On a Gamble

by Rose Lange

  The moment she realized she was hopelessly in love with him. “Alex, wait,” she choked out.

  Seconds later he was back at her side, and without a word, put his arms around her, held her close. The dam burst open, as everything from the last few weeks, poured out. She wrapped her arms around him, and nestled her nose into the crook of his shoulder, white-knuckling his shirt. Not caring what she looked like or sounded like, because none of that mattered with Alex. “I can’t believe we lost our baby. Oh, God.” She choked on a sob, feeling lightheaded.

  Turning toward him, she rested her forehead against his. Greeting his gaze, she was caught off guard at the unshed tears in his eyes. He seemed so tough on the outside, like he could handle anything that came his way. The strong, silent type that never showed any emotion.

  “How long do you need to stay here?” An escaped tear tracked down his cheek, not even attempting to brush it away.

  Reverently, she swiped the tear away. “Just overnight.”

  He leaned forward, kissing her softly, slowly, and achingly gentle. Weakening, she leaned closer, seeking his heat, his touch, and his comfort. She wrapped her arms around his neck, swirling her fingers through his hair, and what began as a gentle, soothing kiss turned crazy, sexy, and wild. Deepening the fire that had never fully been put out, her hands got lost in that wild mane of dark brown hair. She kissed him with everything she had, everything they’d lost. Her heart swelled, aching with love for this man.

  Alex broke the kiss, his voice low and solemn. “I’ll stay with you.”

  She grasped the back of his neck, clinging to him like life support. “Okay,” she whispered.

  Later that night, he told her grandparents that he’d stay, and watch over her. They’d been appreciative, and kind toward him. He was surprised they hadn’t told him off for breaking up with Charlie, for hurting her as he did.

  Restless, he laid a pillow and blanket on the chair next to her bed, and watched his beautiful Charlie sleep. Still, he hardly believed what had transpired these last few hours. The doctor said she’d most likely be fine, but they wanted her overnight for observation.

  Leaning forward, he rested his forehead in his hands, and closed his eyes.

  Holy shit. Charlie had been carrying his child.

  He wondered what the baby might have looked like, and wished he could bring the child back. Moisture pooled in his eyes, realizing he mourned for this baby as much as Charlie. When her grandpa called with the news, his heart nearly stopped beating. Only then realizing he wouldn’t have minded being a father, and marrying Charlie if that’s what it took.

  Alex pictured her glowing, happy. Her belly, swollen with new life, pictured himself lovingly stroking her stomach, and talking to their baby. Tears fell rapidly, freely, down his cheeks, realizing he’d been heartbroken that they’d lost their baby.

  He’d told her the truth. When her grandpa called with the news, his heart ceased beating, and his gut ached. He still couldn’t believe it. A nightmare he wanted to wake up from quickly. Looking up, he grasped Charlie’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. The soft beep beep of the machines, and her even, measured breathing the only sounds in the room.

  He’d fallen in love with Charlie, and there was no going back.

  The next morning, she opened her eyes to a most welcome sight.

  Alex sprawled on the most uncomfortable looking chair next to her. She smiled. His arms and legs were spread out, a crooked pillow wedged behind his head, the blanket barely covering his entire body. But he’d made good on his word and stayed the night.

  She took a deep breath, thinking about the last twenty-four hours. How it had changed her life, and wondered what would become of her and Alex now.

  He opened his eyes and looked at her.

  “Good morning,” she whispered.

  “Hi, there.”

  “I want to go home.”

  Alex got up from his chair and sat next to her, cradling her face in his hands. She looked up into his eyes, and her stomach did a few somersaults. Good Lord, she couldn’t stop staring at him. There was no question, Alex was gorgeous on the outside, but his good heart made him shine from the inside out.

  “Okay, I’ll take you home.” As he continued to caress her face, she feared she’d expire on the spot. “Goodness, you look adorable first thing in the morning, as always.”

