The Balance Project

by Susie Orman Schnall

  “Just so you know, Katherine. They’re going to give you the award but they’re still also going to give Oprah an award. Gayle King is going to be there to accept on Oprah’s behalf. I didn’t want you to be blindsided. And also so you know, they told me that you were at the top of their list to approach for next year’s dinner so while they’re all terribly upset about Oprah and her pneumonia, they’re thrilled that they have the opportunity to give you the award considering how timely it is with your book and all. So I can tell them yes?” Brooke asks.

  “Yep. You can tell them yes. Thanks, Brooke,” Katherine says turning back to her monitor.

  “Yay! That’s so great, Katherine! I’ll send over additional information this afternoon about how long your speech should be and all that. And do let me know if you want us to help you write it.”

  “I should be okay. I still have my dear Lucy,” Katherine says, a saccharine smile directed my way.

  The “still” slipping right by Brooke, she hangs up and leaves Katherine and me.

  “That’s so great, Katherine,” I say. “Congratulations!”

  “Thanks,” Katherine says, seeming distracted as we continue going over her schedule.

  Katherine’s phone has rung no fewer than ten times since we’ve been in her office, but we’ve let it go to voice mail. When we’re done with her schedule, I go back to my desk and start listening to messages. And the part of my brain that’s not in use listening to and writing down messages is very excited about the whole idea of, hopefully, not having to be someone else’s assistant for too much longer. I can’t wait to just have my own work to worry about.

  I open the calendar on my phone and stare at an entry that mocks me every time I look at it. Last week Nick invited me to a dinner tonight at eight at Nobu with Grant, his old boss from AAI. They’re supposed to discuss Ty Collins, specifically Grant’s feeling that Nick acted unethically by signing Ty even though Nick knew that Grant was actively courting him. Nick had originally invited me because he had thought having me there might soften Grant up. I realize I’m clearly not invited to this anymore. But in a moment of poor decision making, I make a poor decision.

  At nine thirty I stand outside of Nobu, back in the black leather dress that I haven’t yet given back to Katherine. I feel sexy or at least I’m pretending I do. The more I thought about this as the day went on, the more I realized this is what must be done. Maybe Nick will be willing to talk to me if he sees me in person. I’m not letting him go without a fight. It’s been enough time, in my opinion. We have to talk about what happened Saturday night and figure out how we’re going to move forward.

  Nick and Grant’s dinner was scheduled to start at eight, so I had figured they’d be wrapping up around nine thirty. And if they weren’t done yet, at least all the business stuff would be over and Grant would certainly invite me to sit down. We’d always gotten along fine.

  I walk through the door, and I see Nick right away at a table in the middle of the restaurant. He’s dressed in a dark-grey suit with a white shirt open at the collar. And he looks amazing. I look across the table and my heart stops. That’s not Grant. Unless Grant has had a fucking sex change. Nick is sitting across from a stunning blonde also wearing a dark-grey suit (hers probably has a short skirt, but I can’t tell from where I’m standing) with a white shirt way too far open at the collar. She’s laughing and holding a pink drink in the air. A cosmo? Give me a fucking break.

  I pause and tell myself not to jump to conclusions. Maybe that’s Grant’s date and he’s in the bathroom. But I can see that the table is set for only two: Nick and Cosmo Girl. Maybe, that’s Nick’s sister. I thought he said she was coming into town soon. And though my eyes aren’t perfect, I squint to see her a little more clearly and that is most definitely not Nick’s sister.

  The fact still remains that whoever it is, it’s still not Grant.

  I see them laughing about something and toasting, so now, I think, is an appropriate time to jump to conclusions. I start to feel sick to my stomach and realize I need some air. I go outside and walk a few feet down the block so he doesn’t turn and see me through the window, as if he’d ever turn away from gorgeous Cosmo Girl.

  I can’t believe how much I messed this up. I should have said yes when Nick proposed. Here I was thinking he was at home in his sweats all week, watching basketball on his futon, drinking beers, and wallowing over the idea that he may not get to marry me, while, in fact, he was dressing up in his best grey suit to take some Cosmo Girl out to dinner. That, my friend, did not look like wallowing.

