I Can't Let Go

by Chenell Parker

  “Just leave her here Kimora,” Tino begged.

  “She’s three Santino. She doesn’t get to make decisions for herself. She’s going and that’s all there is to it. She’ll be back later,” Kimora replied as she walked away.

  She went to clean up the mess that she made in Santina’s room before they left. When she finished, she was about to walk out of the room when Tino came back and handed her a gift bag.

  “Merry Christmas,” he said with a sexy smile. Kimora took the bag from him and looked to see what was inside.

  “Aww, thanks Tino. I love it.” Kimora smiled as she pulled out a black Birkin bag.

  “Look inside,” he ordered. Kimora gasped when she looked inside and saw that the bag was filled with hundred dollar bills.

  “I appreciate this Tino but it’s too much,” Kimora said. The purse was already expensive enough and there had to be thousands of dollars inside.

  “It’s never too much when it comes to you and my baby,” he replied as he pulled his phone from his pocket.

  He scrolled for a minute until he came across what he was looking for. When Anthony Hamilton’s song, I can’t let go, started playing, Kimora closed her eyes as memories from the past came rushing back to her. Tino closed his eyes too as his forehead touched hers. They were quiet as their song played and said everything that they were feeling. It was like the soundtrack to their life. Kimora was so torn, and she hated that feeling. Hassan had been good to her and Santina over the years. He had never done anything to make her stray, but she couldn’t deny that Tino still had her heart. She loved Hassan but she was in love with Tino. When the song ended, Tino pressed his lips up to hers and Kimora opened her mouth to welcome his tongue. They were so into the moment; they didn’t even hear when Val and Santina entered the room.

  “Mommy and daddy are kissing,” Santina giggled.

  “Come on baby, let’s give them some privacy,” Val said with a hopeful smile.

  “No, that’s okay Val. We have to get going. We’ll be back soon,” Kimora replied as she wiggled out of Tino’s hold.

  She grabbed Santina’s hand and ignored her cries about staying there. Hassan was calling as soon as she got into the car and Kimora answered for him. He was ready for her and Tina to open their presents, so Kimora went back to the house that he rented before going to her grandmother’s house. When Santina’s phone rang, she got excited when she saw Val’s picture pop up.

  “Hey grandma!” Santina yelled.

  “You just left,” Kimora mumbled to herself as she shook her head. Tino and Val were creating a monster, but it was nothing that she couldn’t handle. Kimora ignored her daughter’s conversation as they got out of the car and went into the house. Hassan was sitting on the sofa with a bunch of gifts on the floor next to him.

  “Merry Christmas my baby. You look so pretty,” Hassan said as he smiled at Santina.

  “Hey Hassan,” Santina replied, wiping the smile from his face.

  “Hassan? Where she get that from?” he asked as he looked over at Kimora.

  “Say Mr. next time Santina. We talked about that already. Show respect,” Kimora admonished. Santina walked away like she wasn’t even happy to see him like she usually was.

  “Are you serious right now Kimora? So, I’m Hassan now?” he asked angrily.

  “What else do you want her to call you?” Kimora countered.

  “That nigga been back in the picture for two seconds and all of a sudden it’s fuck me now. I was the one who was there for the past three years when that nigga was nowhere to be found,” Hassan argued.

  “Don’t get shit twisted. He didn’t know about her and that was the only reason why he wasn’t around. He ain’t no deadbeat ass nigga, so don’t even go there,” Kimora noted.

  “Are you seriously standing here defending this nigga?” Hassan asked angrily.

  Kimora didn’t give a fuck about how he felt. She fucked up when it came to Tino and their daughter, but she wasn’t about to let Hassan shit on him like that. Since Tino found out about her, he hadn’t missed a beat. He didn’t only give Santina his last name, he gave her love and attention too. She and Hassan argued back and forth until Santina came back into the room. Kimora didn’t even give a fuck about the presents anymore. She got her daughter and left. She was annoyed until they got to her grandmother’s house. Her entire family was there and that instantly put her in a better mood. She hadn’t spent a holiday when them in years and she swore that she was never staying away again. Prince was there getting on Autumn’s nerves and they had Kimora laughing the entire time. Val’s party had started hours ago, and they all kept calling for her to bring Santina back. Her baby was having fun too, so Kimora wasn’t in a hurry. When she finally did get back to Val’s house, she had to block a few cars in because there was nowhere to park. It was packed but that’s how it always was when Val did something.

  “Daddy!” Santina yelled when they walked into the house.

  She ran over and jumped into Tino’s lap and started talking him to death. It was crowded with all their family and friends, but Tina spotted her father in the crowd. Venus was sitting right next to him, smiling and talking to Santina too. Tino introduced her as his friend but she decided to let it slide. Tina was probably too young to understand anyway. She was a beautiful little girl, but Venus was a little salty about her existence. She was all that Tino ever talked about now. He was always flying out to Carmel and he never wanted Venus to go with him. Just like before, Kimora’s presence was coming in between their relationship. Venus was still trying to understand how they forgave her so easily after the way she left. Tino had her fucked up if he thought he was going to get back with his ex after all the work she put in with his ass.

