If I Was Your Woman: A BBW Camden Love Story

by Mz. Toni

  "No! I want my daddy, tell him to come back!" she said screaming.

  "Calm down Destiny, please don't get upset but that wasn't your dad, that was Uncle Ray."

  "He's my daddy and I want him nowwww!" she screamed again.

  I sat silent for a minute, I mean she is sick so she could be a little confused but she seems so sure but I refuse to question a child about adult business. That girl is already going through enough, but best believe I was getting to the bottom of this.

  "I'm gonna go get Ray ok baby don't worry."

  "Thank you auntie," she said sweetly.

  I was in a daze as I walked to the waiting area to get my husband, who my niece swears up and down is her father. Now he couldn't do that, he wouldn't.

  "Hey babe how is she?" he asked.

  "She's fine but she asked for you," I said looking at him for any kind of sign of deceit.

  "Ok are you going to come back with me?" he asked nervously.

  "No I'm gonna keep them company, you go ahead alone unless you want me to come with you?" I asked.

  "No no you stay and talk to your family," his lying ass replied.

  As soon as he headed to the back, I followed him and waited outside the door.

  "Hey baby girl, how you feeling?"

  "Hey daddy, auntie can't find mommy can you?" she asked innocently.

  "Yeah imma try and find mommy, you know she has your little brother in her belly so I will make sure she's ok."

  "Alright daddy, I love you."

  "I love you too but baby, daddy has to ask you something important, did you say anything to auntie about me?"

  "No."

  "Are you sure?"

  "Yes I'm sure."

  "Ok you remember what me and mommy told you right?"

  "Yes, auntie can't know you're my daddy."

  "Good girl."

  As I stood outside the door listening, I instantly felt sick to my stomach. That dirty fucking bastard. I ran to the bathroom and threw my whole life up before returning to the waiting room.

  "You alright Shana?" Shante asked.

  "Yeah I'm good," I replied lying through my teeth.

  "No you’re not, come on now stop trying to play me," she said shaking her head at me.

  "I just found out some bullshit and I don't know how to handle it just yet, but I'll be ok I promise," I said hugging her.

  "Aight you know I'm here for you so call me if you need me," she said sincerely.

  They stayed for a while and finally made their exit. Ray stayed in the room with Destiny for over an hour, now under normal circumstances I would have found that a little weird, but now that I know the truth hell the shit still is weird. My husband fucked my sister and fathered my niece.

  "Hey babe you want to go back there now?" he asked. Just looking at him was making my stomach turn.

  "Yeah you can go, I'll stay with her, she should be coming home tomorrow anyways."

  "Aight love you," he said reaching down to kiss me, I just couldn't let that happen no matter how bad I was trying to play the dumb role. I moved my face out of his reach and he just stared at me. "You alright?" he asked nervously.

  "Yeah I'm just tired," I said yawning.

  I watched as his trifling ass walked out thinking everything was cool and for the moment, that's exactly what I wanted him to think. I stayed with Destiny until she was released. I really loved my niece but now when I looked at her I saw all the features of my husband that I was too blind to notice. When we got home, I tried to call Angel again and this time she answered.

  "Where the fuck have you been Angel? Damn did you forget you had a child?" I said snapping.

  "Look I'm calling to check on her but I can always hang up."

  "Look I'm going to ask you something and I'm begging you please be honest Angel, you owe me that much."

  "Sounds serious. If this is about me getting Destiny, don't worry I'll be there to pick her up in a few weeks."

  "Are you sleeping with my husband?" I asked.

  "Girl ask your husband, he's the one that owes you an explanation!"

  "Bitch you're my sister, fuck him, me and you share the same blood so answer me!"

  "Yeah I been fucking him for years."

  "Wow thanks for being the sheisty grimy thot ass bitch everyone said you were!" I snapped.

  "You know what, I don't have time for this shit, tell that nigga he can keep his daughter so you can play step mommy cuz I had no intentions on coming back," she said still laughing.