  Did I honestly think I could get away with saying no, that Nick would realize he loves me so much and he would be willing to stay together without getting married, and we’d go on our lovely way as life partners, or lovers, or significant others, or domestic partners, or whatever the hell people like to be called these days. But how could I have been so stupid? You’re not that great, Lucy. Why should I think that some man, that Nick, would be willing to change his values just to spend the rest of his life not being married to me? I sulk on the subway all the way home thinking that I may have dealt a fatal blow to what used to be Nick and Lucy.

  When I get home I toss my stupid, well Katherine’s, stupid leather dress on the floor, kick off her heels with no care if I nick them because we all know she’s got plenty more in her black-high-heel section, throw on my most comfortable PJs, and open my freezer. Yes, I know, it’s a complete cliché, but I do what any jilted girl would do at this point. I make love to two other men, namely Ben and Jerry. And if you’ve ever tried Hazed & Confused Core you won’t blame me one bit.

  As I’m shoving spoonfuls into my mouth, not even mindfully as my Green Goddess Magazine would tell me to do if I’m going to indulge in a pint of ice cream, I check my phone. Nothing. I throw it across the room and start to lose it when I see little pieces of phone-screen glass flying through the air.

  I better get this new job, I think to myself as I finally set down the spoon (only because there is no ice cream left in the carton, or in my entire freezer), because if I don’t, who knows if Katherine will even want me back considering she must think I’m totally disloyal at this point. I certainly don’t have a boyfriend to turn to. And now I might not even have a phone (I haven’t bothered to get up and assess the damage), which is the least of my problems considering the only two people who text me on a regular basis might soon both be out of my life.

  Chapter Twelve

  I’ve only been betrayed once in my life. And it was over a boy. My senior year in high school, I finally started dating Robby Sherwood. I had fallen in love with Robby Sherwood in ninth grade when he sat in front of me in first-period English. We were a goddamn formulaic teen movie. I stared at the back of his neck and didn’t pay attention to Mrs. Montgomery and her insistence that we become lovers of literature. He stared straight ahead, unaware of the pathetic girl crushing on him from behind. One day he turned around and asked to borrow a pen and we became friends. But he was never interested in me romantically until we went on a class ski trip in December of our senior year.

  As luck, and teen movies, would have it, he also became interested in my so-called friend Dana Mortenson on that same ski trip. As the months went by, it was no secret that Robby and I were a thing. But it was a secret, at least to me, that Dana and Robby were also a thing. I caught them kissing behind a fake palm at prom. When I asked him to choose right there and then whom he would like to be with, Robby Sherwood did not choose me.

  I had thought, until that night of course, that Dana and I were good friends. Not best friends but good-enough friends that you wouldn’t think she’d be sleeping with my boyfriend. And, yes, the “sleeping with” part was confirmed when Robby chose her over me because of it. I was devastated. Later that night, after I tore off my prom dress and threw on my most comfortable PJs, I had my first experience at letting Ben and Jerry soothe a broken heart. There were no Core flavors back then, but there was Chunky Monkey.

 
So you see when I started work today, this fine Thursday morning, I had little experience with betrayal. Little opportunity to become resistant to it, to perfect my reaction to it. Little opportunity to see it coming.

  I’m getting breakfast in the cafeteria when I run into Joan from HR.

  “Hi, Joan.”

  “Oh, hi, Lucy.”

  “Oatmeal?” I say, glancing at her tray.

  “Yep,” she says, looking like she really wants one of those oversize everything bagels the food carts sell outside our office. “I’m trying.”

  “Me, too,” I say, gesturing to my egg white and spinach platter.

  “How’s life with Katherine? Things must be so exciting with the book and all,” Joan says.

  “Yeah, we’ve been really, really busy. But, I’m definitely ready to make a change.”

  “Oh? Are you leaving Green Goddess?”

