Unapologetic (A Novel)

by Pamela Ann

  I could tell that he was ashamed to ask, which was cute, but he needed not fret. I wasn’t one of those high maintenance women who needed around the clock attention.

  “Stop worrying. I’m sure I’ll figure something out. A swim would be nice.”

  “Thanks for being understanding.” He kissed my cheek, his way of showing gratitude. “I’ll make it up to you.”

  I was sure he would.

  “Thanks for the fun convos, Fergus.” I saluted the man before locking my arm around Kyle’s before we headed toward the exit.

  After giving our ticket to the valet, we drove toward Mr. Woodhull’s palatial estate. The sprawling Italian villa had private bungalows specifically for his guests. It reeked big money and, given Kyle’s status in the music business, I was sure he and his father were amongst these kinds of folks. River was rich, but the person who cut his checks were the wealthy ones.

  For the first time, I became agitated as I thought of being such a disadvantage for Kyle. Hopefully he wasn’t embarrassed having me as his date. Whoever this Sienna woman was, I was sure she was part of this lifestyle. It intimidated me to wonder if these people knew her, and if so, were they comparing me to her? Instead of wallowing for how I came up short, I focused on the butler who ushered me toward the sprawling gardens that led toward the bungalow, which apparently had its own private pools as well. Kyle, on the other hand, was possibly sharing a cigar amongst those stiff elderly folks.

  “Everything you need is here. If you need anything—anything at all—just give us a ring. If you also fancy something to eat, the chef will whip up whatever you so wish, Miss Quinn,” the butler aptly named Martin graciously stated as he showed me into my temporary home of solitude.

  Once he left, my eyes took in my surroundings. This setting had romance in mind. It transported me back to old world Mediterranean—the earthy décor, archways with thick cream curtains slung on each end, the pink flowers in every flat surface, the blissful scent of candles burning in the air and the azure swimming pool with a beautiful waterfall cascading at the end of it. It was a place to lure the senses. And goodness, I was beguiled since I had never really been in places such as this.

  With a buzz of anticipation, I slipped out of my heels and set my feet free to feel the heat on the Marazzi limestone tiles that were bordered with trimmed grass.

  “If only Anton could see me now,” I murmured, grinning as I softly strolled toward the chilled champagne was stationed in a silver bucket. After pouring myself a glass, I closed my lids and directed my face toward the sun, loving the heated rays kiss my skin, greeting it.

  When was the last time I had enjoyed a decent swim? That had never happened since I didn’t have a pool nor did I have the habit of barging into other people’s homes to do just that. Growing up poor didn’t give a lot of opportunities to enjoy such delightful past times.

  “Kyle will take forever anyway, so why not?” I shrugged as I giddily took off my dress, blushing as I did so, even though no one was watching me. I felt naughty. I had been a good girl for so long.

  I swam to my heart’s desire, naked and free. It felt fantastic to feel the water glide over my skin as I powered through, swimming to the other end of the pool. It took me another half an hour or so before I decided to pluck the champagne from its icy cocoon and drink its contents straight from the bottle. Once that fizzle deliciousness was finished, I peddled on to the next and opened a vintage red wine. There were an array of cheese selections and fruits, so I lightly nibbled on those before resuming back to the pool.

  Flipping to float on my back with a content smile splaying on my face, I shut my eyes and thought of nothing. Then I heard someone clear their throat.

  Fack!

  My eyes immediately sprung open, and I spotted Kyle standing against one of the archways, eyes openly feasting on my breasts with unmistakable expression written on his face. He was seeing my naked body, so acting modest and covering my breasts and nether regions would be pointless. Yes, I was palpably nervous, but I was also in the same measure emboldened somehow.

  As graciously as possible, I unhurriedly treaded toward the stairs of the pool and began to ascend from the water before facing him with unperturbed expression. “Would you be a gentleman and get me a robe please?”

  His hazel eyes flickered, burning as they roamed over my body, praising with adoration and burning desire. “Who said I was a gentleman?”

