Neverlost (Melodies and Memories)

by Kodilynn Calhoun

  She’s there, waiting for me like a cat waits on its prey. She shoves her way into the changing room with me and upon seeing me in the dress, she gives a little squeal. “Perfect. One hundred percent. Now you just need a pair of heels to go with it!”

  “What did you decide on?” I ask.

  She waggles her brows at me. “You’ll see. Forwards, ho! To the shoe store.”

  I decide on a pair of simple black flats, not in the mood to deal with heels. Dakota, on the other hand, picks a pair of strappy silver heels that give her about three inches height and since she’s on the short side, it works out great. “We’re gonna be hot mamas,” she says with a laugh as we check out.

  Just the thought of spending this much money on shoes alone has my stomach in knots. “I feel bad though, like I’ll never be able to pay him back,” I admit, rubbing my arms to ward off a sudden chill.

  “What? You’re kidding me, right?” She stares at me, deadpan, and when I don’t say anything, her lips twist up into a devious smirk. Uh oh. “There is one way you could pay him back, you know. I have a brilliant idea…but you may not like it.” She turns and flaunts through the store and I have to jog to keep up with her.

  “Wait! Aren’t you going to fill me in?” I ask, curiosity piqued—only to have Dakota jerk me to a stop outside a racy lingerie store, and my stomach drops. I look at her. “You want me to seduce him?” I joke, but she isn’t laughing. She raises her brows like, What are you waiting for? and motions to the front of the store. Shit. “You can’t be serious.”

  “I said you may not like it,” Dakota says. “But trust me for once? Go in there and pick out something sexy, the sexiest thing you can find, and wear it underneath your dress and tonight, after dinner, I’ll keep Jake entertained and you can drag Eli upstairs and have your wicked way with him. Believe me when I say it’ll work—even with dudes like Eli.”

  My pulse skitters, uncertainty flooding through me. “Um…”

  “Go!” she barks, giving me a shove towards the entrance. “I’ll wait here.”

  Glancing up at the lighted blue and purple sign, I take a deep breath in and wander into the lingerie store. I’m acknowledged by two beautiful women who smile brightly at me, but thankfully leave me to my own devices. My face burning hot, I start going through the racks. God I don’t belong here—I don’t even know what I’d consider sexy.

  Anything’s sexier than cotton bikinis and sports bras, an inner voice niggles at me.

  So why the hell not?

  After a bit of looking, I find the perfect set of matching lingerie—a soft gray balconette bra with matching panties, both of them laced with ribbon up the sides just like my dress and a little thrill shoots through me. I buy them on impulse, check out, and stuff that bag into the bag with my dress. “Done,” I announce, joining Dakota on the bench.

  “Ooh, lemme see!” she says, grabbing for the bags, but I spin out of her reach.

  “Ah-ah. This is for Eli’s eyes only,” I tell her.

  “No fair.”

  “Life isn’t fair!”

  Bags in tow, we go down to the food court and each of us gets two tacos—just enough to hold us over until dinner is served back at the ranch—and we devour them like starving lionesses. Dakota leans back in her seat and wipes a smear of taco sauce off her chin with her napkin. “Yum. I could go for about ten more of those. I’m starving.”

  “You heard Eli—we can’t miss dinner,” I tell her, though I kind of agree. My stomach’s still grumbling, but I stand up and throw our trash away. “C’mon, let’s get back. I don’t wanna be late.” And who knows how long it’ll take us to find our way back out to where the truck’s parked. Dakota bobs her head in a firm nod and we take off, energized once more.

  We spend the rest of the evening cooped up in one of the big guest bedrooms, getting all dolled up for tonight and I finally get to see Dakota’s dress, a little black number with those impossibly high heels and around her neck is a thin silver chain with a black pendant hanging at the hollow of her throat. “Looking good.” I wolf-whistle.

  “Not that I have anyone to impress,” she shoots back. “You, on the other hand…” A smile lights up her dark eyes as she pulls me into the adjoining bathroom. “Sit.” She motions to the toilet seat. “I’m not letting you waste a perfectly good outfit without some sort of makeup.”

  “I’m not big on makeup,” I tell her, but she tutts at me and holds up a hand like she doesn’t want to hear it.

