but that didn’t change how she felt about him.

  “Can I stay home with you today mama?” Santina asked when she walked into the bedroom.

  “I thought you liked going to school. Don’t you want to see Macy and Zury?” Kimora asked, referring to two of her little friends.

  “Okay, I want to go,” Tina said as she ran down the hall to her room. Kimora went into her daughter’s closet to find her something to wear, right as her phone rang.

  “Hey Elaine,” she said when she answered for Hassan’s mother.

  “Hey sweetheart. How’s it going? Everything okay?” Elaine asked. Kimora didn’t know why but Elaine called her at least once a week to ask the very same thing.

  “Everything is fine Elaine. Why wouldn’t it be?” Kimora questioned as she rolled her eyes up to the ceiling. Hassan’s mother was annoying as hell. She was a meddler and Kimora wasn’t feeling that.

  “No reason. How has Hassan been?” Elaine asked.

  “He’s been fine Elaine. Why? Is there a reason why he wouldn’t be?” Kimora countered.

  “No, not at all. I was just asking. I’m a mother Kimora. Worrying is what we do,” Elaine chuckled.

  “Are you sure that’s all it is?” Kimora inquired.

  “Yeah, just me being a mother. How’s my sweet girl?” she asked, referring to Santina.

  “She’s fine. I’m getting her ready for school. I’ll call you back later,” Kimora replied. She didn’t even give Elaine a chance to reply before she hung up.

  Once she combed her daughter’s hair and dressed her, Kimora dropped her off at daycare before going to the fitness center to meet with her personal trainer, Glenn. He smiled as soon as he saw her, and Kimora already knew that he was about to start up with his mess.

  “Damn girl. That body is sick as fuck. Maybe you should be training me,” Glenn flirted.

  “Do I need to find somebody else to train me? I have a man and I’m tired of telling you that,” Kimora said. She always threatened to find another trainer, but Glenn was the best. It took her months before he had a spot free to even take her on as a client.

  “Nah, you got a boyfriend. That nigga ain’t no man.” Glenn frowned.

  “What do you have against Hassan?” Kimora asked.

  “I’m not one to hate so I’ll keep my thoughts to myself,” Glenn replied.

  To him, Hassan was nothing more than a privileged nigga who used his father’s clout to get ahead. He didn’t know about getting it out the mud because everything was always handed to him. Being that his father was well connected, he got away with shit that the average nigga couldn’t. Kimora only knew what was presented to her, but he knew the real Hassan.

  “Are you ready to get started?” Kimora asked.

  “Yeah, let’s warm up and stretch first. I’m ready for you to put in work, so I can see that fat ass jiggle,” Glenn smirked.

  “Freak,” Kimora said as she pointed her middle finger at him.

  “Shit, just let me know when. And just so you know, I really am a freak,” Glenn replied as he winked at her.

  Although he wanted a chance with her, he would never talk down on the next man just to get her. Everything wasn’t always what it appeared to be, and Kimora would have to find that out on her own.

  He didn’t know it, but she often thought about taking him up on his offer. Oral sex was cool, but Kimora needed some penetration. Glenn wasn’t the cutest, but he was fine as fuck. His body was amazing, and she’d brushed up against him enough to know that he was working with a monster. Fantasizing was all that she would do though. Hassan was too good to her and she would never forgive herself if she cheated on him. There was only one man who could make her step out on him and, unfortunately, it wasn’t Glenn.

  T ino’s mind wandered as he stared at the engagement ring that he’d given to Kimora a while ago. He wasn’t expecting to find it sitting on the dresser when he was finally able to go back to their house. He shouldn’t have been surprised since he hadn’t seen or heard from her the entire time he was in the hospital. According to the doctors, Tino had died twice. Once on the operating table and once again when he was in recovery. He’d actually flatlined two times but God saw fit to give him another chance to get shit right. He didn’t take his second chance for granted. Tino had changed a lot over the years. For one, Dirty was now his right-hand man and anything pertaining to the drug game went through him. His cousin was grinding hard day and night because he was giving it all up once his wife came home. Dirty had a few million saved up and, some nights, he didn’t even go to sleep at all. He was the bread winner and he wanted to make sure that Miko never wanted for anything. He wanted her to pop out a few babies and live like a queen. Tino’s other cousin, Luis, still helped out too so he and Dirty handled a lot of the business. His uncle, Mateo, in Miami fixed it to where he was seeing more money than ever and all he had to do was sit back and collect it. Tino visited him often and he taught him a lot. His uncle was all about legal income and he helped Tino get straight.