  “What do you intend to do, then? Stare at me all afternoon?” I was a quivering mess as I tried to meet his intense gaze.

  His eyes spoke for him. They were like liquid gold, fiery and indubitably mesmerizing. They drew me in with the power to make my body pulsate and throb for him. My body reacted like it did when River would cast a spell on it—a feat that exhilarated me to no end.

  River, the very thought of him, killed me a little. He would hate me if he knew what I was up to.

  “That’s a good question, Cara,” he said as he gradually closed the gap between us. “You have one of the most beautiful body I have ever set my eyes on. And the best thing about it is … it’s all real.” He gently massaged my breast, molding it against his palm before tugging on my nipple. I bit into my lip and moaned out loud. “May I taste you, Cara?”

  “Just … kiss me,” I begged, cementing my fate with the consequences that was about to happen next.

  His lips came upon my own with such ferocity it made my head spin. Kyle, like his bad boy persona, didn’t do gentle. His fervor was consistently felt through his kiss, his hands, and his cock that was about to combust in his jeans. He didn’t dare take me to bed. Instead, he hastily took his clothes off as he deepened our kiss. Once he freed himself, I heard the sound of a foil opening before I felt him apply it on his rigid phallus. Then I felt his fingers probe and violate my opening, slightly sliding into my wet channel, testing if I was ready for his throbbing onslaught.

  “You take my breath away, Cara,” he groaned before plunging into my depths. He did it in such an acute manner that I almost bit his lip in the process. He wasn’t as big as River, but Kyle was way beyond normal, so it took a few strokes to finally get my body in sync with his. And once it did, I became the lustful unbidden woman I was.

  He unapologetically took me right there on the spot, against the heated limestone searing against my back as he pounded into my pussy without restraint or inhibitions. I welcomed it all, each stroke, each kiss, washing my sins away, hoping to erase what my heart tried to quietly tell me.

  Kyle had a way to silence the riotous madness in my mind. Being with him here was a reprieve from my chaotic life. Isolated in this sweet paradise, the outside world barely existed.

  Much to our luck, Mr. Woodhull and his wife had to head back to Los Angeles that very same night, but extended their offer in letting us stay in their mansion that had round the clock staff and chef to cater to their guests. Who in their right mind would resist such a tempting offer?

  I knew that I was beyond saving, and no matter. Kyle was unbelievable as a lover and even an amazing person to converse with. If we weren’t busy dirtying the sheets, we would eat and swim, enjoying the time together. We didn’t visit our past or present—we simply existed.

  We were both scarred and in some ways, we had a silent understanding between each other. We were friends, lovers, and everything in-between with no strings attached. For that, I was undyingly grateful.

  Whatever the next chapter brought, I knew I weaved my own fate, the consequences and the results.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Sorry, it’s my fault! It took forever to get ready!” I announced to everyone the moment Anton and I boarded the jet. They had been patiently waiting for over ten minutes now.

  “It’s no biggie.” Phoenix stood up and gave us a quick hug before directing us toward where we were supposed to be seated. Anton was sitting next to Mint while I had to situate my butt farther down the cabin.

  My eyes travelled toward everyone seated while simultaneously g
reeting them with hellos before halting my steps when I finally found my spot. My heart skipped a beat when I found River sitting across the empty seat.

  River. Was. Here. How was that possible? He was supposed to be out filming.

  He had sunglasses on, so it was difficult to know if he was awake or not. Nevertheless, it wouldn’t stop me from waking him up.

  “River!” I gleefully exclaimed while claiming my seat across from him. “Hey, I’ve been calling you, but you’ve been too busy. So how come you’re not in Ireland?”

  “Cara,” he said without taking off his shades. “We wrapped up early. Only landed the other night.”

  He had been here that long and didn’t even try to tell me?

  “Why didn’t you say so? We could’ve gone to dinner or something.” Typically, I would be the first person he sought out, but apparently, circumstances changed.

