Live Like You Mean It

by Ava Stone

  Giggling sounded outside my front door and then Cade burst inside with some blonde right behind him. His eyes widened when he spotted me on the love seat. “I thought you were at Leah’s today.”

  “Nope,” I said and scrubbed a hand across my face. “Hey, I, uh, need to talk to you.”

  “What’d I do now?” Cade grumbled and the blonde beside him blinked at me. I’d never seen her before. Just another one of the girls he paraded into his bedroom these days.

  “Just need to talk to all of you.” I sighed. “Daniel, Jason, you.”

  Cade’s brow furrowed and he scratched his chin. “That bad, huh?”

  Guess it depended on who you were. “I’m gonna text the others. Just don’t go anywhere, ok?”

  “Yeah.” He nodded. Then he glanced over at the blonde and said, “We do this some other time, Amber?”

  She looked from Cade to me and back and then shrugged. “Sure. Just call me.”

  “Yeah,” he said as she opened the door and left the two of us alone.

  I sent a group text to Jason and Daniel. Need 2 talk 2 u. My apartment. ASAP

  It didn’t take long for the other two to show up. Jason arrived first, his usual contempt for me rolling off him in waves. He’d probably already seen Leah. I wondered if she’d told him or if she’d even said anything about me at all. Daniel wasn’t just a minute or so behind him and in no time, the four of us were gathered around Cade’s and my living room.

  “You’re quitting,” Cade said before I could say anything.

  I supposed there wasn’t another reason I’d have called them all together, not the way I’d done so, anyway. “After graduation.” I nodded.

  Daniel blew out a breath. “Guess I should have seen that coming.”

  Then he was more reasonable than Leah. “There’s more,” I said, because there was more and they did have a right to know. These guys had been my friends for years…Well, not Jason, but he had a right to know too, I supposed. “I’m going on tour with Hayley Byrne next year.”

  “What?” Jason blinked at me. “How did you…?”

  I shrugged as I said, “I’ve been talking to Johnny Staub for a while. I’m going out to LA this week to record a couple singles for him.”

  “Johnny Staub?” Daniel echoed, his voice in awe. “That’s why you’ve been writing.”

  “You’ve been writing?” Cade asked.

  “When I first started talking to him, I was trying to swing something for the whole band, but…” I sighed, remembering how that conversation had gone. “He’s only interested in a solo artist.”

  “Hey.” Cade lifted both of his hands. “You’d be an idiot to pass up the opportunity. I mean, Johnny fucking Staub. Shit.”

  “Absolutely,” Daniel added. “I can’t even believe your luck. That’s fucking awesome, man. How did you meet him?”

  Relief washed over me. They weren’t pissed. They were great. They were and always would be my friends. “My aunt’s on a charity board that Staub’s wife chairs.” I smiled a bit. “Just lucky she didn’t tell my dad. But she likes him about as much as I do.”

  Cade laughed.

  “None of my business, I know,” Jason started, his voice pretty quiet, “but where does all of this leave Leah?”

  I met his gaze and had a feeling he already knew the answer to that question. He’d been angry when he showed up. He had to have seen her at brunch. I didn’t expect him to have my back, and certainly not when it came to Leah. “She dumped me,” I said and ignored the shocked sounds and expressions from Cade and Daniel. “And there’s nothing I can do about that. So…”

  “Shit,” Daniel whispered.

  “You ok?” Cade asked, his brow furrowed in concern.

  I was pretty far from ok. But there wasn’t anything I could about it. So focusing on Staub, on the songs I was going to record, on what happened next was the best thing to do to keep my mind off her, if that was even possible. Besides, I’d worked too long and too hard on this deal with Staub. I couldn’t fuck it up now.

  Mein Music was smaller than I expected. Though, I wasn’t really sure what I expected. The recording booth was small and the mixing room smelled like cigars. But I got my songs recorded, six songs in all, which wasn’t bad considering we had just two days in the booth.

