Every Breaking Wave

by Megan Nugen Isbell

  I could feel the red on my cheeks. Had Jeremy really just said that to me? I felt like I was in junior high again when you find out the cute guy you’ve been pining over likes you. This wasn’t junior high though. This was real life and real life had been beating me down so much I’d almost forgotten what it felt like to be paid a compliment, to smile because of something nice someone else says. He’d reminded me though and it felt great.

  I couldn’t tear my gaze from his and then he scooted closer onto the mattress, the weight of his body causing our thighs to touch. His hand reached up, his fingertips grazing my cheek gently, leaving a trail of warmth behind and when he leaned into me, I thought he might kiss me. My heart began to pound and half of me was screaming no. I had no time for this. I’d given my heart unconditionally once before only to have it stomped on and crushed. I wasn’t going to let that happen to me again. The other half was hard to ignore though. It was begging for him to kiss me. His lips looked warm and inviting and it’d been so long since I’d been with a man. He grew closer and I could almost hear the blood flowing in my head, but then just as I expected to feel his mouth on mine, I felt his lips on my forehead instead. They pressed against my skin and felt just as soft as I imagined.

  When he pulled back, even though I’d ached to feel his kiss, I almost felt relief that he’d been a gentleman and merely kissed me on the forehead, even if he’d only meant it as a caring gesture.

  “Goodnight, Beth,” he whispered and he stood up, the mattress returning to its regular form. “I’m just down the hall if you need anything.”

  “I know. Goodnight, Jeremy.”

  He smiled at me before turning out the light and I slid under the covers about to get my first truly restful night’s sleep in the last year.

  Eight

  My eyes drifted open slowly the next morning. If not for the fact my bladder woke me up, I’d probably still be asleep. I was still tired. I wasn’t sure if it was from the medication or from finally getting a solid night’s sleep, but I made my way to the bathroom and when I was done, I glanced at the clock. 9:13. I couldn’t recall the last time I’d slept so late. While Noah was a good sleeper, that didn’t mean he slept in. I was lucky if he slept past seven o’clock. After nine was unheard of.

  I quickly washed my hands, glancing up into the mirror above the sink. My hair was a knotted mess by now and strands were falling in my face. I pushed the hair back and saw the dark circles under my eyes. While I’d slept like a rock, my body still needed more sleep. I wasn’t used to such good sleep, which is why my body was probably having a hard time with it.

  I forgot for a moment that Jeremy had stayed over and I wondered if he was still here. I was certain he was. He’d been so concerned last night he wouldn’t have just left without saying goodbye or without making sure I was okay, especially not after the way he’d said goodnight. I could still feel his lips on my forehead, even though I didn’t want to admit it because I was in no position to be crushing on my new neighbor.

  I slipped on a bra beneath my t-shirt. Jeremy had already seen me braless once and I did not think he’d appreciate seeing my droopy boobs again. Breast feeding is a beautiful thing, but a year of it had not been kind to my once perky breasts.

  When I walked into the kitchen, I saw the door was open. I heard laughter from outside and when I peeked out, I saw Noah playing catch with Jeremy. I stood and watched in solitude for a moment. Noah was grinning from ear to ear and I couldn’t help but smile when I watched Jeremy instructing Noah on the proper throwing technique.

  I decided to come out of hiding and when I opened the screen door, they both looked in my direction.

  “Mommy!” Noah exclaimed, running towards me and hugging my thighs tightly.

  Jeremy was next to us a moment later, still wearing the same clothes as yesterday, the beard on his face heavier than I’d seen it before, but still short enough to be sexy.

  I wanted to scoop up Noah into my arms, but with my cast, I couldn’t. Instead, I bent down to his level, wrapping my arms around him.

  “How long have you been up?”

  “I don’t know,” he answered and I looked to Jeremy for the answer.

  “A couple of hours.”

  “Why didn’t you come wake me up?”

  “Because you needed to rest.”

