Every Breaking Wave

by Megan Nugen Isbell

  He kissed me then, cradling my face and placing his lips on mine with gentle sincerity and I could feel the love he’d just professed. He loved me and no matter what happened when I left Travers Cove, I’d always take that with me.

  Twenty-One

  I knew leaving Travers Cove wouldn’t be easy and when I woke up in the morning, I didn’t want to get out of bed because that would mean my time here was over and I wasn’t ready for that. Jeremy was already awake when I opened my eyes. I blushed when I realized he’d been watching me sleep. With my luck I’d been snoring or lying in a huge puddle of drool. By the smile on his face though, I didn’t think he minded if either of those scenarios was true.

  “Good morning,” he said as my head rested on the pillow, gazing over to him.

  “Morning,” I said and he leaned in, kissing me gently on the lips.

  “How ‘bout I make you breakfast over at my place since your fridge is bare.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Come over when you’re ready,” he said, kissing me again and then he pulled the sheet back, standing up to get dressed. I didn’t try to pretend I wasn’t watching. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him as he slid on his clothes from the night before. “See you in a bit.”

  I waved to him as he walked away, lying there for a moment until I heard the front door close and I knew he was gone. I went to the shower first thing, almost afraid to step in because it would wash the smell of him from me.

  I didn’t stay in long because I didn’t want to waste any time away from Jeremy. I quickly dried my hair, applied my make-up and slid on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and then headed next door.

  I didn’t knock and I walked in to find him standing in front of the stove and cooking eggs and bacon. I could tell he’d showered too by his still damp hair.

  “Perfect timing,” he said, setting the plate of eggs on the table.

  “Can I help?”

  “Nope. Just sit down and eat.” He kissed me quickly and turned back to the bacon.

  “Thanks for breakfast,” I told him a few minutes later as we sat across from each other eating.

  “You’re welcome. I had to send you on your way with a full stomach.”

  I reached across the table, taking his hand.

  “I’m going to miss you, Jeremy.”

  “Me too,” he said and we didn’t speak of my leaving the rest of breakfast.

  We finished up and then headed back to my house to finish putting everything in the car. When the house was empty, I grabbed my pocketbook and we walked outside. I stood in the doorway a moment longer, staring at the empty house. I’d always loved this place. It’d always been the one place with nothing but good memories and I couldn’t believe how many more I’d added this summer. I’d come here to move past my year from hell. I figured I might leave feeling refreshed. I thought I might leave this place with a new outlook on my life and while I did have a new outlook, I didn’t expect to leave with my heart aching because of the man who had helped me come to these realizations.