  “Just trust me? I’m a pro at this.” She disappears into the bedroom for a moment, coming back a minute later with a bag filled with makeup. “You already have awesome skin—yes I’m jelly—so we’ll skip the foundation. Now just let me…” She trails off, tongue tipping out of her lips in concentration and I sigh, but sit patiently as she gives me a makeover—not only doing my makeup, but her fingers work through my hair, crafting tiny braids that she ties with even tinier rubber bands.

  “Perfection!” she finally crows, pulling me to my feet to stand in front of the mirror. “What do you think, my friend?”

  All I can do is stare at myself, at the girl gazing back at me. She’s beautiful, stunning like an Elven princess. Her hair is swoopy and curled at the tips, her eyes accented with smoky shadow and a ring of silver eyeliner. Her lips are painted the palest of pinks that match the blush on my cheeks. “Damn…”

  “I know, right? What can I say, I’m a natural.”

  “You are,” I tell her. “You need to do this for real—as a career. You made me so beautiful.”

  She scoffs. “You are always beautiful, Teag. I just polished it to a shine. Now scoot on outta here, time to pull out the big guns on my own face.” She frames her chin with her hands and bats her eyes, then shoos me from the bathroom. I sit down on the bed and slip my shoes on, adjusting the strap that goes across the bridge of my foot.

  A few minutes later, there’s a soft knocking on the door. I leap to my feet, anxiety surging, and flatten out my dress before I turn the knob and welcome Eli into the room. He starts to say something, only for his words to die somewhere between his throat and his mouth as he stares. I feel my cheeks warming up, a giddy beat rising in my chest. I’ve struck him speechless.

  “I’ll take your silence as a compliment?” I tease him, doing a little spin around to show off the corset lacing up the back and Eli whistles low. My face hurts, I’m grinning so big as I wrap my arms around him. He smells good, he always smells good. “I’m nervous,” I tell him.

  “Me too,” he says. “But we’ll be fine and if not, worst comes to worst? We’ll go crash for the week at Jake’s mom’s house. She’d be happy to have us.” He squeezes my shoulder and offers a reassuring nod. “But you look lovely.”

  “What about me?” Dakota asks as she sashays into the bedroom, hips swaying from side to side. Her dark hair swoops over her shoulders and down her back, bangs pinned up out of her eyes. All of her rainbow-colored facial jewelry has been exchanged for shiny silver hoops that match her heels.

  “Gorgeous,” Eli agrees. “You both look amazing. Really.”

  She clicks her tongue. “You don’t clean up too bad yourself.” And she’s right. He’s wearing a nice dress suit with a bright blue silk shirt underneath it, his tie a crisp navy with silver stripes, and his hair’s been smoothed away from his face with gel. He looks much older than his twenty-one and law school.

  He just laughs. “Wait until you see Jake. He’s gone all out, mainly because he knows it’ll piss Dad off. That seems to be his goal in life. Alright, well if you two are ready, I’d be happy to accompany you down to the dining room?” His eyes sparkle as he wraps a long arm around my waist, tugging me closer.

  “Where’s Nika?” I ask, suddenly remembering my dog and feeling like a horrible owner.

  “Oh, she and Beefcake are outside in the fenced in area. They’re safe—and happy, I’d say. They’ve been fed their dinner and Holly gave them each a big soup bone. Last I checked, they were stretched out in th
e shade chewing away. Don’t look so nervous, T,” he says, touching his nose to mine, his eyelashes fluttering butterfly kisses against my cheeks. “Nika’s fine.”

  “Okay,” I breathe, mentally shoving that set of worries out of my mind, straightening up and steeling myself. “Let’s do this.”

  He’s right—Jake’s dressed to the nines in a black tuxedo and big red bowtie, a snarky smile on his face as we join him in the hall—and I have to admit he looks damn fine. Jake, who typically wears nothing fancier than stained blue jeans and a ratty old t-shirt, has polished up nicely.

  I catch the way Dakota’s looking at him—totally impressed—and so does Jake. He flips us off. “Yeah yeah,” he barks. “I look damn fine, I know. No need to stare. I’m not here to impress anyone.”

  I pat him on the arm. “I like the tux,” I stage-whisper to him.