  I stood up, holding onto Noah’s hand as my eyes met Jeremy’s. I felt guilty that he’d taken care of my son for the last two hours while I slept, but I knew not to tell him he shouldn’t have done it or it wasn’t necessary, because he would’ve insisted otherwise and truthfully, I appreciated the gesture. I may have thought it was unnecessary, but deep down, I knew it was necessary. I needed to rest and he’d made that happen.

  “Thank you, Jeremy,” is all I said instead.

  “Don’t mention it.”

  His mouth formed into a smile and when our eyes met, I tried to tell myself I didn’t feel the heat rushing through me. Look, but don’t touch I reminded myself. Jeremy Parrish may have eyes like chocolate, dimples that caused me to blush and an apparent heart of gold, but that didn’t change the fact I’d already been sucked in by a seamlessly perfect guy once in my life and I wasn’t going to let it happen again.

  “So,” I said a moment later. “What have you two been up to for the past two hours?”

  “I made breakfast. Veggie omelets. I hope you don’t mind I raided the fridge, Beth,” Jeremy said. “I’ll get you some more onions and mushrooms from the store, but there are still a couple of tomatoes left. I went sparingly on those.”

  “Wait,” I interrupted, looking between Noah and Jeremy. “Did Noah actually eat it?”

  “Wolfed it down,” Jeremy answered.

  “Noah doesn’t like mushrooms or onions.”

  “Apparently he likes them when I cook them. Perhaps I can give you a lesson so he’ll eat them for you too.”

  His coy grin both infuriated me and made me smile at the same time.

  “I’ll pass, thank you,” I said, shooting him a playful glare. “What about after breakfast?”

  “We’ve been out here playing. Noah wanted to go to the beach, but I told him we had to wait till you woke up.”

  “Can we go, Mom?” Noah jumped in and I looked down at myself, still in my pajamas. I glanced across the street and could see the sand already peppered with umbrellas and people. I could tell it was going to be a warm day and I didn’t blame everyone for getting an early start. In an hour I knew it’d be nearly impossible to find a decent spot to set up.

  “Give me ten minutes, Noah,” I told him and I saw him grimace, but he didn’t complain.

  “Fine,” he mumbled, opening the screen door and walking inside, leaving just Jeremy and I.

  “You’ve got a great kid there, Beth,” Jeremy said after Noah left.

  I watched his face as he said it and I didn’t think he was making it up. I thought he actually liked Noah. Then again, maybe he was a great actor and was merely saying it to get on my good side. Darren had said a million things to me that all ended up being lies.

  “He is a good kid,” I said softly, folding my arms across my chest and then it grew quiet between us as I heard Noah inside getting his beach stuff together.

  “How’re you feeling this morning?” he finally asked.

  “I’m okay.”

  “How’s the pain?”

  “Not as bad as I thought it would be. I’ll be fine,” I said and the silence settled in between us again.

  I knew I should say something, like thank him profusely again for what he’d done and how he’d taken care of the situation last night, but I didn’t. He’d been wonderful and I hated myself for thinking he had anything but good intentions. I couldn’t help it though. I’d trusted before and because of that, I found it hard to trust again.

  “I was thinking, I mean, if it’s alright with you, I was thinking I might take Noah down to the boat so he can see it. He was asking about my job and I told him. He seemed pretty fascinated with
it,” he said and when I remained quiet, he seemed uneasy and continued speaking. “It’d give you a chance to get some more rest.”

  “I don’t need any more rest, Jeremy,” I said, surprised at how curt my voice sounded.

  I don’t know why I was suddenly being snippy with him. Perhaps it was my guard going up, warning me to back away. There was no way he was just a nice guy. There had to be something else, some motive as to why he was being so nice to Noah and me.

  I could tell my tone surprised him. He took a step back, one eyebrow cocked as he looked at me.

  “You okay?”

  “Yes,” I said quickly, shaking my head, telling me to get my shit together.

  For the first time in as long as I could remember, I didn’t feel as if a perpetual black cloud was lingering over me. I’d felt peace again and remembered the simple pleasures of laughing and having a good time and all of that was because of this man before me who I’d lucked out and moved in next door to. And how did I repay him? By being a snotty bitch.

