Tonic

by Heather Lloyd

  “What… was… I… thinking? Why have I put up with him for so long? He must laugh about me with this girl he’s screwing? God, he’s such an ass!” I stop pacing and drop my head in defeat. “I’m going to be getting divorced. I have failed at my marriage.” I bring my hands up to my face, cover it, shoulders droop. Some tears finally escape. “Sorry,” I mumble thru my tears.

  I feel Ryan’s arms come around me from behind me, startling me, and my heartbeat starts racing. Slowly, he turns me around so I’m facing him. He puts his hands on either side of my face and tilts it up so I have to look at him. “Olivia. Don’t be sorry. You didn’t fail at your marriage, he did. Don’t shoulder that failure. He’s the one that failed.”

  Ryan wraps his arms around me and pulls me close. I lay my head on his shoulder.

  “What’s wrong with me? We were only married for two years. I must be lacking somewhere for him to go looking for someone else.”

  “Oh, Sweetheart. From what I see and know about you already, there is nothing wrong with you. It’s all him, Olivia. Craig is the problem. I want to kick his ass for hurting you so much,” Ryan whispers angrily, hugging me even closer.

  Well, that does it. I start crying hysterically. It is wonderful to be able to lean on a guy. Girlfriends are great and supportive and always on your side. But there is something special about a guy supporting you.

  We stand with Ryan’s arms around me and my head on his shoulder for a while. Ryan rubs his hands up and down my back. After a while, I calm down.

  Ryan is too quiet. Maybe now he realizes that I have too much baggage to deal with. Does me think I’m crazy? I would.

  “You must think I’m a real mental case. What are you thinking? Do you want me to leave and never see me again?” I ask.

  I pull my head up from his shoulder and notice his shirt. “Oh no! I ruined your shirt,” I exclaim and put my head back down.

  A laugh rumbles in his chest. “Don’t worry about the shirt, you silly girl.” He kisses the top of my head. I look up and smile at him. “No, I don’t think you’re a mental case. And no, I definitely don’t want you to leave. I think you’ve been crushed in this one area of your life and you need to move on to something…someone better. And…to be totally honest, I am thinking how much I enjoy holding you in my arms, comforting you, being with you.”

  Since I still have my head resting on his chest, I can hear his heartbeat racing.

  “And not to scare you away, but I’m hoping that you’ll consider me being that someone you move on with,” Ryan whispers in my ear.

  “Oh!” I take in a sharp breath. I am totally ecstatic about Ryan’s words, I mean who wouldn’t, come on. I break his hold and walk over to the couch. Ryan follows me.

  I can’t believe he said that to me. First, because he is Ryan Paxton and every girl fantasizes that Ryan is going to say those words to her, but they know it will never happen. Second, I still believe I’m too messed up right now to become involved with anyone else. I should only be concentrating on getting Craig out of my life.

  “What are you thinking?” Ryan inquires.

  I have a hard time thinking. My head is swimming with everything going on that morning.

  “I…I don’t know. I’ve got so much whirling around in my head. I’m having a hard time processing what you’ve said. I…um…Why?” I ask struggling to believe him. “Why me? You barely know me.”

  “Why wouldn’t I want to be with you, Olivia? I know we just met. However, I’m drawn to you. And not just with your looks, although you are definitely gorgeous. Your spirit is drawing me to you. I want to get to know you. I haven’t been this happy for a long. I feel like a weight has been lifted off me. Everything looks brighter. I’m laughing more. And it’s all because of you.”

  Holy shit. I do not want to be responsible for his happiness. That is too much pressure on me. I let go of him and go to sit on the couch. Ryan follows.

  “I don’t know Ryan. You don’t want to be with me. I’m all kinds of messed up right now. I cry at the drop of a hat. Look, I ruined your shirt. I haven’t even gotten rid of my husband yet. It wouldn’t be fair to you to get involved with me right now. I’m nobody.” I try to talk him out of liking me.

  Ryan sighs and looks at me with frustration.

