Probe

by Douglas E Roff

  “Batteries. Must be. That’s my guess anyway but, then, what do I know. OK now, let’s talk.”

  “About?”

  “About what happened two nights ago. And I need your full attention, so drink up.”

  “Not the first time I’ve heard that from a man. Do you guys have a book or something?”

  “No books, just now stay on topic.”

  “Right. What? I’m listening. Ask away.”

  “You heard everything, didn’t you? Even when we spoke to each other?”

  “Yes, I did. Some of it seemed indistinct but most of it was crystal clear as if piped directly into my mind.”

  “Everything I said?”

  “Yes.”

  “And the instructions at the end, do you remember them too.”

  “Yes, everything.”

  “Like what. Tell me.”

  “Someone said you were supposed to take care of me.”

  “And?”

  “And to watch over me and protect me. That was all. Just that this was something you had to do.”

  “What else?”

  “Then you were supposed to do something to help me get better. Fix me, I think he said. Or was it she? Something like that but I don’t remember everything exactly. You know, whoever was doing the talking.”

  “What else do you remember?”

  “You were supposed to fix something else. Something that was broken. Not clear on that one. But you were supposed to do that too.”

  “And was there anything else I was supposed to do? Anything at all?”

  “Yeah. Something about you finding him and punishing Them. Then you were supposed to take some things and show somebody. Not clear on those details either. But the voice was very clear that this had to be done and had to be done by you. It would fix something else, besides me, I think. That’s all I remember.”

  “You did good. Now what do you want to tell Misti? Any thoughts?”

  “I don’t want to talk about what happened to us. No good stuff. Very bad, very ugly. Don’t want to ever think about that again.”

  “Fine. Good plan.”

  “But I will tell her a little about what happened to me when I was sixteen. I owe her that much. But I will tell her more about my life after that, and how terrifying it was. Now that it’s over and done.”

  “OK. Start today with Misti and get it over with quickly. Then you will remember only a few things from before today. I promise. Then I’ll finish what I started with you and teach you how to not remember all the rest, block it all out, and put it all away forever. You did good. I’m so proud of you; you are very, very brave.”

  “No, I wasn’t. And I’m not. I’m a coward and I’m afraid of my own shadow. At least I was.”

  Alana had somehow shaken off her sleepiness and suddenly seemed wide awake.

  “OK, everything I just said is what I remember. I’m sure you remember more. I’m certain of that. The voice wasn’t talking to me. It was talking to you.”

  “Yes?”

  “But the voice said one thing just to me. And it said I needed to tell you as soon as I remembered it.”

  “What was that?”

  “The voice told me to tell you that he still writes to me. He tries to keep punishing me. He sends me a card on the anniversary of the time it happened every year, no matter where I am. And he sends pictures, awful pictures, and newspaper clippings from when it happened. And then he tells me that I broke his rules and he is going to punish me again. Maybe just one more time. The final time.”

  “When, Alana? When is he going to punish you?”

  “Next year. When I turn twenty-six. He says he has something special planned for my birthday.”

  “Anything else?”

  “That his friends all want to see me again. Like before.”

  “Back upstairs, quick as a bunny. You’ve told me enough. Not a word to Misti. Promise?”

  “About what?”

  Alana looked like she was sleepy again and suddenly out of gas. Adam took her back upstairs and dropped her off in the master bedroom on the big bed, next to Misti under the covers. She was back asleep instantly as if she never had been awake. Maybe she would forget their conversation, except for their conversation about what she was going to tell Misti. He would remind her of that, then she could forget about the rest. None of that concerned her any longer. Now it only concerned him.

  But he, his father and Carlos would be making a special trip to San Diego. Not right away but in the new year after everything settled down.

  Then all the men he saw in his vision would experience the wrath of God. Adam would shorten their journey to meeting their Maker and facing His Judgement.

  Until then, Alana would be watched over by Adam, Misti and the Eight Families. He would speak to his father when he saw him in London and the discussion would be brief. He would crank up the DL Main and go hunting.

  Hunting for predators; the worst kind.

  Chapter 10

  The angels were stirring, had showered, and were soon dressed for the day around noon. They looked only slightly worse for the wear from another late night. Alana was looking more awake and talkative than she had been earlier in the morning, and Adam found out why straightaway. As coffee and a late breakfast arrived for the girls, Alana feigned a complaint that Mistress Misti had kept poor Alana awake and busy until just after 4 am.

  “Mind you, I’m not complaining,” she remarked. “But even I need a few hours of sleep to be able to think straight and get anything done. Anything worthwhile using my brain anyway.”

  Alana looked over at Adam and winked and smiled conspiratorially, while Misti seemed more acutely interested in her ham and cheese omelette, fresh fruit, orange juice, lightly buttered toast, and coffee. The girl could eat. Where it went on a woman claiming to be 5’1”, and barely ninety pounds soaking wet, was a mystery. Her metabolism must have been a gift from God, although she chalked it up to jogging, sparring, and her daily workouts.

