No Going Back (Siren Publishing Allure)

by Redrae Gunn

  “Flexibility is good for lovemaking.” Maska smiled.

  “So are balls,” Damien said seriously. Maska laughed as he moved his horse behind Damien, and Tayen took the lead with her horse and cart.

  * * * *

  Caleb finally got the doctor’s note pieced together. He breathed deeply when he got past the first two sentences. As the physician described the scarring on the inside of Tayen’s vagina with cold, clinical assessment, Caleb felt nauseous. When the doctor said Tayen needed to tell him about the scarring before he would continue as her physician, Caleb couldn’t help but turn to the addendum.

  Ms. Lone Wolf returns for a follow-up of her blood work, which is well within the normal ranges. She is also here to explain the extensive scarring of her internal vaginal tissues. The patient describes being asked for directions by four females as she walked home from school at the age of twelve. She entered the vehicle, was offered a soda, and remembers nothing until she awoke, tied to a picnic table, a chain around her neck, and one of the females raping her with a glass bottle.

  The patient acknowledges that she was drugged, restrained, and sexually molested by the four females. The females abandoned the patient, on the picnic table, when the beer bottle, lodged in her vagina, broke. She recalls still being restrained and feeling liquid, most likely blood, dripping from her vaginal area.

  The patient describes a hunter, Maska, who she still knows, that was in the area hunting, as it was hunting season, finding her and taking her to a hospital. The patient does not recall much of the trip to the hospital or anything until she was several hours out of the recovery room.

  She has had vaginal sensitivity since this surgery. This explains the orgasm that she had during my initial examination. The scar tissue does seem to have extraordinary sensitivity. My only cure for this would be exposure to more abrasion, like any scar tissue. I recommended desensitization. That would mean more sexual stimulation. The patient laughs openly at this suggestion which I find psychologically reassuring.

  I offered counseling, which the patient abhorrently refuses, as she explains that previous psychologists have dismissed her claims as exaggerated lies about the loss of her virginity. It appears that the patient was forced to be on birth control when living in a group home, while she was not sexually active, due to the loss of her virginity. It has made the subject of birth control one that she prefers to be in control of as it is something she does not require.

  I will continue to treat the patient and have recommended yearly exams to make sure that no glass fragments were retained and to watch for future complications. I also want yearly blood work as the loss of her reproductive system can deplete the body of crucial hormones. The patient agrees that she will be compliant with this path of treatment.

  Caleb had finished reading the pieced together note. The anger and pain he felt for Tayen was immeasurable. He hated himself for doubting her, for pushing the best thing in his life straight out of it. She didn’t just leave. Tayen had run for the hills and with good reason. The injustices that Tayen had suffered were something that Caleb wouldn’t have wished on his worst enemy.

  Caleb tried to call Damien, but there was no answer. Both Tayen and David’s phones had gone straight to voice mail. Steve answered but said that he hadn’t heard about Damien leaving town. When Caleb had Steve check Damien’s Facebook page, the shock in his sharp inhale was very telling. He obviously hadn’t known that Damien had joined Tayen. He also obviously had underestimated the young woman. No wonder David referred to Tayen as a warrior princess.

  Caleb paced his house, thinking of a thousand ways to apologize to Tayen. Finally Casey called him back and advised that Maska’s lodge was somewhere in the Black Hills of South Dakota, west of Sturgis off of the Needles road.

  * * * *

  When the supplies were unloaded at the cabins, Tayen stayed. She patted Sheila on her neck and thanked her for doing such a good job. The large horse nudged Tayen, and Tayen giggled as she handed over the ever so precious apple. The apple was gone in a series of powerful chomps. Maska shook his head, but when the big horse started back down the trail, riderless and with an empty cart, he pushed his horse to follow. Not to be left behind, Damien’s horse took off, too, ignoring Damien yelling at him to stop.

  After dinner at the lodge David snuck into Tayen’s camp with his camera. Tayen was nude and lay sleeping in the hammock next to the dying fire. Beneath Tayen was Half Smile, her belly to the fire, softly snoring. David took several photos making sure that Tayen’s nudity was apparent yet hidden between the flickering fire and shadows. Then he snuck back down the trail to his own cabin and could barely contain his excitement. His muse was, as always, perfect.