  “Olivia, look. I know you’ve been hurt. I can see that. I’ll give you all the time you need to heal. But I also want to help in whatever way I can,” he says. “Please don’t throw away the possibility of us. We can just be friends. We will get to know each other better. There’s no reason why you can’t have one more person on Team Olivia.”

  I snort a laugh.

  He smiles. “By the way, you need to drop the whole ’I’m nobody’ crap.”

  He actually uses air quotes for that and changes his voice to mimic a girls voice.

  I raise an eyebrow skeptically at him.

  “You are Olivia Sterling. You are a very beautiful, smart, enchanting woman and I’ll argue with anyone who says differently. You’re not involved with Hollywood and that’s exactly how I want you. Got it?”

  “We’ll see.”

  Ryan growls at my response and glares at me. I get goose bumps all over. I wonder what he was thinking. I’m not scared of him or anything. I just can’t believe that he has such strong feeling about me already. It is a little scary. Scary because I feel the same way about him. But it is just infatuation, right? Since we met just two days ago, if this is not infatuation, this would be the typical love at first sight that I’ve heard about. But I don’t believe in love at first sight. At least I didn’t.

  “Are you hungry?” he asks after a few minutes of silence. “We can order room service. I don’t think we should try to go anywhere just yet, with everyone camped out downstairs.”

  I had successfully forgotten about the paparazzi for a while. I groan and slump over on the couch. Ryan just laughs.

  “I’d forgotten about them. I’m a prisoner in the Bellagio on my vacation,” I whine. But then a thought pops into my head and I sit up and grin at him. “On the other hand, I guess I shouldn’t complain since I’m stuck here with the Ryan Paxton!” I flutter my eyes at him.

  Ryan laughs.

  “Seriously, I don’t know how you do this all the time,” I say.

  “You get used to it. Jeremy helps a lot. You have to laugh at their creativity, made-up reporting. You have to ignore, overlook and not let it bother you. Did you know I’ve been in three love triangles this past year?” he says.

  “I believe I did hear that,” I laugh. “You’ve been awfully busy.”

  “You have no idea – especially since those reports were the first I’d heard of them.”

  My phone rings, interrupting us. Glancing at who it is, I tell Ryan I am going to answer. I cannot miss Ally’s call. Her reaction will cheer me up.

  “Hello, Ally.”

  “OH… MY… GOD! You hung out with Ryan Paxton yesterday! You’d better have gotten me pictures and an autograph. Why didn’t you call me?!”

  Since Ally was yelling, I pulled the phone away from my ear before she made me go deaf. Ryan is close enough to me to hear what Ally is saying because she is talking so loud. He starts chuckling.

  “Sorry, Ally. I’ve been a little busy.”

  “Well, no shit! You hung out with Ryan Paxton!”

  “So, yes, I hung out with Ryan yesterday. And…right now, I’m sitting next to him on the couch in his penthouse suite,” I inform her. I can just imagine the look on Ally’s face.

  The phone is quiet. I can hear her almost hyperventilate. “Ally? Breath. Are you ok?”

  “I…your…now?” Ally tries to spit out.

  “Ally. Come on. Breathe.”

  “HOLY CRAP!” Ally screams at me. “You’d better get me anything you can get your hands on.”

  My side is hurting from laughing so hard. Ally’s phone call is just what I need.

  “I’ll see what I can do.”

  “What’s he like?” Ally asks
.

  “Well, he’s a very sweet, down-to-earth, gorgeous guy. He says he’s selfish, but I disagree with him.”

  Ryan laughs and shakes his head.

  “Can I call you back later?” I ask Ally.

  “Yes, please. And I want details. I need lots of details!” she begs. “I’ll live vicariously through you.”

  I’m still laughing when I end the call.

  “So, Ally is a big fan of mine?” Ryan asks, pretending to be super smug.

  This man can make me laugh. “Ally is a huge fan of Hollywood in general and a total tabloid junkie. She watches and reads everything she can get her hands on. You know, she told me that you were going to be out here this week. She made me promise if I saw you, I’d ask if I could get a picture with you. So of course, she had to call when she saw me in one of her tabloids,” I explain.

  “It’s too bad that Ally’s still going to be mad at you.”

