Every Breaking Wave

by Megan Nugen Isbell

  “I hope burgers and dogs are okay, Beth,” Kevin called from the grill.

  “Sounds wonderful. Thank you for having us,” I said and I saw his eyes focusing on my cast.

  “When does that thing come off?”

  “Two weeks, I think. I need to touch base with my doctor back in Providence though to know for sure.”

  “I’m sorry that happened, but it still goes down as the greatest game ever.”

  “I’m glad I’ll be remembered when I head out. Perhaps you’ll convince Bill to erect a statue of me so my feat will never be forgotten.”

  We all started laughing, but I noticed Jeremy wasn’t. The smile on his face was slight and I could tell it was forced. He came over and linked his hand with mine, holding it tightly.

  “Everything’s just about ready,” Kevin said, beginning to move the burgers and hot dogs off the grill. “You wanna round those two up?” He gestured to Sophie and Noah who were attempting to play a game of tetherball, when really, Sophie was just hitting the ball at Noah.

  “I’ll get them,” Jeremy said, letting go of my hand and walking off the deck.

  “What can I do to help?” I asked and Aubrey shooed me away.

  “Sit back and relax. That’s what you can do.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yes, I’m sure. Grab a drink and take a seat.”

  I knew it was futile to refuse so I poured myself some iced tea and sat next to Peggy. Jeremy and the kids returned a few moments later and soon we were all sitting around eating.

  It was easy being with Jeremy’s family. They treated Noah and I like one of them, as if we’d always been there and I loved hearing Peggy tell stories about Aubrey and Jeremy as kids. She talked about her husband too and she smiled when she spoke of him. I recalled the old man behind the counter of Travers Market when I was a girl. He’d looked like a kind man, the type you’d see on the old Saturday Evening Posts and I could tell Peggy missed her husband. I could see Jeremy and Aubrey missed him too. No one spoke of Jeremy’s parents though. I wasn’t sure if it was intentional or not. I could only imagine it still hurt, considering the way they’d died. I couldn’t imagine losing both of my parents at the same time. I’d be lost without them, but Jeremy and Aubrey had lived it and Jeremy had only been a kid. It amazed me he turned out so well…so kind and gentle and caring. He could’ve easily gone down the wrong path and used what happened to his parents as an excuse, but he hadn’t. He’d become a man I felt so lucky to know. A man who had shown me how to open my heart again, even though it still scared me to let him in. I reached over and took his hand as we talked and I knew his family was a huge reason he was the type of man he was. I felt gratitude for them…especially Aubrey. She’d given up everything for him and she didn’t seem to have any regrets.

  “C’mon, Grandma! You too, Uncle Jeremy!” Sophie suddenly exclaimed, taking Noah’s hand and standing up. “Come watch us on the trampoline!”

  “Okay,” Peggy relented, easing herself out of the chair. Jeremy stood and helped her.

  “If you’ll excuse me. We’ve been summoned,” Jeremy said, leading his grandmother down the stairs.

  “You too, Daddy!” Sophie called out and Kevin got up, following them, leaving Aubrey and I alone on the deck.

  “Can I refill your tea?” Aubrey asked.

  “Please,” I said, and she took the cup, getting us each a fresh glass and she sat down next to me as we gazed into the backyard. Jeremy was lying on the trampoline while Noah and Sophie ran around him as he tried to grab them each time they passed. They were laughing hysterically and Kevin had his arm around Peggy to keep her stable.

  “Jeremy is so good with kids,” I said and Aubrey nodded.

  “He is. Sophie adores him.”

  “So does Noah. He’s been so good with him this summer. It’ll be hard for Noah to say goodbye.”

  “I think it’ll be even harder for my brother,” Aubrey said and I could hear concern in her voice. I turned to look at her and she was still watching Jeremy and the kids, but then she looked at me. “He’s grown quite fond of Noah…” she added and paused for a second before continuing. “And you.”

  “We’ve had fun this summer,” I said, moving my gaze back to the laughter.

  “I don’t mean to pry, Beth,” she began hesitantly.