  “Just be sure to keep your girlfriend from humping my leg,” he whispers back, devious.

  I snort out loud and Eli clears his throat, plasters on a bright smile, and ushers us into the dining room. The table is already set, stainless silverware placed proper on either side of flowery fine china. I feel the fluttering start in my chest as I sit down, careful not to wrinkle my dress. Eli sits on one side of me, Dakota on the other. Jake sits down on the other side of Eli.

  Across the table, Mr. and Mrs. St. James sit side-by-side, watching us with slightly bemused yet stern expressions on their faces. Mr. St. James is an impressive-looking man, tall and broad with a chiseled face and almost black hair. His beard is damn near perfect. His wife is a tiny, petite thing with hair in blonde curls and eyes that dart from me to Eli and back again, her smile too bright to be genuine. Eli looks nothing like either of them.

  I swallow down the lump growing in my throat. Under the table, Eli’s hand brushes mine. I give his a squeeze and pray that all goes well. “Mom. Dad. You already know Jake,” he says with a nod towards Jake, who offers a dazzling smile and I see the way Mr. St. James’s cheek seems to twitch. “And this is my girlfriend, Teagan, and her friend from out of state, Dakota.” He meets his father’s gaze almost challengingly, chin tipped up.

  “Nice to meet you, girls,” Mrs. St. James says, clasping her hands together. “We’ve heard good things about you, Teagan. Nice to finally put a face with a name.” And it just goes on from there.

  Throughout dinner—a delicious pork roast with mashed potatoes and carrots—they continue to ask questions and I understand that they’re curious, but I get the feeling it’s for all the wrong reasons, asking me questions that tow the line between friendly and pushy. I answer everything with a smile, trying my best to be polite even though my stomach’s in knots and I’m squeezing Eli’s hand like I’m about to give birth.

  “And what are your plans for your future?” Mr. St. James asks, dabbing at the corners of his mouth with his napkin.

  I freeze, glancing over at Eli before pulling my lower lip between my teeth, worrying it there for a moment or so. I take in a deep breath, wondering what the right answer is to a question like this, but in the end, I decide on the truth. “Honestly? I’m not sure at the moment. Everything’s up in the air.”

  He frowns. “What about a career plan? Surely you have one.”

  Anger bubbles at the back of my throat, chasing the nerves away, and I meet his gaze evenly. “I did.” Before my life began to fall apart at the seams. He has no idea, and that’s the thing; he never will. Why am I trying to impress a man who will always refuse to be impressed—not even by his own brilliant son?

  “Dad,” Eli grinds out.

  “No, I’m curious,” Mr. St. James says, waving him off and staring at me. I stare right back. “What happened to your plans?”

  A laugh escapes me, rough around the edges. “I dropped out due to personal reasons,” I say simply even though my heart is now waging war against my ribcage, begging for release. “And that’s all I have to say. I’m taking things day by day and I’m sorry if that’s not good enough for you.” I swallow, refusing to look away from those shark-eyes. Eyes just like my father’s, just in a different way. I will not cow down to you.

  “Teagan…” Eli looks at me, his forehead pinched in worry. For me. He’s worried about me, not about his parents and their stupid questions. I smile at him even though I feel the emotions wrap around me, cocooning me like a blanket.

  “It’s okay. It’s true,” I tell him. “As long as I’m good enough for you, that’s all that matters.”

  The table goes quiet. Jake’s grinning like a maniac and Dakota’s trying to hide her laughter behind her hand. Mr. and Mrs. St. James look at us with an identical expression of shock on their regal faces, but I don’t give a single fuck.

  Eli’s face breaks into a grin of radiance, shining bright like a diamond. “I love you the way you are, Teagan Marie,” he says, never once bothering to look at his parents. “You’re perfect.” I feel tears prick at my eyes, but then Eli stands up, shoving his chair back across the linoleum.

  “And Dad? While I’m at it, I’ve decided something as well, something that’s been bothering me for the past six months, but I never felt I could say anything. But what the hell? No time like the present, right? I’m going to become a defense attorney. Sorry to disappoint, but I need to be true to myself. Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re going to pack our shit and get out of your hair.”