  “What? Why?” I ask, confused.

  “So far you’ve broken your promise. You still haven’t taken a picture with me, silly.”

  “Oh! You’re right.”

  “Come on. You don’t want to piss off Ally. And you can send her a few pictures right away, too.”

  “Good idea.”

  We take a couple pictures together and then a couple of Ryan by himself. I send two pictures to Ally, hoping to satisfy her. Ally responds with “SWOON! Jealous.”

  Ryan orders some food for himself. My stomach is too upset to eat anything. I sit with him while he eats and I steel a fry or two off his plate. When he’s finished, we settle on the couch; Ryan grabs my hand and holds it. We are captivated by what the media is saying about us. Obviously, there is no major news going on today if we are the hot topic of conversation. They are still wondering who id the mysterious woman with Ryan. I am positive that it will not take them long to find out.

  “We look great together,” Ryan whispers to me.

  I smile and look at our picture. Yes, we do. I love this picture. I don’t want to get ahead of myself and start hoping for anything with Ryan. I change the subject.

  “Tell me how you got involved in acting?” I request.

  “Let’s see. Well, my mom introduced me and my brothers to acting when we were little. My brothers didn’t like it at all. Apparently, I was a ham in front of the camera. I did some commercials, made appearances on a couple of TV shows. I tried to concentrate on college for a little bit, but decided I wanted to act. I dropped out of college and started trying out and got a couple small parts. Then I landed the lead for The Beloved One, Abstract, then came Surrender and the rest is history.”

  “And now you are one of the most eligible bachelors in Hollywood.” I flash him a smile, but feel giddy. I’m sitting there holding hands with the most eligible bachelor!

  “Yeah. I’ll never live that down by my brothers.”

  “Are you close to your family – your brothers?”

  “Yes. My family is great. I’m very close to my brothers; we talk often. My whole family supports me wholeheartedly. I’m lucky. I had a pretty normal childhood. That, their complete support, and their commitment to teasing and embarrassing me – keeping me from getting a big head – is probably what’s kept me sane.”

  “What are your brothers like? Are they here or in London?”

  “Both are in London yet. They’re sticking close to home for now. Steven is the oldest. He’s been dating Sophia for a year and a half. Steven’s a high school teacher. Jake just got a job working for a big international advertisement firm. He’s debating about coming here with me, as the company has an office in LA. He’s not seeing anyone specific, just dating. They both are a pain.” He’s grinning from ear to ear talking about them so I know he loves them.

  “I always wondered what it would have been like to have a sibling. When I was younger, I remember asking mom a couple times if I could have a baby brother or sister. She would always tear up when I asked her. Later I found out that she couldn’t have any more children and that I was extremely lucky to be born.”

  Ryan has a serious look on his face while he listens to me, which turns to a grateful look as I finish talking.

  “Well, you were meant to be here for some reason. And I’m thankful that fate put us together,” he tells me. He brings my hand up to his lips and kisses the back of it.

  I turn to mush right there on the couch. I have trouble breathing in and out. I stare into his blue eyes. He smiles back at me. At that moment, I experience what I can only describe as a current, a shock to my whole body. I have never been so aware of someone. I was sure, without a doubt that I will fall in love with him. That leaves me terrified of getting hurt all over again.

  Ryan inhales and clears his throat.

  “How about getting out of here for a while? Get some fresh air?” He lets go of my hand and stands up. “Ready to dodge the media? It’s like playing a game of keep away.”

  Snapping out of my stupor, I only nod at Ryan since I don’t trust myself to talk yet. I am still way too emotional from his comment.

  My blue mood doesn’t last long. Ryan says we need to wear disguises to keep people from figuring out that it us. He drags out sunglasses, hats and a bunch of other accessories to disguise ourselves. We’re laughing like hyenas while trying on the disguises. We look really funny. Just before we leave, Jeremy shows up. We get the staff to sneak us out a back way; we are able to get away without anyone knowing and start walking along the Strip. Ryan grabs my hand as we stroll through a few casinos, play some slot machines, and browse in some of the shops in-between the casinos. When someone does recognize Ryan, he stops and takes a photo with them or gives an autograph, but then we quickly move on. He is so grateful of his fans and does what he can to show them that. It’s a wonderful afternoon. I don’t want it to end. None the less, the paparazzi catches up with us and take more photos of us together.

