If I Was Your Woman: A BBW Camden Love Story

by Mz. Toni

  “She was our flesh and blood and you tricked me into leaving her, you knew I loved her as if she were my own and you tried to kill her, do you really hate her that much?” I asked crying.

  “You couldn't see the bigger picture, you were seventeen, we couldn't haul around a fucking toddler without looking suspicious, but you were hell bent on bringing her to fucking college. How the fuck would you have her in your dorm without getting caught?” she said.

  “The same way I had your dumb ass in there and didn't get caught. I would have figured out a way, I would have made shit work,” I screamed ready to slap the shit out of her. I couldn't help but cry harder as I thought about that day.

  I walked into our house after school; I was so excited that I had been accepted into college early, I was definitely ready for me and my sisters to get a new start. When I walked into the room we all shared, I heard Shante crying but I didn't see her. Angel was sitting on the bed watching TV.

  “Where is Tae?” I asked looking around.

  “I locked her little ass in the closet, she kept crying for you, don't nobody wanna hear that shit,” she said laughing. I was pissed. I rushed over to the closet and unlocked it, she ran into my arms crying hysterically. Calming her down I wasted no time slapping Angel in the back of the head, I swear sometimes she acted so evil.

  “What the fuck I tell you about doing shit like that to her!” I snapped.

  “Damn my bad, I didn't know what the fuck to do with her, why you late anyways,” she said rubbing her sore head.

  “I got some good news y'all!” I said excited.

  “What?” Angel said nonchalantly.

  “I got accepted into the summer program, I finally got the letter so we get to leave early,” I said jumping up and down waving the letter.

  “So we get to leave here Shana?” Shante asked innocently.

  “Yup, my dorm is ready now so we could leave tonight if we wanted to,” I said kissing all over her chubby cheeks.

  “Wait, what do you mean “we”? Shante can't go. How's it gonna look you bringing a fucking baby to college!” Angel snapped.

  “Fuck you mean? What you think imma do leave her with mom so she can start getting raped?” I asked while covering Shante's ears.

  “You not being smart right now. Mom ain't gonna let nothing happen to Shante,” she said sounding dumb as hell.

  “Well I ain't taking that chance, if she don't go, then we don't go!” I snapped.

  “Aight Shana whatever you say,” she said walking away pissed.

  “Shana I'm hungry can you make me some mac?” Shante asked sweetly.

  “Yeah come on baby,” I said picking her up and walking to the kitchen. I put on some water for the macaroni and cheese but remembered that I had to go cash the W.I.C checks before they expired. After putting on cartoons for Shante, I asked Angel to watch the food and I rushed out to the store. I was gone for about fifteen minutes and when I came back the house smelled of gas and Angel was nowhere to be found. I figured her and Shante went looking for me. I went into the kitchen and saw the pot that I had the mac and cheese cooking in wasn't lit and it was just gas leaking out. I hurried to turn it off, I was scared shitless and almost ran out the house but something told me to make sure everyone was gone first. When I walked in the bedroom Shante was on the bed passed out, I didn't know what to do. It didn’t seem like she was breathing so I tried CPR, when that didn't work I called the ambulance. When they arrived they hooked her up to oxygen, the paramedic said her breathing was low but she was still breathing and would more than likely be just fine. I was relieved but disappointed in myself and pissed at Angel for leaving her alone. I rode in the ambulance with Shante, they tried to tell me I couldn't because I was a minor, but after telling them that my mom was at work and I was babysitting they felt bad and let me ride. When we got to the hospital, I was in the waiting room for over two hours waiting to hear from the doctor.

  “Family of Shante Adams?” the doctor asked looking around.

  “Right here!” I yelled jumping up.

  “Where are this child’s parents?” the doctor asked.

  “My mom is at work but she should be here shortly, please tell me if she's ok,” I begged.

  “She's perfectly fine, no damage done. I still want to keep her for observation overnight but she didn't inhale enough gas to cause any damage,” he said politely.

  “Oh thank you!” I said hugging the doctor.