  The words skittered across her skin and made her feel feverish. She’d just lost a baby. Her hair was no doubt rumpled, and she’d slept in the most uncomfortable bed.

  Gee, I’m glad he thinks so. To think such simple words, but they made her feel, wonderful. He made her feel wonderful. At the same time, as much as she wanted Alex close, she wanted distance, and wasn’t quite sure why.

  She chuckled, not really believing him. “I feel awful, but thanks.”

  Within a couple hours, the doctor released her, telling her to take it easy the first week or two.

  Afterward she showered, dressed, and was ready to go. The ride home was quiet, and when they pulled into her grandparent’s driveway she gathered her thoughts before speaking. She collected herself, and hoped she was doing the right thing.

  “Thanks for bringing me home,” she said, reaching for her bag.

  “You’re welcome.”

  She looked up into his eyes, and spit her words out before losing her nerve. “Alex, I’m sorry but I still need some time. I’m not ready to resume our relationship just yet.”

  A frown marred his features. “But, I thought—”

  Charlie placed a gentle hand to his, and gave him a loving squeeze. “I know, and I’m sorry. I need to be alone right now.”

  She grabbed her things and made her way out, avoiding eye contact, she couldn’t bear to see the confused pained look on his face any longer. Honestly, part of her was still angry, and wanted to mourn the loss of the baby, alone.

  As his truck pulled away, her heart ached, wondering if she’d made a huge mistake.

  With these sobering thoughts, she made her way inside.

  Her grandma greeted her at the door, a huge smile on her face, and arms open wide.

  Charlie had never seen a more welcome sight.

  “Grandma.” She embraced her, reveling in her warmth, her comfort.

  “Honey, why didn’t you ask Alex to come in?”

  “I’m not ready, Grandma. I just want to be alone right now.”

  She looked Charlie in the eyes, and didn’t say a word. As if she understood without further explanation.

  “Come on, let’s get you something to eat.”

  A week and a half later, she’d been examined by her doctor, and given the green light to resume her regular work routine. Sans Alex, and for that she was extremely grateful. She’d been going stir crazy with cabin fever, cooped up in the house for a better part of her day. She and Grandma took daily walks when the weather allowed, but she needed to keep busy. Clear her mind of Alex, and of everything that transpired these last few weeks. She needed the distraction work would bring.

  She dressed, showered, but didn’t bother to grab breakfast. Her appetite had been absent for the better part of the day lately. The harsh November wind bit her face, as the cold wind swept over her body. She huddled into her coat, whipping the hood over her head to keep warm. Tightly wrapping the scarf around her neck, she made her way into the barn, attempting to put aside the happenings, and the heartache over the last few months and weeks.

  Memories washed over her as she stepped in front of a stack of crates. Pressing a hand to her flat belly, a swarm of emotions engulfed her. Her body was still in a state of numbness, shock, anger, and disbelief that this had happened, and fearing her belly would forever remain flat. That she wouldn’t know the joy of carrying a child. She wouldn’t experience the feeling of a baby kicking, an ul
tra sound, of holding a precious little bundle in her arms.

  Thinking of all she’d lost, tears cascaded down her cheeks. The loss of Alex, and how she still hated him for hurting her, then him assuming they would reconcile, just like that. She loved him for reasons she was still unsure of, and wasn’t ready to forgive or take him back as though nothing happened.

  When in reality, everything had happened. Her feelings for him, now coupled with an empty womb, it was too much. She leaned against the crates with both hands. Gut wrenching sobs overtook her, as she tightly grasped her middle, wishing so many things. Wishing she’d never hired him, that she hadn’t crossed that line and fallen in love. Wishing she’d have known about the baby in the first place. Wishing she’d never lost him or her.

  She wouldn’t be in any of this mess, any of this turmoil if she’d kept her heart locked up, right where it belonged. Her body and mind felt empty, and continued to mourn the baby. More frustrating was the fact that she hadn’t even known. She couldn’t seem to get past that.