  "It’s cool, I'll see you when you ain't got shit to ya name and when you do imma spit in ya fucking face then beat ya ass!" I said heated.

  "Girl bye I got the perfect money scheme I won't be needing your ass for shit."

  "I hope it ain’t Mark because I also heard my husband claim that baby you got in your infected nasty stomach and I'll definitely be letting him know you were playing him."

  "Mind your fucking business it ain't your place to tell him shit!" she said sounding stupid as hell.

  "Bitch please I just found out you were fucking my husband and you’re trying to tell me where my place is. Bitch you can kick rocks and I know what kind of nigga Mark is, you better hope he don't kill ya sneaky ass!” I said laughing.

  "Fuck you bitch that's why I never liked your ass you think you better than me but Ray ain’t think so huh!" she said laughing.

  "Think?? Hoe I know I am, you just proved it," I said laughing and hanging up on her. All this shit because she was a hater. My own sister fucking hates me that much that she would fuck my man right in my face, I mean I had a feeling he was doing dirt, but not like this. I went in the kitchen to get dinner started. I was making chili rice and cornbread. As I tossed the ground beef in the pan, I heard my babies come in. I definitely need hugs and kisses right now.

  "Hey mommy we missed you!" Zahniyah said hugging my legs.

  "Hey Ma,” R.J. said kissing my cheek.

  "Is Destiny ok?" Rashaun asked causing me to break down crying.

  "Y'all kids go upstairs now!" their grandmother screamed.

  "Girl why are you crying?"

  "Because your son is a piece of shit!" I said checking my ground beef.

  "Little girl marriage isn't easy, you have to work at it, try harder."

  "I appreciate the advice but I don't think there's any coming back from this," I said shaking my head.

  "See that's where you're wrong. Everybody makes mistakes but you're his wife, y'all took vows, y'all have kids!"

  "He been fucking my sister and my niece is his child!"

  "Oh hell no, what was that fool thinking? I didn't raise him to do shit like this!"

  "Yeah mama, I don't know what to do. If I leave him what will the kids think, especially R.J., he is almost a teenager, he needs a man."

  "My son did some fucked up shit so I'm gonna tell you some real shit," she said taking a sip of her wine. "They can be raised just fine if you co-parent and he can be raised just fine if y'all don't. Women been doin this single parent shit way before you were even thought of, if you're not happy with my son leave him," she spoke honestly.

  "Yeah I'm really gonna have to think hard about this."

  "Have you told him you know?"

  "Nope not yet but I will tonight."

  "Alright well I'm taking my grandbabies home with me, including Destiny since I see I got some bonding to do."

  "Thanks mama," I said hugging her.

  "No problem, you just make sure you do what's best for you because if you ain't happy, them kids won't be happy and don't kill my boy!" she said walking out of the room. I swear his mom was like the mom I never had. She was a lifesaver and I'm so glad I got her. After they left, I took a long shower and prepared me some dinner. I sat in front of the TV and started eating when Ray walked in.

  "Hmmmmm smells good, what'd you cook and where's my plate?" he asked smugly.

  "BBQ ribs, white rice and broccoli and I didn't make you shit," I said taking another bite.

  "Si
nce when you start talking to me like that?" he asked walking in my face.

  "Ummmm I don't know probably around the same time I found out your dirty dick ass was fucking my sister," I said a little too calmly.

  "What…I don't know…what I didn't…where did you get this from," he said stuttering and stumbling over his words.

  "Uh uh uh uh nigga spit it out!" I screamed, throwing the remote at his head.

  "Babe it’s not what you think," he said pacing the floor.

  "So you haven't been fucking her for years? You aren't the father of my fucking niece?” I asked with a look that said I dare you to lie.

  "Baby she drugged me, I swear to God she did."

  "When Ray...because she's pregnant again by your nasty ass so please tell me when the fuck she drugged you. I already spoke to her so please think twice before you lie to me again because I promised ya mama I wouldn't kill your dog ass, so please don't make me!" I snapped.

  "Wait, you brought my mom into our personal shit?" he asked clearly upset.