  “But I take it you are anyway?”

  “Yes, I am,” she said and we both laughed for a moment. “Is this thing between you two done after tomorrow? I’ve tried asking Jeremy, but he’s giving me nothing.”

  “It’s not done between us. We’re just going to see what happens.”

  She nodded and it was quiet for a while as we focused back on the kids.

  “Jeremy hasn’t had the easiest life,” Aubrey began, drawing my attention back to her. She was looking at him, but then she turned to me.

  “I know. He told me about your parents,” I said somberly. “And he told me what you did for him. He thinks the world of you, Aubrey.”

  “The feeling is mutual.”

  “He’s so lucky to have you.”

  “I look at it the other way around. I’m lucky to have him. I wouldn’t have been able to make it through my parents’ deaths if it wasn’t for him. He gave me a reason to go on. I had to make sure he was okay. He became my reason to keep going. Without him, I don’t know what I would’ve done.”

  “You did a great job with him,” I said and she smiled, gazing over to him and then back to me.

  “He seems happy and that’s all I ever wanted for him. He lost my parents and then he lost baseball. I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time.” She paused for a moment, staring out at her brother before continuing. “When they died, he pulled away from everyone. He thought it was his fault because they were coming home from his game. We all told him he was being ridiculous, but it didn’t help. He was going to believe what he wanted. I didn’t think he’d ever come out of it. Sometimes he’d disappear for hours at a time. I didn’t know where he went and sometimes I was afraid he wouldn’t come back,” she said softly and I nodded, thinking back to his secret beach he’d taken me to, knowing exactly where he’d gone. “He started opening up a little more after the first year, but when he lost baseball, I thought that was going to be it. He loved baseball and when he found out he’d never play competitively again, I didn’t know how he’d take it. He never showed how much it bothered him though. I think that was because he knows what’s really important in life after what happened to my parents. He was never really the same after that though. I’m seeing more of the old Jeremy now and I owe that to you, Beth, no matter what happens with you two in the future. It’s been good to see him smile so much since you moved in next door. I don’t want that to end, but I’m grateful for you whether you and Jeremy keep seeing each other or not.”

  “He’s made me just as happy,” I replied softly as my eyes drifted to him, smiling at the sight of him and the kids.

  “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but…” she began, hesitation in her voice and I turned to look at her again. “I know it’s your last night in town and I was wondering if you might like Noah to sleep over. That way he and Sophie can have one last hoorah and you and Jeremy can be alone…if you’d like.”

  I felt my cheeks blush, but I hoped Aubrey hadn’t noticed. I had to admit though, her offer did sound tempting.

  “If it’s not too much trouble,” I said and she interrupted.

  “It’s no trouble at all.”

  “Thank you, Aubrey. That’d be nice,” I said, my eyes drifting back to Jeremy and I suddenly couldn’t wait to get home.

  Twenty

  I let Jeremy drive home. He held my hand the whole way. When I told him about his sister’s offer to keep Noah overnight, I’d seen the excitement in his eyes and I found it cute that he tried to contain it with a simple nod and a nonchalant, “Sure. If you’re okay with that.”

  Noah had been excited too, especially at the fact that I told him he could sleep
in his clothes since we hadn’t brought his pajamas. He and Sophie were settled in front of the TV watching the old Disney cartoon version of Robin Hood when Jeremy and I decided to leave. I hugged and kissed Noah and told Aubrey I’d be back in the late morning to get him. She could tell I was nervous leaving him, but assured me he’d be fine and that she’d call if there were any issues.

  “Mind if I run next door real quick?” Jeremy asked when we pulled into the driveway.

  “Go ahead. Come over when you’re ready.”

  He leaned over, kissing me on the cheek and I walked inside as he turned to go to his house.

  I’d slowly prepared for our departure over the last week. I didn’t want to be overwhelmed with trying to get everything together. I’d done the laundry and cleaned the house, but I still needed to pack our clothes and get all of Noah’s toys together.