  I glanced in the house one more time and then quickly shut the door, joining Jeremy in the car, holding back the tears that were on the verge of pouring out.

  ~~~

  Aubrey had Noah ready to go when we arrived. Apparently the sleepover went great because the moment we walked in, both he and Sophie blabbered on and on about how much fun they’d had. When I told Noah it was time to go, I could tell he didn’t want to. His big brown eyes welled with tears and his bottom lip stuck out as he hugged Sophie goodbye.

  “I hope you come back soon,” Aubrey said as we hugged.

  “Me too,” I answered. “And if you ever want to come to Providence, you’re always welcome.”

  “I’m sure my brother will take advantage of that,” Aubrey said and both of our eyes drifted to Jeremy who was talking to Noah. I could tell Noah was having a hard time saying goodbye to him, even more so than Sophie.

  “I hope so,” I said and then walked over to them. “It’s time to go, Noah.”

  He held his arms up to Jeremy who scooped him up and we made our way outside to the car.

  “You be good on the drive home for your mom, okay?” Jeremy said and Noah nodded. “You’re a big boy, Noah. It’s your job to take care of her.”

  I thought I heard his voice crack, but I wasn’t sure. It was probably just my emotions kicking in.

  “Okay,” Noah said softly and then threw his arms around Jeremy’s neck, hugging him tightly.

  “I’m gonna miss you, kid,” Jeremy said and I was certain this time that his voice cracked as he hugged Noah back.

  I felt a lump burning in my throat as I watched them saying goodbye. I hated separating them. Noah had grown to love Jeremy and I knew Jeremy felt the same way.

  “Here,” Noah said suddenly when Jeremy put him down. I looked down and saw him holding up his binky to Jeremy. “I don’t need this anymore.”

  “Yeah, you’re too big for that. I’m proud of you, Noah!” Jeremy took the binky, putting it in his pocket and then held up his hand to give him a high five and the sadness on Noah’s face from earlier was gone.

  “Bye, Jeremy!” he said, climbing into his seat and I buckled him in.

  I shut the back door and then walked slowly to where Jeremy was standing at the front of the car. He slid his arms around my waist and I didn’t care that Noah could see us. This was our goodbye and I needed to feel him once more before I left.

  “Drive safely and call me when you get home so I know you’re okay.”

  “I will,” I said, fighting the tears. This was already going to be hard enough. I didn’t want him to see me cry.

  “You might want this too, just in case,” he said, leaning in and whispering in my ear as he stuffed Noah’s binky in my pocket.

  “Thank you,” I said, laughing as much as I could.

  “We’ll see each other soon,” he said and I nodded, wanting to believe him when the truth was I had no idea when we’d be together again or if we’d survive this separation. This could very well be the last time I ever felt Jeremy next to me.

  I rested my head against his chest as he wrapped his arms around me and even though I was determined not to, I felt a tear slide down my cheek.

  “I should get going,” I whispered, but we held onto each other for a few more moments before pulling back. I looked up, meeting his eyes and I could see they were moist too, but he didn’t cry. Instead, he brushed his lips against mine and I closed my eyes, trying to remember how he felt, how he smelled, how he tasted. I wanted to remember everything about him in case this was our last time together.

  Too soon, he pulled away, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear and smiling at me.

  “I’m glad you came back to Travers Cove.”

  “Me too,” I said, trying to smile, but I knew if I looked at him much longer, I was going to lose it. “I’ll call you when I get home.”

  I reluctantly left his embrace and opened the driver’s side door.

  “Goodbye, Beth,” he said and I could hear his voice quivering.

  I opened my mouth to say goodbye, but I couldn’t get the words out. Instead, I smiled as best I could and got in the car, pulling out of the driveway, watching Jeremy the whole way until I couldn’t see him anymore. I put the car in drive and the tears I’d been fighting so hard, started spilling down my cheeks.

  Twenty-Two

  When I left for Maine two months before, I thought I’d be happy to return home when the summer was over. Nothing could be further from the truth though. I hated being home. I hated the loneliness. I hated how hollow it felt. The house had too many memories and not good ones. The good ones I did have, like bringing Noah home from the hospital or our first Christmas with Noah, were overshadowed by everything else that had happened over the past year. It was now just a sad reminder of what my life had become.

