Break Me Down

by Jennifer Domenico

  “Yes, just for now, baby. I’ll be back to get you soon.”

  “You promise?”

  I wave my bracelet at her. “I promise.”

  I PICK UP HIS PHONE and dial my dad who answers quickly.

  “Kaia,” he says coldly. “Where the hell are you?”

  “In Dr. Scott’s office. He asked me to come back here and talk to you.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’ll go with you.”

  I hear him exhale slowly. “Good. When will you be ready?”

  “Give me like an hour to get my things. You can pick me up here.”

  “Fine. You’re doing the right thing, Kaia.”

  I glance at Oliver and smile. “I know.” I hang up. “He’s gonna meet me here in a hour.

  “I’ll go with you and help you get your things.”

  “Okay.”

  We walk quickly down the sidewalk towards the house. When we get back, Lina looks surprised to see us both.

  “Lina, can you help Kaia pack her things?”

  “You’re leaving?”

  “I have to. Just for a little while I hope.”

  “Oh,” she says, sadly. “Okay.”

  “I’ll get your computer and phone,” Oliver says.

  In my room, I gather my clothes, slightly in shock that I’m going back to LA. I hope it really is temporary and once I’m gone, Oliver doesn’t go back into his prison.

  Almost an hour later, I hug a crying Lina and we take the car back to his office. Sitting down, we wait nervously for him to arrive.

  “Kaia,” Oliver says, softly. “I love you so much. I won’t leave you there long. Just trust me.”

  “I do.” I smile. “And I love you too.”

  “We’ll get through this.”

  I nod and feel a sinking feeling in my stomach when I hear my dad’s footsteps again. He appears in the doorway, not smiling. I stand and that’s when I realize I didn’t hug or kiss Oliver.

  “Can you wait for me downstairs, please?” I ask. “I need to have a word with Dr. Scott.”

  “Sure,” dad says, walking away.

  I wait for him to leave and then walk to Oliver. He pulls me into his arms and kisses me softly. “I’ll see you soon,” he says.

  “Okay. Bye.”

  “Bye, Kaia.”

  I walk down the hall, turning back to wave, before he disappears from my view.

  I WALK INSIDE the apartment to see Lina sitting in the living room. She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. I don’t have to ask why.

  “I’ll be in my room.”

  “Dr. Scott?”

  “Yes?”

  “Is she coming back?”

  “She is¸ Lina. Don’t be upset. It’s just what had to be done for now.”

  “Okay.”

  I walk back to my room and as soon as I open the door, I’m assaulted with memories of her. I close my eyes and see her lying in my bed, peacefully asleep. I can feel her skin, her silky hair strewn across my chest. I can see her haunting eyes and pretty mouth telling me she loves me.

  I lie in the bed and pull the sheet to my nose, catching the lingering scent of her perfume. She taught me what love feels like, and I can’t live without it anymore.

  The sooner she’s back, the better I’ll feel.

  SITTING NEXT TO DAD on the plane, I’m seething with anger that I’m in this situation because of his control issues.

  “Have you ever taken the time to find out what exactly is wrong with you?” I ask. “I mean, were you born a jerk or did you just cultivate it over time?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Is it about control? Or can you just not stand to see anyone happy? Especially me?”

  “That’s nonsense. You don’t know what’s best for you.”

  “Don’t I? I’m twenty-four years old and I don’t know what’s best for me?”

  “That may be your age, but inside you haven't really matured yet.”

  “How do you fucking know?”

  “Don’t talk to me like that, Kaia.”

  “I can talk to you however I want.” I take a deep breath. “You know what I learned in therapy?”

  “This ought to be good.”

  “I learned that what Jim did was an abuse of power, but I never made the connection until today that you abuse your power all the time by trying to control everyone around you. People are so afraid of you and you like it. You thrive in it. Have you ever wondered why you have to be that way?”