  And the songs sounded fucking awesome. Staub knew what he was doing and the mixes were downright perfect. I was going to have everything I ever wanted…or mostly.

  I tried not to think about Leah, and that was easier to do when I was in the booth. But at night, in the hotel, when it was just me…Her face flashed in my mind when I was awake and she haunted my dreams when I wasn’t. I’d texted her once, after I landed. But she hadn’t replied and that spoke louder than words. How the fuck was I going to get her out of my system? For the last few months she’d been the most important part of my life. Every thought I had revolved around her. Would she like this? Could she do that? Should we get married? The answer to that last one was pretty clear now.

  At one point, all I’d thought about was my career, my future and how I was going to make that happen. Until she’d come along. But I had to get back on track, one way or another. She was through with me. My future was bright and promising and I’d worked hard to get there. And that was what I needed to keep my mind on. The album, each single, the set for the tour.

  Daniel picked me up at the airport and wanted every last detail. Who I’d met, what I’d seen, and how everything had gone.

  “A limo picked me up at LAX,” I said. “Took me straight to this high end strip club.”

  “There are high end strip clubs?” Daniel cast me a sidelong glance, keeping one eye on the road.

  “Apparently there are in LA.” I shrugged. “Anyway, Staub gets me a drink to celebrate and after a while slaps a contract down in front of me.” I snorted at the memory. “All kinds of shit wrong with that contract. If I’d signed it, I’d have given away rights to my first born child.”

  “What?” Daniel breathed out, his shock echoing through the car

  “Yeah. Pretty sure he thought between the drink and the bouncing tits I’d be too distracted to see what he was putting in front of me.” But the only bouncing tits I wanted to see were back in Virginia and the ache in my heart had kept me focused on the task at hand. “Anyway, we went through like three versions of the contract until I finally signed. He said I should have gone to law school instead of business school.”

  “Shit.” Daniel shook his head. “I would have signed the first thing he gave me, I bet.”

  And a lot of people would have. A lot of people wanted that big break so badly they wouldn’t even read the fine print. “Yeah, well, Preston Campbell didn’t raise you. From the time I could walk, I’ve heard my dad talk about contracts and how the nicest looking people are just trying to fuck you over.”

  “He wasn’t mad or anything? Johnny Staub?”

  “No.” I glanced out the window, watching the countryside of Virginia race past us. “It was just business. He was fine. Anyway, we got into the studio the next day and Ryan Moran was there.”

  “Shit. You met Ryan Moran?”

  I didn’t even try to hide my smile when I said, “He sang back up on one of my songs.”

  The car slowed down, like Daniel had taken his foot off the gas. “Ryan Moran - the fucking Ryan Moran with like a dozen fucking Grammys - sang backup for you?”

  “Yeah.” And it had been an amazing cut too.

  “I think I’m as excited for you as I would be if it was me.”

  And I believed him. That’s who Daniel was. A good guy, through and through. “You know if this turns out, if all the stars align, I want you to be there too. You and Cade. You know I’ll do what I can,” I promised.

  “Just enjoy the ride for now, Brody. There’s no telling what’ll happen down the road.”

  That was true. I could completely bomb or maybe my songs wouldn’t find an audience. But I couldn’t think that way. I had to focus on bein
g a success. And when I was successful, I’d bring my friends with me. They were like brothers in a lot of ways. Shit, I liked all of them, even Jason, more than I did Braden.

  “So what’s next?” Daniel asked.

  “I’ll go out again to record another couple songs for a debut album. But in the meantime, I gotta get my social media back to where it used to be.” I’d taken all that shit down when I met Leah, but it all had to go back up.

  “Pretty sure we can help you with that.” Daniel grinned. “Oh, I put up a shitload of flyers all over campus, looking for a bass player. I’m hoping you help us find the right guy.”

  “Yeah, of course.” I mean, it was the least I could do, right?

  The more time I spent in the Sidbury Library, the more accustomed I became to its musty odor. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad one. Good that I was studying more, bad that the odor seemed more normal.

