Live Like You Mean It

by Ava Stone

  As the last song in the set came to an end, Cade came up beside me. “You all right, man?”

  “Yeah,” I lied, since there was no point in telling the truth.

  Jason leaned his guitar against a stool then shot a glare in my direction and said, “Don’t even think about it.”

  As though Jason Cole’s opinion was supposed to mean something to me. “Fuck off,” I grumbled in return. Then I handed Cade my bass and stepped off the riser, into the crowd.

  Leah turned her head to say something to brilliant Kevin, probably warning him that they should go. But the time for them to go without encountering me had come and gone while the band was playing. Besides, I hadn’t seen her this close in so long and my heart actually ached for her.

  “Leah,” I said softly, once I reached them.

  Brilliant Kevin frowned at me. “Why don’t you leave her alone?”

  “Why don’t you let her answer for herself?” I growled. God. What could she possibly see in that prick?

  Leah’s gray eyes lifted to mine and I felt it deep in my soul. God, I’d never hurt so badly as I did right then, knowing I’d lost her, knowing I was leaving forever and I’d never see her again.

  “You sounded great tonight.” Her soft voice floated around my heart. Always so sweet. Always so good. Better than me in every fucking way.

  “Thanks,” I said. “You look great.”

  That familiar blush stained her cheeks and every lustful desire, every loving want, every need I’d ever had for her came crashing back over me like a tidal wave.

  “Thanks.”

  I glanced at brilliant Kevin, warning him to back the fuck off. Then I looked back at Leah and said, “I’m leaving to go on tour tomorrow. Can I just talk to you for a minute?”

  Brilliant Kevin’s hand landed on her shoulder and I swear to God it was all I could do not to rip it right off his arm.

  She sighed and then smiled slightly. “Sure.”

  I gestured toward the parking lot and then followed her through the crowd to the exit. Cool air whipped around us as soon as we hit the pavement outside the club. She shivered and there was nothing more I wanted than to wrap my arms around her and keep her warm for the rest of my life.

  “I’m sorry.” She shook her head. “If I’d known Desolate Sun was going to be playing tonight, I’d have never come. And we should have left, but I…”

  “I’m glad you’re here,” I said. And I was. It hurt like hell to see her with someone else. And the fact that it was that prick Kevin was like acid to my soul. But being close enough to touch her had lifted my heart more than it had been in weeks.

  “Good luck on tour.” She smiled. “You’re gonna kill ‘em, I’m sure.”

  “I miss you, Leah.” There. I’d said it. I should have said it long before now. I should have done something about it long before now.

  It looked like she was going to cry. That had to mean something, didn’t it? Like she missed me too? “Don’t.” She shook her head. “You’re leaving and nothing’s changed. So don’t do that to me.”

  Don’t do that to her? She was the one ripping the heart out of my chest. She was the one who’d showed up at my gig with that douche Kevin as her date. “Come with me,” I said before I could even think about what I was saying.

  “What?” She looked at me like I was crazy.

  But it wasn’t such a bad idea, was it? We could start over on tour. We could leave Wheston, and her family and everything else behind us. “Come with me. We’ll finish out the tour, and then get a great apartment by the ocean before I have to go—”

  “I’m still in school, Brody.”

  Was that all? I was going to hit it big. And with her by my side… “Babe, we’ll be fine. We’ll have everything we need—”

  “I can’t just uproot Aiden. I can’t follow you wherever. He needs stability and I need it too.”

  So she was going to throw away everything we could have just for stability’s sake? “I can be stable,” I vowed.

  A sad laugh escaped her. “You’re the furthest thing from it, Brody.” Her gray eyes filled with tears. “I love you so much it hurts. And I want you to have everything you’ve worked for. The lights, the tours, everything. But we’re not on the same path in life. I can’t live that life. I can’t. I have Aiden. And—”

  I leaned forward and kissed her. God, it was like being home again. Her soft lips molded to mine and she kissed me back with everything she had. My tongue swept into her mouth and her hands slid up my chest to settle on my shoulders, lighting fire everywhere she touched. She tasted like a familiar heaven – lemonade, Leah, and home all rolled together.