  In unison, Jake, Dakota, and I rise to our feet and follow Eli down the hall, leaving the smoggy tension of the dinner table behind. None of us dare say a word until we’re behind closed doors and then, Eli turns around and wraps me up in a hug so fierce that I’m afraid I might shatter beneath him. I cling to him, knowing he needs me to. Maybe I need me to, too. “I’m sorry, T. So sorry.”

  “Why?” I ask, touching his face. “You were great. You were awesome.”

  “They’ll probably hate you forever…”

  “I don’t care,” I tell him. “Do you? I can live without the St. James’s acceptance and you know what, I can live without their money, too. If they hate me, that’s their choice. I’m not going to change myself to fit their unrealistic standards.” I reach up on my tiptoes and kiss him on the end of his nose. “I love you.”

  He cups my face in his hands and looks into my eyes, right through me and into the fabric of my soul, where I shine the brightest. Then he kisses me, passionate enough to drive me wild. “I love you to the moon and back. Let’s get the hell out of here; Jake, you think your mom’d let us stay the weekend with her? It’ll be a full house, but…”

  He shakes his head, looking pleased with himself. “She’s already expecting us. I kind of guessed this would happen.” He claps Eli on the back, pride emanating off of him. “Good job, man. You finally grew a pair.”

  “Maybe half a pair,” Eli agrees with a sheepish laugh. “Let’s get the hell outta dodge. Pack your shit. I’ll get the dogs and meet you at the truck in twenty.”

  His parents don’t say a word as we waltz out the door. When their backs are turned, I flip them off with both hands, laughter bubbling out of me as we peel out of the driveway fast enough to kick up stones.

  Jake’s place is the total opposite of the St. James’s mansion. It’s a quaint little two-story farmhouse with shutters badly in need of painting and an old electric fence surrounding several acres of paddock. Inside the paddock is a lean-to with a couple of goats and a mule with huge ears. They greet us with bleats as we park and the first thing I notice is the smell of farmlands.

  “I didn’t know you were a farm kid,” I tease Jake, helping the dogs down out of the cab. They both start sniffing in all the new scents, heads cocked and tails wagging. Free range chickens race around underfoot, clucking and pecking the ground, and Nika stares at them, transfixed.

  Jake waves me off, but he’s grinning from ear to ear, actually looking relaxed for once since we got here this morning. “So what? I am what I am and that’s all that I am,” he says with a shrug.

  A woman with rusty hair and a gentle smi
le comes up behind him, wrapping her short arms around Jake’s waist because he dwarfs her in size, and her laughter is sweet like maple syrup, almost grandmotherly. “And we love you for it every day,” she says, then peeks around Jake. “Hi there, Eli. And who are these two lovely ladies? Jaaaake? Are you dating again?” Her voice is hopeful.

  Jake scowls and backs away from Dakota and me, shaking his head. “No way, Mum. This is Teagan, Eli’s girlfriend, and Dakota is a stray we picked up along the way.”

  “Screw you too, pal,” Dakota snerks back.

  “Jacob Matthew. That’s not the way you treat a lady,” his mother scolds and Jake has the good graces to at least look a little put off, ducking his head with a very low apology. She turns back to us, smiling that sweet smile. “It’s good to meet you both. Are you hungry? Thirsty? I have plenty of sweet tea. Come on inside, guys. Bring the puppies, the more the merrier! And please, call me Mum.”

  Eli and I share a glance. “I like her,” I tell him with a firm nod. The world needs more people like her.

  “I love her,” he agrees. “There’s a reason I call her Mum. She was my saving grace growing up.”

  “I can only imagine.”

  The house is small and cluttered and dusty, but it’s homey, welcoming. And it’s wonderful. Jake jumps into the role of doting son as he helps his mom around the house and we get to see a completely different side of him, calm and gentle as they joke back and forth like best friends more than any sort of mother and son dynamic.

  Later, Dakota and Jake playing an ancient Atari they found in the attic and arguing like siblings, Eli and I go for a walk around the property with the dogs at our sides. “You wanna know a secret?” I ask him as we walk, hand in hand and heart in heart. I’ve long since traded my dress for jeans and a tank top, but beneath my clothes, I’m still wearing the sexy lingerie. I can feel the itch of lace against my breasts, driving my nipples crazy.

  He lifts his eyebrows and gives me a look. “Lay it on me.”