  The beach house hadn’t felt that way at all. It’d made me feel hopeful and even though it was small, it felt big be
cause we’d been so happy there. I could tell Noah wasn’t keen on being home either. He missed running across the street to the beach. He missed Sophie and he really missed Jeremy.

  I missed him too. I’d called him the moment we got home, just as I’d promised and we’d talked every night since. He told me he missed the dinners I’d make for him and I found myself cooking too much. Perhaps it was my subconscious way of hoping if I did, he’d show up for dinner. I didn’t know when I’d see Jeremy again. He had to work and the start of a new school year for me was just around the corner.

  I stayed busy getting my classroom ready for a fresh batch of second graders. There was always so much to do and it was hard to accept that with the arrival of my students meant summer, and my time with Jeremy, was officially over.

  Noah would come with me while I set up, but he often made more work than anything else. He loved playing with the different manipulatives I had around the room and browsing through my classroom library. I didn’t mind, except for the fact he rarely put anything away.

  We’d been back nearly a week and it was time for Noah’s first weekend away with Darren. I hadn’t seen Darren since that night he’d asked me to think about being a family again. I hadn’t spoken to him aside from answering the phone when he called to talk to Noah. I’d tried putting that earlier conversation to the back of my mind because what he’d asked of me was crazy. It was crazy to think we could ever be a family again and the fact he thought it was even possible meant my ex was, in fact, nuts.

  I couldn’t help but feel a little anxious as the clock approached five o’clock, the time Darren was supposed to pick Noah up. His bag was packed and he was staring out the window, waiting for his dad. He jumped up when Darren’s large pick-up pulled into the driveway.

  “Daddy’s here!” he shouted, grabbing his bag and bursting out the door. I followed quickly behind and Darren was stepping out when I caught up with Noah. It was obvious he’d come straight from work. He was still wearing his khakis and pale blue button up shirt. He opened his arms and Noah went running into him.

  “You ready to go, bud?” Darren asked and Noah nodded eagerly and then Darren looked over to me with a kind smile I wasn’t used to seeing on his face anymore. “Everything’s in his bag, Beth?”

  “Yes,” I said shortly.

  “The binky too? I don’t want to go a night without that,” he chuckled.

  “I don’t have a binky anymore!” Noah exclaimed and Darren looked between Noah and me curiously.

  “No binky?”

  “As we were leaving Maine, he gave it up, just like that,” I said with a snap of my fingers.

  “I’m a big boy. Jeremy says so,” Noah proclaimed proudly, but I noticed the momentary dip in Darren’s smile at the mention of Jeremy’s name.

  “You are a big boy, Noah,” he said, the smile returning as he looked at our son. “I’m proud of you.” He paused for a moment, looking over to me again. “I think this is cause for a celebration. We should go out to dinner. How does Chuck E. Cheese sound?”

  Noah started cheering at the mention of the restaurant.

  “Let’s go!” he shouted.

  “I think you should join us, Beth,” Darren said, meeting my eyes with his and I gave him a look that told him I wasn’t interested. I should’ve known he wouldn’t relent though. He’d always been persistent. “This is quite an occasion. One we should all celebrate,” he said, his eyes staring even harder into mine. “As a family.”

  The smirk on his face told me he was referring to our conversation the last time we’d seen each other. I thought the conversation was over. Obviously, he didn’t.

  “It’s your night with Noah, Darren. I don’t want to intrude,” I said, cringing at the thought of spending my Friday night at Chuck E. Cheese, a.k.a. Hell.

  “You’d hardly be intruding. Noah wants you to go,” he said, turning to our son. “You want Mommy to come, don’t you, Noah?”

  Bringing Noah into the discussion wasn’t fair and Darren knew it.

  “Yes! Come with us!” he squealed and I glared at Darren who knew exactly what he was up to.

  “Fine,” I grumbled. “Let me get my pocketbook.”