  She moaned and my cock throbbed painfully in my jeans. Every part of me missed every part of her. Every fucking part. I kissed her harder, wanting to hold onto her with everything I had for all time and eternity, wanting her to come with me, wanting her to want me as much as I did her. God, how had we not made this work? What the fuck was wrong with me? Why had I let her walk away that last time?

  Leah pulled back slightly. Tears started to trail down her cheeks as she blinked up at me. “I can’t do this.”

  “Leah,” I begged.

  But she shook her head. “Goodbye, Brody. Good luck. I really mean it.” And then she stepped out of my hold and rushed back into the club. Leaving me alone. Again.

  It was over. It was really over. I felt like my heart had been crushed and then stomped on and that I’d been left for dead. Maybe I was dead. Dead inside. And if that was the case, then maybe she’d done me a favor. Now I could go on tour and I wouldn’t have to think about her. I wouldn’t have to miss her. I wouldn’t have to love her anymore.

  But the one thing I couldn’t do – not now – I couldn’t go back in and finish another set with the guys. Not with her in there. Not with that prick Kevin in there with his hand on her shoulder like it belonged there. I just couldn’t.

  Shit. I’d been doing better…Well, marginally better. And then there he was. And we should have left. We shouldn’t have stayed, but when I saw him, I couldn’t make myself leave. It had been so long since I’d seen him, but even still, I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

  I missed everything about him. His voice, his touch, the feel of his hair through my fingers, his Dolce & Gabbana cologne, the way my heart lifted whenever he was near. And now, after that kiss, after his suggestion that I leave my life behind and travel the world with him, I could barely think straight.

  I walked back into the club and headed straight for the bathroom to make sure I didn’t have tearstains down my cheeks, but Jason stood right in my path. “Hey Jase,” I said, trying desperately to hold back my tears.

  “What are you doing here, Leah?” He frowned.

  “I didn’t know Desolate Sun was playing tonight.” And I hadn’t. One of Kevin’s friends had suggested a bunch of us go out and he’d finally talked me into being the tiniest bit social.

  “Well, you knew it when you walked in.” His frown deepened and he looked out toward the parking lot. “I think the guy’s a dick, but you’re fucking with his head. He’s been a mess ever since he got back from LA and now that he’s finally leaving for good—”

  “I’m sorry.” I lost the battle with my tears and started crying. “I shouldn’t have stayed. I know. I love him, Jase, and I miss him and I just couldn’t walk out. I mean, I’ll never see him again.”

  Jason blew out a breath and pulled me into his arms. “Shit, Leah,” he whispered. “When did everything stop making sense?”

  “I don’t know.” And I didn’t. Shit, my heart was in shreds and I doubted I’d ever feel fine again.

  Fucking weather delay. I was supposed to leave Dulles at nine o’clock that morning, which should have given me plenty of time to get to Houston in time for the concert. I should have been there hours ago. I’d still probably make it on time, but I certainly wasn’t as relaxed as I’d like to be. And all the extra time in the airport was only giving me time to think and wonde
r if I was totally fucking up my life.

  I love you so much it hurts.

  But we’re not on the same path in life.

  She was right. We weren’t on the same path and we hadn’t been since day one. But I loved her anyway. I loved her more than I’d ever loved anyone. But if I’d never met her, I’d be floating up to the clouds right now, fucking stoked with my good luck. But I had met her and I’d spent the last four hours at Dulles airport wondering if I was doing the right thing. I’d worked my whole life to get to where I was going tonight. On a stage in front of sold out crowd of 40,000.

  “Mr. Campbell.” Jack Price stood in front of me. He’d come out of nowhere. What the fuck?

  “Uh, hi, Mr. Price. What are you doing here?”

  He dropped into the spot beside me. “Heading to Atlanta. You?”

  Atlanta? Shit. “You gonna see my dad?”