  “'I won't contact the authorities because mistakes happen, but please be more careful,” he said smiling. I caught the bus home and when I arrived Angel was there packed and ready to go, I was instantly pissed all over again.

  “Where the fuck were you?” I snapped, grabbing her wrist.

  “She wanted a juice. I wasn't even gone that long, when I got back the neighbors told me what happened. I didn't want to go to the wrong hospital so I just waited here for you,” she explained.

  “Well I thought that I turned the stove on but only the gas was on and Shante inhaled it and passed out,” I said crying.

  “Wow is she ok?” she asked a little too excited but I brushed it off.

  “Yeah she’s fine but they’re keeping her overnight.”

  “See that why I said we should leave her. You are a great sister, but you're not her mom. We are kids ourselves we can't take care of her.”

  “I've been taking care of both of y'all for a long fucking time!” I snapped.

  “Yeah and look what happened to Shante because of your mistake, she could have died,” Angel said honestly.

  I couldn't even reply because she was right. Maybe I couldn't take care of her the way I thought I could. I mean she could have died and it would have been my fault. That night me and Angel went up to the hospital so I could say goodbye, I cried my eyes out. It hurt like hell leaving her but I knew it was for the best.

  "You might not want to admit it Shana but you know she's the reason mom got strung out on drugs. Her damn daddy wasn't shit and bringing her with us would have slowed us down completely," Angel said snapping me out of my thoughts.

  “You tried to kill your blood sister. I don't know if you've always been evil Angel or if our past made you this way, but you worry me and finding out that you did this worries me even more,” I said sadly. Don't get me wrong, I love Shante with all my heart and what Angel did was wrong on so many levels, but that's the past I don't think I need to tell Shante what happened.

  "I don't fucking care, I never liked her and I still don't but that nigga Mark was looking good as hell. You know he own the club I dance at," she said with a devilish grin.

  "She introduced him as her best friend’s boyfriend, leave that nigga alone."

  "Can you take me to Lisa's house to pick up Destiny?"

  "Yeah I got you. Has her dad been in contact with you at all?"

  "Why you always asking me about her dad? I take care of my child, I don't need him. Damn mind ya business," she snapped.

  "Bitch watch who you talking to like that. I'm just asking because I think she deserves to know who her damn daddy is, you keeping him a secret for what?"

  "Because I can so can you PLEASE just drop it. You always looking down on me, why because you married and I'm not? Trust me when I say your hubby ain't shit either."

  "Fuck is that supposed to mean? You talking like you know something I don't. What he fucking one of your little stripper friends?"

  "Just forget it, ain't like you would believe anything I said about that nigga anyways. All I'm saying is a man gonna be a man, even your perfect man."

  "Yeah aight bitch, you talking in circles beating around the bush, hit me up when you ready to talk direct, until then don't even bring the shit up," I said pulling up to her friend Lisa’s house.

  "Bye Shana!" she said getting out the car making sure to slam my door. Rolling down my window I screamed "bitch don’t be slamming my damn door because you're mad with ya mad ass and kiss my niece for me."

  I swear that girl was gonn
a make me tag that ass I was really getting tired of her making shady comments and taking little jabs at my husband. Trust me, I knew he was far from perfect, but without proof what could I really do. I mean we weren't just shacking up, he was my damn husband and I damn sure wasn't leaving after my hard work. Don't get me wrong, I love him and I wouldn't have married him if I didn't love him, but I'll be damned if I'm going to be cheated on and lied to. He thinks I'm stupid though like I don't notice that he's always at work or that he hops in the shower as soon as he comes into the house. I'm still confused as to why it’s happening because I'm a good fucking woman. I take care of our kids, I take care of him, all the while still working and bringing more to the table than the average woman. I fuck him and suck him whenever wherever and not to toot my own horn, but I'm a sexy ass female so toot toot.