  We had been suffering a bad case of phone tag after I got back from Palm Springs. I hadn’t spoken to him since, so I must be the culprit behind his standoffish demeanor. He was probably still ticked off about that tiny argument we had.

  “If you’re still mad about—”

  “I actually swung by your place, but it seemed like you had a guest, so I didn’t want to intrude.” His voice was a whisper, but I felt the intensity with each word.

  Oh. The other night … when Kyle came by and brought dinner … and sex.

  My heart thumped as my gaze fell, feeling vulnerably bewildered. I hadn’t expected his response. I had intended to reveal what happened with Kyle in due course.

  River knew, so what happens next?

  My ears rang while I faintly heard the pilot announcing that we were cleared for takeoff. I could feel the burning weight of his eyes on me, reading and studying my face for answers he couldn’t bring himself to ask. He was hurt. There was no misconstruing that fact. I abhorred this type of confrontation, but I believed that I should at least say something—anything.

  Raising my eyes to his face, my stricken reflection from his sunglasses registered how nervous I was right this moment.

  We were in our own secluded section, and with the plane’s engine whirring around us, I had no fear that they could hear our heavy-laden conversation. Our friends were oblivious to the turmoil that brewed between us. The last thing we both needed was an audience to witness this train wreck of a pseudo relationship.

  “River, I don’t know what to say to make this any less painful for the both of us.”

  “Don’t mind me, Cara. Like I said before, if you’re happy, I’m happy.”

  But he sounded anything but that. Each time we reunited, I never failed to reiterate how sex didn’t change our circumstances.

  There was profound hollowness within me as I sat across this man, disengaged and desensitized, expressionless as he conversed with me like we were discussing the weather. Where was the roar of his anger? Where was the River who would rage because his heart was broken?

  “I’m sorry.” It was too late for that, nor was it necessary since we didn’t have an agreement or anything. “Maybe if you start seeing other people … maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.” It was his given choice to exclusively, even though we weren’t an item. If he saw other people, maybe that would ebb away his pain.

  “Don’t worry about me, Cara. I’m a grown man; I’ll get over it.” He stated like he would rather chew on nails than speak to me. “I’m jet-lagged, so I hope you don’t mind if I doze off before we land.”

  Sighing, I conceded and let him off our strained conversation.

  How was I to survive partying with these people for the next three nights? Hopefully River and I would continue treating each other in a civilized manner. Well, more so him since I caused him to halt his affections for me. It was the right thing to do because, had it gone on for another month or so, River would expect more from me. Today, tomorrow, it didn’t matter, because I would never give myself to him, even if my heart silently belonged to him. No one would know what was embedded in the dark depths of my heart. It belonged to same man I had fallen in love with at twelve years old.

  The one-hour flight was a taxing ordeal. It was pure torment trying not to gawk at the beautiful man across me. It bothered me that I couldn’t tell if he was awake or asleep, so I was left to my own trivial thoughts and devices while I struggled to maintain a cool, unbothered appearance.

  Just before landing, Phoenix cleared his throat. “You guys, listen up! We’re all staying on the same floor, but we’ll all be in our own suites, except for Anton, Cara, and River. They’ll be in the same suite. And as for the schedule, we won’t be hosting until midnight for the next three nights, so dinner will be around nine. Hangovers are crucial, so drink up and let’s party until the top drops!”

  While everyone hooted and cheered, I was slowly dying inside. How in God’s name would I survive sharing a suite with River for the next three nights? Given our delicate situation, what if the man decided to bring some chick? What would I do then?

  Instinctively, I would scratch the bitch’s eyes out until she was knocked out cold. But that would reveal too much, so I would have to play a better part; smile as though everything was fine and dandy.

  This whole trip would be the death of me. I could already feel it, what I would have to endure being so close to River and not being able to touch him. I made a choice and now I must stick to that decision.