  ~~~

  I hated Chuck E. Cheese. I hated the music, the games, the kids whose parents let them run wild with no supervision. It was one of my least favorite places on earth, but Noah loved it and because of that, I dealt with the things I despised about it because it made my son happy.

  We spent the evening playing games and eating terrible pizza, but the smile never left Noah’s face. I wasn’t sure if that was because he was having fun or if it was because we were all together…the way it used to be. I know he liked having both of us there, sharing in the same activity and I had to admit, it was nice seeing Noah having fun rather than having to hear about it. It was strange though, being out with Darren like this. If he felt awkward, he didn’t let it show. It was just as it’d been before we’d separated. Not exactly like before, but almost, except Darren didn’t try and grab my ass the way he used to. There was nothing romantic at all. We were just two parents out with their son for the night. A seemingly perfect family to the uninformed.

  Noah was thrilled with the plastic dinosaur, spider ring and package of stickers his ninety-three tickets bought. There were three left over and he was insistent that the tickets could buy us each an ice cream. Darren didn’t hesitate at Noah’s suggestion and pulled into the Dairy Queen parking lot on the way home. I ordered a cookie dough Blizzard and I didn’t say much as we sat inside eating. I couldn’t help but think back to the night Jeremy and I had shared ice cream…the night of our first date. I hadn’t talked to him all day and I wondered what he was doing. It was nearly eight o’clock. He had to be home by now, but I hadn’t heard anything from him. I reached into my pocketbook for my phone to make sure I hadn’t missed a call or text, but quickly realized I’d left my phone at home in the rush to leave for my unexpected night out.

  Noah started yawning half-way through his chocolate dipped cone and I looked over to Darren. We didn’t have to say anything to each other to know we were thinking the same thing.

  “It’s time to go, bud,” Darren said. “Finish your ice cream.”

  Noah whined for a moment, but then stopped and concentrated on eating. It didn’t take long and soon, we were loading a sticky Noah into his car seat and then heading back to my house.

  “This was fun, Beth. I think Noah really enjoyed being out with both of us,” Darren said when he pulled into the driveway.

  “Yes, he did,” I agreed and when I looked over to him, he looked nervous.

  “We should do it again soon.”

  “We’ll see,” I said after a few moments of silence, not quite knowing what to say to him. I didn’t want to encourage him, but I also knew we shared Noah and I couldn’t deny that times like this were special to him.

  Darren tried to hold my gaze, but I wouldn’t let him and I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out. I opened Noah’s door and kissed him goodnight.

  “Be good, Noah,” I said.

  “I will, Mommy.”

  “I’ll see you in a couple of days,” I said, a pit forming in my stomach, knowing that I would shut the truck door and then walk into my empty, lonely house.

  “Bye, Mommy,” Noah said and I kissed him again before shutting the door and walking towards the house.

  “Good night, Beth.”

  I turned around just as I was about to unlock the door and saw Darren watching me, his arm resting on the open driver’s side window. He was smiling at me and not in the way an ex-husband smiles at his ex-wife, but the way a husband smiles at his wife. I didn’t respond to him. Instead, I unlocked the door and walked inside.

  The house was too quiet, just as I’d anticipated and I went straight to my phone, anxious to see if Jeremy had tried to call. I smiled when I saw a missed call from him. There was a text message too, but I didn’t even open it, I just called him instead.

  I f
lopped myself onto the couch as it rang and when he picked up, I closed my eyes, taking in the sound of his voice. It’d only been a day since I’d heard it, but I’d missed him.

  “Hey, Beth,” he said when he answered.

  “I’m sorry I missed your call.”

  “I was beginning to think you were ignoring me,” he said with a quiet laugh and I hoped he really didn’t think that.

  “You know how much I look forward to our talks,” I told him and I could almost see him smiling on the other end.

  “I need to see you, Beth,” he said, his voice low and serious. “Can we Skype?”

  “Of course!” I said, hoping I didn’t sound too giddy. I had to pretend I was a mature adult. “I’ll hang up and call you.”

  I didn’t wait for his response. I hung up and then turned on Skype, quickly finding him in my contacts and calling him. The familiar ringtone sang through the quiet house and then he answered and I smiled the moment I saw him, his big brown eyes staring back at me, his dark hair slick and wet from a shower. His face was covered in a light beard and I could feel my thighs burning just from looking at him. I would’ve given anything to be able to touch him.

  “You look beautiful,” he said and I rolled my eyes playfully. I loved when he complimented me, but I had to admit it still embarrassed me some.

  “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

  “You’re right. I don’t,” he said, checking himself out and I started to laugh.

  “I miss you, Jeremy,” I said quietly, as I focused on the face I missed so much.

  “I miss you too, Beth,” he said and it grew quiet for a few moments as we looked at each other. “I was thinking I could come see you on Labor Day weekend.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah. Would that be okay?”

  “That’d be perfect,” I said and I could tell my grin was spreading.

  “I’ll let you know for sure if I can work it out, but I’m really gonna try.”

  “I hope you can make it. Noah will be thrilled to see you.”