  * * * *

  Four days later Caleb showed up at the main lodge. Maska opened the door and looked at Caleb. “You are looking for Tayen?” Maska asked.

  “Yes,” Caleb said, relieved, and then he paused. “How did you know?”

  “No reservation, disheveled and bewildered look, yet you look like you are searching for the bright center of the galaxy in which your world revolves around,” Maska said, correctly assessing Caleb’s state of mind. “Welcome to the island.”

  “The island?” Caleb asked, looking at the shorter, wider, darker man.

  “Inside story,” Maska said and went inside the lodge.

  “Is Tayen here?” Caleb asked following Maska as he looked around the cozy but spacious lodge.

  “She is.” Maska offered little information.

  “In this house?” Caleb asked. Maska shook his head. “Just as well. I am exhausted. I need to apologize to her. I was evil, mean, horrible. Words don’t begin to describe how wrong I was.”

  Maska folded his hands across his chest and looked at the man who was running his hands wildly through his hair. “Whatever happened between the two of you I am not sure,” Maska said firmly. “I make it a habit to not pry into Tayen’s life. She comes here to live in the moment and feel free. I leave it at that.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m a wreck,” Caleb admitted, and Maska nodded. “Can I stay here? I mean, do you have any cabins available?”

  “There’s a room available here at the lodge,” Jeff spoke as he came from the kitchen. “The fee for the room includes the three meals a day, served here. If you get hungry in the meantime feel free to raid the kitchen. We stock it daily. Just clean up after yourself. I’ll supply you with a map of the grounds and the rules. If you are willing to take on chores, it helps as we still have four cabins full of hikers and hunters.”

  Damien came in the cabin breathing heavily. “I got pecked, Maska,” Damien said holding out his hand. He wasn’t bleeding, but a small, red mark was on the back side of his hand. “I’m not cut out for the coop. I’ll feed those giants you call ponies and even muck those stalls, but I will not, I cannot, collect the eggs from those hens. I know that chickens are related to dinosaurs and their aggressive nature hasn’t changed.”

  Damien looked at Caleb, and his eyes widened.

  “Eggs are easy to collect,” Caleb said, making Damien’s eyebrows hike up incredulously. “You have to speak to the hens and be gentle. If you start going in there jerking your hand around you’re going to get pecked.”

  Maska nodded at Caleb to continue.

  “Think of it like a woman’s skirt.” Caleb grinned as he found an analogy that Damien would truly appreciate. “If you start stabbing around in the dark, you are going to get smacked. Soothe her worries, calm her fears, let her know that you will be gentle, that’s all there is to it.”

  “Why didn’t you explain it like that?” Damien asked Maska.

  “I like seeing you afraid of a chick.” Maska pushed his lips together trying to keep the stern look on his face, but he was failing miserably.

  “Every morning…” Damien trailed off, and Caleb managed a small chuckle. Damien looked at Caleb and sighed.

  “I’m an ass,” Caleb said and hugged Damien when Damien held his arms out. “Thank
you for being here with her.”

  “David and Chad are here, too,” Damien said. “David is always smiling in the morning about how wonderful his muse is. The pictures he takes of Tayen are amazing. It’s like he waits for the one moment when her expression changes and he freezes that one emotion in time. It’s a little spooky.”

  “They’ve known each other forever,” Jeff said and then he looked at Maska. “Almost as long as my father has known her.”

  “You’re Maska,” Caleb said. Maska nodded his head.

  Jeff patted Caleb on the back. “You’ll get used to the silence after a while,” Jeff said to Caleb. “He can be a man of few words.”

  “You guys are talking about him like he’s not in the room,” David said as he came in the dining area. “I need sustenance.” David paused when he saw Caleb.

  “Hey, Caleb.” David smiled and forced himself to be calm.

  Just then Half Smile crossed the porch and sat at a spot where she could watch the dining room. Two seconds later Tayen opened the screen door and stepped into the lodge.