  “I’m not talking about this with you. You’re not gonna psychoanalyze me. Or did the fine Dr. Scott put all this in your head?”

  “You just leave him out of it. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t even be talking to you right now.”

  “Why are you fascinated by New York all of a sudden?”

  “Maybe I’m just sick of the life I had. New York is a fresh start.”

  He rolls his eyes. “We’re having a press conference soon. Got it?”

  I shrug. “What are you gonna say?”

  “That you’ve been on a restful break and you're back now.”

  “Fine. I don’t really care. I’ll just sit there like I always do.”

  “It’d be nice if you could for once realize how good your life actually is.”

  “Yeah, well, Dad, it would be nice if you could for once realize I’m a grown up and I want to live my life without you breathing down my neck.”

  “Maybe if you can keep yourself out of the news for a while I will.”

  I cross my arms and stare out the window. All I want to do is go back to Oliver.

  A WEEK LATER, I’M SITTING in my office trying to work, but I can’t stop thinking about my green-eyed beauty who’s now on an opposite coast. I dial her number and wait.

  “Hey,” she says. Just the sound of her voice makes me smile.

  “Hey, you. How are you today?”

  “I miss you. Just like every day.”

  “I miss you too. How are things with your dad?”

  “I’m barely talking to him. I had lunch with my mom the other day though. It was okay.”

  “That’s a good start.”

  “Yeah. I want to be back with you.”

  “I want that, too. I have a busy week coming up, and then I thought after that we can talk about it.”

  “Okay.”

  “Have you had your press conference yet?”

  “No, actually it’s later today.”

  “That’s good. Once that’s over, we can make plans.”

  “Yeah.”

  “What’s wrong, baby? You sound sad?”

  “You still want me to come back, right?”

  “Of course. You’re concerned I don’t?”

  “I guess,” she pauses. “I worried that once I was gone, you would think it wasn’t real.”

  “After what we went through? Kaia, you know better. What we have is more than real. It’s everything. The only way I’m able to get out of bed every day is knowing you’ll be back. Do you understand that?”

  “I do.”

  “Good, because I love you so much and I miss you terribly. I can’t look at anything in my house the same now. I need you here.” I exhale. “We just have to do it right.”

  “I know.”

  “Will the press conference be on TV?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I’ll keep an eye out for it. You’ll hear from me soon.”

  “Love you.”

  “Love you back, Kaia.”

  “ARE YOU READY?” mom asks.

  “I am,” I say, smoothing my hair down in the mirror. I straighten the gray sheath dress I’m wearing and force a smile to my lips. Look happy for the camera. Play the part.

  My mother comes from behind me and places her hands on my shoulders. “You look beautiful today, Kaia.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  “I know facing the media isn’t your favorite thing, but once they know you're back, they’ll calm down and stop looking for y
ou.”

  “I guess so. I know everyone’s waiting for me to do something scandalous. They’re always watching girls like me.”

  She nods. “They’ll get bored when you don’t give them anything to write about.”

  “Yeah.” I take a deep breath. “Well, let’s get this over with.”

  I OPEN THE DOOR and find Lina watching her iPad. “Miss Kaia is on TV,” she says.

  “What?”

  “Right now.”

  I hurry over and stare at the small screen, watching Kaia hold court in front of the cameras. She looks calm, but tense standing next to her parents. My heart races at just the sight of her face.

  A reporter puts the microphone in front of her. “Kaia, now that you’ve returned from your break, what are your plans?”

  She glances at her parents before speaking. “I’m still defining my future. Before I left I was on a path of self-destruction. The time away helped me see that there could be a different way. I’m not sure what that looks like, but I am sure I’m not the woman I was before.”

  I watch as her father squeezes her hand, but Kaia’s body tenses even more.

  “The future is wide open for Kaia,” he says. “We want her to be happy and maybe even find love.”

  Her face remains neutral. I’m impressed.