  “No. Didn’t you talk to Katherine yesterday? I’m applying for Kyle Jackson’s job in digital media. I submitted an application online yesterday,” I say confused.

  “I was in the office all day yesterday, but I didn’t get a call from Katherine about you. And I listened to all my voice mails from yesterday. But my team and I are meeting about the digital-media position this afternoon so I’m sure I’ll see your application. One of the associates in my department compiles all the applications for each particular job so I don’t see them until we have our position meetings,” Joan says, paying for her oatmeal.

  “Oh, well Katherine told me she called you. Maybe I misunderstood her. But yes, I’ve always wanted to work in the digital-media department. In fact, that was the first job I applied for at Green Goddess. Unfortunately, the position was filled internally and I ended up working for Richie Cunningham for a few months before I started working for Katherine, but I’ve always intended on making my career in digital media so I really hope to be considered for the job,” I say, trying to take advantage of this impromptu interview.

  “We will absolutely consider you, Lucy,” Joan says, smiling before she heads out of the cafeteria with her oatmeal. “I’ve always heard such wonderful things about you from Katherine. We’ll definitely be in touch.”

  “Thanks!” I say and smile at Joan. I grab a fork and some napkins and head to my office utterly confused as to why Joan hadn’t heard from Katherine. I could have sworn that Katherine told me she spoke to both Joan and Ash yesterday.

  I decide to make a detour to the digital-media department to check in with Ash to let him know personally that I’m interested in Kyle’s position.

  “Girl, what is in that bag? Whew,” Ash’s assistant Sera says, giving me a strange look, when I come up to her desk.

  “It’s just eggs, Sera. Do they smell that bad?” I ask.

  “Well, I’m getting a little more used to it now, so no,” she says. “But at first whiff, it really was not a good thing. I hope it tastes better than it smells.”

  “Thanks. Me, too,” I laugh. “Is Ash in?”

  “Yeah, he’s in there. Go ahead in.”

  “Thanks,” I say and head toward the open door.

  “Knock, knock,” I say as I tap lightly on Ash’s door frame.

  “Hey, Lucy,” Ash says, looking up from his computer. “Always nice to see you in our happy department.”

  “Well, I’m hoping to make it that much happier,” I say, a big smile spreading on my face.

  “Yeah? How’s that?” he asks.

  “I’m applying for Kyle’s job,” I say, looking confused.

  “That’s fantastic, Lucy,” he says.

  “Yeah, I’ve always wanted to do digital media, and jobs don’t open up in this department all that often so when I found out there was an opening, I approached Katherine about it and told her I didn’t want to let the opportunity slip by. She’s being completely supportive about it.”

  “That’s great,” Ash says, giving me a strange look that I can’t decipher.

  “But, I’m confused,” I say. “Didn’t you talk to Katherine yesterday? She told me she called you to put in a good word for me.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I spoke to her. All good. We’ll be in touch about an interview,” Ash says looking at his computer.

  I take the hint that he’s got more important things to do than talk to me, so I thank him for his time and ask him to look out for my application.

  As I walk out of his office, I catch Sera trying to quickly scoot her chair back to her desk. Seems I’m not the only one who eavesdrops on her boss.

  “Lucy, we’ve always been friends, right?” Sera asks me, her voice much quieter than it was when she was attacking my innocent breakfast.

  “Yeah, of course, why?” I ask.

  “Come to the kitchen with me for a second,” she says.

  “Okay,” I say.

  “Ash, I’ll be right back. I’m gonna grab you a coffee,” Sera calls into Ash’s office.

  “Thanks, Sera!” I hear him call back.

  Sera takes my arm and leads me into the kitchen. There’s a coffeemaker and a fruit bowl. I grab a banana to add to my breakfast.

  “What’s up?” I ask her.

  “I’m going to tell you something but you did not, I repeat not, hear it from me. We assistants have to watch each other’s backs, no?”

  “Of course,” I say. I have no idea where she’s going with this.