  “Everybody, this is my baby. My love. My one and only grandbaby. Come here mi amor,” Val said as she called Santina over to her. She was clearly drunk and that was always amusing to see. Val wasn’t really a drinker, so it didn’t take much to get her lit. She was loud as hell, talking over the chatter and music.

  “She’s such a beauty,” Val’s mother said with a smile.

  “Yes, she is. I’m so thankful to God for blessing us with a perfect baby girl,” Val cried as she continued to sip. Crying was what she did whenever she drank too much so that was nothing new.

  “I think she’s had more than enough,” Kimora whispered to Dirty.

  “Clearly,” he agreed with a chuckle.

  “And not only her, but God blessed us with her mother too. Kimora, I knew that you were special from the first time we met. I felt an instant connection to you and my son did too. He loves you and so do I. Now, the only thing we need to make our circle complete is a wedding. I know it’s coming too. I saw y’all in the room earlier. When your favorite song was playing. It was so beautiful,” Val sobbed, making Kimora turn her head in embarrassment. Venus looked at Tino as his face turned red with guilt.

  “Come on baby, that’s enough,” Ced said as he grabbed his wife and pulled her away. The atmosphere seemed a bit tense until Santina grabbed her karaoke machine and started singing. She had everybody clapping and singing along and they were happy for the distraction.

  “The fuck did y’all do earlier? Val got that liquor in her system and started snitchin’,” Dirty laughed as he nudged Kimora with his shoulder. He was happy that his other cousins weren’t there because they would have been trying to start some shit.

  “She’s over exaggerating,” Kimora replied as she walked away. She was happy that no one was in the kitchen because she wanted to be alone.

  “What happened earlier Tino? Do you want to tell me, or should I go ask Val? She’s drunk as fuck, so I’m sure it won’t be hard to get it out of her,” Venus said as she looked at her man.

  She tried to laugh it off when Val was blabbering, but she was pissed and embarrassed. She had her friend Koi with her and the last thing she needed was people talking her business. Koi was messy as hell and the whole shop would know what happened soon.

/>   “It’s Christmas Vee. I’m trying to enjoy my daughter and family. If you on some bullshit, you can bounce,” Tino replied as Koi looked at her in pity.

  “What’s good cuz? Are we playing cards or not?” Dirty walked over and asked.

  “Yeah, me and Tino against you and Koi,” Venus replied with a sneaky grin.

  “He’s scared of all this,” Koi said as she ran her hands over her curves.

  “You got that shit right. I’m a happily married man sweetheart,” Dirty replied.

  “And? It ain’t like she’s here,” Koi said as she tried to touch him.

  “Keep your hands to yourself my baby,” Dirty said as he backed away.

  “You need to stop acting like that Dirty. I know you fucked somebody else since Miko has been locked up,” Venus assumed.

  “Nah, actually I haven’t, and I don’t have a desire to. And real shit, if your girl don’t move her hand, I’m bout’ to break her fucking wrist,” Dirty said seriously without a hint of humor.

  He got clowned by his cousins all the time because he refused to touch another woman while his wife was locked up. Dirty didn’t give a fuck about what nobody had to say. If he was nothing else, he was loyal. He loved Kimiko too much to ever do her wrong. He had never cheated on her and he never would. Pussy had never controlled the way he moved, and that hadn’t changed.

  “Chill out Koi. Shit, I wish everybody in y’all family was faithful like that,” Venus said as she looked over at Tino.

  “Come on daddy. Come sing!” Tina yelled as she waved Tino over. He was all too happy to get away from Venus and her constant nagging. He was almost sorry that she came over.

  “Bitch, I wonder what happened between him and his baby mama,” Koi said as soon as they were alone.

  “Probably nothing. I told you that his mama doesn’t like me. She’s just trying to be messy,” Venus replied.

  “No bitch, something happened. A drunk person always speaks a sober mind,” Koi noted, right as her phone rang.

  When she walked away, Venus was happy to be temporarily rid of her. She needed a drink, so she got up to go get one. She frowned when she walked into the kitchen and saw Kimora sitting at the table eating. Venus ignored her as she poured herself a big cup of peach Cîroc.

  “Are you supposed to be drinking at your age? Alcohol might not mix too well with all that medicine you’re probably taking,” Kimora smirked.

  “You real funny but don’t let Val get your hopes up too high about something that will never happen. Santino already made his choice and it wasn’t you.” Venus smiled as she held up her hand to show her engagement ring.

  “Bitch! I know damn well you ain’t trying to make me mad with that recycled ass ring. The same ring that was given to me four years ago,” Kimora said.

  “You wish,” Venus replied as she looked at her skeptically.

  “Put your glasses on and check the inscription,” Kimora laughed as she walked away.