  “What’s the bracelet about?” someone asks, as she fingers the tiny cuffs. I can’t help but smile. She’s still wearing it.

  She replies. “It’s a reminder that I am stronger than my vices. A very special person gave it to me, and I’ll never take it off.”

  “A love interest?” the reporter asks.

  She looks up and smiles. “Just someone who understood.”

  The questions change to her father talking about his upcoming celebrity case. I can’t stand it anymore. It has to happen sooner rather than later.

  “I’m going away for a few days,” I announce.

  Lina looks up. “Where are you going?”

  “To California. I’m bringing her back.”

  Lina smiles and claps her hands together.

  I LOOK AT THE APARTMENT BUILDING in front of me, filled with nervous energy. All I can do at this point, is hope this goes as planned. Looking down at the paper in my hand, I read the apartment number again. Here goes nothing.

  I walk up the flight of stairs in front of me and tap softly on the door with the numbers 208 on it. I hear shuffling and a small dog barking before it opens.

  “Oh my god.”

  “Hi, Dad.”

  I PEEK INSIDE A SHOP, deciding if I want to go in. I’ve decided to load up on winter weather clothes for when I’m in New York again. I’m sure it will be any day now.

  “Kaia?”

  I swing around at the sound of my name.

  “Oh my god, it’s you.”

  I’m shocked to see Kyle standing in front of me. He comes towards me, hugging me, while I stand still, completely surprised.

  “How are you?” he asks.

  “I, uh.”

  “You remember me right?”

  “Of course, Kyle. How could I forget you?”

  “You look amazing,” he says, softly. “Really.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Hey, so I saw you on TV. I didn’t know you were somebody.”

  I laugh softly. “My Dad is somebody. I’m just a girl.”

  He nods as his eyes peruse my body. I know what he’s thinking about. I know what he wants.

  “So,” he says. “Now that you’re home, are you available to hang out?”

  I think over his words, remembering that moment we shared on the plane. It feels like it was a hundred years ago or maybe even like it happened to someone else. That girl wasn’t me.

  “I’m sorry. I can’t. I met someone.”

  “Oh.” His face falls. “I missed my chance.”

  I smile. “Timing is everything.”

  “Yeah, it is.” He steps forward, hugging me again. “Just the same, it was good to see you. You look so much happier than the first time I saw you.” He brushes his thumb over my chin. “Take care of yourself, Kaia.”

  “You too, Kyle.”

  He walks away, and I exhale, so relieved to know that I’ve changed. Just over a month ago, I would’ve gone anywhere Kyle suggested for a quick hook up, but now, that doesn’t even feel like me. I finally know what it feels like to just want one person and to know that sex can be emotional and magical if you’re with the right person. I smile as I walk into the shop.

  “PLEASE, COME IN,” he says.

  I follow him inside the small apartment, looking around at the humble furnishings. A small, white dog sniffs my shoes.

  “That’s Sally,” Dad says.

  “Hi, Sally,” I say to the dog. Taking a deep breath, I look up at the man who is my father. He’s old too and looks frail. “How are you?”

  “I’m doing okay. How did you know how to find me?”

  “I went to see Denise.”

  My Dad’s eyes fill with tears. “Really?”

  I nod. “Can we sit?”

  “Oh, uh, of course.”

  I sit on the couch as Dad sits across from me in a chair. “She told me you lived in California. I was afraid to call first, so I just came. I hope you don’t mind.”

  “No.” He quickly wipes his tears away. “I’m happy to see you.”

  I nod. “How long have you lived here?”

  “About two years. I couldn’t go back to New York. Too many bad memories.”

  “I understand.”

  “I wanted to call you or write,” he says, slowly. “But I didn’t know what to say.”

  “Yeah, it’s hard.”

  “How did it go with Denise?”

  “Better than I thought. I hated her, but when I saw her again, I realized I had to let it go.” I rub my hands together. “Actually my girlfriend,” I pause on the word, allowing it to settle over me before continuing. “She, um, helped me get to this point where I want to repair the past.”