  Tino had finally put his degree to use and he now owned and operated a successful security company. He was trying to be like ADT, offering the best security systems and camera installations that money could buy. He had three offices and a total of twenty-five employees working under him. Money was lovely but he still wasn’t happy. Without Kimora by his side, of all his accomplishments seemed pointless. Tino tried his best to understand why she left but he just couldn’t. Not even a phone call or a letter saying goodbye. He didn’t have any closure and he needed that more than anything. He went through hell for the first year after she left. He actually grieved for her but that soon turned into anger once he really thought about it. She obviously didn’t give a fuck about him. If she did, she wouldn’t have left him when he needed her the most. He tried reaching out to Prince and Miko, but their loyalty was to Kimora, not him. He’d even seen her brother a few times, but he didn’t have much to say either. Tino was so desperate that he even reached out to Kimora’s father. The man hated him, but he just had to try. After telling him that he was happy that his daughter left him, Alvin told him not to call him again before hanging up in his face. He wanted to be mad but, again, they didn’t owe him loyalty.

  When Tino heard footsteps coming down the hall, he quickly put the ring under a pillow on the bed and looked towards the door. When it opened, Venus walked into the room holding a German chocolate cake with a few candles in it.

  “Happy birthday baby. Make a wish,” she smiled as she walked over to him and sat on the bed.

  “Thanks Vee.” Tino smiled as he closed his eyes and blew the candles out on one of his favorite cakes.

  “What did you wish for?” Venus asked him.

  “Nothing much,” he replied with a shrug.

  If he told her what he really wanted, her feelings would be hurt so he decided to keep it to himself. Being back with Venus wasn’t something that he anticipated but things happened for a reason. She was there for him at one of the worst ti
mes of his life. When she asked him to give their relationship another try, he reluctantly agreed.

  “Let’s go out to dinner tonight,” Venus suggested.

  “Nah, I’m really not in the mood to do nothing. I just wanna chill,” Tino replied, making her frown.

  “Come on Tino. That’s all you do is chill. We used to do it big for your birthday every year. You don’t even like to celebrate anymore. Besides doctor’s appointments, we barely do anything together. You be in Miami more than anything,” Venus pouted as she rubbed her protruding belly.

  Venus was almost five months into her pregnancy, and she couldn’t have been happier. She never imagined that her and Tino would ever get back together and be expecting their first child, but life was full of surprises. Val wasn’t happy about it, but she was excited to be having her first grandchild. Ced had made her calm down a lot and she wasn’t as bad as she used to be. Almost losing her only son made Val see things in a different light. Besides that, she appreciated Venus for being there for Tino at a time when she couldn’t.

  A few days after Tino got released from the hospital, Val’s mother suffered a heart attack. Her mother had just made it back home to Miami when Val got the call. She left Tino in her husband’s care while she caught the first flight out of New Orleans. Val was the only girl and she was closer with her mother than her brothers were. Being that he had businesses to run, Ced was cool with Venus coming there to take care of his son. Tino had a colostomy bag for the first month and he was in really bad shape. Venus was well aware of Kimora’s sudden disappearance and she used that as he opportunity to get back in. Taking care of Tino was hard work but it paid off in the end. Val actually was cool with her coming to her house now and Venus got her man back. As happy as she was about that, she was kind of sad too.

  The Tino that she got back was not the same one that she had before. He wasn’t happy and everybody knew it. He smiled a lot, but it was never genuine. He never really wanted to do anything, and he and Venus didn’t even live together like they did before. They stayed some nights at each other’s houses, but he thought that was for the best. Venus was no fool though and she already knew why. The faithful Tino that Kimora had was long gone. He was back to dealing with hoes on the side and Venus found out every time he did. Marisa wasn’t one of them but he had a few new players on his team. Tino was a boss now and he had more money than he’d ever had before. With more money came more hoes and more problems. That’s exactly why Venus had him to get her another nail shop a year after they made things official again. Tino was too unpredictable and she didn’t want to depend on him to always take care of her. Venus rented out space to three other ladies and she still worked a few days a week too.

  “We can do dinner right here. Call and get some shit delivered,” Tino said, snapping her out of her thoughts.

  “I don’t want to stay in here. Your son wants to go out,” Venus said, trying to play on his emotions.

  “Where you trying to go Vee?” Tino asked.

  “Let’s do Zea, so I can get some corn grits,” Venus replied, happy that she was getting her way.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be on bedrest?” Tino asked her.

  Venus had a few miscarriages before, and she was spotting a few weeks ago and had to go to the hospital. That and the fact that she was thirty-six years old put her at a higher risk than other women.

  “No, he just told me to take it easy and I am,” Venus lied. Her doctor put her on strict bed rest and gave her specific instructions on what not to do.