  Venus wasted no time pulling the ring off her finger and looking inside. A tear escaped her eye, but she quickly wiped it away. The inscription didn’t mean anything to her, but it did solve a mystery. Just about every single day, Tino would listen to the same song on his phone. He was more of a trap music lover, so him listening to Anthony Hamilton never made much sense. Now, seeing the engraving inside the ring solved the mystery. Their date of birth that accompanied it was just the icing on the cake. Venus was tired and she couldn’t take anymore. She was tired of loving a man more than she loved herself, but she didn’t know how to stop. Being happy shouldn’t have been so hard but Venus felt like it was almost impossible. She didn’t realize how long she’d been sitting in the kitchen staring into space, but she didn’t snap out of it until Tino walked into the room.

  “I need a damn drink after that,” he laughed while grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. His mouth was dry from singing with Santina, but he had fun with her. As soon as he got closer to her, Venus threw the engagement ring at him. Tino didn’t know what it was until he watched it hit the floor.

  “Why would you propose to me with a ring that was meant for someone else?” Venus asked as she looked at him in disgust.

  “Did I propose to you or did you find the ring and assume that’s what I wanted?” Tino countered.

  “You should have told me if that wasn’t what you wanted,” Venus said as her voice cracked with emotion.

  “You’re right and I apologize. You had just lost the baby Venus. You were depressed and I wasn’t trying to make shit worse. I planned to tell you after I came back from Miami. Then, I found out about Santina and nothing else mattered to me after that. I’m sorry but I’m not ready for all that right now,” Tino admitted.

  “But you were ready for it with Kimora,” Venus pointed out.

  “That was four years ago Vee. A lot of shit has changed since then,” Tino said.

  “Nothing has changed and that’s the problem. You left me for a bitch who didn’t even care enough to see if you were dead or alive. She left you in the hospital fighting for your life while she moved on with hers. I loved you enough to give us another chance even after you did me dirty for that hoe. And as much as it pains me to admit, I see the same thing about to happen all over again,” Venus replied.

  The light that had left Tino’s eyes a while ago had returned. His smiles were genuine and he was always laughing now. He was happy again and she knew that it wasn’t just because of his daughter. Kimora’s return had a lot to do with it too.

  “I’m not doing this with you right now,” he said as he picked up the ring and walked away.

  Venus tried but she couldn’t stop the tears as they cascaded down her cheeks. She probably would have felt better if Tino tried to explain or at least pretended to care. Everybody was laughing and enjoying themselves and she wished that she was anywhere else but there. She was so happy when she got up that morning and opened the gifts that Tino had for her. She was even happier when he invited her to his mother’s house for Christmas dinner. She really thought that things were looking up for them, but she was obviously mistaken. When Zoe walked into the kitchen, Venus quickly turned around and wiped her eyes. Zoe was pissed with her and that was the only reason why she invited Koi. She couldn’t stomach the idea of being at Val’s house with no one there to talk to.

  “Are you okay?” Zoe asked her.

  “You hate me, so I’m sure you don’t really care,” Venus answered.

  “I don’t hate you Vee and I don’t think that I ever could. I’m pissed with you but you’re still my best friend,” Zoe replied.

  She was heated when her husband fussed at her for telling Venus about the gathering at Val’s house. Venus swore that she wouldn’t say anything and turned right around and opened her big ass mouth. It was a mistake on Zoe’s part, and she swore that she would never make that mistake again. Even still, Venus was her girl and she would always be there for her.

  “I know it doesn’t change what I did but I’m sorry,” Venus said.

  “You know all is forgiven. Now, tell me what’s wrong,” Zoe demanded.

  “Same shit as always,” Venus sighed as she ran everything down to her girl.

  “Listen, and I’m not telling you this as Tino’s aunt by marriage or Val’s sister-in-law. I’m telling you this as your best friend who you’ve known all your life. Let it go Vee. If someone wants you, nothing will keep them away. But, if they don’t want you, nothing will make them stay. Love is never supposed to be complicated.”

  Zoe hated feeling like she was in the middle of her husband’s family drama. Vee was her girl but there were certain things that she just couldn’t tell her. She couldn’t trust Vee to keep shit to herself and she proved that recently. Tino didn’t want her the same way that she wanted him, and Zoe heard that from his own mouth. They didn’t know that she was listening, but she heard it all. What he felt for her was more like appreciation for her helping him when he needed it the most. Men came at Venus all the time, but sh
e was stuck on Tino. The same as her mother was stuck on her father, even after all the affairs he had on her.

  “I don’t know what to think anymore. I just know that I deserve more than this,” Venus sighed.

  “The moment you start to wonder if you deserve better, you do,” Zoe replied.

  “Shit was all good until she came back into the picture.” Venus frowned while referring to Kimora.

  “Think about what you just said Vee. It’s a problem if her presence has that much of an effect on him,” Zoe pointed out.

  “You’re right,” Venus said while nodding in agreement.

  “I know you love Tino, but I need you to love yourself more,” Zoe replied while grabbing her friend’s hand.

  “Thanks friend,” Venus said with a forced smile.