  Dad lowers his head. “Oliver.” He looks up. “Can you ever forgive me for what I did to you? For how I treated you?”

  “It’s already done, Dad. I’ve already forgiven you. I understand why it happened like it did. I’ve seen it a thousand times in my work. I know why you pushed me away.”

  “After I learned the truth, I couldn’t face you. I believed her over my own son. I made you leave home when I was the only parent you had left.”

  “It doesn’t matter anymore.” I smile. “You have to forgive yourself too. You have to let it go just like I have.”

  He shakes his head. “I can’t. I think about it every day still.” He lowers his head. “I found your mom.”

  “What?”

  “I found her. I wasn’t able to talk to her before…”

  “Before what?”

  “She died. I found her in a cemetery.”

  “Oh.”

  “I wanted to ask her why she left. How she could look at her child’s face and walk out. I didn’t care about me. It didn’t matter if she didn’t love me, but I’ve never been able to understand why she left you. Because of her, Denise came into our lives.”

  “Dad, listen to me.” He looks up at me. “As much as I hate to say it, everything happened as it should have. Mom leaving, Denise and her actions, even what happened with us. I pursued a profession where I help people just like me. Because of that, I met the most amazing woman in the world and fell hard for her. She helped me see how what happened to me made me the person that she loves. What happened to me in the past is what brought her into my world. It’s okay now, Dad. It really is.”

  “You mean that?”

  “One hundred percent. I came here today to tell you that I forgive you. That I’m happy now even though it took me a long time to get here. I have a good life, and I hope a bright future with the woman I love. I want you in my life. If you want it, too.”

  Dad lowers his head and sobs. I walk to him and put my arm over his shoulder. “
It’s okay now, Dad.”

  Hours later, I stand outside looking down at the next address. I hope we can work this out the way we want to.

  BACK AT MY APARTMENT, I sit on my couch flipping channels looking for something that will interest me, when my phone rings. I smile at the caller ID before answering.

  “Hey, handsome,”

  “Hi, beautiful. Whatcha doing?”

  “Watching TV. Just hanging out. You?”

  “Ah, doing a little traveling today. Got a lot of business to take care of.”

  “Oh. Are we gonna talk soon about reconnecting?”

  “Absolutely. I’ll be there as soon as I can be. You know I miss you.”

  “I miss you too.”

  “Oh, before I forget, I sent you something. You should get it very soon.”

  “A gift?”

  “Yeah, a gift. I hope you love it.”

  “I would treasure anything from you.”

  “Good. I gotta go, but we’ll talk again soon. Love you.”

  “Love you too. Bye.”

  I hang up, smiling, and then look up when I hear a knock at my door. Oh, the gift arrived already.

  Walking over to it, I open it, and then step back in complete shock.

  “Surprise,” he says, smiling.

  “Oh my God!” I jump into his arms as he swings me around.

  “Hey, baby,” he says, grinning and kissing my face several times.

  “Come in.” I pull his wrist, closing the door behind him. “You’re the gift!”

  “Do you love it?”

  I laugh. “With all my heart.”

  He cups my face. “God, I missed you, Kaia.”

  “You did?”

  He nods. “I knew the minute you were gone that I couldn’t live without you anymore. When you left, all the light went with you.” He takes my hand in his. “Kaia, I’m an addict, but my only addiction is you.”

  I smile. “That makes two of us. “You cured me of one addiction and left me with another.”

  “I’ve never known what it felt like to yearn for another person until you were gone. Everywhere I went, I was reminded of you — your smile, your laugh, your sass. This separation made everything so clear. I want to live the rest of my life nurturing my addiction. I’ll never break free, and I’ll never try. I submit completely to its power over me. I promise you I’m going to love you until I take my last breath. Promise me you’ll let me.”