Live Like You Mean It

by Ava Stone

  “Brody!” Aiden called from the other end of the hallway, and then he raced toward us, throwing himself against my legs. “Airplane! Airplane!”

  Leah rolled her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she said.

  I winked at her in return. “Don’t be.” I released my hold on her and sank down to my haunches to look Aiden right in the eyes. “I had a feeling you were going to want some more planes.” I ruffled his hair. “You still have some paper?”

  His eyes lit up and he started for the staircase.

  “Your paper, Aiden,” Leah called after him. “Not Mommy’s.” Then she looked down at me and swiped at a tear. “Thank you for being so sweet to him.”

  “Yeah, of course.” I stood back up and kissed her cheek. “I love you, Leah. Aiden’s part of the package. I get that. He’s a great kid.”

  “Brody!” Mrs. Willett said as she spotted me from the staircase. “Leah said you weren’t coming this morning.”

  Yeah, I bet she had.

  “I thought his dad was still in town,” Leah quickly added, glancing up at me as if to make sure I wasn’t going to give her away.

  Huh. She hadn’t told her mother what had happened with Dad. I wondered why she wouldn’t. “He was supposed to be,” I lied. “Took an earlier flight. Hope it’s ok that I stopped by.”

  Leah’s mom smiled warmly. “You’re always welcome, right, Leah?”

  “Now and always,” she echoed my words from when we were out on the stoop, still staring up at me with those beautiful gray eyes. But then she glanced over at her mother. “Is Aunt Ginny ok?”

  “Just needed an address for one of our cousins.” Her mother nodded as she started toward the kitchen. “You done with the apples?”

  “Almost,” Leah called after her. “Be there in a sec.”

  And when her mother disappeared into the kitchen, it was just Leah and me. I looked down the hallway once more to make sure no one could over hear us. “You didn’t tell her about what happened?”

  “I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t tell anyone. Jason knows something happened, but we didn’t discuss any details. He might have said something to Mike. I don’t know.”

  I made a face. “Well, if your brother knows, I better hide now.”

  She frowned at me. “What?”

  I lowered my voice as I said, “He told me if I ever hurt you, they’d never find my body. So…”

  Her mouth fell open. “He did not say that.”

  I shrugged. “If I end up missing. Just remember I loved you.”

  “Don’t even tease about that.” Then she took my hand and pulled me down the hallway toward the kitchen. “I gotta finish peeling some apples.”

  And right then, I’d have followed her anywhere. Unfortunately, just as soon as we stepped into the kitchen, I spotted Jason Cole standing by the island, popping a piece of apple into his mouth.

  “Jason!” Leah complained. “Are you eating my apples?”

  The singer’s eyes narrowed on me, and his jaw tightened. He shook his head perceptibly and then turned his attention to Leah. “It was just a little piece.”

  “Yeah, well, now you can peel some apples.”

  “Happy to help,” he replied.

  My phone rang and Leah looked up at me.

  “Hold on a second.” I tugged my cell out of my back pocket and Johnny Staub’s name flashed on my screen.

  Shit. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to the music producer with Jason Cole nearby. The second to last thing I wanted to do was leave the kitchen right then, not with the look on Jason’s face, but I’d been waiting for this call ever since I’d gotten back from the Hayley Byrne concert.

  “Be right back,” I said. Then I answered my phone, “This is Brody,” as I quickly made my way back down the hallway toward the front door.

  “Golden boy!” Staub began, full of energy, like usual. “Hayley loved you.”

  I couldn’t help but smile. Everything was starting to go my way again. Leah, the tour, everything I wanted in life. “That’s great. She was really cool.”

  “We gotta schedule a time to get you in the studio and get your songs polished and mixed.”

  “Great!” I said. “We have fall break coming up soon. I could—”

  “We have to get you in when we have studio time. Probably can’t work around your school schedule.”

  I could miss a few days. It wouldn’t be the end of the world. “Oh, yeah, no problem.”

  “Might be a while. But once we get an opening for time, I’ll let you know.”

  “Thanks, Mr. Staub. I’ll just wait to hear from you then.”

