About Time

by Danielle Torella

  She bags the mouth guard and hands me my change, she laughs lightly, “Uh yeah… If you know him, but not that way then how do you know him?” She asks me. As if I can’t know a guy without sleeping with him.

  “We’re just friends.”

  “Oh, honey there is no way he can be just friends with a woman. And by the looks of you, well he sees you as a challenge.” She eyes me up and down. I pick up my bag, unsure if I should say anything. So I decide not to. I am used to being scrutinized, so this isn’t any different. I start to turn to go to the door and she speaks up once again. I don’t turn around, but I do stop. “Hey, I am sorry I didn’t mean…”

  “It’s okay I’m used to it,” I say aloud with just a slight turn of my head and I make my way out of the shop.

  Outside I pull out my phone and I call the only real family that I have ever had since day one here: Mrs. Brown. I don’t want to talk to anyone right now other than her. Maybe there is some extra work so I can be there a lot of my time and not be home as much. I need extra hours to get out of the apartment. I cannot handle Maddy and her sex-capades anymore. I don’t like running into naked men in my apartment. What’s worse is that she should know that I would have a problem with that, with everything that I have been through over the years.

  After hearing people bad talk about one another and what that girl just told me about Derrek in there, tore a piece of my heart out. I don’t have a single good reason as to why it stung, but it did. I have no claims over him and I definitely shouldn’t be jealous over his past, present or future women.

  “Hello?” I hear Mrs. Brown pick up on the line.

  In a soft voice, that I am trying to keep under control from any crying, “Mrs. Brown this is Margot…”

  “Margot my love! It feels like forever that I have seen you! Thank you for coming in those past few shifts when the library was closed, it was a big help.”

  “It was no problem really, in fact that’s why I am calling you.”

  “Oh?” She sounds confused.

  I sigh, “Yes, I was wondering if I could work a little more? I want to try and save up some money to get my own place…”

  “Oh dear, you and Maddy not getting along?” She knows how close we used to be.

  I feel a tear trickle down my cheek, “No, ma’am.”

  “Why don’t you come on by to my place and I will make us some dinner and we can chat?” She has been trying to get me to come over for some time and I have been putting it off. If I had only realized that she was always there for me, maybe I shouldn’t take that for granted as much as I have been.

  “I’m on my way.”

  “Mmm… Mrs. Brown this beef stew is amazing!” I take a second bite of a good home cooked meal. She had the stew in the slow cooker since morning and she even baked fresh cheese biscuits to go along with it. She comes back to the large round wooden table with a white lace tablecloth and sets down a large glass of milk. I can’t remember the last time I just had a glass of milk.

  “Well, I’m sure glad you are enjoying it Margot. You need to eat up, you are looking a little too thin these days.” She tisk, tisk’s me and I giggle as I take another large spoonful. “You know you are more than welcome to come by any time you want, my door is always open for you.”

  I stand up out of my seat and I walk around to the table to where she finally sat down to eat herself, and I lean down and give her a big hug. I rest my chin on the top of her head and she reaches up and rests her hands on my folded arms. “Thank you.”

  “Now, sit your tiny hiney back down and finish your dinner. I have cherry pie for dessert.” She winks at me and I smile.

  “Why did you cook all this food if no one was coming over?” I have to ask, because she did make a lot of food today.

  She shrugs, “A mother knows…”

  Later that evening we discussed my hours and that she can’t afford to pay me that much more. The library is lacking funds as usual, but it’s only getting worse. I told her that I would do a lot of it for free, just to keep busy. She agrees but only as long as I come over a couple nights a week for dinner. How could I turn that down?