  Her “workouts” this far in Hawaii had been somewhat less conventional. Her cardio hadn’t been seriously challenged, unless breathing heavy and the occasional screams of passion counted. Then her cardio had been challenged hard and often.

  Alana continued, “But even when I’m dead tired and my brain is pretty useless, I can still remember all my commitments for the day and everything I’m supposed to do. I’m good that way.” She winked at Adam.

  Adam spoke up. “I have some items on the agenda for today before we decide what to do with ourselves. You girls have any plans?”

  Misti looked up, for the first time and seemed a little distracted. She had that serious look on her face that signalled either trouble or concern. Adam had no idea which it was, and Alana had no way of knowing the full meaning of “Misti looks” yet. If she remained a part of their new family, she soon would.

  “I have a couple of things too. But they may be the things you want to discuss already. I wouldn’t mind getting a little insight in what happened the other night and some idea what caused it. Adam, did your mind retreat help you figure out what exactly caused the meltdown? I’ve never been so worried about anyone in my life as I was with you two on Sunday night.”

  “I think I have a better handle on it, but you know that I still don’t really even understand the mind trick. This was an entirely different thing, much more complicated and one I was unable to control then. Either could Alana.”

  “Is this what you wanted to discuss with us?” Misti asked.

  “Yeah. And in the spirit of full disclosure, I dragged Alana out of bed this morning to ask her a little about what she wanted to say to you and me about both events.”

  “Both events? What was the other?”

  Alana interrupted, “The first event is what happened to me as a teenager and that is what Adam saw Sunday night when our minds connected. The connection experience itself was the second event. What Adam and I experienced that
night was a replay of my … assault. Sexual assault, I mean. I was kidnapped and … well I think you can guess what happen next. They kept me confined for four days, beginning on my sixteenth birthday. I was young, and I was very naïve, no experience and not being smart or very careful. My dad was very protective and kept a close watch on me. Just not close enough on that day.

  Misti said, “I’m so sorry Alana. I didn’t know. It all makes so much more sense now. Can you talk about it? I understand if you don’t want to, it must have been horrifying. And I’m not trying to be nosey, I just want to understand you and what you went through. I want to be your rock if you need me.”

  Misti was deeply saddened by this news and she understood the devastation Alana must have felt with this nightmare resurfacing. She had no idea what Adam’s role in all this had been. She had a million questions but knew this explanation needed to come out slowly and with the least amount of new pain.

  “I don’t really want to discuss Sunday night, except for whatever Adam wants to say about it. There are a few things you should know about that experience I think Adam and I should share with you. But our experience also now thankfully closed a door on my past and that awful time.”

  Misti was surprised. “How? I assume you had flashbacks of what happened. It must have been terrifying.”

  “It was. And it wasn’t just a flashback. It was something more painful and cruel. I lived it again. Lived it. As Adam was forced to watch. Then I had to watch it again, as Adam was forced to experience what I had just gone through. But then something else happened and I knew it was over. Over for the rest of my life.”

  Misti just stared at the two of them, failing to comprehend the meaning of the words Alana had just spoken. She started to speak but discovered she couldn’t form any words. Waves of anguish washed over her, feeling despair for Adam and her new intimate, the depth of which she had not yet discovered.

  Misti stammered, “Last night. Oh God, last night I should never have… I’m so dreadfully sorry, sweetie. I was so selfish.”

  Alana smiled at her new friend. “No. No, you don’t understand. When I connected with Adam, the episode was a horrible, horrible nightmare but afterwards the experience, pain and fear were gone. Not like it never happened but loads better. I’ve been in prison in my own mind since I was sixteen. Somehow, some way it ended when that connection, whatever it was, was over. I don’t know what it was, but I think that Adam somehow took that pain and horror away from me. Like deleting a computer file from a hard drive. Some vague remnants remain and that may never wholly go away. But I know I won’t live with it as I had before. It’s just something that I know happened, but without the dread of the fear and anxiety.”

  Alana paused and thought.

  “I can be happy now; free. I know I can. And I can be free to enjoy every part of my life fully without trying to dull my mind with meaningless encounters to get the horror and nightmare out of my consciousness. Do you understand?”

  Misti watched Alana as she shared the intimate secrets of her being, as calmly and as rationally as could Adam. Misti couldn’t understand, not even begin to sense what this meant. But she would try. Try to understand what had happened to Alana on her sixteenth birthday and what her life had been like since.

  “I don’t. I can’t. And I can’t possibly see how I ever could. But I will try. Try harder than anything I have ever done to understand whatever this was. Just let me be there for you and let me help if I can. And you can tell me anything and everything that you want. When you feel you are ready? I promise to listen and be your best friend. I promise.”

  Misti was sincere in the depth of her emotions and her concern for her new friend’s well-being. She looked at Alana, who was just tearing up and ready to burst into tears.

  “Come here sweetie, let me hold you. We can talk a little later. I’m sure Adam won’t mind.”

  “It can all wait,” said Adam. “Nothing is urgent except the time you need to heal.”