  Chapter 16

  Tayen saw Caleb, and her brain registered his presence but didn’t acknowledge yet that he was actually there. “Good morning, my pretties,” she said in her best wicked witch voice, smiling warmly at everyone in the room.

  Tayen grabbed the egg basket from Damien and shook her head. He tried to explain that he was trying and had been attacked. Then she set down her pack and pulled out three dead squirrels, laying them on the counter. Maska came over and started to clean the three animals.

  “What happened to this one?” Maska asked, holding up a squirrel that had matted patches of fur.

  “Oh, that was Half Smile’s contribution.” Tayen grinned as Maska shook his head and mumbled something about spoiled wolves and getting rabies.

  Tayen looked at Caleb. There was only hurt and longing in her eyes, no anger or hostility. Caleb took that to be a good sign and opened his mouth to say something, but just then Tayen shifted her gaze to the people coming into the lodge.

  Cabins four and five nodded at Tayen and she smiled at them. When Cabin six came in Tayen went to gather the maps they would need for their four-day hike up to the lodge on the other side of the mountains.

  By the time Tayen returned with the maps Cabin three had also joined the rest of the guests at the table.

  The kitchen was a flurry of activity, and Caleb was quickly put to work making toast and setting the table. When he came to the end of the table, the four men from cabin six had surrounded Tayen and were intently listening to her speak about the trail. She was explaining that the recent rainfall had made all the creeks along the trail run faster so to watch the crossings.

  All of the bears she had seen appeared to be well fed and in good shape so they didn’t have to worry about that. Otherwise the fishing had been excellent and there was plenty of small game if they felt like trapping anything. The guys explained that they were packing all the items they needed so trapping hopefully wouldn’t be an option they’d be forced to resort to.

  Tayen shrugged her shoulders and reminded them that on day one if they made the camp, Tayen pointed at the map, it was the last chance they would have to see the green flare from the main lodge. She reminded them to reset their manual compasses if they needed to, because the main lodge was directly south of the camp. She advised that if they were unsure about where they made camp to keep the compasses set as usual.

  One of the men looked at Maska who was listening quietly to Tayen. “Why don’t you hire her as a guide?” he asked, pointing to Tayen.

  Maska shrugged his shoulders. Jeff patted his father on the back and leaned toward the group like he was sharing a big secret. “First off, he’d lose one of his most dedicated laborers if he let her stay on the trail for days at a time. Second, he’d miss out on the trapping and fish that she brings in to the cabin.” Jeff patted Maska’s belly, which probably didn’t have an ounce of fat on it, but the four men laughed.

  “Finally,” Jeff leaned in closer and whispered, “Tayen has her own pack to watch.” Jeff pointed out the door at Half Smile. Half Smile growled and howled at everyone at the table.

  The conversation turned from Tayen to Half Smile, and Tayen was thankful to be out of the spotlight. She walked onto the porch and sat next to Half Smile. The large animal leaned on Tayen and looked off into the woods. Maska soon followed Tayen outside and then headed toward the stables.

  “Back to work.” Tayen kissed Half Smile’s head, and the two trotted after Maska to get the horse and cart ready for cabin six.

  A child, half laughing, half screaming had Tayen turning back toward the lodge. Half Smile was dragging the child back to the lodge. Not good. Tayen knew that the mother would soon think that Half Smile was trying to kill her child.

  Sure enough. The mom came running down the stairs of the lodge followed by the father. Half Smile set the toddler on her feet, and the child gave Half Smile a big hug. Tayen was running for Half Smile as well when the mom stopped in her tracks and started laughing. Half Smile shook herself off and then nudged the child back toward the lodge.

  When the child giggled and took off for the stables, Half Smile again grabbed her by the hood of her jacket and started dragging her back to the lodge. This time though, Half Smile dragged the child to within two feet of the mom and let the giggling child free.

  “You started a game,” the mother said to Half Smile and extended a hand to the wolf. The wolf accepted the pat on the head and then backed up to where Tayen was standing.