  “I hear you,” he said skeptically, right as his phone rang.

  Tino got up and walked out of the room before he answered. She hated when he did that because she knew that it was another bitch. Since she didn’t want to argue with him on his birthday, she decided to let it go. When her phone started ringing, she smiled when she saw that it was Zoe.

  “What’s up fat ass?” Zoe laughed when Venus answered.

  “You’re not supposed to call a pregnant woman fat,” Venus replied with a giggle.

  “What’s good with you bestie? Did you finally convince your man to get out of the house?” Zoe asked.

  “Girl, yes, but you know I had to beg. That nigga gets out of the house all the time. Just not with me,” Venus replied.

  “Are you sure about this Vee? You know how Tino is. I don’t want him to be mad with you,” Zoe said.

  “He’ll be okay. It’s been almost four years and he need to get over it. He only stopped celebrating his birthday when that bitch left him. That’s what he gets for putting that hoe on a pedestal. And look, the one who he shitted on ended up being the one to nurse his ass back to health. Changing shitty bags and cleaning gunshot wounds. It’s all good though. That bad ass Jaguar that’s parked outside was a good way for him to start making it up to me,” Venus laughed.

  “What time is dinner?” Zoe asked while changing the subject. She loved her best friend but Venus was better than her. She would have never done so much for a nigga who did her as dirty as Tino did Venus.

  “Seven and don’t be late,” Venus replied.

  “Okay, let me go find something to wear now so I can make sure I’m on time. I’ll see you later boo,” Zoe said before she hung up.

  “Aye, I gotta make a few moves. What time you trying to head out tonight?” Tino said when he walked back into the room.

  “Seriously Tino?” Venus frowned.

  “Man, I don’t have time for all the extras. What time are you trying to go eat?” he asked.

  “Seven. I’m about to go home. Pick me up at six-thirty and not a minute after. Don’t let them hoes make you late,” Venus snapped as she waddled away angrily.

  She was no fool and she already knew what was up. Tino was going to entertain one of his bitches but she didn’t have time to even go there with him. She was sure that it was one of them who called when he rushed out of the room. Venus was hoping that the birth of their son got his mind right and made him change his ways.

  “I’ll see you later,” Tino said as he kissed her cheek. They walked out of his house together and went their separate ways.

  Venus sat on her sofa bouncing her leg angrily. Here it was five after seven and Tino hadn’t shown up yet. She had been calling him since she left his house earlier, but he never did answer. Now, she was sitting on the phone with Zoe while her best friend tried to calm her down.

  “He’ll be there boo. Stressing and worrying is not good for the baby. Just take a deep breath and relax,” Zoe comforted.

  “I don’t even know why I thought things would be different when we got back together. If anything, the shit got worse,” Venus fumed.

  Tino was the prime example of niggas changing for who they wanted to change for. She didn’t know why she expected him to be the same way with her that he was with Kimora. She wanted that faithful, carefree man who catered to her and made her happy. The same way he was with his ex. Instead, she got the same nigga that she had before. An inconsiderate bastard who wasn’t satisfied with what he had at home.

  “Don’t stress friend. He’ll be there,” Zoe assured her, right as Venus heard keys being inserted into her locked door.

  “His stupid ass is here now. We’ll be there in a minute,” Venus said before she hung up.

  “My bad Vee. I got caught up,” Tino said when he walked into the room.

  “Yeah, caught up with some hoes I’m sure. Let’s just go,” Venus snapped as she grabbed her purse and walked away.

  She was fuming as they got into Tino’s newly purchased Bentley Bentayga and pulled off. They were quiet for the entire ride except for his constantly ringing phone. Venus tried to be understanding. It was his birthday and she was sure that a lot of people were calling for that reason alone. Her man was popular and that was something that they would have to deal with.

  “I said my bad Vee, damn. No need for the attitude,” Tino said when they pulled up to the restaurant.

  “Put yourself in my shoes sometimes Tino. Th
at’s all that I ask. You can’t even give a real apology and you want me to just be okay with that shit,” Venus argued.

  “You’re right and I’m sorry,” Tino said as he rubbed her belly. Venus smiled as he parked the car and helped her out.

  “Table for two?” the hostess asked when they walked in.

  “No, we have reservations,” Venus said as she looked at her knowingly.

  “Okay, right this way please.” She smiled as she ushered them to a private area upstairs.

  They had been to the restaurant several times before and Tino never knew that they did reservations. He had never even been upstairs before. He figured that Venus had done something different since it was his birthday.

  “Thank you,” Venus said when the hostess walked them to the closed door.

  “The fuck did she leave for? Where is our waitress?” Tino asked.