  “I’m sorry. I’m still just tired.”

  He looked relieved and his eyebrow lowered, the easy grin spreading on his face again.

  “See? You need rest.”

  “But I told Noah we could go to the beach.”

  “Then I’ll take him when you’re done. I need to shower and run some errands, so how about after his nap?”

  “You don’t have to do this, Jeremy.”

  “I know I don’t have to, but I want to. I’ll even grab Sophie. Noah will like that. Aubrey called this morning to see how you were and she told me Sophie and Noah really hit it off.”

  “That was sweet of Aubrey to check on me.”

  “Like I told you yesterday, my sister’s okay.” Again, I knew he was being sarcastic. I could tell he adored his sister. “I’ll come get Noah around three. How’s that sound?”

  “Sounds like a plan,” I answered. He nodded and then began heading to his house. “Jeremy,” I called to him just as he was about to step onto his property. He stopped and looked at me. “Thank you again…for everything.”

  He nodded and smiled and I walked into my house before those dimples did me in.

  ~~~

  Noah wanted to skip the beach altogether when I told him Jeremy was taking him and Sophie to see a real lobster boat. I finally convinced him that Jeremy was too busy to go in the morning and that he’d have to take a really good nap so he’d have the energy to go. I loved that it actually worked on him and after spending an hour at the beach where I had a difficult time keeping my Incredible Hulk arm dry, we headed home for lunch. Noah ate up his cheese sandwich quickly, took a bath to wash the sand and smell of the beach away, and went down for his nap without issue.

  I spent the time trying to take my own shower and get myself ready, which was proving even more difficult than I thought it would be. Tying a plastic bag around my arm to prevent the water from getting in was nearly impossible and I thought a bath was my best option. Normally, a hot bath would sound relaxing, but in the small tub of the old beach house, it was nothing more than a necessity since I couldn’t even stretch my legs out all the way and I concluded only small children could actually rinse all the shampoo out of their hair under the cramped faucet. Somehow I managed though and stepped out of the tub, convinced there was still shampoo in my hair. I wasn’t going to worry about it though. I was clean and that was all that mattered.

  I slid on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and attempted for a nanosecond to do something with my hair. I soon discovered I had no patience to deal with my cast hand and a blow dryer and decided air drying would have to do and I could only pray I’d get used to life with the cast soon.

  Noah woke up a half an hour before Jeremy was supposed to get him and just as he was putting on his shoes, the phone rang. I tried not to let Noah see my eye roll when I saw it was Darren.

  “Hello?” I asked, turning on the fake “I’m okay and you didn’t ruin my life” voice.

  “Beth,” he said and I couldn’t help but notice I didn’t even get a formal greeting. No hi. No hello. No hey. Just Beth. “I want to say hi to Noah. Is he available?”

  “Sure,” I said, holding the phone out to Noah. “It’s Daddy.”

  His eyes lit up and he grabbed the phone. It was quiet for a few moments while he listened to Darren and then Noah started talking.

  “I’m going on a boat,” he said and then there was a pause. “Jeremy.” Another pause. “My friend.” It was quiet for a little longer and then Noah started chiming in with his usual yes, no and uh-huh. Then he handed the phone back to me. “Daddy wants you.”

  “What’s up, Darren?”

  “Who’s Jeremy?”

  “He’s our neighbor here.”

  “He’s taking Noah out on a boat?”

  “He’s not taking him out in the ocean. He’s taking him and his niece to see the lobster boat he works on.”

  “How well do you know this guy?”

  “If you’re insinuating something, Darren, just come out with it,” I said quietly, excusing myself into my bedroom. I did my best to keep any hostility between Darren and me away from Noah.

  “I don’t think I’m comfortable with this, Beth.”

  “Well, Darren, I am. I would never do anything to hurt Noah,” I chided, and I wondered if he was smart enough to pick up on my jab about how he’d hurt us. “I’ve known his grandparents since I was a kid and Jeremy’s been nothing but nice to us since we got here. He took care of everything when I broke my wrist last night.”