  I was the first one to arrive at the study group, and I slid into a seat against the far wall. It was so strange just sitting there in the quiet all alone. Nothing had been quiet in my life for a pretty long time and certainly not this last week.

  I’d been such a mess since that day in the park. I just kept replaying that conversation over and over again in my head. I hadn’t overreacted, had I? No, I hadn’t. Brody was going to leave as soon as he graduated and I’d still be here. It was better to rip the Band-Aid off now than suffer through the next couple months, knowing he was leaving and never coming back. Why would I do that to myself? It was better to start the healing process sooner. I mean, it had to hurt less this way, right? I certainly couldn’t bear it if it hurt more.

  “You ok?” Kevin asked from the doorway and my eyes locked with his.

  Though he never mentioned the ride he’d given me home from The Bridge that night, we both remembered it. I could always see it in his eyes if I was more quiet than usual or if I’d had a bad day, like he was trying to figure out if Brody had done something that upset me. But we never talked about it. We both pretended nothing had happened.

  But right then we were the only two people in the room. And I could see that same worry, that same concern in his eyes again.

  “Yeah. Fine,” I lied. “You ok?”

  “I guess,” he replied and slid into a seat across from me.

  And then the rest of the group began filtering into room. Ashley breezed inside and dropped into an open spot beside me. “Hey.” She looked me over like she knew something I didn’t. “Why is Desolate Sun getting a new bass player? Something happen with your boyfriend?”

  How did Ashley know anything about that? “What?” I breathed out.

  She slid a white flyer across the table for me to see. Bass player needed for an established band. Interested parties, please contact Daniel@DesolateSun.com

  It was real. Brody really was leaving. And even though I already knew that, it felt like I’d been punched in gut. Damn him for chasing after me and making me fall in love with him. Damn him straight to hell.

  I felt Kevin’s eyes on me, but I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t. He’d see the truth written across my face and then I’d burst into tears. “Brody’s, uh, gonna be going on tour with Hayley Byrne,” I said and was surprised that my voice didn’t even crack.

  “That’s cool!” Ashley gushed. “Do you get to meet her?”

  I wondered if I would have met the pop star if I’d gone to that concert with Brody all those many weeks ago. Would he have told me then what he was planning to do? Or would he have kept it from me somehow? Not that it mattered now one way or the other. But I did wonder. How would things have been different if I had gone that night?

  “Leah?” Ashley said my name, sounding kinda impatient.

  “Yeah?” I asked, snapping back to the present.

  “Do you get to meet Hayley Byrne?” she asked again.

  “No, I won’t get to meet her.” I shook my head, then added, “Brody and I broke up.”

  Ashley gasped right along with Ravita.

  “What?” Melody asked, her mouth dropping open.

  “We should really get started on philosophy,” Kevin said, his voice so calm and steady, always the voice of reason.

  But everyone was still looking at me like I’d sprouted a third eye.

  “You ok?” Ashley whispered.

  I nodded, not because it was true, but because I had to be. “Can we just focus on philosophy?”

  “Yeah, yeah,” she said. “Sure.” Then she slowly retrieved the flyer and slid it back into her bag before pulling out her textbook.

  I barely remembered most of the session and I probably should have skipped it. But I’d needed something to focus on. When the room started to empty out, I slid my bag over my shoulder and went for the door.

  Kevin was still in his spot, and he looked up as I got closer. “You wanna grab a coffee or something?”

  I heaved a sigh. I wasn’t ready for that. I wasn’t ready for anything even remotely like a date. “I’m not very good company right now, Kevin.”

  He nodded, like that made sense. “Yeah, well, you don’t have to be. We’re friends. I’m worried about you.”

  I said quietly, “I’ll be fine.”

  He nodded again. “Well, if you change your mind, you have my number.”

  “Thanks.” I smiled. “You’re a nice guy.”

  He winced in response. “Why’d you have to go and say that?”