  I'm 32 years old, I own my own publishing company that I invested all my time and money into, and it’s actually doing really good. Standing at 5’11, 180lbs, I'm on the slim side but thanks to my three kids, I'm thick in all the right places. My 36C breast and nice little round ass are all gifts from my kids. I have beautiful almond shaped brown eyes and one dimple on my left cheek. I have my hair cut in a short pixie cut; some say I resemble the singer Brandy. Like I said, I'm a certified bombshell and he doesn't even see it. When I came to PA I was only 17, I finished high school a few months early just so I could leave my hometown of Camden NJ. Now don't get me wrong, I loved my town but my mom was making me and Angel’s lives a living hell so I left on the first thing smoking off to college. I wouldn't dare leave my sister to be raped. She was old enough so I knew I could take care of her so I let her come. She stayed on campus with me until I found a job and got us an apartment off campus. It was fate because had I been caught with her living in my dorm room I could have lost my dorm and maybe even my scholarship. I thought Angel would have started school when we got here but instead she ran the streets of Philly sleeping with ballers for a come up. At the tender age of 15, my little sister was turned out. I couldn't continue to worry about someone who wasn't even worried about themselves so I kept my head in the books studying business management, I was a great student. When I was 19, I met Ray. He wasn't rich, actually, he didn't really have shit, but he had drive and ambition and I saw his potential. I loved him so while my girls were telling me I could do better; I stuck by him and helped him get his business off the ground. We both were working jobs that we didn't want but I excelled working at ShopRite and became a manager. I ended up making more money than him and fronted him the money to get his urban clothing store running. Now twelve years and three kids later, I'm living with a man that I don't even know anymore. As I pulled up to our four bedroom townhouse I rushed out to greet my children. Thank God his mother was a saint because with me working and Ray never home at least I had someone I could trust with my kids.

  "Mommyyyyyy!" I heard my youngest yell. Kissing Rayshaun on the cheeks, I hugged my baby tight.

  "Hey mommy's baby, were you a good boy for Nana?"

  "Yes but Zahniyah was bad ma, she played all in your makeup and Nana popped her," my 9 year old son snitched telling all the dirt.

  "Boy what I tell you about being a tattle tale," my mother-in-law said while lightly popping his butt.

  "Where's Zahniyah little ass at?" I said while kissing my mother-in-law on the cheek.

  "She's in the corner and R.J.'s ass is in his room playing that damn game," she said shaking her head. I walked into my living room to talk to Zahniyah and she was standing in the corner crying.

  "Hey mamas baby," I said kissing her head.

  "Mom I just wanted to play dress up, I swear I was gonna put it back."

  "That's not the point Zahniyah, it wasn't yours to use, it’s mine and you didn't ask permission, that's number one."

  Putting her head down she apologized again.

  "Pick your head up little girl, what I tell you about that," I chastised lifting her head up, she smiled.

  "Number two your butt ain't grown and only adults wear makeup so I don't want you wearing or playing in my stuff. Now you can get out the corner!"

  "I know it was Shaun's snitching self that told mama Shaun watched Friday After Next earlier today with all that cursing even after you told him not too," she said with an attitude.

  "Girl go get ready for bed," I said laughing but making a mental note to beat Shaun's ass. My daughter was me in so many ways and sometimes I loved it and other times I couldn't stand it. Rayshaun and Zahniyah were twins but so different. Zahniyah was loud and confident while Shaun was quiet and shy, but I loved them equally.

  I walked up to R.J.'s door about to walk in but I had to think twice. Last month I walked into his room and caught him jerking his lil chicken, to say I was traumatized was an understatement, I hauled ass out of there. He had the nerve to come in my room talking about we need to have a talk about privacy and boundaries. Usually I would have cursed his little butt out, but he couldn't have been more right this time, so now I knocked before entering. R.J. was 12 and I didn't even know boys his age knew about that but he said his friends were talking about it at school and he just wanted to see what the big deal was. After knocking, I walked in his room to find him playing his Ps4. I swear I wish I never even got him that damn game because if he isn't at his friend’s house, at football practice, or doing schoolwork, he was on that game. He don't even have time for me anymore, but he's a good boy so I don't really complain.

  "Sup ma,” he said still playing the game.

  "Don't sup me boy I ain't one of your little friends and put that damn game down and give me some kisses or something," I said sounding hurt. Putting the game down, he got up.

  "I'm sorry ma, how was or day?" he asked kissing my cheek.

