Xanth 30 - Stork Naked

by Piers Anthony

  He watched her graceful ascent, hating the fact that he wished he could follow her.

  6

  Crossovers

  Surprise watched Cynthia Two fly away. It had been almost as weird interacting with the alternate centaur mare as with her alternate self. The folk of Reality Two were just like those of Reality One, almost. What complicated it was her own surge of jealousy as the two winged centaurs talked privately. Surprise wanted to be the one to get private with Che. Darn that lake of love elixir! When Cynthia Two hugged and kissed Che One Surprise had felt like screaming, though she knew that it was perfectly natural for Cynthia Two to mistake Che for her own mate.

  "This has been an adventure of a somewhat different nature than I anticipated," Che said.

  Surprise hesitated to agree too emphatically. "It was nice of her to carry the children, so that we could fly."

  "She's a nice person." He glanced unobtrusively around, verifying that the children and Pyra were for the moment out of earshot. "She made me an offer. I regret that I was tempted."

  She stifled a shock of envy. "Well, she's your mate. Attraction between you is natural, even across realities."

  "I am glad you understand. I fear others would not."

  She understood far better than she cared to. But she lacked the pretexts of matching species or honest confusion; she could not simply fling her arms around his human section and kiss him. Yet she wished there could be a pretext. She had expressed outrage at the idea of any love dalliance of convenience, but she had been only half sincere. It was his tryst with Cynthia Two she objected to, rather than the notion of any liaison. If Surprise herself could have the chance for a night of love with Che, that no one else would ever know about, she feared she would take it. She loved her husband Umlaut, but this was a special passion that it seemed could be gotten beyond only by indulgence.

  Fortunately Che was a centaur, and immune to such notions. It was her guilty human weakness that gave her such an awful secret desire. She would never soil their friendship by revealing it.

  They entered the Stork Works chamber, where Pyra had left the Reality Mask. They would of course have to try again. Surprise hoped that this time she found her own baby, and that the other Surprise would in some way be undeserving so she wouldn't have to feel horribly guilty for taking it. Already she had learned that this quest was far less simple, physically and emotionally, than she had supposed. Had the Good Magician known it would be? Probably so, because he knew everything. He had tried to warn her.

  Pyra eliminated the first little picture. Now there were five. "Shall we try the next in order?" she asked.

  Che glanced at Surprise, sending a minor illicit thrill through her. "Yes," she said. "We can't tell which one is correct, so might as well be methodical."

  "This one," Pyra told the stork attendant.

  "Exit," the stork said.

  They drew aside the heavy curtain and departed the Stork Works again. "Do we have to go through all this dull stuff again?" Ted demanded.

  "You insisted on coming," Surprise reminded him.

  "You didn't say how dull it would be," Monica said.

  "It occurs to me that my usefulness ends when separated from the Mask," Pyra said. "All you really need along is Stymy Stork, to sniff the baby. Why don't I babysit here, so the three of you can fly efficiently and accomplish your mission rapidly?"

  Fly essentially alone with Che? What a dream! But she dared not show eagerness. "Are you sure? Keeping these little demons under control can be a daunting task."

  "I can show them different pictures on the Mask."

  "What pictures?" Ted demanded truculently.

  "Huge messy battles in other realities, between goblins and harpies, with horrendous sound effects, for example."

  "Great!"

  "Not," Monica said. "Who wants to see blood and feathers fly?"

  "Also pictures of costume dances in alternate Castle Roognas, with great music and some illicit kissing."

  "OoOoo!" Monica agreed enthusiastically.

  Ted grimaced. "Ugh!"

  "Split pictures," Pyra said. "One for Ted, one for Monica." She glanced at little Woe Betide. "And a third showing a matchless garden of magic matches."

  The waif smiled and clapped her little hands ineffectively together.

  "What about me?" the peeve grouched.

  "A fourth picture, showing the annual Carnivals of Insults, where all the foulest mouths get to get together and mouth off at each other. It usually devolves into a brawl."