  It was so cold as we sat on the park bench. Probably the last day we could go to the park until spring. Aiden was running around and splashing through a pile of fallen leaves with a couple other little boys while Brody and I looked on. Life was, in so many ways, perfect.

  The last several weeks had been some of the best days of my life. When I wasn’t at school or work, Brody was with me. I went to every performance I could make. He spent every weekend at my house, when he wasn’t at practice or performing somewhere. Mike even decided he liked him. And Jason managed to get along with him fairly well. Mom adored him. Aiden worshiped him. And I loved him more with each passing day. I couldn’t even picture that smooth player who’d stumbled into the ER that first night. That’s not who Brody was, if he’d ever really been that person. He was everything I’d ever wanted in life but didn’t believe existed.

  I rested my head against him, and Brody slid his arm around my shoulders, warming me more than a little.

  He pressed a kiss to the top of my head, then said, “My mom wants you to come to Atlanta for Thanksgiving.”

  Atlanta? I looked up at him, a little surprised. He had, after all, vowed that he never wanted to lay eyes on his father ever again. “You’re going home?”

  Brody shrugged slightly. “She asked me to. I told her I wouldn’t come without you and Aiden.”

  The fact that he thought of us all together made my heart lift in my chest. Still… “I’m afraid of whatever your dad might say to Aiden.” My little boy was just three, but he hadn’t ever been around anyone like Preston Campbell in his life. Though I couldn’t image what awful things Brody’s father might say to my son, the probability that he would do so did make me worry.

  “I’m happy to stay here,” he said.

  And my family would happily have him for Thanksgiving, not that it was fair of me to keep him from his own family. “If you want to go home,” I started.

  “I want to be with you.” He smiled down at me. “I mean, Bryce’ll be disappointed that we’re not coming. He’s been coming up with all sort of things you can dump on Dad’s head, but…”

  Totally embarrassed, I hid my face against his chest, which only made him laugh.

  Before he could say anything else, his phone rang. I sat up so he could tug his cell out of his pocket. He smiled like a little boy on Christmas morning when he looked down at the screen. “Hi, Mr. Staub.” He paused for a minute and then added, “This week? Uh, yeah, I can make that work.” Then he winked at me. “Could you book two tickets? I’d kinda like to bring my girlfriend, if that’s ok.”

  Bring me where? And who was Mr. Staub?

  “Yeah, she’s, uh, like my own personal nurse. Just in case my vocal chords get strained or something.” His grin widened. “Thanks. I’ll email you our full names and birthdates, then.” And then he hung up and slid his phone back into his pocket.

  “Who was that?” I asked.

  That was the beginning of the rest of our lives. Johnny Staub had finally gotten me booked in the schedule. I was finally gonna record my album with a real life producer, one of the best in the business. And I couldn’t help but smile. “You ever hear of Johnny Staub?”

  “I don’t think so.” She shook her head.

  “He’s the head of Mein Music,” I explained. “He’s a star maker, Leah. The best of the best. He’s produced Hayley Byrne and Ryan Mora
n.”

  “Hayley Byrne?”

  “And he wants me.”

  “He wants you?” she echoed, blinking her gray eyes up at me.

  Pride swelled in my chest and I sat a little taller. “He’s ready to produce a debut album. And he wants us to come out to LA this week to record the first few singles.”

  “That’s great, Brody!” She smiled and it was like that ray of sunshine settling on me again. “Can he get Desolate Sun into Walmart and Target? That sort of thing?”

  Shit. I hadn’t explained this very well. “Actually, it’s just me, Leah. Not the rest of the band.”

  “Just you?” She sat back a bit, her eyes wide.

  I didn’t like the way she said that, like she thought I was an ass or something. “You know, opportunities like this don’t come around every day. I may never get another shot at this.”

  “It sounds like a big deal.” She looked like she was thinking that over. “But I can’t go to LA this week, Brody. I’ve got school and Aiden and work.”

  “It’ll just be for a few days,” I urged. “I’m sure we could talk your mom into keeping Aiden for a few days. I’d really like for you to be there with me, babe.”