  "It was ok, just had a few meetings. I actually went to see your auntie Shante and her friends."

  "Awe man that ain't fair. Why couldn't I go? I mean I get why you ain't bring thing one and thing two but I'm your oldest and favorite," he said smiling looking just like his damn daddy.

  "First of all, I ain't got no damn favorite; I love all of my annoying kids."

  "I know it wouldn't be motherly to admit your true feelings so it’s cool," he said laughing.

  "Little boy bye, but for real I'm going to invite her over for dinner this Sunday since it's her birthday weekend that way everyone can meet her."

  "That's cool mom," he said picking up his game controller and headset. I guess that means he was done talking to me so I made my way out his room.

  "You got an hour then I want that game off and I ain't playing, don't make me come back," I said before closing his door. I went in my room to undress and shower. Grabbing my phone, I saw a missed call from Shante so I called her back.

  "What's up lil sis?"

  "Shit just called to make sure y'all got home safe."

  "Yeah I was going to call you after I got out the shower but I'm sorry about Angel's behavior, I don't know what's up with her."

  "It’s cool she was honest and I can respect that. She don't like me and now I’m not too fond of her so it’s all good."

  "Yeah but I told her about herself when we were in the car, she didn't have to act ratchet though."

  "Yeah enough about her ass, I'm going to the club with Camille for my birthday weekend on Saturday, I wanted to let you know that you were invited, but keep your sister and her nasty attitude at home."

  "I'm sorry sis I can't make it. Saturday is your oldest nephew’s birthday too but I wanted to know if you wanted to come over for dinner Sunday, I know you don't drive so I can come get you."

  "Yeah that sounds great I can't wait to meet my nieces and nephews, pictures ain't enough."

  "Alright bet, so I'll come get you at 5 Sunday evening. See you then, love you."

  "Love you too,” she said before hanging up.

  "Who you love?" my husband said scaring the shit out of me.

  "Oh that was Shante. I invited her over for dinner Sunday."

  "
Oh aight, I can't wait to meet the infamous Shante."

  "Yeah but let me tell you about tonight. We met her and Angel acted a donkey. I swear she irks my soul and she still throwing shade at you too."

  "Man fuck her, she always been a hater, you know she had that little crush on me when we first met."

  "Yeah but we been together for years, it's time she get over that crush before it gets her fucked up!"

  "Don't worry about her babe she'll get over it," he said kissing my forehead.

  I was about to get in the shower would you care to join me Mr. Banks," I said seductively.

  "Hell yeah," he said while tearing his clothes off. I couldn't help but laugh, Lord knows I loved this man with all my heart, I just hope he wasn’t doing any dirt.

  "Race you to the shower!" he said slapping my ass and running to the shower. Just when I know I want to leave him, he does things that make me think of when we first got together. Damn this shit was going to be hard, I thought as I ran to the shower to make love to my husband.

  Chapter 8

  (Kasan)

  I felt bad that all that shit went down with her sisters, she wanted so badly for that shit to be perfect. Her older sister was cool, but that other one is a snake. She slipped me her number before she left. She looked real familiar but I couldn't place her face. I know that I should've gone home but I couldn't leave without knowing for sure that my Tae baby was alright. She works so hard every day to be better and succeed, all she wants is her family with her, and now her sister is added on the same list as her mom, as the people who don't give a fuck about her. I wanted to just grab her and hug her tonight when I saw the pain on her face, but instead I'm sitting here cleaning up while she sleeps. I know I got feelings for ole girl cuz I ain't the cleaning type of dude that's what I keep chicks around for, but I find myself wanting to take care of her and be that support system for her. Now that I was done cleaning I looked in her fridge to see what she had that I could make. I took out some eggs and bacon since that's all I knew how to make. I'm not the cooking kind of dude, I'm the eat out type, and Keisha ass couldn't cook so if it wasn't for eating out we'd both be starving. Well she'd be because I could go to my mom’s house to eat and Keisha ass knows my mom can't stand her. Once the food was done, I looked at my phone and it was already 2am. I saw numerous messages from Keisha, but I just ignored them as I sat down to eat.