  Alana was now huddled next to Misti, holding on to her for dear life, still tender and raw but wanting desperately to get this part over and done. She resolutely said, “No. We need to do this now and move on. I can do this; I’m safe and I have you both here with me. I’m not alone.”

  Alana continued, “Please tell Misti the rest then Adam. I don’t think I could without crying. I’ll listen.”

  Alana lay down on the couch and rested her head in Misti’s lap. Misti took a couch pillow and gently placed it under her head. Settled, Misti and Alana focused their attention on Adam, now seated across from them on the other couch.

  “First, let me say that what Alana said was true. We both watched and participated in the cruelty Alana went through as a teen. But that wasn’t all that happened, and it seemed like the whole episode was days long, even though it was only a matter of seconds. It was some weird time compression but the whole thing was devastating. Not just that Alana had to relive this monstrous event but that it seemed to take place in real time. What I saw was what Alana lived. But it was more than that. It was everything she thought, saw, experienced and felt. It was the pain, the fear and anxiety and the absolute horror of what four vicious monsters did to her. And it was real. Vivid and traumatic.

  “That was just part of it though, and if Alana wants to share what happened to her, she should. I now know everything, and I never want to think about what happened to her ever again. It took all my strength to begin locking the experience out of my mind and it still isn’t all put away. Not yet. But it will be and in time I need to help Alana do the same. Most of the walls were up and sealed before we broke our link. But there is more to do, and you may be able to help her, us, with that Misti.”

  “Anything. Anything at all. Just tell me what I need to do.”

  “Soon. But I have more work to do with myself before we can start that. And some things I need to do with Alana. We can discuss that later too.”

  Adam’s gaze met Misti’s, but she broke off her eye contact. She suddenly felt shame for things she had mistaken and not understood. She saw the intensity and ferocity in Adam’s eyes and knew that she should, for once, just listen and not judge. She felt chastened, something rare in her life.

  “What happened a few nights ago was not just a single event. The thing we intended to do happened too but was quickly overshadowed. There were three more things that happened at the same time.”

  Adam looked intently at Misti, as if warning her off from too much interrogation before she could even begin. It was unnecessary but Misti understood her husband’s message nonetheless.

  “First, Alana and I talked, or at least communicated in some way, during the time we were linked. We remember the conversation, but I think I remember all the details while Alana does not. At least not fully.

  Misti asked, “Can you share what was said? Do you still remember?”

  “I do. I held her hand as we were about to begin the journey through her past and told her I was there to protect her. I told her I would not permit anything bad happen to her but, obviously, I was unable to fulfill that commitment. I assured her I would care for her when this was all over.”

  “Do you know where that insight came from?”

  “No idea. My conscious mind, my unconscious mind or somewhere else? I just don’t know. But I do know I felt very protective of her and somehow knew that there was either danger or something evil was about to happen.”

  “Did you learn anything from your mind later?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Go on.”

  “Second, we heard something, like a voice in our heads, telling us something, instructing us for when it was over. I remember what we heard, as does Alana. These were instructions and they were quite clear.”

  “What were they?”

  “I was told to care for Alana, now and in the future. I was told to protect her and keep her safe. I was told it was my duty to help her heal and that it was my obligation to do
so. And I was told that if I did all these things, it would heal some … thing … something that was broken and needed to be restored. I don’t know what, but that was what I heard. As I said Alana heard it too, so maybe we shared the same delusion or maybe it was something else entirely.”

  Misti was intensely interested in the mystical nature of what Adam was saying.

  “What do you think it was, Adam? You must have an opinion. Some insight?”

  “You know what I think. I’m just not willing to argue with you about it now or ever.”

  “Then we won’t. I appreciate your honestly, though.”

  Alana spoke up. “Misti, Adam and I shared this thing that happened. I don’t understand it, but I do know what happened afterward and whatever the source of it is, it is what we both heard. I believe what Adam believes with all my heart. This couldn’t have happened and then somehow, through brain chemistry, suddenly all my fears and anxieties are just gone. I am not afraid. I feel safe around you both, protected in my mind and in my physical being. That may not seem real to you but is extremely real to me. I’m not religious, not at all. But if Adam says it was God, then I know it was God.”

  Misti was taken aback, just for a moment. Her views on religious mumbo jumbo were well known to her husband as well as the rest of the family. In those views within the Barrows Bay family, she wasn’t alone.

  “I just don’t think …”

  Alana cut her off. “This isn’t up for discussion, Misti. What you think, this time, simply doesn’t matter. Believe whatever you wish; it’s your right. I’m explaining what I believe, just as Adam has. That’s all there is to it. This is not an opinion and it is not for you to disparage or ridicule. My life just changed in an instant and Adam was somehow the instrument of that change. Or is connected to it somehow. Some connection he has with something that is larger than all of us. I may never again have this kind of experience but even if I don’t, I am convinced that this experience was spiritual, or at least metaphysical, and guided by … something, even if I don’t know what that something is.”