  “Wait,” he interrupted. “You broke your wrist? How’d you do that?”

  “Playing softball.”

  “You’re playing softball now?” he queried, confusion obvious in his voice.

  “Is there anything else you need, Darren?” I asked, ignoring his question.

  “No. Nothing else. Have a good night, Beth,” he said and I hung up the phone without saying anything to him.

  “Ready to go?” I asked Noah cheerfully when I returned to the living room.

  He was standing by the window, looking outside for Jeremy.

  “Is it time yet?”

  “It’s 2:55. Five more minutes,” I told him.

  “Five more minutes,” he repeated quietly, but continued to stay by the window.

  I loved when Noah got excited about things, especially now since my failure as a wife had uprooted what should’ve been his perfect life. Now he was just a statistic, a product of what was becoming the norm in American society.

  “He’s coming!” Noah said excitedly.

  I went to the window beside him just in time to see Jeremy locking his door. When he turned, I could see he’d shaved. It was the first time I’d seen him completely clean shaven and I couldn’t decide which way I liked him better. Both were complimentary. He could’ve had a jagged scar across his face and it wouldn’t have mattered.

  Noah didn’t wait for Jeremy to knock. He flung open the door before Jeremy had the chance.

  “Is it time for the boat?” Noah squealed.

  “It is. Are you ready to go? We’ll pick up Sophie on the way.”

  “Yes!” Noah exclaimed, taking Jeremy’s hand.

  “Is he all set, Beth?” Jeremy asked me and I nodded. “Can you put the car seat in my car?”

  “Actually, would you mind if I tagged along?” I asked, my conversation with Darren from earlier finally getting the best of me.

  I trusted Jeremy, but maybe Darren was right. Even though I’d known his sweet grandparents forever and the family I’d met of his seemed great, the truth was, I really didn’t know anything about him. I’d watched too many shows on Investigation Discovery that proved how many sickos there are in the world and while I doubted Jeremy was one of them, I realized I wasn’t being a responsible mother letting him go off with Jeremy alone just yet.

  “I thought the whole purpose of this was so that you could relax.”

  “It was, but I had a chance to rest while Noah napped
and I took a relaxing bath,” I said, lying through my teeth. I’d never taken a more unrelaxing bath in my life. “Plus, I’ve never been on a lobster boat. So, do you mind if I tag along?”

  I hoped he didn’t think I didn’t trust him with Noah. I didn’t want him thinking I thought he was a creep.

  “I don’t mind at all. I’m actually glad you’re coming.”

  “I’ll just grab my purse and we’ll take my car. Believe me, it’s easier than moving the car seat.”

  “Sounds good,” he said and a moment later, I’d returned with my car keys and pocketbook in hand. Jeremy strapped Noah in and then he guided me towards Sophie’s house, since I was out of it when we’d gone the night before.

  Sophie must’ve been as excited as Noah was for a day out with Uncle Jeremy because she was sitting on the front porch when we pulled up. I put the car in park and Sophie bounded down the steps. Aubrey wasn’t far behind with Sophie’s booster seat, having stepped outside when she saw us.

  I rolled down the window and waved at Aubrey and after she’d buckled Sophie in next to Noah, she came to my door, leaning into the open window.

  “How’re you feeling, Beth?” she asked.

  “Better. Thank you.”

  “Love the cast. Nice color. Looks good on you,” she said with a grin as warm as her brother’s. “I was hoping you all would join us for dinner after the tour of the boat. Sophie and Kevin went clamming earlier and we’ve got a ton.”

  “Whaddya say, Beth?” Jeremy asked.

  “I say sure, as long as I don’t have to cook. Thank you.”

  “Don’t mention it. We’ll see you guys in a bit. Have fun.”

  It didn’t take us long to get to the docks. They were lined with fishing boats and looked like a scene straight from a postcard. Noah and Sophie held hands as Jeremy led us past the different boats, eventually stopping in front of one that read Bonnie Bell on the back. It wasn’t as big as I thought it would be. I was thinking about the boats from Deadliest Catch that Darren had watched the entire time we were married. It actually looked like a giant row boat with a cabin on top.