  I come and go from the apartment unseen and unheard for twenty-four hours. Since leaving Mrs. Brown’s I have been like a shadow, the one thing I am good at playing. You learn to go unseen and hope to be forgotten about in the system. When Mrs. Brown made that mother comment I nearly lost it. I had always had a bond with her and I thought of her as family, but knowing she had me in her heart as a daughter, well…

  I haven’t bothered with my phone at all. I have ignored all my messages, but need to look incase Josh needs me. Thankfully he hasn’t. I called Joe Friday morning and asked if I can get in some extra shifts and he was relieved that I had asked. Apparently and this was news to me, Maddy had up and quit her job there. Told poor Joe that she deserved better than to work in a greasy spoon shit hole. I know how much the place means to Joe and his family, so that was extremely low even for Maddy. So, I am taking over some of her hours until they can find a replacement. I’m assuming she found a guy rich enough to her satisfaction.

  I worked all morning at the library today and then worked from the late afternoon till closing at the diner, anything to keep me occupied. On my way back to the apartment, I was about to pass the library and I remembered Mrs. Brown, telling me that there is a small twin size bed that is always made up in one of the storage rooms upstairs. Of course it is Margot, you are the reason she set it up… I remind myself. I get in and lock the door and skim the romance section before heading upstairs. I turn on a small table light that is just bright enough to read by. I take off my shoes, shorts from the diner and fold them up placing them on top of a chair. I take off my bra from under my white shirt and place that on top of the pile as well.

  I pick up the book I had grabbed and pull back the covers to the quilt covered bed. I feel more a home here than my actual residence. I won’t call that place my home, because a home is filled with love and warmth. I have all of that surrounding me within the books that fill this building and the richness Mrs. Brown had filled it with over the years from her heart.

  I start the book and before I know it my eyelids are closing and I reach over to turn off the light.

  I wake up and it is Saturday. The day of the first boot camp. I am nervous as hell, but I am going to do it. I will do what I need to there to focus on the derby and not on any personal connections with Derrek or Justin if he is there.

  I wake up early so that I can get myself together and pick up the room and remake the bed. Once I’m sure that everything is back in it place I go downstairs and head to the café next door for some tea and muffin. I stand at the coffee station, tearing and squeezing a honey packet and take a few for the road. Sitting in a corner spot, I decide that I should check on my phone.

  Nothing from Josh yet, I’m going to assume that I am expected to be at Sunday’s brunch however… I see that there are a few from Derrek. I dismiss them and move on. I can’t look at them or I might be tempted to call him back. But what I am most shocked about is I have a text from Maddy…

  Maddy: You’re not home again tonight, where are you?

  Maddy: Are you OK?

  Maddy: I am sorry for being such a bitch. Please let me know you’re all right.

  I am stunned still while reading them. I normally just get messages of her telling me that she won’t be home, but that was a long time ago, she stopped letting me know once she leveled up to two guys a week. Now, I don’t know how many she is up to. For her to say sorry, is a big deal. She doesn’t use the “S” word lightly.

  Margot: I’m fine, thank you.

  I turn my phone back off. I close my eyes and take in the aroma of the café. They fresh bake everything here and I love the way the coffee smells, even though I am not a coffee drinker. I hear a strong male voice at the counter, “I’ll take a black coffee please.”

  “Sure thing, you know not too many people keep it simple with black coffee…�
�� The counter guy tells him.

  I peek around my dark corner too see this man who likes his coffee black, which is so unusual. I have a flutter in my chest before I finally open my eyes. I know only one person who likes black coffee. Derrek stands there with his hands in his pockets as he waits for the guy to pour the dark liquid into the travel paper cup. I suck in a shark stunned breath at his beauty. He is in dress pants, a crisp white button down shirt with a cobalt blue tie. His collar is unbuttoned ever so slightly and this shirt, this gift sent from heaven that hugs him so well that it should be a sin for him to be seen in it…whew. I find my mouth dry from having it popped open for God knows how long.

  I go to look away before I am seen, “Margot?” I hear.

  I close my eyes, damn. “Hi,” I breathe out. I can handle a little friendly conversation right?