  "Nigga please. Yeah I did so fucking what, you a dog and she knows it and imma make sure everybody knows that shit!" I screamed.

  "Baby please just listen to me ok? I never meant to hurt you it just happened and when it did, I couldn't stop."

  "Wait a minute, so how many women has it been?" I asked scared for his reply.

  "Just her I swear babe," he said sitting next to me.

  "So all those late nights, coming in and hopping right in the shower that was because you were with her?"

  "I'm trying to be completely honest from here on out, so yes it was because I was with her."

  "Ok thank you for your honesty even if it is years late. Now what I'm gonna need for you to do is get your shit and get the fuck out of my house!"

  "Your house? This is my house too Shana!" he said heated.

  "See that's where you're wrong, you ain't been paying bills here for months. When I asked you why you said business was bad, but knowing my sister she had you giving her all of your money and like a horny fucking idiot you continued to take from our home for some pussy, so yeah I could do three things. I could take my kids and move since I have the money to do so or I could go to court and take you for everything you got even though it isn't much or you could pack your shit and get out until I decide what I want to do in regards to our marriage," I said calmly.

  "You know what, I'm gonna go ahead and go but I swear I’m gonna prove to you that I can be the man you need again."

  "And I'm gonna prove to you that I'm gonna be ok with you or without you. I'm gonna get back to being me, someone I stopped being after getting with you. I forgot that I was the shit before you, but don't worry it'll come back to me," I said smiling.

  "Just remember while you’re having all that fun that you are a married woman with children, don't become a hoe because you're mad at me."

  "Nigga never have I nor will I ever be a fucking hoe. You fucked my sister and had not one baby but two and you're trying to tell me about what I can and can't do, get the fuck out my house seriously!" I snapped. My next phone call was to Shante, I sat on the phone for a half an hour telling her everything and another hour trying to convince her not to tag Angel's ass. I had something for that bitch if she ever decided to show her face again, I was definitely over this. It's been a month since I found out that Ray was fucking Angel and that my niece was his daughter. He's been trying really hard to get back in my good graces and I really wanted to forgive him but I just can’t. My heart couldn't forgive him for his ultimate betrayal, he was my husband and she was my sister. Supposedly two of the closest people in my life, but they were snakes hiding and slithering in my garden. I honestly don't think I could actually allow him back into my life. I prayed about this situation constantly asking God to send me a sign and I haven't gotten one yet, but I need help. I think about my children and how much they love their father regardless of our problems. They love his stupid life and me divorcing him would prove that he isn't so perfect. They would have to live in two different households, it would be a big change and I don't know if I want to subject them to that.

  "Hey ma," R.J. said kissing my cheek.

  "Hey my baby, how was your weekend at auntie’s house?" I asked extremely happy that he was home.

  "It was ok, but can we talk?"

  "Of course, what's on your mind baby?"

  "I see that daddy hasn't been home in a while, he has a new apartment and everything. I love dad but I love you more and you weren't happy when he was here, you were always crying. You didn't know I saw, but I did," he said silently crying which made my tears fall harder.

  "Awe baby I'm sorry I put you through that. You shouldn't have had to see that."

  "Don't be sorry mom, be happy. We don't need daddy here, we been chilling with him at his apartment and they love it. Don't be with him for us because I got ya back, we don't need him," he said confidently.

  I couldn't even reply, I just cried as I called my lawyer and had him draw up some divorce papers. I asked God for a sign and he gave it to me in the form of my smart preteen. I was moving forward with my life, if not for me, then for my children.

  Chapter 28

  (Camille)

  Things have been going ok with me and Mark, we've been co-parenting. He is a great father to Mylee, he changes diapers, bathes her, he takes her with him on weekends and he tucks her in every night. Mark has honestly surprised me, he hasn't even asked about us getting back together or even tried to have sex with me. I'm not sure if he's dating but I'm wondering if he's moved on. We no longer have to worry about baby mama drama come to find out that little hoe Angel was pregnant by Shana's husband and not by Mark. I want to forgive him, I really do, but I'm scared to get hurt again. I was laying in bed with Mylee listening to Pandora when “Bad Habit” came through my speakers. I let her words sink in and I couldn't stop the tears that flowed down my face.