  “Natural mother instincts perhaps,” Tayen said as she rubbed the wolf’s ears.

  “Thank goodness,” the mom said and scooped the child into her arms. “You scared me to death. Don’t leave mommy again,” and went back to the lodge.

  The father stood on the porch and looked at Tayen. “I’ve seen that wolf and the others in the pack making the rounds every night. She used to make me nervous. I think that now I will be more nervous if I don’t see her making the rounds.” He nodded to Tayen and went back in the house.

  Maska stood at the corral, watching the whole thing, arms folded across his chest. He grunted when Tayen returned to help and Half Smile sat outside of the fence watching intently. He was mumbling something about the wolf being unnatural. Just then Grey Ghost crossed the yard and headed for Half Smile. The horse gave the wolf a nudge and the wolf growled back. Maska shook his head, mumbling about being surrounded by crazies.

  “Maybe you just attract the crazies,” Tayen grunted as she hefted the harness on Coal’s neck. The massive female nudged Tayen in return.

  “Maybe I do,” Maska replied, a smile peaking at the corner of his mouth.

  The four men were all excited for their hike, and they were grating Tayen’s nerves. Maska had agreed to take Caleb with them so he could get a feel of the layout of the main lodge and surrounding cabins. Caleb chatted easily with the men in the cart. Of course he had always made friends easily. It was his nature.

  Tayen didn’t like people quite as much, so when Half Smile darted off the trail into the woods Tayen urged the Ghost forward and rode quickly past the group. She saw Maska smirk at her as she went by. He was obviously wishing he could do the same and had known that she wouldn’t be behind the pack for long.

  After dropping off the men, Caleb and Maska passed by cabin ten again. It was the cabin Tayen was staying in.

  When Caleb looked at Maska hopefully, Maska shook his head. “She’s not here,” Maska explained. “If she was here, the Ghost would be here and the door would be opened with the screen door propped open so that Half Smile could come and go.”

  As they passed by cabin six, Caleb pointed to Grey Ghost who was grazing in the meadow. Again Maska shook his head. “That means that Tayen and Half Smile took off on foot. I usually see her before dusk, and if not I watch the sky to see if a green flare fires from her cabin or anywhere in the surrounding area.” He paused. “I won’t worry about Tayen until Half Smil
e shows up at the lodge without her. Then I will know something is wrong.”

  Caleb shrugged his shoulders and enjoyed the ride back to the lodge. He was still exhausted. He hadn’t gotten to speak to Tayen, but he had gotten to see her, which was enough for now. She hadn’t seemed angry, but he was sure that she might be, especially now that he had invaded her space.

  Caleb continued to help with chores and see Tayen at the morning meal. He still hadn’t been able to get her by herself with all the travelers who were coming and going. Damien had handed over egg collecting to Caleb, which was fine with him. One of his foster homes had been on a farm, and he had loved doing chores and tending to the chickens.

  Caleb needed to get Tayen alone, but it was nearly impossible.

  * * * *

  Five days later, after the evening meal, Caleb locked the door to his room and turned off the lights. He opened the window and crawled onto the bed. The sun hadn’t set, but he was dead tired.

  Caleb was nearly asleep when the door to his closet opened and a leather-clad Tayen emerged, dark and graceful. She held a finger to her lips, telling Caleb to be quiet. Caleb knew that yelling for help wouldn’t do any good, and it would probably only piss her off. Yes, he owed her silence.

  “You hurt me,” Tayen said softly. Caleb heard her faint accent and wondered if she had only spoken in her native tongue, with Maska, since running for the hills.

  “I apologize,” Caleb whispered to the dark figure.

  “Not good enough,” Tayen whispered, and Caleb felt his ankles twisted together with soft rope. He struggled against the bonds, reaching for them, and then Tayen looped his hands in another soft rope.

  “Be still,” Tayen advised. Caleb did as commanded, and Tayen released the bonds from his hands. “I had intended on dragging you downstairs in this.” Tayen held up a large sack. “Then I thought that you are here for a reason, so I am giving you a little latitude. Why are you here?”