  "How come I never heard of it?"

  "It's not in our Xanth. I found it when exploring alternates. Some of those insults are choice."

  "Okay, flame-head," the peeve agreed.

  It seemed Pyra had the bases covered. "We owe you one," Surprise said.

  The woman shot her a briefly burning glance. "Or two," she murmured. "Be sure to get your business done."

  Surprise was shocked. What was she suggesting?

  "We shall locate the baby," Che agreed.

  Oh, of course. How could she have forgotten, even for a moment? "Thank you so much," Surprise said.

  She mounted Che, who spread his wings and took off. Surprise looked back and saw Pyra herding the children back into the dome, shooting out little warning jets of fire when the demons wandered too far afield. She did seem competent, considering she had no children of her own.

  "Pyra has more sides to her personality than I had seen at first," Che remarked as they followed the stork across fields and streams.

  "She does," Surprise agreed. "I really appreciate the way she is helping. We'll finish much faster this way."

  "Yet she came with us because she desired personal adventure. Why should she sacrifice that?"

  "Oh, I wouldn't believe for a moment that she has any bad motive."

  "Not by her definition."

  "Am I missing something?"

  "Surprise, she is putting us alone together, as it were. Does that seem odd to you?"

  Did Pyra suspect how Surprise felt about Che? She must, because she knew of the love elixir. "Are you suggesting that she believes there is something between us?"

  "I do not wish to offend you, but she did suggest something of the kind to me."

  "Apart from our elevated centaurly love?" What a hypocrite she was!

  "Surprise, honesty is my nature. I fear I am not being completely honest with you, and it is weighing increasingly heavily on my conscience, especially after the approach Cynthia Two made to me. I wish to speak frankly at the risk of giving offense."

  "By all means, Che. If I have disappointed you or become a burden, I wish to know it."

  "No, by no means no! You are excellent. It is that the elixir has had greater effect than I judged at first."

  "Me too," she said faintly.

  "It instilled in me the desire to be physically passionate with you. Your reversion to your own form did not alleviate this."

  "Me too," she repeated. She had never expected to have this dialogue, and felt guilty having it, yet also relieved.

  "Pyra suggested that the standard way to abate such passion is to indulge it. It seems that after a fairly intense session it passes and has little further effect."

  "As is commonly seen when animals meet at love springs," she agreed. Her heart was racing.

  "It seems we have a choice: to suffer as it seems we both are doing, or to yield to the passion in the hope that it will rapidly pass, leaving us otherwise unchanged."

  "Yes." She was glad that he was accurately expressive, as centaurs were.

  "Yet there are considerations. We are both committed elsewhere, and such a dalliance might be taken as a betrayal of the other parties and damage the relationships, however understanding of the situation the others might be."

  "Yes."

  "We would of course have to inform them."

  "Yes." Then she reconsidered. "Or would it be kinder not to inform them?"

  "Kinder, yes. Honest, no."

&n
bsp; "We would have to tell them," she agreed. "They would be tolerant but hurt."

  "We need to come to a swift decision," he said. "Shall we vote?"

  She laughed. "Public or secret?"

  "Openly, in turn, as we must come to an agreement. What is your decision?"

  "No," she said. "I can't—"

  "I agree. We will not indulge it. It will be difficult, but at least we are not at cross purposes."

  "Yes," she agreed faintly. Actually she had meant to say that she could not decide first; she needed to know his preference before judging whether she had the willpower to carry through. He had taken it as no to the indulgence, and she lacked the gumption to disagree. So they had decided, half by accident. They would be loyal to their own, and suffer. It was probably best.

  The stork descended. There was the Golem house, similar though not identical to the others. They landed in the nearby field. "The prior approach seemed effective," Che said. "Shall we employ it again?"

  "Yes." Surprise half-dreaded encountering her alternate self again, maybe taking her baby, but Che's cautious introduction would smooth the way.