  He shrugged. “Probably. I’m speaking at a conference tomorrow morning, but I’ll probably see Preston while I’m in town. You headed home?”

  I hadn’t told my family anything about what I was doing. Not about Johnny Staub, not about Hayley Byrne, not that Leah had dumped me. Part of me was afraid my dad would fly to Virginia and find some way to keep me from leaving school. And even though that didn’t make any sense, I just didn’t want to deal with the drama that telling them the truth would make me have to deal with. “Houston,” I said. “Do me a favor and don’t mention you saw me, ok?”

  A quizzical looked flashed across the professor’s face. “Don’t mention you’re dropping out of school and going on tour with one of the biggest names in music?”

  A laugh escaped me. “You heard about that, huh?”

  “Everyone’s heard about that.” He turned in his uncomfortable airport seat to see me better. “You’re just a few weeks away from graduating, Brody. What are you thinking?”

  That I couldn’t get away from Wheston fast enough, not with Leah there haunting my every step with my memories of her. “Opportunities like this don’t come around every day, Mr. Price. You’ve said yourself, grasping opportunities when they’re presented can mean the difference between success and failure.”

  He smiled. “I had no idea you actually listened to my lectures.”

  I shrugged. “Well, you went up a couple notches when you suggested a path other than my father’s.”

  He laughed. “I know Preston just wants what’s best for you.”

  I shook my head at that. “He just wants to control me and everyone else around him.”

  “We’re now boarding flight 9835 for Houston Bush International through gate C-5 for zones one and two,” a beleaguered voice came over the intercom.

  My flight. “I’m zone three,” I said. “I better start over there.”

  Mr. Price nodded in agreement. “Good luck tonight.” Then he reached into his pocket and handed me his business card. “There are all kinds of opportunities for creative minds, Brody. Call me if you need anything, ok?”

  Like Jack Price was going to be in the position to help me. But I smiled and, “Thanks, Mr. Price,” anyway. Then I started for gate C-5 and the rest of my life.

  My eyes hurt. My cheeks were sore. And my heart had never ached so badly. Seeing Brody last night had sent me back weeks, to the same pain I’d suffered after that day in the park. Except back then, he wasn’t truly gone. There was still some hope in the back of my heart that things might work out.

  But he was really gone now. And the only chance I’d have to see him again would be in the audience at one of his concerts. He’d get on tour and forget he’d ever known me. If he ever thought of me, it would be fleeting and in passing.

  But I couldn’t have gone with him. I couldn’t. I had responsibilities to Aiden to my mom. I had school and I had to finish, that wasn’t an option.

  But knowing all of that in my head and it making sense in my heart were two different things.

  The door to my room pushed open and Aiden padded across the floor and launched himself onto my bed.

  “What are you doing, sweetie?” I asked. Shit, my voice sound scratchy like I’d been crying all night long.

  “You look weird.” He touched my face and his little hand came back with makeup smears all over it.

  “Mommy should have washed her face last night.” I said. I should have done a lot of things differently last night. I shouldn’t have gone out with Kevin and his friends. I shouldn’t have stayed when I realized Brody was at The Keep. I shouldn’t have kissed him. And I shouldn’t have gone to bed with my makeup on. Of all the ways I’d fucked up the night before, wearing my makeup to bed had been the least of my sins.

  Aiden snuggled against my chest and grabbed a handful of my hair, something he’d done when he was much younger and needed to be soothed. “I love you, Mommy.”

  My arms tightened around him and I kissed the top of his head. “I love you too, baby.”

  “Why do you look sad?” he asked softly.

  And I must look like a mess for him to realize something was wrong. I always tried to put on the bravest face for him. But I was so tired and miserable at the moment. “Mommy is sad.”

  “Why?” he asked.

  “I miss Brody,” I said.

  “I miss Brody too.”

  And then my heart hurt even more.

  I made it to Minute Maid Park with just two hours until show time. I was a nervous fucking wreck. I should have been there hours before then and run through my set at least once before going on stage before 40,000 people.