  “Why haven’t you responded to my messages or calls? I’ve been worried about you.” His voice is low and his eyes are hooded as he approaches my dark secluded corner. His muscles are tense under that sinner of a shirt and his features are stern and tight. The worry line on his forehead is furrowed.

  I reach up and nervously touch my forehead after seeing his worry line, “I… Uh… I am sorry. I have a lot going on, it’s nothing personal…”

  “You not calling me back is personal Margot.” Deep controlled voice now. He just stands there waiting for me to say something else. His eyes shooting daggers and filling me with fire, fire in a place I can’t or shouldn’t feel from him. The girl from the skate shop had told me enough.

  “Well, go call one of your many other women,” I snip as I stand up from my chair and brush past him and out the door. I know that was harsh, but maybe it was a hard enough of a blow that he won’t follow me out of here. Once outside I take in a breath to steady myself. I practically run back to the library, because I don’t want him to try and explain any of them to me. I don’t even deserve one, because there is no reason.

  I hear the ding of the door as I push through it and lock it behind me. The blind is closed and I rest my back against it and my knees feel weak, so I just allow myself to slide down to the floor.

  I grab my mouth guard and water bottle as I am heading out the door for the first boot camp. I have on a pair of leggings and a light yellow tank top. I don’t know what to really expect, but it’s kind of exhilarating too not knowing. I have my hair braided into two long pig tails, seeing as I am sure I will have a helmet on.

  I drive Blue Belle to the rink and I am there a little early, I suppose my nerves are getting the better of me. I sit in my car for a few minutes, but once I see that some girls are heading in, I hold my breath and open the door.

  Once I am inside I am greeted with a bunch of girls on the floor, renting their skates and gear. I’m asked to sign some wavers and show proof of my insurance. I’m sure this is for when I get hurt then I won’t have any issues at the ER. The idea of getting physically hurt actually doesn’t scare me. I have been through enough ass kicking’s and beat downs than I can count on two hands, I can take a hit.

  It’s the emotional stuff I can’t do. Hit me, beat me up, leave a good mark on my skin and I can deal with that. But, hit my heart and I am down for the count. This is why I have put up a barrier around my heart. I used to try and open up and the moment I did, it got thrown in my face and now I have to stay with a man who I hate the most. I was a wishful thinker, thinking that he would drop it and love me for me. To not hold something like that over me, but I suppose I brought it on myself for telling him.

  There is no such thing as trust.

  I’m waiting at the rental counter and I am grabbed and squeezed from the back. I jump and turn to find Fancy with Lola. I smile, feeling at ease already to have these girls and a few other that I have met already really helps with the nerves.

  “You actually came!” Fancy smiles and claps her hands. She is too cute.

  I fake cringe, “Well I was threatened by a certain derby girl…”

  They both laugh, “I’m sure that would be Fancy here huh?” Lola asks me shaking her head at Fancy. Man Lola is gorgeous though, on skates she towers over me and she is curvy in all the right places and her tattoos are poking out of her elbow pads and knee pads. I can see the skimming of her purple hair that I love under her stickered up helmet. I just love her style and her confidence just oozes out of her.

  I am handed my skates and the girls take me over to grab some gear. After I am padded up and up on my skates, I feel a little off balance. “I haven’t been on skates in like…” I think about this, “Ever.”

  “You never had a pair of roller skates growing up?” Fancy asks me with her head tipped to the side.

  I shake my head no. I don’t want to tell her here about my upbringing. But I feel like I can, when the time and place is right. They both take my hands and lightly pull me out to the rink. I’m nervous that I am going to make a fool out of myself and fall right on my butt, as soon as I take my first step out.

  “You got this!” I hear being yelled from across the rink. I lift my eyes off my skate for a second to see who is encouraging me and I see Katie-Strophic, she is speeding down the rink and she comes to a fast holt and I am amazed at what she just did.

  “How did you stop like that?” I ask her in awe.