  //

  “I’m going to Kells’ suite. Wanna come with and bug them?” Anton announced as we wheeled our luggage into our own designated bedroom. There were two queen-sized beds, a massive bathroom, and a grand view of the city beyond.

  River had already declared that he would be catching the zzz’s for the next few hours and would greatly appreciate if no one pestered him. He was going to host while Phoenix DJ’d tonight, so he needed to restore his energy if he was making a paid appearance at midnight.

  Anton snapped his fingers, bringing me out of my reverie. “Earth to Cara?”

  “Hmm? Oh, you go on ahead. I don’t think I’ll survive going shopping in this heat. I think Lauren and Mint will be joining them, too.” Where was he getting this unending energy? I enviously wondered.

  “Oh, damn. Well, I better head out now then, before I miss out on that,” he rushed out before blowing me kisses. “Love you, sprinkle toes.”

  “Love you, too, Care Bear.” I smiled as I watched him disappear.

  Sitting at the edge of my queen mattress, the silence in the room was deafening. Blowing out a breath, I was about to get up when I heard a door slam, freezing me in my position. The sound of that door meant one thing. It led me to believe River had left as well.

  Everyone seemed to lavish on what Vegas had to offer, while I sat here, wondering what to do next. If I kept still for another second, I was about to scream my frustration out.

  Slipping out of my suede black pumps, I lazily strolled toward my luggage and pulled out the powder blue cotton robe, intending to strip and take a much-needed nap, praying my senses would fully restore themselves.

  I felt out of sorts ever since that horrid exchange with River, like my chakra was out of balance. Surely there was more to be said apart from those stale words? It should comfort me that River wasn’t pressing the issue further, but the effects were the opposite. His standoffish demeanor harassed my conscience. I was left disconcerted, jumbling the mayhem that already ran havoc with my emotions.

  Securing the knot on my robe, I strode toward the bar for something refreshing to drink. After spotting a chilled bottle of Pellegrino, I gulped it down before halting midway when I heard a riotous laughter coming from River’s bedroom.

  “What the—”

  My body ran hot then cold as my ears peeled to hear any noise coming from his end of the suite. He left, didn’t he?

  Slamming the teardrop shaped bottle, my imagination began to run amuck.

  My curiosity piqued as I rushed toward his door, halting for a moment before brusquely wrenching it open.


  “Hello?” I almost choked on my question when my eyes fell on River, standing tall, naked and proud, with his dick given the sole attention to a woman on her knees, sucking and draining him like a starved vampire in need of her daily sustenance.

  The unquestionable woman released his cock with a popping sound before she glanced at me with a contorted look on her face. “I thought you were single!” she accusingly screeched.

  River’s unapologetic stare trained on me. “I am,” he responded without remorse in his voice, seeming to challenge me, daring me to say something.

  “Uh, I don’t think so.” The Latina woman got to her feet before hauling her purse from the bed. She then threw me a confused look my way before diverting her eyes toward her lover. “Call me once you’ve fixed this. I’m not into breaking domestic scenes.” She hastily exited without a backward glance.

  Why, oh, why did I have to snoop? What my eyes saw could never be unseen. It was ingrained in my memory. This was the playboy River I had read in the glossy rags. The one who used to make my blood curdle from outrage and jealousy. This was a complete nightmare.

  I tried to break away from his gaze. My mouth hung ajar as I gripped the labels of my robe. I had no business interfering, let alone barging in his bedroom, but fuck it couldn’t be helped.

  “Do you need something, Cara?” he asked with impenetrable eyes.

  His tone indicated that I was testing his patience, which equally made me angry and nervous. Should I apologize? I couldn’t bring myself to.

  “I thought you left …” I began to stammer like a stricken idiot. “When I heard the door … That is … I didn’t want to intrude … I had no idea you had someone here.”

  He had acted quickly. It made me wonder if he immediately hopped into another woman’s bed after leaving my place two nights ago?

  “I’d appreciate if you don’t act like a total ass toward me when you’re doing the same thing, River.”