  She dismounted and walked beside him to the house, changing her hairstyle as she went. Hair could make an enormous difference, when it was supposed to. The door opened as they approached, and Surprise Three emerged, holding a swaddled bundle.

  "Why hello, Che," Surprise Three said. "Back so soon?" She walked to him, reached out with her free hand, drew his head down, and kissed him solidly on the mouth.

  Surprise One tried to soften her stare of astonishment. Was this the way friends greeted friends in this reality?

  Che seemed similarly surprised. "There is something I need to explain."

  Surprise Three laughed. "That your passion for me brought you back from your mission early? I can live with that." She kissed him again, he being evidently too stunned to resist. "Come on inside, beloved, and we'll tackle our second stork in style. What form would you like me to take this time?" Then she paused. "Oh, where are my manners? You haven't introduced your friends. Perhaps the lady will hold our foal while we indulge."

  This time Surprise One's stare burst out unrestrained. "Your foal?" she asked numbly.

  "What else?" Surprise Three handed her the bundle. There inside was a tiny winged centaur foal.

  The numbness extended from her voice down to her arms, locking them in place so that they didn't drop the bundle. Che and Surprise Three had mated!

  "This I fear is complicated," Che said awkwardly.

  "Come on inside and you can explain it while we mate. Oh, Che, it's so good to have you back already!" Surprise Three took him by the hand and hauled him into the house.

  He looked helplessly back at Surprise One. "I will try to explain," he said. Then the door closed behind them.

  Surprise One stood with the foal in her arms. Stymy approached and sniffed. "That is not the one I delivered."

  She had to laugh, out of a mixture of relief and hysteria. "I had gathered as much. Can they be married, in this reality?"

  "Evidently they can be. She takes Che for her stallion, reasonably enough."

  And Che's passion for Surprise One would extend to Surprise Three, because she was really the same person. That was why he had been vulnerable to her kisses, and unable to hang back. Would he be able to resist her charms long enough to explain his true identity? Could Surprise One herself resist, if faced with an equivalent challenge?

  A form was coming in to land; she had not noticed, in her distraction of foal and concept. "Surprise!" he called. It was Che Three, looking and sounding exactly like Che One.

  "I will let you handle this yourself," Stymy said, fading back. "I don't think my input would be helpful."

  "Hello, Che," she said faintly. "I have to tell you—"

  "How you have missed me? I returned as rapidly as I could, eager to see my love and my foal again." He approached, reached down, put his strong hands on her elbows, lifted her up, and kissed her firmly on the lips. "Congratulations on your new hairstyle. I like it."

  He thought she was his wife, and there she was holding his foal. "But I'm not—"

  "Not sorry? Oh, my love, even a day away from you is too much, and right at this time, too." He set her down and took the foal-bundle from her arms. "But now we are together again. I must possess you immediately. Choose a form."

  Dizzy from the kiss and realization, she was unable to speak intelligibly. She changed into a winged girl.

  "Ah, in the sky," he said. "Delightful." He spread his wings and leaped into the air, carrying the foal.

  What could she do? She napped her wings and followed him.

  They circled over a small lake. "Actually, that form is not ideal for this," he said. "We can't get close enough together. Try a hippogriff."

  "I have to explain," she blurted. "I'm not your wife."

  A handsome furrow crossed his brow. "Has the past year been a dream?"

  "No, it's not that. I'm from a different reality."

  He was a centaur; he caught on quickly. "You're a reality traveler? Then what are you doing at my house with my foal?"

  "Your wife is—it's an awkward story."

  Now he was quite serious. "She is all right?"

  She decided not to start with who was in the house and why. "All right," she agreed. "I am Surprise Golem, from a reality where I married Umlaut."

  "Umlaut!" He was astonished.

  "And nine months ago we signaled the stork, and it delivered yesterday—but balked because it thought I was only thirteen."