  “And school and work?” She looked pretty far from happy all of a sudden, which was the exact opposite of how I felt.

  Shouldn’t she be happy for me? Artists worked their whole lives for an opportunity like this. “So you’re not coming, then? You don’t even want to try to figure out a way?”

  She raked a hand through her hair. “I’m just trying to sort this all out. It came out of nowhere.”

  “Not nowhere,” I muttered. “I’ve been working on this deal a long time.”

  “Yeah, well, you haven’t said anything to me about it until today.” She frowned. “So you’re gonna go to LA for a few days to record. Then what? Come back and pick back up with the band, and then what?”

  Pick back up with the band? She didn’t get this at all. “Leah, Desolate Sun was fine while I was here. But I’m graduating soon, and I can’t stay in Virginia forever. Staub’s behind me. He’s set it up so I can open for Hayley Byrne’s tour next year. This is big stuff, Leah. Star making stuff.”

  “Hayley Byrne?” Her frown deepened. “Is that why you went to her concert a few months ago?”

  I nodded. She was finally seeing how big this was. “Everyone with the tour was great. It’s gonna be the best exposure, babe. Just wait. We are in for a wild ride. I really wish you’d come to LA so you can see what I mean.”

  “So you’ve known for months that you were going to be leaving Wheston?”

  “I graduate this winter,” I stressed. “There’s no reason I’d stay here beyond that.” I mean, I had my whole life ahead of me. And living it out in Wheston, Virginia wasn’t in my plans, it never had been. “The band would have to replace me then anyway.”

  “They know you’re leaving? Jason knows and didn’t tell me?”

  I shook my head. “I didn’t want to say anything to them until it was a done deal. But it is now. It’s done. Staub’s gonna produce me and I’m gonna have what I always wanted, what I’ve worked for my whole life. Come on, Leah, this is huge. Be happy for me.”

  God, I was the biggest idiot on the planet. I thought I was going to be sick. All this time he knew he was going to leave me, but he let me think that our futures were together. If I had a dollar for every time he’d said always or forever… “What are we even doing, Brody?”

  He frowned at me like I’d asked him to explain nuclear fusion on a whim. “What are we doing?” he echoed. “Babe, I don’t want to fight with you.”

  Shit. My stomach tightened and bile rose up in my throat. “You. Me. Us.” I gestured to the space between us. “What are we doing together? We’re not heading the same place at all.” I wasn’t even sure if we were living on the same planet.

  His frown darkened. “What are you talking about, Leah?”

  “Do you even hear yourself?” I shook my head. “You can’t wait to get out of Virginia. You can’t wait to get to LA to fuck your friends over. You—”

  “Hey!” His jaw tightened. “Any one of them would do the same thing I’m doing if they had the chance.”

  Maybe. But that wasn’t really the point. He hadn’t even told them his plans to see what they’d think, and while that was none of my business, not really – it certainly put into perspective what he might be telling me. It certainly put into perspective the differing visions of our respective futures. “Is that you talking or your dad?”

  A muscle twitched in his neck, like he was biting back his temper. “Don’t ever compare me to him.”

  What he was doing to the band was one thing. It was a shitty thing, for sure. But… it didn’t really have anything to do with me. And I couldn’t blame him for wanting to grab the brass ring in front of him. He wanted a hit record and nonstop tours and adoring fans. And I could see why he wanted all of that. It just wasn’t my path. And it couldn’t be. “You know, this is home for me.”

  “Yeah,” he bit out, probably still pissed over the comment I made about his dad.

  “And you can’t wait to leave it—” I shrugged as emotion started to lodge in my throat “—and me behind.”

  Realization seemed to dawn on him. His mouth opened and his brow furrowed, as if this was the first time he’d truly thought about what going on tour really meant, at least in regards to us. And the fact that it was, apparently, the first time he’d thought about it almost ripped my heart from my chest. All his talk of now and always meant absolutely nothing at the end of the day. He was leaving Wheston, the band, and me all in one fell swoop.

  “That’s not what I mean at all, Leah. I want you to come out this week.”