  “What?” I almost laughed.

  He rolled his eyes as he pushed out of his seat. “I’m a nice guy. And here I thought we were friends, then you say the worst thing in the world to me.”

  I did laugh then. “You are nice.” He’d been one of the nicest guys I’d ever met between helping me study and picking me up off the side of the road when I was in a terrible state.

  “Yeah, well, that type of guy has been known to finish last and I don’t want that to be me.”

  “Well, I’m pretty sure you’re gonna finish at the top of the class.”

  He smiled slightly, and his dark eyes twinkled just a bit. “I’m just gonna put it out on the line, Leah. I wanted to ask you out way before you started dating that guy, and now that you’re not, I don’t want some other guy to come along while I’ve got my head in an anatomy book. And I know breakups suck, and I know you’re not gonna be in the mood to start seeing anyone right now. But I’m throwing my hat in the ring for when you are, however long that takes. And in the meantime, I’m just a friend. A friend who’ll pick up a coffee tab and a friend who’ll be here if you need me. I’m a pretty good listener.”

  As far as declarations went, it was really sweet. And nice. He was nice even if he didn’t want to be. “Thanks, Kevin. I have to work tonight, but maybe we can do coffee soon.”

  His smile widened. “I’d like that.”

  I hadn’t planned on leaving Wheston before the end of the term, I’d planned on graduating. But when Johnny Staub called and said Hayley needed to fill a suddenly empty spot right away, I jumped at the chance to leave. What did I need that diploma for anyway? I’d already made my deal with Mein Music and there was nothing else keeping me in Virginia. Besides, I was barely focusing on my classes or anything else these days. Missing Leah got stronger every passing day and getting out of Wheston as fast as I could might be the only thing that could save my sanity.

  The guys had been great when I told them. They took the news that I was leaving now rather than later better than I might have hoped. I’d miss them, but I had my whole life in front of me, and a whole lot of heartache to leave behind.

  It was bittersweet playing with them one last time at The Keep, a local club that we’d played at a hundred times over the years. I supposed as far as send-offs went, playing there was about as perfect as one could be. A lot of memories in the place, some good, some not so good. But it embodied Wheston and the years I’d spent there in school.

  We were nearing the end of our first set when a group filtered into the room at the back. A group that L
eah was part of. Shit. I hadn’t seen her in weeks and the sight of her now on my last night in town was like acid to my heart.

  I missed a note but got back on key a second later. Shit. There was a guy with her.

  Brilliant fucking Kevin, huh? That grated beyond words. I could only shake my head in frustration and try to block Leah from my thoughts. Brilliant fucking Kevin! Had he nearly killed himself getting her to go out with him? Had he make a fleet of paper airplanes for Aiden? Was he sleeping with her? God, the idea of that prick sliding his hands over her bare skin made my jaw clench in frustration.

  I hadn’t been able to think about much since that day she’d walked out on me for the last time. Each and every memory I had of making love to her haunted me day in and day out. And right now those memories tore at my soul, especially when brilliant fucking Kevin draped his arm around Leah’s shoulders.

  The sooner I got out of Wheston, the sooner I got on tour with Hayley Byrne, the sooner I could forget I ever knew Leah Willett. If that was even possible.

  I caught Daniel’s concerned gaze across the riser. He was trying to tell if I was going to throw my bass on the stage and leap into the crowd to knock brilliant Kevin’s fucking head off his brilliant fucking shoulders. And as much I’d love to do that, I wouldn’t. I wasn’t Cade. Of course if brilliant fucking Kevin reached his hand into Leah’s shirt like that Pi Kapp had done with Kelsey, all bets were off.

  Getting through the end of the set was fucking torture. I didn’t miss another note, but I was on autopilot from having played each of our songs so many times I could do it in my sleep.

  Leah’s eyes never left me and she looked…she looked like everything I never knew I wanted until right then. But it was too late. It had been too late weeks ago. I’d just been too fucking stupid to realize it.