  How many times are you gonna apologize about the same things, and how many times can I take you back when I'm not the one that's doing wrong. I thought maybe if I started praying that we would get better but, the more I pray the answer would always come back to me being done but we are so hard headed when we're in love, I told myself that I would make some changes, but the more I change there's one thing that remains the same I can't seem to shake ya, you seem to really have a hold on me and every time that we break up we turn around and make up, this can't go on now I gotta move on now it's not the fact that I don't love you no more but I gotta break this bad habit can't take this bad habit no more.

  As I listened to the words, I knew this song was made just for me and Mark. I could not shake this man and I honestly didn't want to, but I couldn't keep being made a fool of. As if she felt my pain, I heard my phone play “Best Friend” by Brandy, knowing who it was I quickly answered.

  "Hey bestie."

  "Why are you crying, what's wrong?"

  "My heart hurts so bad Shante, I'm just so unhappy," I said crying even harder.

  "What's stopping you from getting your man?"

  "What you mean? He almost slept with some stripper and he thought he got her pregnant. He’s cheated on me before I can't keep looking stupid. I mean my mom is just so happy she was right!"

  "Look imma keep it real with you because you need to hear it. I love your mom; she's like my mom, but fuck her and everyone else when it comes to your relationship with Mark. You got these people commenting that are either single and miserable, like ya mom, or they hating. Why you letting them people dictate your relationship, obviously you’re not happy. The same people telling you to leave him alone are the same people you can't call when you’re crying and depressed. That man does shit for you that nobody else can so fuck that. You need to stop being stupid and go get your man before someone else grabs his ass!" she snapped. I wanted to curse her out but I wouldn't because she was right, so I just sucked that shit up.

  "Look we going to Palmer's tonight and you're going too!" she demanded.

>   "Who's we?" I asked skeptical.

  "Girl you know my circle small as hell, it's just me and Shana, so call ya mom to get the baby and wash ya ass cuz I smell you from through the phone," she said laughing.

  "Fuck you bitch I don't stink," I said smelling myself.

  "Whatever and dress sexy because you getting your man back tonight bitch," she said hanging up in my ear. That bitch ignorant as hell, but this is what I needed so I called my mom and of course she was excited to take Mylee. Once I packed her bag, I showered and dressed. I had on a black high waist pencil skirt, a black and red fitted sheer top and red pumps. I made sure my box braids were straight and waited for my mom to come. She came around 10 so as soon as she left I headed out to meet Shante and Shana.

  "Y'all looking sexy," I said as I walked up to their table at IHOP.

  "So do you!" they replied at the same time. We ordered our food and began catching up.

  "So what's new?" I asked.

  "Well I'm finally a free woman!" Shana said happy.

  "What about you? How's your relationship with Tremayne?"

  "Girl he still ain't called me back and it's been days so I'm good," she said sipping her drink. We talked a little longer and left. When we got to the club, like always it was packed, I noticed Mark in VIP and he was headed our way.

  "Yo where my daughter and why you wearing this tight shit?" he asked slapping my ass. I turned around and stared at him with lust-filled eyes, no words needed to be exchanged. In his eyes, I saw that he was sorry and in my eyes, he saw that I missed him. We kissed and hugged and in his arms, I felt at home.

  Chapter 29

  (Shante)

  I was looking good as hell in my thicka than grits shirt and my short shorts and pumps. I was happy when I saw Mark and Camille make up, it didn't even take long. I got her drink and walked it over to her.

  "Yo y'all showing out, why you got them short ass shorts on?" he asked.

  "Because I'm grown and single!" I snapped back.

  "Yeah whatever, wait till I tell my cuz," he said walking over to VIP.

  "Yo ya man irks my soul," I said laughing.

  "I know but I love him so leave em alone," she said laughing.