  “This week.” I tried so hard to keep tears from trickling down my cheeks. “But next week I’ll be here and the week after that and next year and…”

  “Yeah, but—” He ran a hand down his face. “Well, you’re not gonna stay here forever, are you?”

  “Forever?” Honestly, I hadn’t planned on being anywhere else. My mom was here. Aiden was here. My life was here. I could be a nurse anywhere, though. It was one of the benefits to the career. Everyone needed nurses. But I wasn’t ready to go anywhere else just yet. “I have two more years left of school. I’m not going anywhere until then.”

  He winced at that. “Two years isn’t that long.”

  With him on tour every night with Hayley Byrne? Groupies and hot girls in different cities every night? I didn’t go looking for tabloid news, but I heard enough about athletes and rock stars and even politicians who found it only too easy to cheat when their girlfriend or wife wasn’t around. I didn’t know if was an out of sight out of mind thing or just guys getting lonely and being stupid. It didn’t really matter what it was. The outcome was the same, and two years might as well be a lifetime. Besides… “Wheston is Aiden’s home too, Brody.” It was one thing to ask me to uproot myself with no real plan and another to ask that of a three year old.

  His blue eyes narrowed in annoyance. “Are you just trying to find reasons why this won’t work?”

  What a stupid thing to say. “My son is not me looking for reasons. I have to take his best interests into consideration. It’s something parents do. Forgive me for not having the carefree life that you do where everyone is expendable.”

  That muscle in his jaw twitched again. “Each one of those guys would jump at an offer from Johnny Staub, Leah. Even Jason.”

  Maybe. Maybe not. But Desolate Sun wasn’t my main concern. “I wasn’t talking about them.”

  “Well, what are you saying, so that I’m clear? Is this you breaking up with me? Is that what this is?”

  My throat constricted and my heart felt like it was ripping in two. “I guess it is.” Shit. I’d somehow always known this would be the outcome. I must’ve. I think it was why I fought so hard against falling in love with him in the beginning. I’d known subconsciously that there wasn’t any way our paths cou
ld align. We were too different. And we wanted different things out of life. But I’d stupidly fallen in love with him anyway. And I doubted I’d ever recover from it. One more brilliant Leah Willett life choice.

  I pushed off the bench and started for Aiden. I had to get home, away from Brody and fall in a puddle on my bed and cry until I didn’t have any tears left.

  “Where are you going?” He sounded panicked all of a sudden.

  I shook my head as I scooped Aiden up in my arms. I wasn’t even sure if I could find my voice to answer him. “There’s no reason to stay.”

  Once I’d come to that understanding, that we had no future together, I wasn’t about to stay there any longer. We couldn’t keep living the way we had been, not with a ticking clock just waiting to go off. Continuing like that would only hurt me worse in the end. And I was plenty enough hurt as it was.

  Brody heaved an irritated sigh. “I can’t believe you’re trying to make me feel guilty about this, Leah. This is my life, my career, what I’ve always wanted.”

  Numbness began to sweep over me. “I’m not trying to make you feel anything. You’re on your path, and now that I know what that is, there’s no reason to continue.”

  “Mommy?” Aiden said softly as he touched one of his little hands to my cheeks.

  “It’s ok, sweetie,” I promised, though things were far from ok.

  “Leah.” Brody reached his hand out to stop us from leaving the park. “Don’t go.”

  “Good luck on tour,” I said while I could still speak. And then I rushed to the sidewalk and started for home before I fell into a puddle of tears right there in front of him in the middle of the park.

  I couldn’t believe she’d left me. Well, it was Leah who always seemed to leave me if she didn’t get her way or if her sensibilities were offended, but… Well, this felt more final than the other times. This was like she really meant it.

  What a bunch of bullshit that was too. Why should she mean it? I was just going to record my songs this week. And me being on tour after graduation…I’d have to go somewhere after graduation anyway. Not Atlanta, not working for Dad, but somewhere. I couldn’t stay in Wheston forever, and it wasn’t fair for her to try to make me feel guilty about that. What did she think was going to happen when I graduated? That I’d just live here, play bass for Desolate Sun and never do anything with my life? That wasn’t realistic. What make believe world was she living in?