  She waves me off, “You’ll learn over time. Now let’s skate!” The three women push off and I watch them closely before I finally push off for the first time. I throw my arms out quick feeling like I am going to fall, but I regain myself quickly.

  I make it around the track a few times and I feel like I have this. I am doing alright and I haven’t fallen hard yet, just once but landed on my knees. I keep an eye out for Derrek or Justin, I don’t know if they need to be here for this tonight or not. Either way, I want to see them coming.

  The women on the team have all of us “Fresh Meat” take a seat in front of them and they start to go over the basic and what we will be learning and such. It’s all really interesting and they take safety very seriously. Then we are separated into different groups for some instructional work.

  Two hours later my hamstrings are burning and I don’t think I have ever sweated so much in my life. They tell us to take some laps and then they will blow the whistle for after stretches or circle time as they call it.

  I take a long sip from my water and push up for my laps. I go to try and do what’s a “Plow Stop” where you bring your feet into a point quick to stop yourself and I yelp out and as I am about to throw myself back I am caught by a set of arms.

  “Oh my gosh! Thank you!” I tell the person before finding my feet to turn and see who it was who just saved my ass, literally. I turn my body and then there is Justin right in front of me. He doesn’t have his typical smile on his face.

  “No problem. That’s what friends are for.” He is going to throw that word in my face every stinking time isn’t he?

  I adjust my helmet and take out my mouth guard so I can speak properly, “Thank you for catching me, but if you’re going to have a grudge about the whole friend thing, then just let me fall.”

  Leaning into my ear he whispers, “Never.”

  I can feel my emotions starting to build, I don’t know if I feel like I am going to cry or hit someone or him. Everyone expects me to be this quiet girl and I have grown to accept that, I never take chances because taking chances gets you hurt. But I’m hurting now.

  I push off and try to skate as fast as I can. I watch a couple of the vets as they round the corners and as they cross their feet over one another to turn. I try my best to do it and I fall. Right on my ass and it hurts, it sends a shock wave through me and I think I landed on one of my wheels. Angry and frustrated now, I remember how they taught us to use the toe stops on the front of the skates and not using our hands to get up fast and push off hard. I do it so fast, I surprise myself. I keep my head up and my knees bent. I use my peripheral vison and I see a lot of the girls watching me.

  Then I see a couple of them join
ing in next to me. To my right I have Dawne of the Dead and on my left I have Lobotomy Lacey, they look to their sides at me, smirk and wink with what I assume is approval. Then Lacey shoots right in front of me and I would think I would stop or trip form the suddenness of it, but my body just shoots around her and keeps going. Then Dawne is right on my flank and I hear her say, “I am coming up on your right I want you to stop me from passing.”

  I bite down on my mouth guard and my chest constricts with the fear, but it’s interlaced with adrenalin and excitement. Can I really take her down? I keep my elbows in and my knees bent. As soon as I see her approaching my side like she told me, she was going to do, I use my shoulder and hips to shove into her. She laughs as she is knocked out of bounds.

  I come to a stop and I hear a scatter of plastic clapping together. I look around to see the girls using their wrist guards to applaud me. My breathing is ragged and I’m on a total high. I had no idea that I had that in me. I want more. I smile and bow my head. I can feel the sweat dripping off my forehead and my chest is glistening too. I put my hand on my knees and I start laughing as I start to comprehend what I just did.

  Fancy calls everyone’s attention, “Alright, well done Fresh Meat! You all made it through your first night, see you all next week! But first head to the circle after getting your stuff turned in.” She looks over at me and skates over. “Come on I’ll give you a hand getting unpadded,” She giggles.

  “Thanks,” I tell her and I am smiling from ear to ear. “That was amazing.”

  She lightly punches my arm, “You got this killer and didn’t I tell you, you’d love it?”

  “Yeah, you did. Thank you again for threatening me.” I feel a range of emotions again and I grab her in for a hug. I feel like I can actually trust Fancy that she would listen and understand me.

  “Want to grab a bite to eat with us?” She asks.