  Finally, we run out of time and head back to the hotel. Ryan has a previous dinner engagement this evening which he is now reluctant to go to.

  “I can call them and back out. It’s not a big deal. They’ll understand,” he tries to convince me.

  I am having none of that.

  “No” I reply. I am not about to let him dump his friends because of me. “You go out with your friends. You said you haven’t seen them for a while. Go. Have fun. I’m going to wander around and think.”

  “You’d better think about me,” he pouts. “I really want to spend the evening with you, especially since I won’t see you until late tomorrow afternoon. Stupid interviews.”

  “Aw, I’m really flattered. You need to do what you’re out here for in the first place. We’ll spend time together tomorrow. You’ll get tired of me if you don’t get a way for a little while.”

  “Not likely,” he counters.

  How can he always make my heart flutter? I don’t understand. I insist that Ryan keeps his dinner plans with his friends. I stay with him until it’s time for him to leave. We, along with Jeremy, take the elevator down to my floor. Ryan walks me to my room. His phone dings, alerting him to an incoming text. It’s his friends letting him know they just pulled up to the Bellagio to pick him up.

  “I’ll miss you tonight,” he says.

  And there goes my heart again. My metabolism must be awesome this week.

  “Oh, you’ll have lots of fun and completely forget about me and my mundane problems.”

  “Wrong!” Ryan whispers, taking me into his arms. I completely forget to breathe. “I’ll be thinking about you all night. I’ll be so distracted and won’t pay any attention to them. My friends will think I’m crazy.” He kisses my nose.

  My heart is trying to get out of my chest at this point. I let out the breath I’ve been holding. Closing my eyes, I savor this moment. His phone dings again and I open my eyes and snicker. “You’d better get going before they send out a search party for you.”

  Ryan pulls me even closer. He sighs. “Alright. I’ll go. But I’ll see you tomorr
ow. Ok?”

  “Yes, definitely. You’ll see me tomorrow.” I give him a kiss on his check. “Have fun tonight.”

  Ryan releases me and reluctantly starts down the hall. He turns and walks backwards. “Bye. I’ll miss you.” Then he disappears around the corner.

  Chapter 4

  I stand there in the hallway looking like an idiot. I’m in my own little fantasy with Ryan. I slowly scan my room card and open the door. My fantasy bubble bursts when I see the room. I find Craig’s crap scattered all over the place. What a jerk! I am too irritated and hyper to stay in the room, so I grab a scarf, sunglasses and put my hair up in a messy ponytail. I flee to the ‘Craig-free’ Strip. I’m still worried about media but I’ll be cautious and careful. And there are enough people around that I should be able to get lost in the crowds if I need to.

  I go out to the front of the Bellagio and claim a space on the sidewalk so I can watch the fountain show set to go off in a few minutes. So far, I haven’t noticed anyone paying particular attention to me. Hopefully it will stay that way the rest of the night.

  Waiting for the show to start, I think of Ryan. I realize that I am still in denial about him liking me and wanting to hang out with me. I am waiting for him to leave and never hear from him again. I am terrified that I will get hurt again. Just hanging out with Ryan, I already like him more than I should and am worried about what happens when we both have to leave.

  People are crowding in around me. I get a weird feeling, my sixth sense, like something isn’t right. I try to discretely look around a little but don’t see anything abnormal, just people with cameras and camcorders ready to start shooting when the fountains begin. No one is obviously paying attention to me. I feel uncomfortable, but shake it off since nothing seems amiss. I stay extremely cautious though.

  Lights dim around the lake and the fountains start with the music from speakers stationed around the lake. Cameras flash all around me. Loud blasts sound as the fountains shoot high in the air. The fountains continue for the whole length of the song. It ends with all the fountains erupting over and over, shooting so high into the night sky. Applause and awe explode from all the people around the lake.