  Maybe she’d pushed herself too hard working, had over exerted herself on her morning runs. Maybe she wasn’t woman enough to carry a baby in the first place. She felt useless, helpless, and incomplete. And now that she’d gotten pregnant once, she feared she’d not be so lucky the next time.

  Pulling herself together, she swiped at her cheeks, and pushed aside the dark thoughts crowding her mind. Letting out a pent up breath, she rubbed her hands together. She’d suffered tremendous loss before, and would get through this with the will of iron she’d been born with, and keep going.

  Why then did this hurdle seem the most insurmountable of all?

  Alex hadn’t slept very well in days. Three and a half weeks to be exact.

  Thanksgiving had come and gone, and still, Charlie hadn’t called him. He’d heard nothing whatsoever and it made him crazy. He missed her, and worry ate away at him, especially after the miscarriage. Every day that passed, he hoped beyond hope she’d reach out to him. He’d been mourning the loss as well, and wished they could have mourned together.

  He imagined she’d eventually forgive him, and want to see him again. Then he pictured pressing her up against his door, or the barn door, or her bedroom door, kissing her senseless. He’d cradled her face within his palms, like a man thirsting for water in the scorching desert heat, longed for Charlie the way parched earth longed for rain. He missed her presence in his life, the hole in his heart wide open, and vulnerable. As if a bird sat and pecked on it day after day, until he feared he’d bleed out.

  Then last night the phone did ring, and he eagerly went to answer. Only to discover it was his dad, wanting him in for a meeting the next day. He dreaded it, deciding he’d rather have a root canal.

  The next morning, he begrudgingly got out of bed, showered, dressed in jeans, and a sweatshirt. Throwing on his heavy winter coat, he made his way out. He’d even decided to drive the beat up truck, just because it reminded him of her. The first day after their fallout, her scent clung to the air in the cabin, but with each passing day, the fragrance of vanilla and Charlie, slowly faded to nothing.

  It wasn’t only her obvious outward beauty that had attracted him, but her inner beauty as well. The way she loved her grandparents, the gentle way she handled the farm animals. The way she made love to him, so freely, so passionately uninhibited in her own skin. She was a one of a kind woman, and he longed for her, in every way a man could long for a woman, with his body, his mind, his entire being.

  He turned into his dad’s building, and parked. Grabbing his briefcase, he made his way in.

  As he walked into the office, he nodded a greeting to his dad, but didn’t miss the obvious disapproval on his face. His dad raised an eyebrow, but remained silent.

  Alex slouched in his seat, and completely tuned his father out. So consumed were his thoughts of her, he couldn’t think straight, and every day that passed without her, killed him on the inside.

  “Alex?”

  His daydreams broke, as he looked up to see the grim expression on his dad’s face. “Yeah, Dad. What’s up?”

  “I don’t know, son. You tell me.”

  Alex frowned. “Nothing I want to talk about, but thanks anyway.” He got up and paced, going to the window, gazing mindlessly outside.

  “I can’t believe that after this many months, that you have absolutely nothing,” his dad said.

  Alex’s stomach churned at his sharp tone. Honestly, he didn’t give a flying fuck that he had nothing, because it had been on purpose. “I’m sorry, Dad. I can’t do this.”

  Silence greeted him. Then. “Why?”

  Finally, he turned around, taking seat across from him, and took a deep breath. “Because I love her.” There, he’d said it out loud, and wanted to say it again. The fierce need to drive over there, see her, and tell her how much he loved her. That he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Her face was the last thing he wanted to see at night, and the first thing he wanted to see each morning.

  His dad leaned back in his chair. “I see.” He tented his fingers together, continuing, “Well. Pull yourself together, get home and change. Be back here an hour, we’re filming an interview for a local television station.” Offering nothing more, his dad abruptly got up, and walked out of the room.