  The limo driver drove me to the talent entrance and promised to have my bags delivered to the Four Seasons for after the show. I walked up to the door, told the security guard who I was and then followed some event staff member through a maze of corridors until I we reached Hayley’s tour.

  Her drummer saw me and grinned like he was an old friend. “You made it!”

  “Hey, man.” I smiled as I crossed the back stage area until I reached him. “Shit weather in DC. Sorry about the close call.”

  “You made it. All that matters.” Then he waved his hand over his arm. “Hey, Amy! Brody Campbell’s here. You gotta clean him up and get him dressed. Smells like he’s spent all day at an airport.”

  I had spent all day at an airport. “Thanks, I think.”

  He laughed. “Yeah, no problem. You can do a sound check, man, but I don’t think you’re gonna have time for anything else.”

  “Great,” I grumbled. “Not like I’m nervous as shit as it is.” Running through my set at least once, songs I hadn’t really sung all that often, not like the covers the band usually played, would have made me feel a hell of a lot better about tonight. But time was ticking away. Fuck.

  “You’ll be fine.” Fashingbaur slapped me on the back just as a little red-headed girl rushed towards us. “Amy’s in charge of costume and makeup,” he said by way of introduction. “She’ll take care of you.”

  “Nice to meet you,” I said, as a fresh set of nerves washed over me.

  “Yeah, you too,” she said, not sounding it. “This way.” And then she pushed her way through the crowd backstage until we reached a set of dressing rooms. “The shower’s on the left, and there are towels on the counter. Go wash the airport off you and then we’ll get started.”

  “Thanks,” I said. Then I walked into the dressing room and found the shower easy enough. Honestly, it was a lot nicer than the bathroom Cade and I had shared back in Wheston. Little floral soaps and golden faucets.

  I stripped out of my clothes and dropped them on the floor by the shower door. Then I stepped into the shower and turned on the hot water. It felt awesome, like I was washing the airport off my skin, like I was starting the day over. I closed my eyes and let the warm water rain down on me. I was going to be ok tonight. This is what I’d worked so hard for. I knew the songs. I’d written them. I was going to sound great and—

  What the fuck!

  A hand, not mine, slid across my chest and my eyes shot open as I stumbled
backward.

  Hayley Byrne! A fucking naked Hayley Byrne stood under the shower, smiling at me. “Glad you made it.” She looked me up and down until she stopped at my dick.

  I covered myself with my hands. What the fuck? “I can come back,” I said, completely shocked. I’d seen a lot of naked girls in my life. I’d slept with a lot of girls, many whose names I didn’t even know, but I’d never had a girl just appear out of nowhere in my shower before. And certainly not someone, who for lack of a better word, was my boss. I mean, I was opening for her tour as long as she was happy with me.

  “You didn’t strike me like the shy type, Brody,” she said as I backed slightly away from her.

  “Not shy,” I said, still in shock. “Just not used to team showering.”

  “We’re in such close quarters on the tour.” She grabbed my arm from behind me and then pressed her breasts against my back. “We have to share a lot of things.” Then she slid her arms around me and brushed her fingers across my chest. “Amp cords, brushes, showers.”

  Son of a bitch. This was like the music industry’s version of the casting couch. “Beds?” I asked, feeling really dirty even with the shower still running over my body.

  “Sometimes,” she purred against my back as her hand moved lower to squeeze my dick.

  Fuck.

  Never in a million years would I have ever thought I’d be violated by the Queen of Pop. Holy shit.

  I pulled out of her grasp as I started once more for the dressing room. “Yeah, well, my girlfriend is joining me on tour,” I lied, because I didn’t know what else to say that might make her stop for a minute. “A-and I don’t think she’ll go for that.”

  Hayley laughed as I escaped back into the dressing room. “Then don’t tell her.”

  She followed me into the dressing room, water dripping down the tips of her perfect, perky breasts. A year ago, I wouldn’t even have put up a fight. I’d have fucked her right against the shower wall and wouldn’t have given it a second thought.