  I decided to freshen up first since Jeremy had gone next door. I’d had way too many onions on my hamburger and if the amount of kissing I predicted would happen later actually panned out, a visit with my toothbrush and mouthwash was in order.

  I scrubbed my mouth, sprayed on some body spray and glanced in the mirror. I didn’t want to do too much. I didn’t want to make it look obvious that I’d preened myself in hopes of hooking up tonight.

  I did change out of my dress though and into a pair of yoga pants and a tank top. He’d expect that. That was my evening attire.

  I decided to get started because I didn’t know how long it would be until he returned. I started in Noah’s room. I was half-way through packing his suitcase when I heard a knock on the door and then Jeremy walked inside before I could tell him to come in.

  “Beth?” he called.

  “In here!”

  I heard his footsteps approach and he was in the doorway a moment later. He was still in the same clothes: long khaki shorts and a faded maroon t-shirt. I could smell the fresh scent of his cologne though and I had a sneaking suspicion he had the same idea as me in regards to freshening up.

  “Can I give you a hand?” he asked, stepping into the room.

  “Sure. I’m just trying to get all of Noah’s things together,” I said and he started picking up the toys and putting them into Noah’s backpack. We didn’t talk much, but I could feel the sexual tension. I was overly aware that he was there and my heart was beating faster the whole time even though we were doing nothing that should cause that reaction. It was strictly because he was there and Noah wasn’t. We were alone and instead of jumping his bones like I wanted, we were packing up my son’s bedroom.

  “I think that’s everything,” Jeremy said a few minutes later as I finished putting his folded bed linen in the closet. “What else do you have to do?”

  “Pack my clothes, but I can do it tomorrow,” I said, our eyes locking and my heart hadn’t slowed a beat since he’d walked in.

  “You sure?”

  “I’m sure. It won’t take that long and…” I said, moving slowly to him. “We’ve only got tonight.”

  I was in front of him now. I reached up and rested my hand on his chest. I could feel his heart beating on my palm and he placed his hand on top of mine for a moment.

  “I brought some wine over. Ballet of Angels.” He stroked my cheek with his fingertips.

  “I don’t want any wine right now,” I said softly and his hands fell to his sides before sliding around my waist and pulling me to him.

  “What do you want, Beth?”

  “Exactly what you want,” I answered and he smiled before brushing his lips over mine and then pulling back, the want in his eyes matching my own.

  He took my hand and we made our way slowly down the hall until we were in my bedroom. We stood at the foot of the bed and I could feel my breath quickening in anticipation. He reached up, removing the clip from my hair so it fell onto my shoulders. He ran his fingers through it for a moment before taking my face with his hands and began placing gentle, almost innocent kisses on my mouth. I could only take it for so long before I pulled him to me, kissing him deeply, tasting everything about him as our tongues moved over each other.

  I felt his hands on my hips, carefully inching under my shirt, his hands resting on my skin. His touch was warm and when his fingers inched up my sides, I didn’t protest. I encouraged it and soon my tank top was gone. My bra was too a second later and I moaned when he touched me, gently leaning me back until I was lying on the bed. He quickly removed his own shirt and I couldn’t take my eyes off his hard stomach until he was hovering over me, brushing my hair off my forehead and then kissing me again, his hands still teasing my breasts as I ran my hands over his back, the muscles bending and flexing beneath my touch.

  His kiss moved from my mouth to my neck. His hands slid into my pants and I arched and squirmed beneath him. He only seemed to get more pleasure the more I moved and moaned.

  “I’ve been waiting to touch you like this again,” he whispered as he inched my pants off, tossing them to the floor so I was naked before him. I felt sexy the way his eyes moved over my body, almost like an animal ready to attack its prey. I loved when he looked at me because I hadn’t truly felt beautiful until him. He thought I was beautiful even though I no longer had the body of a childless twenty-year-old. He looked past the stretch marks on my stomach, my thighs that touched and my not so perky breasts and he thought I was beautiful anyway.

  I wanted to show him what he meant to me and I sat up, grabbing the waist band of his shorts and pulling him to me, unbuttoning them and tugging them off along with his boxer shorts until he was as naked as I was.