  Alex let out a pent up breath of frustration. The last thing he wanted to do was put a suit and tie on, and parade around on TV like some trained monkey in a zoo. He didn’t care about any of this. Charlie was all he cared about. She was all he could think of.

  Picking up his briefcase, he made his exit. He drove with a heavy mind, and an even heavier heart. He’d do as asked, then go back home and chuck the suit, which lately felt more like a straight jacket.

  Then he’d attempt to shake off these feelings, and take a long drive. Hopefully it would clear his mind.

  Alex would do his dad’s bidding, but this would be the very last time.

  Charlie second-guessed her decision in coming here. She sat in Alex’s driveway for the better part of a half hour. Becoming antsy, she’d turned the radio on and off at least three times. Her better judgment told her this was a mistake, but she missed him.

  It didn’t even appear that he was home when she first arrived, but here she was, anxiously waiting. Rubbing her gloved hands together, she rested her forehead against the steering wheel. When she checked her watch again, it neared eight thirty. Daylight disappeared hours ago, and hopes of seeing him were dashed. Heck, for all she knew he was out with some other woman. The thought of Alex in another woman’s arms made her heart ache.

  At the last thought, defeat entered her. She started her truck, deciding to put this failed mission behind her. Tears welled, blurring her vision as she backed up. Streaming down her face, she swiped the moisture away, and within moments headlights shone from behind her, and his car materialized next to hers.

  Slowly, she put the truck in park, and turned to find him staring back at her. Her heart lurched into her throat when he smiled. He made his exit first, and she quickly followed suit. As if on their first date, she shyly stood against the door of her truck, and stuffed her hands in her pockets. “Hi.”

  “Hi, Charlie. How are you feeling?”

  “Better.”

  He came closer, entering her personal space. He tucked a wayward strand of hair behind her ear, the soft touch made her tingly despite herself. Helplessly, her eyes closed as he caressed her cheek, moving toward her neck. She leaned into his touch, craving his proximity. Everything about this man made her hungry, made her want to face her feelings head on.

  “I missed you.” Those three little words told her everything he couldn’t say, and more.

  Opening her eyes, she met his penetrating gaze. “Me too.”

  He put his arm around her as they made their way in. Now that she was here, she
wracked her brain, and tried to think of what to say. She’d rehearsed a hundred times what she would say to him, but now her mind went blank.

  Taking off her coat, she set it aside as she watched him do the same. Good Lord, he looked so good, and under the soft lighting of the condo, all rational thoughts fled.

  She did the only thing she could think of. The only thing she really wanted to do. Walking to him, she pressed her lips to his. Her heart leapt for joy, as he wrapped his arms around her waist. She drank him in greedily, kissed him with everything she had, everything she felt for him, and he reciprocated. His hands traveled to her hair, fisting and crushing it between his fingers. Cocking her head, she deepened the kiss. Her heart beat triple time when he lowered his hands to explore her bottom, giving her a firm, and loving squeeze. The bulge in his jeans pressed into her belly, and a thrill of excitement shimmered through her veins.

  “Oh, Alex, I missed you so much.” She breathed against his neck, inhaling his all male scent.

  “I missed you, too. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, worrying about you,”—he paused—“and I would’ve married you if that’s what it took.”

  The words sent a shot of adrenaline to her system, stark honest words she didn’t expect to hear.

  She looked up into his face. “Are you serious?”

  “Yes, Charlie.” His voice husky with need, as his lips made a sweet landing on her neck. She arched to the side, begging him to kiss her there.

  Not wasting time, he scattered kisses along her cheeks, and jawline. Gently, reverently, he unbuttoned the top two buttons of her shirt. Her eyelids fluttered shut, as he leaned down to gift moist, open-mouthed kisses to the skin above her breasts, taking one in the palm of his hand. Cupping it until the nipple puckered from beneath the fabric. Her entire being sensitive, from head to toe, and after weeks of no contact . . .