  “Katherine came by to talk to Ash yesterday,” she whispers.

  “I know. He told me he spoke to her,” I say.

  “I know. I heard. But you’re not going to like what she had to say, so brace yourself.”

  “Okay, I’m braced,” I say leaning against the counter.

  “Well, I moved my chair back to hear what they were saying because they were talking pretty quietly, but I know what I heard and this is what Katherine said,” she says and pauses.

  “What? What did Katherine say?” I ask, getting a little impatient.

  “She said that you were going to apply for Kyle’s position and that she wanted him, Ash, to interview you and all that and act like you were being considered but she told him that he couldn’t hire you.”

  “What?” I’m stunned. And I can feel my face turning red.

  “She said, and again, I heard her very clearly, that she is way too busy right now to lose you. That things are too crazy right now with all that’s going on with her to try and train a new assistant. She did say some nice things about you, Lucy, like you were irreplaceable and all that.”

  “Well, that’s comforting,” I say sarcastically.

  “Sorry I had to tell you that but I heard your conversation with Ash in there and you sounded so eager. I felt like you deserve to know the truth that Katherine is not actually supporting you with this.”

  I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach. Like I just caught Dana and Robby kissing behind the palm.

  “Thanks for telling me, Sera,” I say. “That really sucks.”

  “I know. It totally does, honey. I’m so sorry.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I hope you’re not mad that I told you.”

  “No. Absolutely not. I’m the complete opposite of mad. I’m not happy, but I’m so glad you told me. I feel like such an idiot,” I say looking into Sera’s big brown eyes.

  “This shit goes down all the time in this company. People stabbing each other in the backs. Don’t you hear any of the stories?”

  “No. I don’t. I’m too busy taking care of Katherine. Maybe I should join you and the other assistants for lunch more often.”

  “Yeah, Lucy. You do that. You stick with us, and we’ll take care of you. None of us stab each other in the back, I can promise you that.”

  I slowly walk back to my desk, my poor smelly eggs getting colder by the minute. And I think about what I just found out. Not only did Katherine lie to me by telling me she spoke to Joan when she didn’t, but she also blatantly forbade Ash from hiring me. She selfishly, and completely behind my back, decided to keep me for her own while hav
ing me believe she’s this great boss who’s supporting me. She was going to have me go through the whole interview process and think that I had a chance, when really I had no chance at all. What the hell kind of boss does that? After everything I’ve done for her. I’ll tell you what kind of boss. A pathetic boss who realizes that her life will completely fall apart if I’m not there constantly taking care of everything.

  I’m boiling when I finally arrive at my desk. Katherine’s door is open and I can hear her milling around in her office, but I can’t bring myself to say hello.

  I wake up my computer and the first e-mail I see is from Brooke. It’s to Katherine and me.

  Good morning, ladies! I’m so excited to share this amazing piece from today’s Huffington Post! It’s on the front page of the Business, Books, and Women channels! All three! That’s incredible exposure and so rare for HuffPo! Enjoy!

  Oh barf, Brooke. I click on the link she so graciously included in her e-mail and read the piece.

  There’s a lot of talk out there about having it all. About being it all. About doing it all. For Katherine Whitney, the much-admired COO of Green Goddess, having it all, being it all, and doing it all are what she’s all about.

  Whitney wants to help other working women achieve her brand of success and she’s using the occasion of the six-month anniversary of the launch of her bestselling book, The Balance Project, to do just that.

  “Being balanced may seem hard, but the strategies in my book will help all women take better control of their lives. Having it all is something all women can realize. It just takes a little work.”

  Whitney, a mother of two and wife of a professor of economics at Columbia University in New York City, credits her drive to her mother. “My mother taught me the value of having a good work ethic. She worked two jobs when I was growing up to help pay for college. And she taught me that I could be anything I want to be.”

  Whitney is currently riding the express train in America’s business world. With Green Goddess exceeding earnings projections and convincing more and more Americans every day to lead healthier lifestyles, Whitney is at the top of her game. And women across America consider her a role model.