  "Ah, that confusion of ages, because of your own late delivery. You did not go to the Stork Works to make a correction in their record?"

  "It was stupid of me, I know. I just didn't think of it. I somehow thought they would know. After all, my signal was accepted."

  "True. They should have rejected the signal. That makes them culpable. Once they accepted it, they should have delivered."

  "Then the stork took my baby to another reality. I was horrified."

  "Understandable," he said.

  "So I came here to try to get my baby back. Only it's not mine."

  "And we are not mated in your reality."

  "Yes. Only—"

  "Surprise, I know you, even if you are not my Surprise," he said. "There is love in your kiss and in your eyes. You have a passion for me, as I do for you."

  "I confess I do," she said. "Because Che—the one in my reality—and I waded through love elixir. Now we long for each other, but don't want to hurt our spouses. It—it's difficult."

  "Who is my spouse, in your reality?"

  "Cynthia Centaur."

  "The one converted from human? She is a fine person, and would surely understand. You should do the sensible thing and take a few hours off to abate that passion the direct way. Then it would no longer bother you, and you could return to your respective mates."

  "We—agreed not to."

  "Because you want to be neither unkind nor deceiving with your significant others?"

  "Yes, exactly. You understand marvelously."

  "It is because I love you, wherever you may come from. Where is my Surprise?"

  "In with my—my reality's Che. He's trying to explain, also."

  "While she's trying to seduce him."

  "I—I fear so."

  He laughed. "Evidently your reality is stricter about such things. I suspect she recognized him as a foreign entity and decided to have some fun with him. She's a marvelous tease."

  "Fun?"

  "She is a creature of fun. Are you not the same?"

  That took her aback. "I was, before I lost my baby."

  "Which accounts for the odd underpinning of grief I also detect in you. Surprise, I believe I understand your position, and will not try again to seduce you, now that I fathom your identity, though I admit I would like to. Perhaps it would help if you met the other couple."

  "Other couple?"

  "This way. This should not take long, and your und
erstanding should increase, and with it your ability to settle your own case." He changed direction and flew swiftly across the landscape.

  She followed, bemused. Here was a Che who knew her and loved her, or an edition of her, and who had the honor to treat her with the respect due one in her awkward situation. So for slightly different reason they did not indulge their passion, just as she had not with Che One. And for slightly different reason, she wished they could. Would doing it with this Che abate her passion for Che One? But then where would that leave him, emotionally?

  They landed before a well-constructed stall. "Hey folk, cease your romancing a moment," Che called. "You have company."

  Two figures came out: a man and a winged centaur mare. "Umlaut! Cynthia!" Surprise exclaimed. These two mere married in this reality?

  "Hello, Che and Surprise," Umlaut said. He looked and sounded exactly like her husband. "You brought your foal."

  "And you restyled your hair," Cynthia said. "It looks nice. Che surely likes it."

  "I do" Che agreed. "However, there is a matter of somewhat serious import to discuss, and perhaps you can help us come to better terms with it."

  "We'll be glad to," Umlaut said. He kissed Cynthia. "We can spare two moments from our romancing."

  Surprise almost freaked out at the sight of them kissing, but reminded herself forcefully that this was not her Umlaut. Somehow the matchings had occurred differently in this reality.

  "This is Surprise Golem, from another reality, with adapted wings for the moment," Che said. "She lost her baby, and is seeking it here. In her reality she is married to you, Umlaut. He is the father of her baby."

  Now it was Umlaut who was astonished. "How did that happen?"

  Surprise had to smile. "It seemed natural at the time. How did you get together with Cynthia? In my reality she is mated with Che."

  "I was stranded beyond a bog," Umlaut said. "Cynthia volunteered to carry me across. I admired her form—"

  "You couldn't take your eyes off my breasts," Cynthia said.

  "Well, they're good breasts. I was not at that point very familiar with centaurs. One thing led to another."

  "He emulates so nicely," Cynthia said. "I liked that."