  He didn’t say anything, but he pushed me down until I was on my back again and he was crawling over me. Our faces were only inches apart as he panted above me. His dark hair hung on his forehead enticingly and I reached up, running my hand through it. He leaned down, planting a wet kiss on my lips and then abruptly got up, reaching into the pocket of his shorts on the floor. I heard the familiar sound of a foil packet being opened and he turned away from me as he put the condom on, turning back to me a moment later, crawling back on top of me, my breathing even heavier now as I anticipated what was about to happen.

  “You’re a remarkable woman, Beth,” he whispered. “And tonight you’re mine. Tomorrow may change everything, but for now, you’re mine.”

  His knee edged my legs apart and his eyes locked on mine as my legs wrapped around him.

  “I’m yours,” I whispered softly and I finally closed my eyes as I lost myself in him.

  ~~~

  “Can I be honest, Beth?”

  I was lying in his arms, resting my head on his chest, the sheet pulled to our waists as he stroked my arm with his fingertips. His breathing had finally calmed as had his heartbeat. It’d taken a while for both of us to calm ourselves after what we’d just done. Neither of us had wanted it to end, but it had and now I was trying to enjoy these last moments with Jeremy before I had to put the idealistic summer behind me and get back to real life.

  “After what we just did, I’d hope you’d be honest with me,” I said, propping myself up on my elbows so I was looking at him. “You’re not gonna tell me I was bad in bed, are you?” I giggled when I saw the surprise on his face.

  “That is the furthest thing from my mind, Beth. The absolute furthest thing.”

  He pulled me to him, kissing me deeply, before pulling back and encouraging me to rest on his chest again.

  “What did you want to tell me then?” I started moving my fingers over his smooth chest, watching the goosebumps pop up under my touch.

  “That I don’t want tomorrow to come. I don’t want you to leave.” His voice was low and sincere and I felt a pain in my heart because I felt the same way.

  “I know,” I whispered, not knowing what else I could say. Neither of us wanted this to end.

  “I have to tell you,” he said, his chest bouncing a little and I knew he was laughing. “That day you came storming out, ready to kill me for nearly waking up Noah, I thought…”

&nb
sp; “That I was a total bitch,” I interrupted and we both laughed.

  “Not the words I would’ve chosen, but yeah…on the same lines as that.”

  “I’m not offended, Jeremy. I was a bitch that day. I’ve been a bitch for the last year.”

  “Don’t say that. Where you see bitchy, I see strong and resilient because that’s what you’ve had to become. The heart only grows stronger once it’s been broken and you’ve proven that. You’ve had to be tough. You’ve had to put up a wall, but you’ve changed. You let me in. I didn’t expect this,” he said and then paused for a moment. I could tell he was hesitant to continue, but he did. “I didn’t expect to fall in love with you, Beth.”

  I felt my body stiffen, his words echoing in my ears: I didn’t expect to fall in love with you. I continued to lie on his chest, wondering what I should do. How should I reply? Did I love Jeremy? I didn’t know. He’d made me feel again when I didn’t think I could. He made me feel beautiful, but did that mean it was love? It’d only been a couple of months. Could you fall in love in that short of a time? Did I want to be in love? Was I ready to be in love? Could I survive another broken heart if he hurt me?

  I must’ve been quiet too long because I felt him stirring under me and a moment later, we were sitting face to face.

  “You don’t have to say anything, Beth. I don’t expect you to say it back, but I couldn’t make the same mistake twice,” he said and I could feel the confusion on my face. I knew he saw it too. “All those years ago, when you’d come into the store, I wanted to talk to you. Every time you’d come in, I’d tell myself the next time you came in, I’d talk to you, that I’d finally have the courage to walk up to you and say hi, but I never did and then you never came back and I lost my chance. I couldn’t do that again.” He ran his fingertips over my cheek and along my jawbone, his eyes moving over my face slowly as if he was trying to remember it. “But, I don’t expect you to say it back, but you have to know how I feel…that I’ve fallen in love with you. That I do love you, Beth.”